10 September 2006

fear of ..

I think human has many fears. Even the bravest of man, must be hiding certain fear deep inside them,..they're just 'putting a brave face' to avoid showing their fear, and admit tht they too, like all other human, have something they're afraid of.. Hmm.

Fear of rejection, fearing that there is something lacking or inadequate in us which cause the rejection. Fear to display our emotions, scared that it might make us look vulnerable. And weak. Fear of not being accepted. Fear of making mistakes or making the wrong decision.

I remember having some apprehension during my first few attempts preparing meal for my dad. I would taste the soup for nearly ten times, and each time, i would frown deeply, scrutinising the taste..does this taste good? more salt, ..? is this how it should taste..? And when i present my cookings, i would steal glances at him, trying to see his expression as he take his first sip. Fear of getting the disapproving look, fear of being criticised, ..to conclude it, fear of being a failure. Fail to impress my dad.

And when i was in school, due to unnecessary fear, smtmes i keep my mouth shut in class, eventhough the answer is just at the tip of my tongue. Because i fear being jeered by friends as The 'Ms Know-it-All', ' asyik2 dia je'. And this unhealthy set of fears too smtmes prevent me from doing the right thing, fear of wht ppl might say ..like Ms Goody-Two-Shoes ..? Sealing my mouth rather than voicing the words out. Pretending i dont see, rather than taking actions with my hands. Heh, u cared more about what human think ehh..naz...

Me and my fears. Used to fear lots of things. Scared of this, afraid of that. So used to being protected all the time, warmly living in my comfort zone, enjoying doing the common things i do,why? because the common and the usuals are safe. Hmm, need to learn facing my fears upfront and just ' gung-ho' all the way. Yes..it's scary, with loads of unknown risk which send shivers up my spine just thinking about it, plus the embarassment i've to swallow if it turn out not the way i hope it would..but..well, tht's how we live in this world rite, tht's the only way to grow. Learning from our mistakes and stupidity in life.

Obstacles, life's uncertainties, and doubts... things we bound to meet along the road. The possibilities tht what we hope and want so badly, wouldn't turn reality. The risk of falling down and fail. And there will alwys be the fear, which cause us to hesitate from making the move, or taking the next step. Whatever it is, it's normal to have some fears, and no, it's not a sign of weakness. You're just a human, and having some set of fears are just part and parcel of being a human. Acknowledge ur feelings, tht smtmes u are afraid, but u can do it. And u will do it, no matter how long it takes for u to make the first step. So, take a deep breath, open ur eyes..and just do it...!

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