Semasa aku sekolah rendah dulu, aku pernah baca satu novel Indonesia ni. Sbb aku sgt tertarik tgk tajuk buku tu… ‘ Jangan Ambil Nyawaku ’.
Buku tu mmg tebal, dan penulisnya adalah seorang wanita Indonesia bernama Titie Said. Buku tu rasanya hasil tulisan tahun 1960 -1970-an, kerana kertas stail kertas lama. Dan apa yg aku dpt adalah satu perjalanan cerita yg aku ingat sampai sekarang. Mungkin sukar jugak utk betul2 memahami masa tu , sbb mmg bahasa Indon, tapi..alhamdulillah..i managed to accomplish it.
Buku ni mengisahkan tentang seorang wanita yg menghidap kanser. Tahu tak satu drpd ciri malignant cancer, ialah it metastasize to other part of ur body. Maksudnya, let say it was first detected in cervix, it will spread to other sites like breast, lung, liver, intestines, whether through the lymphatics or the blood according to the type of cancer. But this process takdelah dlm seminggu, it might take months, or years for it to be disseminated throughout the body, but one thing yg sgt frustrating about malignancy, is its rapid spread. Like the main protagonist dlm novel ni, cancer dia was detected masa dia keguguran anak ketiga, it was a cervix cancer, and it was removed. Lega sekejap, tak lama lps tu, di breast kiri, removed. Lps tu breast kanan, removed. Dlm usia sementah tu, sikit2 aku dpt memahami perasaan wanita ni, rasa gembira dan lega kerana ingat kita dh betul2 sembuh dr ‘penyakit membunuh’ nih, but suddenly called by the doctor telling us that the cancer was found again.
Later on, the cancer spread to lung, and at the end of the story dah ke usus. Yg menariknya ttg buku ni, it tells the story of survival, fight and determination of a woman who wants to live. She has to go through all sorts of medication, chemotherapy which ended her being bald, skinny, lifeless and ugly. How the hospital became her second home, she made friends from the nurses, doctors sehinggalah ke pesakit2 lain. Dia dh lali dgn kematian yg saban hari dia hadap di sekeliling dia. But she hang on, she held her head up and refused to accept that that’s how she will end up one day. She keep repeating to herself that dia nak tengok anak2 dia mendewasa, berkahwin dan punya anak sendiri. Dia masih bnyk bende yg dia nak buat dlm hidup dia. Dan dia masih belum puas menikmati kasih sayang suami dia. And lucky for her, she has a loyal, loving husband who fights with her along the way.
Tapi that’s not what I want to share in here today. Aku masih ingat macamana wanita ni menceritakan seksa dan penderitaan setiap kali dia menjalani rawatan chemotherapy ( mungkin masa tu tak semaju sekarang, jd setiap drip ubat yg masuk adalah ibarat kiamat bg dia ). She nearly gave up, sehinggalah one day, dia mendapat satu cara untuk mengatasi penyeksaan melalui rawatan itu. She termed it as ‘puncak kesakitan’. How she do this, ..masa ubat melalui darah dan memasuki badan dia, dia membayangkan perkara yg indah2 dan hebat2. Ketika perutnya diasak gejolak utk muntah, dia bayangkan itu adalah perasaan melilit kain di pinggang untuk menghadiri majlis keramaian. Ketika rasa panas dan menggelegak menguasai, dia pejamkan mata dan bayangkan dia sedang menikmati kegembiraan percutian bersama keluarga dia sesuatu tpt (she named the particular place, tp dh lupa lah..). She closed her eyes, she really pictured it happening, and let imagination of beautiful things filled her minds and heart, sehinggalah apabila dia buka mata, rawatan tu dh pun selesai. And she didn’t feel a thing. The writer described it so immaculately amazing sehingga aku rasa..wow!
One thing I learnt from that book, is that term. Menikmati puncak kesakitan sehingga kita tak terasa sakit lagi. Kehebatan imaginasi dan impian indah, dapat mengatasi penderitaan dan seksa yg dirasai. Keinginan yg tinggi untuk terus hidup, even when the odds are against you, will keep u living. It doesnt matter for how long, or how much time u have left, it’s how u live that matters. Kasih sayang dan sokongan penuh dr orang paling hampir dlm hidup kita mampu untuk jadikan the worst days in our life more bearable. Keyakinan dan kepercayaan yg mendalam, bahawa esok masih ada untuk dia, esok dia akan jumpa anak2 dia, esok dia akan bergurau lagi dgn suami dia…enable her to open her eyes the next morning and she’s ready for another fight.
Im not going to tell you her final destination in the novel, because it’s her journey and pathways to it that’s much more interesting to be remembered.
30 March 2005
the muffin
Bila dah suka…
Kuih, kalau kita dah suka pada rasanya, mahal pun sanggup beli. Macam muffin RM 2 seketul kat kafe kampus, punyalah mahal, tapi sedapnya membuatkan aku pantang lalu aje nak menyinggah.. .
Tapi kalau hati tak berkenan, walaupun orang2 sekeliling ni puas memujuk kita utk rasa kuih ni, sedap kata mereka, ramai yang suka, dahlah corak dan warna kuih ni cerah dan menarik, manis lagi. Harga pun jauh murah berbanding muffin tu. Dengan harga sebijik muffin tuh, aku boleh beli 6 ketul kuih yang diwar2kan sedap ni. Memanglah kalau compare dr segi ekonomi dan harga , memang menang lah kuih ni. Kalau compare dari segi rupa luaran pun, memang lagi berwarna-warni kuih ni, berbanding muffin, yang setompok bulat macam tuh. Orang2 sekeliling masih tak puas hati lagi, alah..rasa lah dulu, mesti suka punya. Aku pun beli untuk rasa, dan bila dah rasa , …hmmm…kalau dah tak suka tuh, …
Tapi sebab dh beli, aku kena ‘paksa’ diri habiskan, sebab aku dh keluar duit utk itu, dan nak ‘jaga’ hati orang2 sekeliling yang memandang aku makan kuih kegemaran dengan muka penuh expectation. Amacam, best kan.? Aku hanya mampu senyum , sambil menelan, hambar. Sempat lagi mata aku, melirik sekilas pada muffin yang tersusun dlm rak kuih. Rindukan rasanya.
Kerana muffin itu mahal, aku tak boleh nak membelinya selalu. Sekali sekala sahaja. Dan setiap kali membeli, aku cuma dapat beli seketul. Tapi yang seketul itulah, setiap suapan, setiap laluannya di tekak aku, adalah satu kenikmatan yang tidak terhingga, satu kepuasan. Dan sangat aku hargainya, sehingga yang serdak kecik2 pun aku tetap berusaha habiskan. Puas.
Faham maksud aku..?
Kalau hati dh suka, mahal ke, tak menarik ke, walau dicemuh orang sekeliling yang tak mengerti minat kita, kita akan tetap beli. Kerana kepuasan dan kegembiraan itu, hanya kita sahaja yang merasai. Biar orang geleng kepala, kata kita tak berani menukar rasa, asyik hadap yg tu aje. Tapi kalau dh suka..nak buat macamana. Beli yg disukai orang ramai, tapi jika hati sebu beku..tak habis makan juga.
Dan kalau dah tak suka,meski mudah diperolehi kerana murah, corak yg menyelerakan, walau dicanang kerana kesedapannya, tetap tawar di dada kita. Tak bermakna pada selera kita. Lazat di lidah orang, tak semestinya enak di mulut kita….
Bukan mahal murah persoalan utama. Bukan diminati ramai atau tidak popular. Bukan cantik atau jeliknya. Pokoknya, citarasa kita yang berbeza. Biru di mata orang, mungkin ungu pada penglihatan aku.
Hayati kepelbagaian manusia. Amati dan pelajari dari perbezaan antara kita. Hormati aneka kehendak dan pilihan manusia, mungkin ada sesuatu yg akan kita dapati akhir dari semua ini.
Untuk aku, aku tetap memilih muffin itu.
Kuih, kalau kita dah suka pada rasanya, mahal pun sanggup beli. Macam muffin RM 2 seketul kat kafe kampus, punyalah mahal, tapi sedapnya membuatkan aku pantang lalu aje nak menyinggah.. .
Tapi kalau hati tak berkenan, walaupun orang2 sekeliling ni puas memujuk kita utk rasa kuih ni, sedap kata mereka, ramai yang suka, dahlah corak dan warna kuih ni cerah dan menarik, manis lagi. Harga pun jauh murah berbanding muffin tu. Dengan harga sebijik muffin tuh, aku boleh beli 6 ketul kuih yang diwar2kan sedap ni. Memanglah kalau compare dr segi ekonomi dan harga , memang menang lah kuih ni. Kalau compare dari segi rupa luaran pun, memang lagi berwarna-warni kuih ni, berbanding muffin, yang setompok bulat macam tuh. Orang2 sekeliling masih tak puas hati lagi, alah..rasa lah dulu, mesti suka punya. Aku pun beli untuk rasa, dan bila dah rasa , …hmmm…kalau dah tak suka tuh, …
Tapi sebab dh beli, aku kena ‘paksa’ diri habiskan, sebab aku dh keluar duit utk itu, dan nak ‘jaga’ hati orang2 sekeliling yang memandang aku makan kuih kegemaran dengan muka penuh expectation. Amacam, best kan.? Aku hanya mampu senyum , sambil menelan, hambar. Sempat lagi mata aku, melirik sekilas pada muffin yang tersusun dlm rak kuih. Rindukan rasanya.
Kerana muffin itu mahal, aku tak boleh nak membelinya selalu. Sekali sekala sahaja. Dan setiap kali membeli, aku cuma dapat beli seketul. Tapi yang seketul itulah, setiap suapan, setiap laluannya di tekak aku, adalah satu kenikmatan yang tidak terhingga, satu kepuasan. Dan sangat aku hargainya, sehingga yang serdak kecik2 pun aku tetap berusaha habiskan. Puas.
Faham maksud aku..?
Kalau hati dh suka, mahal ke, tak menarik ke, walau dicemuh orang sekeliling yang tak mengerti minat kita, kita akan tetap beli. Kerana kepuasan dan kegembiraan itu, hanya kita sahaja yang merasai. Biar orang geleng kepala, kata kita tak berani menukar rasa, asyik hadap yg tu aje. Tapi kalau dh suka..nak buat macamana. Beli yg disukai orang ramai, tapi jika hati sebu beku..tak habis makan juga.
Dan kalau dah tak suka,meski mudah diperolehi kerana murah, corak yg menyelerakan, walau dicanang kerana kesedapannya, tetap tawar di dada kita. Tak bermakna pada selera kita. Lazat di lidah orang, tak semestinya enak di mulut kita….
Bukan mahal murah persoalan utama. Bukan diminati ramai atau tidak popular. Bukan cantik atau jeliknya. Pokoknya, citarasa kita yang berbeza. Biru di mata orang, mungkin ungu pada penglihatan aku.
Hayati kepelbagaian manusia. Amati dan pelajari dari perbezaan antara kita. Hormati aneka kehendak dan pilihan manusia, mungkin ada sesuatu yg akan kita dapati akhir dari semua ini.
Untuk aku, aku tetap memilih muffin itu.
29 March 2005
'sepet'
Tonight, i watched 'sepet'. Again.
The first time i watched it alone, in my room. Watching it intensely, trying to feel the 'thing' , the spark..that make Sepet different from other movies. Like what most ppl said. And after the second time watching it, ..i have to admit, it is a special, unique, wonderful, ..love story. Beautiful, yet simple and so natural that i dont see like they are acting in a movie, it's like it's happening in real life. And i have to say, both leading stars, young they may be, inexperience and perhaps, not categorised as the so-called famous movie stars..but Jason and Orked are far thousand times better in playing their roles..as i found myself secretly smiling, slowly starting to feel the 'thing' ....
A few yrs back, that's how i view falling in love would be. Magical, like u dont realise it's happening. In a split of a second, u are smitten. By just one look, eyes locked, time stopped, everything around you went hazy. From the first sight, u just know that this person is no ordinary. Inexplicably, ur heart beating out of rhythm, u found urself blushing for no reason..and suddenly u trembled with excitement and fear. Hmmm...guess i read too many romance novels. How silly i was at that time, and how naive...
Well..life is not like that, and i think it never will be. It just doesnt work that way. Perhaps, to some lucky ppl, yes..but..dunno,..i just, dont want to have that belief anymore, need to step my feet firmly in reality.
Hmm..so much to talk, so much to ponder and write, but i dunno where to begin. Later then..bye.
" in love, everything is beautiful. Every joy moments comes with smiles. It's not about holding hands, but it's about holding hearts.."
The first time i watched it alone, in my room. Watching it intensely, trying to feel the 'thing' , the spark..that make Sepet different from other movies. Like what most ppl said. And after the second time watching it, ..i have to admit, it is a special, unique, wonderful, ..love story. Beautiful, yet simple and so natural that i dont see like they are acting in a movie, it's like it's happening in real life. And i have to say, both leading stars, young they may be, inexperience and perhaps, not categorised as the so-called famous movie stars..but Jason and Orked are far thousand times better in playing their roles..as i found myself secretly smiling, slowly starting to feel the 'thing' ....
A few yrs back, that's how i view falling in love would be. Magical, like u dont realise it's happening. In a split of a second, u are smitten. By just one look, eyes locked, time stopped, everything around you went hazy. From the first sight, u just know that this person is no ordinary. Inexplicably, ur heart beating out of rhythm, u found urself blushing for no reason..and suddenly u trembled with excitement and fear. Hmmm...guess i read too many romance novels. How silly i was at that time, and how naive...
Well..life is not like that, and i think it never will be. It just doesnt work that way. Perhaps, to some lucky ppl, yes..but..dunno,..i just, dont want to have that belief anymore, need to step my feet firmly in reality.
Hmm..so much to talk, so much to ponder and write, but i dunno where to begin. Later then..bye.
" in love, everything is beautiful. Every joy moments comes with smiles. It's not about holding hands, but it's about holding hearts.."
26 March 2005
yabeda bedu! =D
Alhamdulillah, …sudah tamat exam.=] ..nextweek list viva keluar, .isskk..minta2 lah aku lulus semua paper dgn baik. ..aminnn..
Habis aje exam tghari td, .heheheh, spt yg aku rancang2kan dlm kepala sejak sekian lama, aku terus menapak ke The Mall, ..kebetulan seorg kawan nak ke PC Fair, jadi pergi sekali dgn dia. Dahlah cuaca sedap2 je, tak panas sgt, tak redup sgt..( tapi hujan turun later on..). Secara terus-terangnya, PC Fair nih, bukanlah atr bende yg aku minat utk pergi…in fact, termasuk hari ni, baru masuk 2 kali pergi. Kali pertama dulu, teman kawan beli ink catridge, hari ni pulak kawan nak beli mouse whatsoever ( ada nama specific nya, as if I remember ). Who would have known, that today will mark another new experience for me..
Fuyyooo..itu shj mampu aku katakan. Rupanya dunia ini sudah sungguh maju sekali, aku terasa macam cerita ‘back to the future’ tuh..bezanya aku dr zaman dulu termasuk ke zaman sekarang, itulah ibaratnya. Aku cuba try cover2 agar tak nampak jakun sgt, atau tak tahu sgt,nampak faham dan mengerti..walhal hakikatnya, hati dan kepala aku bagai digaru2 berada dlam dunia yang agak asing ini. Sebeban pamphlet yang dihulur pada aku dgn muka manis, dgn muka senyum jugaklahaku terima , heheh…walaupun dlm hati aku berkata “ encik tak pyhlah bagi kat saya, membazirkan kertas encik yg cantik ni..karang balik saya buat lapik makan mee je..”. Pun begitu kesungguhan mereka ni mengagumkan, melayan dgn penuh sabar setiap pertanyaan org yg dtg, buatnya pulak kawan aku nih minat sungguh dgn segala bende2 nih, ada aje bende yg nak diteleknya. Tapi bagusnya , aku dh tahu sedikit sebnyk the latest thing sekarang, dan aku realise one thing jugak, it’s not that aku tak minat bende2 computer ni, it just that aku tak pernah ambil tahu atau fikir sgt psl nih, ..hmm..
Lps tu, aku mengheret kwn meredah gerimis ke The Mall..untuk pergi menyewa novel yg dh lama aku aim nak baca. Seronoknya tak terkata once that book tucked in my bag. Tengok muka kwn dh penat semacam, beli mee hailam bungkus dan terus balik. Heheh ..kalau aku keluar sendiri, selagi lutut tak longgar, selagi kaki tak kebas dek lamanya berjalan, selagi itulah aku akan merayau2, masuk kedai tu, belek bende ni, bukannya nak beli pun, suka menengok. Dan kalau aku memilih utk beli sthg, lagi lah dahsyat. Selalunya aku akan dtg lain kali utk beli. Kali pertama tu aku telek, pusing, analyse betul2 ..balik fikir, esok lusa baru pergi beli.
Tenang dan lapang hati bila bilik kembali spt asal, sepanjang waktu peperiksaan, buku di sana, nota kat sini, hati gelisah tgk bilik bersepahan pun terpaksa ditahan, tu yg setamat aje exam, balik dr keluar aku terus masuk uniform, dan mulakan pengemasan dan pembersihan. Dan apabila selesai, memandang bilik dgn muka puas, terasa kembali menjadi diri sendiri.
Okeylah, I have the whole holiday to write in you, aku nak stop dulu dan baca novel aku nih. Bye!
Habis aje exam tghari td, .heheheh, spt yg aku rancang2kan dlm kepala sejak sekian lama, aku terus menapak ke The Mall, ..kebetulan seorg kawan nak ke PC Fair, jadi pergi sekali dgn dia. Dahlah cuaca sedap2 je, tak panas sgt, tak redup sgt..( tapi hujan turun later on..). Secara terus-terangnya, PC Fair nih, bukanlah atr bende yg aku minat utk pergi…in fact, termasuk hari ni, baru masuk 2 kali pergi. Kali pertama dulu, teman kawan beli ink catridge, hari ni pulak kawan nak beli mouse whatsoever ( ada nama specific nya, as if I remember ). Who would have known, that today will mark another new experience for me..
Fuyyooo..itu shj mampu aku katakan. Rupanya dunia ini sudah sungguh maju sekali, aku terasa macam cerita ‘back to the future’ tuh..bezanya aku dr zaman dulu termasuk ke zaman sekarang, itulah ibaratnya. Aku cuba try cover2 agar tak nampak jakun sgt, atau tak tahu sgt,nampak faham dan mengerti..walhal hakikatnya, hati dan kepala aku bagai digaru2 berada dlam dunia yang agak asing ini. Sebeban pamphlet yang dihulur pada aku dgn muka manis, dgn muka senyum jugaklahaku terima , heheh…walaupun dlm hati aku berkata “ encik tak pyhlah bagi kat saya, membazirkan kertas encik yg cantik ni..karang balik saya buat lapik makan mee je..”. Pun begitu kesungguhan mereka ni mengagumkan, melayan dgn penuh sabar setiap pertanyaan org yg dtg, buatnya pulak kawan aku nih minat sungguh dgn segala bende2 nih, ada aje bende yg nak diteleknya. Tapi bagusnya , aku dh tahu sedikit sebnyk the latest thing sekarang, dan aku realise one thing jugak, it’s not that aku tak minat bende2 computer ni, it just that aku tak pernah ambil tahu atau fikir sgt psl nih, ..hmm..
Lps tu, aku mengheret kwn meredah gerimis ke The Mall..untuk pergi menyewa novel yg dh lama aku aim nak baca. Seronoknya tak terkata once that book tucked in my bag. Tengok muka kwn dh penat semacam, beli mee hailam bungkus dan terus balik. Heheh ..kalau aku keluar sendiri, selagi lutut tak longgar, selagi kaki tak kebas dek lamanya berjalan, selagi itulah aku akan merayau2, masuk kedai tu, belek bende ni, bukannya nak beli pun, suka menengok. Dan kalau aku memilih utk beli sthg, lagi lah dahsyat. Selalunya aku akan dtg lain kali utk beli. Kali pertama tu aku telek, pusing, analyse betul2 ..balik fikir, esok lusa baru pergi beli.
Tenang dan lapang hati bila bilik kembali spt asal, sepanjang waktu peperiksaan, buku di sana, nota kat sini, hati gelisah tgk bilik bersepahan pun terpaksa ditahan, tu yg setamat aje exam, balik dr keluar aku terus masuk uniform, dan mulakan pengemasan dan pembersihan. Dan apabila selesai, memandang bilik dgn muka puas, terasa kembali menjadi diri sendiri.
Okeylah, I have the whole holiday to write in you, aku nak stop dulu dan baca novel aku nih. Bye!
23 March 2005
how sometimes...
How smtmes I wish we could read ppls’ mind..then perhaps life would be much simpler..
How smtmes I hope I know myself better..then I wont be scared to face anything..as I know where my strengths and weaknesses lies.
How smtmes I dream to be back in my mom’s womb, safe and sound, protected from dangers of todays’ world.
How smtmes I pretended to be someone else, when being me is so bland and boring.
How smtmes I looked around me and wonder..how in the world did I get here?
How smtmes I closed my eyes and lie still, hoping when I woke up, everything’s going to be allright.
How smtms I hate myself, for repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
How smtmes I want something so badly, that I began picturing getting it in my mind.
How smtmes being lazy came naturally , when exams is just around the corner…
How smtmes I felt like kicking myself, when I let opportunities pass me by…
How smtmes I imagined having lots of money, and can buy anything I want without feeling guilty.
How smtmes I stare at someone from far, observing human characters when they dont realise they are being watched…
How smtmes I want to go back into old days, and correct the things I done wrong, esp to loved one…
How smtmes just by listening to my parents words, tears welled up in my eyes..
How smtmes when being surrounded by my siblings, I realised that I couldn’t be any happier than this…
How smtmes I hope I know myself better..then I wont be scared to face anything..as I know where my strengths and weaknesses lies.
How smtmes I dream to be back in my mom’s womb, safe and sound, protected from dangers of todays’ world.
How smtmes I pretended to be someone else, when being me is so bland and boring.
How smtmes I looked around me and wonder..how in the world did I get here?
How smtmes I closed my eyes and lie still, hoping when I woke up, everything’s going to be allright.
How smtms I hate myself, for repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
How smtmes I want something so badly, that I began picturing getting it in my mind.
How smtmes being lazy came naturally , when exams is just around the corner…
How smtmes I felt like kicking myself, when I let opportunities pass me by…
How smtmes I imagined having lots of money, and can buy anything I want without feeling guilty.
How smtmes I stare at someone from far, observing human characters when they dont realise they are being watched…
How smtmes I want to go back into old days, and correct the things I done wrong, esp to loved one…
How smtmes just by listening to my parents words, tears welled up in my eyes..
How smtmes when being surrounded by my siblings, I realised that I couldn’t be any happier than this…
- doodling away during study week..just pouring out my thoughts.
18 March 2005
evils of the world
Aku rasa dunia hari ni dah tak selamat lagi. Nak percaya pada orang selain keluarga dan kwn rapat, terasa macam nak serah nyawa pada buaya, tak pun naga, tak pun dinosaur.Apa nak jadi dgn manusia hari ni..!?
Tak hilang lagi kegusaran aku tentang kes remaja perempuan, yang diculik oleh seorg lelaki, yg kononnya nak tanya jalan, rupanya MUSANG bertopengkan manusia yg pergi menarik budak tak berdosa tu ke dlm kereta dia. Nasib baik budaknya cekap dan terjun keluar, kalau aku kat tpt dia, aku ketuk dulu kepala lelaki jahat lagi tak berguna tu sekuat2nya, baru aku terjun keluar..( ceee..berckp senanglah, cik justme ooi, mcm berani sgt je aku ni.).Dan tadi, masa aku turun nak telefon rumah, terdengar berita di TV ttg seorg perompak yg menikam budak berumur 3-4 thn , selepas cuba utk meragut rantai emas dia, lps tu pi tikam pulak emak budak tu. Huh..?!..Tu manusia ke apa? Kat mana letaknya rasa simpati, takkan takde sekelumit rasa kemanusiaan..? Nasib baik kedua2nya selamat. Tapi semua2 berita mcm ni, kalau takde utk hidangan kita hari2 dlm akhbar, macam tak sah. Kiranya hari2 ade aje kes ragut, rogol, ..dan ntahapa2 lagi. Hangat betul aku ni, apa kejadahnya manusia2 ni .? =[.Terasa mcm edisi siasat pulak..but seriously..aku mmg tak faham. What is wrong, what went wrong ? Is there sthg missing in our education system, or a failure in the family institution..? Come on, everyone ,,.think! =[
Aku rasa kan, elok belajar karate lah, dan nak cadangkan pada Kementerian Pendidikan utk wajibkan pelajaran Karate ni pada semua student. Hmm..not a bad idea.
Entahlah..if I don’t stop now, perasaan geram, marah yg meluap2 terhadap org2 jahat seluruh dunia ni, boleh buat aku naik darah tinggi pulak nanti. Kalau ade org2 golongan itu yg happens to bump into my blog and read this,..tolonglah, kalau pun dh tak ingat Tuhan sgt, fikirlah, kalau itu adik, isteri atau emak kamu, tergamak ke, sanggup ke diperlakukan mcm tu? Tolong pupuk sikit sifat kemanusiaan, kalau tak pi join binatang2 dlm hutan atau zoo..entah haiwan2 tu semua pun tak ingin nak dok sekali …!..Serious membara ni…
Okay..relax, tarik nafas. Rationally thinking and speaking, a very serious action has to be taken, tak kisahlah, by the government ke NGO ke, to curb this ‘disease’ from getting worse. Or else, apa gunanya canang2kan serata dunia ‘Malaysia Boleh’, kalau basic things mcm membentuk akhlak dan moral, simple ethics in life, kita tak boleh nak buat. Tapi yelah..aku kena akui, hakikat dunia ni macam ni. Teringat sekali aku berckp ttg hal ni dgn ayah, mudah je ayah ckp " Biasalah , hidup ni mmg Tuhan buat, ada yg baik, ada yg jahat. Dari zaman nabi lagi, dh ade Firaun, Abu Jahal, org2 kafir ..yg dok lawan nabi…untuk buat pengajaran dan peringatan bagi manusia2 lain.”. Wah..org lelaki mmg Tuhan anugerahkan dgn kerasionalan begitu, compared to us women, yg tend utk go emotional dulu lps tu baru nak fikir.
Okaylah..gtg. Doakan keselamatan kita semua yaa..dan utk2 org2 jahat, henti2kan lah! ( tak habis lagi tu…heheh )
“ ..orang yg ingin berzina, tidak akan melakukan zina dlm keadaan sempurna imannya. Orang yang ingin mencuri atau merompak, tidak akan melakukan itu semua dalam keadaan sempurna imannya..”- petikan dr kata2 yg selalu didengarkan dlm Radio IKIM.fm.
Ringkasnya..agamalah pokok pangkalnya.
Tak hilang lagi kegusaran aku tentang kes remaja perempuan, yang diculik oleh seorg lelaki, yg kononnya nak tanya jalan, rupanya MUSANG bertopengkan manusia yg pergi menarik budak tak berdosa tu ke dlm kereta dia. Nasib baik budaknya cekap dan terjun keluar, kalau aku kat tpt dia, aku ketuk dulu kepala lelaki jahat lagi tak berguna tu sekuat2nya, baru aku terjun keluar..( ceee..berckp senanglah, cik justme ooi, mcm berani sgt je aku ni.).Dan tadi, masa aku turun nak telefon rumah, terdengar berita di TV ttg seorg perompak yg menikam budak berumur 3-4 thn , selepas cuba utk meragut rantai emas dia, lps tu pi tikam pulak emak budak tu. Huh..?!..Tu manusia ke apa? Kat mana letaknya rasa simpati, takkan takde sekelumit rasa kemanusiaan..? Nasib baik kedua2nya selamat. Tapi semua2 berita mcm ni, kalau takde utk hidangan kita hari2 dlm akhbar, macam tak sah. Kiranya hari2 ade aje kes ragut, rogol, ..dan ntahapa2 lagi. Hangat betul aku ni, apa kejadahnya manusia2 ni .? =[.Terasa mcm edisi siasat pulak..but seriously..aku mmg tak faham. What is wrong, what went wrong ? Is there sthg missing in our education system, or a failure in the family institution..? Come on, everyone ,,.think! =[
Aku rasa kan, elok belajar karate lah, dan nak cadangkan pada Kementerian Pendidikan utk wajibkan pelajaran Karate ni pada semua student. Hmm..not a bad idea.
Entahlah..if I don’t stop now, perasaan geram, marah yg meluap2 terhadap org2 jahat seluruh dunia ni, boleh buat aku naik darah tinggi pulak nanti. Kalau ade org2 golongan itu yg happens to bump into my blog and read this,..tolonglah, kalau pun dh tak ingat Tuhan sgt, fikirlah, kalau itu adik, isteri atau emak kamu, tergamak ke, sanggup ke diperlakukan mcm tu? Tolong pupuk sikit sifat kemanusiaan, kalau tak pi join binatang2 dlm hutan atau zoo..entah haiwan2 tu semua pun tak ingin nak dok sekali …!..Serious membara ni…
Okay..relax, tarik nafas. Rationally thinking and speaking, a very serious action has to be taken, tak kisahlah, by the government ke NGO ke, to curb this ‘disease’ from getting worse. Or else, apa gunanya canang2kan serata dunia ‘Malaysia Boleh’, kalau basic things mcm membentuk akhlak dan moral, simple ethics in life, kita tak boleh nak buat. Tapi yelah..aku kena akui, hakikat dunia ni macam ni. Teringat sekali aku berckp ttg hal ni dgn ayah, mudah je ayah ckp " Biasalah , hidup ni mmg Tuhan buat, ada yg baik, ada yg jahat. Dari zaman nabi lagi, dh ade Firaun, Abu Jahal, org2 kafir ..yg dok lawan nabi…untuk buat pengajaran dan peringatan bagi manusia2 lain.”. Wah..org lelaki mmg Tuhan anugerahkan dgn kerasionalan begitu, compared to us women, yg tend utk go emotional dulu lps tu baru nak fikir.
Okaylah..gtg. Doakan keselamatan kita semua yaa..dan utk2 org2 jahat, henti2kan lah! ( tak habis lagi tu…heheh )
“ ..orang yg ingin berzina, tidak akan melakukan zina dlm keadaan sempurna imannya. Orang yang ingin mencuri atau merompak, tidak akan melakukan itu semua dalam keadaan sempurna imannya..”- petikan dr kata2 yg selalu didengarkan dlm Radio IKIM.fm.
Ringkasnya..agamalah pokok pangkalnya.
16 March 2005
tawakkal
Rasa macam nak demam. Kepala pun dh berat semacam. Kena tulis dulu.
Dah lama tak rasa macam ni, keadaan yg bukan selalu dirasa. Apa2 pun, aku pasrah. Nak buat macamana, benda dah buat, dah hantar pun kertasnya. Cuma tinggal doa dan tawakal shj lah sbg usaha.
Buat aku terfikir, apa hikmahnya di sebalik semua ini. Tuhan sentiasa nak tolong hamba- Nya, seperti yg pernah aku ceritakan dlm blog aku sblm ni, pertolongan Tuhan dtg dlm plbgi cara. Dan salah satu dr caranya, aku selalu percaya, dgn hadir satu perasaan yg kuat utk kita buka dan tengok ttg sesuatu topic tu sblm masuk dewan, rupa2 nya itulah topic yg ditanya. Tapi, hamba ni, selayaknya hamba..seringkali lupa, pertolongan dtg kalau tak peka, ..atau anggap takde apa2..terlepas begitu shj .
Terima kasih Tuhan, krn tak pernah lupakan aku, walaupun aku selalu shj usaha last minute.
Terima kasih Tuhan, krn sentiasa memberikan pertolongan – Mu, walhal aku ni tak layak nak menerimanya.
Terima kasih Tuhan,.. kerana buat aku sedar..hidup ni perlu bersedia utk yg tak dijangka.
Terima kasih Tuhan. kerana sentiasa ingatkan aku, bahawa semuanya dtg dari –Mu.
Tgh2 bersedih nih, dtg msg dr seorg kawan yg aku rasa..antara wanita terbaik yg aku pernah jumpa setakat hari ni, syukurnya aku jadi kwn dia. Dan dia jugaklah antara ‘pencetus kebaikan ‘ dlm hidup aku nih..Aku nak kongsikan kat sini..apa yg baru aku dapat dr dia..
“Semoga ketenangan bersama-sama kita, setiap kesusahan pasti terasa berat ditanggung, tapi bila mengenangkan SIAPA yang MEMBERI kesusahan itu, yang berat jadi ringan kerana mengetahui kita masih dalam perhatian-Nya..”
Dah lama tak rasa macam ni, keadaan yg bukan selalu dirasa. Apa2 pun, aku pasrah. Nak buat macamana, benda dah buat, dah hantar pun kertasnya. Cuma tinggal doa dan tawakal shj lah sbg usaha.
Buat aku terfikir, apa hikmahnya di sebalik semua ini. Tuhan sentiasa nak tolong hamba- Nya, seperti yg pernah aku ceritakan dlm blog aku sblm ni, pertolongan Tuhan dtg dlm plbgi cara. Dan salah satu dr caranya, aku selalu percaya, dgn hadir satu perasaan yg kuat utk kita buka dan tengok ttg sesuatu topic tu sblm masuk dewan, rupa2 nya itulah topic yg ditanya. Tapi, hamba ni, selayaknya hamba..seringkali lupa, pertolongan dtg kalau tak peka, ..atau anggap takde apa2..terlepas begitu shj .
Terima kasih Tuhan, krn tak pernah lupakan aku, walaupun aku selalu shj usaha last minute.
Terima kasih Tuhan, krn sentiasa memberikan pertolongan – Mu, walhal aku ni tak layak nak menerimanya.
Terima kasih Tuhan,.. kerana buat aku sedar..hidup ni perlu bersedia utk yg tak dijangka.
Terima kasih Tuhan. kerana sentiasa ingatkan aku, bahawa semuanya dtg dari –Mu.
Tgh2 bersedih nih, dtg msg dr seorg kawan yg aku rasa..antara wanita terbaik yg aku pernah jumpa setakat hari ni, syukurnya aku jadi kwn dia. Dan dia jugaklah antara ‘pencetus kebaikan ‘ dlm hidup aku nih..Aku nak kongsikan kat sini..apa yg baru aku dapat dr dia..
“Semoga ketenangan bersama-sama kita, setiap kesusahan pasti terasa berat ditanggung, tapi bila mengenangkan SIAPA yang MEMBERI kesusahan itu, yang berat jadi ringan kerana mengetahui kita masih dalam perhatian-Nya..”
13 March 2005
dream mother
Tiba2 aku cemburukan Sofea Jane.
Watching her enjoying doing mother works with love, fun, having all the time in the world just for her 3 kids…I couldn’t help but ask myself..will I be able to do all that one day..? Not missing a THING with my kids ..? Will I have the opportunity to really watch my children grow, from the day they were born, till the day I send them for their first day in college..? Will I be there all the time for them, watching them take their first wobbly step, be there for the ultimate moment when they first voice out the word ‘mama’ to me, be ready to catch whenever they fall, and be the one cleaning their cuts and wiping their tears, hugging them, and telling them “..shhshh, don’t cry, mama’s here”..? Will I really be the kind of mother I always envisioned myself being..?
Suddenly all this ‘mama talk’ makes my eyes misty. Great.
Okay..why im like this? Why all these sudden mother instincts came gushing to my head and heart..? No other reason than watching my new favourite programme on TV3 ‘1,2,3 Dutch Lady’, hosted by Sofea Jane. But seriously speaking, it’s a marvelous programme, simple yet up – to –date, perfect infotainment ( the current word used nowadays ) for modern mom. Bravo for whoever creating this programme, and if ever it be put in CD’c collection, ill be the first lining to purchase it. Okay..perhaps there’s more room for improvement, but so far..they are doing a great job sending good parental messages to public. Clap clap.
Anyway…before anyone started pointing finger at me, mockingly saying “ ..haa..tak sabar nak jadi mak ke..?”( come onlah..takkan ibu2 mengandung aje ada mother instinct?..), I believe every woman has it. Cuma mungkin cara ia diekspreskan, atau lambat cepat wujudnya perasaan itu shj yg membezakan. One of my friend came to me saying that she has no mother instinct, she said the sight of children just annoyed her, and what makes her more worried is the fact that her ‘pakwe’ is the kid-lover person, and has greater parental nature compared to her. I just stared at her, not knowing what to say, and finally managed to mumble sthg like “ Jgn risaulah…nanti dh kawin esok2, dh pregnant, naluri tu dtglah, semulajadi punya ..percayalah..jgn piker bukan2lah…”. Emm..perhaps not a brilliant comforting words.
Whatever it is..naluri keibuan..( I don’t think I want to talk about ‘naluri kebapaan’ yet..) is one of the most valuable gift from Allah to a woman. A feeling that makes us distinctive from man, a thing that qualify us to carry a child , and care and love them with all our heart. What makes a woman mother. Whether it is shone through our words, actions or gestures, or only perhaps sthg that we feel inside, I believe women are born with it. Trust me, because we are created to be mothers. Nurture the feeling, and it will blossom.
Emm..now, justme has diverged her topic to shtg quite futuristic, but I guess it’s a good and worth thing to talk and write about. Because who doesn’t want to be a parent? Let’s pray for each other, pray for me…pray that we will be a good parent, mothers and fathers..as the next generations future lies in our hands. Hmmm… right now, I don’t know how my time as a mother one day will be, but at least I have the dream and hope to be a good one, a true mother. The one I always wish to be. Who knows, ill be better than Sofea Jane.heheh.( but thanks Sofea, u really inspire me..)
“..u wont know how big your capacity in loving someone, until u become a parent..then ull realise that u actually can really love a person that much, that big.. ”- quoted from one of the mother’s words in a parenting magazine ive read once, it’s actually sounded more nice and touching than this…but I have forgotten how actually she said it…=]
Watching her enjoying doing mother works with love, fun, having all the time in the world just for her 3 kids…I couldn’t help but ask myself..will I be able to do all that one day..? Not missing a THING with my kids ..? Will I have the opportunity to really watch my children grow, from the day they were born, till the day I send them for their first day in college..? Will I be there all the time for them, watching them take their first wobbly step, be there for the ultimate moment when they first voice out the word ‘mama’ to me, be ready to catch whenever they fall, and be the one cleaning their cuts and wiping their tears, hugging them, and telling them “..shhshh, don’t cry, mama’s here”..? Will I really be the kind of mother I always envisioned myself being..?
Suddenly all this ‘mama talk’ makes my eyes misty. Great.
Okay..why im like this? Why all these sudden mother instincts came gushing to my head and heart..? No other reason than watching my new favourite programme on TV3 ‘1,2,3 Dutch Lady’, hosted by Sofea Jane. But seriously speaking, it’s a marvelous programme, simple yet up – to –date, perfect infotainment ( the current word used nowadays ) for modern mom. Bravo for whoever creating this programme, and if ever it be put in CD’c collection, ill be the first lining to purchase it. Okay..perhaps there’s more room for improvement, but so far..they are doing a great job sending good parental messages to public. Clap clap.
Anyway…before anyone started pointing finger at me, mockingly saying “ ..haa..tak sabar nak jadi mak ke..?”( come onlah..takkan ibu2 mengandung aje ada mother instinct?..), I believe every woman has it. Cuma mungkin cara ia diekspreskan, atau lambat cepat wujudnya perasaan itu shj yg membezakan. One of my friend came to me saying that she has no mother instinct, she said the sight of children just annoyed her, and what makes her more worried is the fact that her ‘pakwe’ is the kid-lover person, and has greater parental nature compared to her. I just stared at her, not knowing what to say, and finally managed to mumble sthg like “ Jgn risaulah…nanti dh kawin esok2, dh pregnant, naluri tu dtglah, semulajadi punya ..percayalah..jgn piker bukan2lah…”. Emm..perhaps not a brilliant comforting words.
Whatever it is..naluri keibuan..( I don’t think I want to talk about ‘naluri kebapaan’ yet..) is one of the most valuable gift from Allah to a woman. A feeling that makes us distinctive from man, a thing that qualify us to carry a child , and care and love them with all our heart. What makes a woman mother. Whether it is shone through our words, actions or gestures, or only perhaps sthg that we feel inside, I believe women are born with it. Trust me, because we are created to be mothers. Nurture the feeling, and it will blossom.
Emm..now, justme has diverged her topic to shtg quite futuristic, but I guess it’s a good and worth thing to talk and write about. Because who doesn’t want to be a parent? Let’s pray for each other, pray for me…pray that we will be a good parent, mothers and fathers..as the next generations future lies in our hands. Hmmm… right now, I don’t know how my time as a mother one day will be, but at least I have the dream and hope to be a good one, a true mother. The one I always wish to be. Who knows, ill be better than Sofea Jane.heheh.( but thanks Sofea, u really inspire me..)
“..u wont know how big your capacity in loving someone, until u become a parent..then ull realise that u actually can really love a person that much, that big.. ”- quoted from one of the mother’s words in a parenting magazine ive read once, it’s actually sounded more nice and touching than this…but I have forgotten how actually she said it…=]
12 March 2005
a year older
And a Happy 23rd Birthday to me..=], semoga dengan bertambahnya usia aku, aku menjadi manusia yang lebih baik..aminn.
Just now, a friend of mine, cikin..( a cute friend, that makes me always see her like a small sister) knocked on my door and thrusted to me an icecream. And that’s it..enough to lightened my mood for today. Frankly, I like that kind of gift very much, small in price it may seem, but full with love and thought. Sejujurnya, bende2 kecik mcm ni aku lebih hargai, kalau dh diajar utk beli dan cari hadiah yg mahal2 utk every years birthdays, aku takut nanti jadi satu keterpaksaan dan kesusahan utk orang, kerana bende bila dh jadi rutin, kalau tak dibuat, akan jadi janggal. Nanti org yg sambut birthday rasa ternanti2, terfikir2 “ mana hadiah aku utk thn nih..?” dan orang yg memberi akan rasa ‘kena beri’, sbb dh selalu beri dan demi nak jaga hati. Bila keadaan dh mcm tu jdnya, hilang manis dan makna hari jadi. Because for me, it’s always the thoughts that counts..it means much more.
And I would like to thank my friends who’s been SMSing me with birthdays wishes, thank you, thank you, thank you. It’s your prayers that I truly appreciate, may it all come true..=]
Well..a little sthg about me. I was born 22 years ago, in Kelang, Selangor. My mom said it was at 1.08 am pagi Jumaat( ..couldnt wait to see the world..;] ). Im the second child, and there was this photo of my mom holding me in a blue blouse, ( I believe it was taken as soon as she got back from hospital, even when she she was looking tired and pale in that photo, I couldn’t help but notices how beautiful she was at that time..). Next to her is my father, dashingly handsome as ever ( if I told this to him, he’ll be grinning smugly from morning till night..heheh ) with the ‘jambul’ still intact on his forehead. He was holding my elder sister, kakak in her red dress.( during that time, she really liked red, anything red can make her laugh. Mama pernah cerita utk agah kakak ni senang, bagi anak patung merah….seronok lah dia. Sheesh..kakak, creepy tuh..=p). Anyway, what makes this photo so significantly remembered was everyone’s expressions in it. My mom, smiling holding me, my father, grinning happily as he hold my sister, who looked at me so anticipatingly, like she couldnt wait to touch her little sister.( why didn’t I get anymore of that look from her? The only look I received from my kakak nowadays is her mischievous grin, indicating that there’s a point she wants to tease me about..heheh, my dear jovial sister). It was such a happy moment, blissful young couples who just started a family. And the feeling was captured in the photo, and it remains till now.
Hmmm..whatever it is, alhamdulillah, ive been blessed indeed. Over this 22 years breathing freely in His lent world, ive been granted with so many things I just couldn’t list it all here. I have big happy family, parents who love me dearly, I have 6 healthy, beautiful brothers and sisters who will make me laugh no matter how hard the situation is, Im surrounded with friends, I have enough to eat, to dress, ..and the lists goes on. Thank you Allah, …thank you very very much.
And to everyone whom I have got the chance to meet, befriended, and encountered throughout my life, thank you..for making my life a more beautiful story . Pray for me yaa..=]
Just now, a friend of mine, cikin..( a cute friend, that makes me always see her like a small sister) knocked on my door and thrusted to me an icecream. And that’s it..enough to lightened my mood for today. Frankly, I like that kind of gift very much, small in price it may seem, but full with love and thought. Sejujurnya, bende2 kecik mcm ni aku lebih hargai, kalau dh diajar utk beli dan cari hadiah yg mahal2 utk every years birthdays, aku takut nanti jadi satu keterpaksaan dan kesusahan utk orang, kerana bende bila dh jadi rutin, kalau tak dibuat, akan jadi janggal. Nanti org yg sambut birthday rasa ternanti2, terfikir2 “ mana hadiah aku utk thn nih..?” dan orang yg memberi akan rasa ‘kena beri’, sbb dh selalu beri dan demi nak jaga hati. Bila keadaan dh mcm tu jdnya, hilang manis dan makna hari jadi. Because for me, it’s always the thoughts that counts..it means much more.
And I would like to thank my friends who’s been SMSing me with birthdays wishes, thank you, thank you, thank you. It’s your prayers that I truly appreciate, may it all come true..=]
Well..a little sthg about me. I was born 22 years ago, in Kelang, Selangor. My mom said it was at 1.08 am pagi Jumaat( ..couldnt wait to see the world..;] ). Im the second child, and there was this photo of my mom holding me in a blue blouse, ( I believe it was taken as soon as she got back from hospital, even when she she was looking tired and pale in that photo, I couldn’t help but notices how beautiful she was at that time..). Next to her is my father, dashingly handsome as ever ( if I told this to him, he’ll be grinning smugly from morning till night..heheh ) with the ‘jambul’ still intact on his forehead. He was holding my elder sister, kakak in her red dress.( during that time, she really liked red, anything red can make her laugh. Mama pernah cerita utk agah kakak ni senang, bagi anak patung merah….seronok lah dia. Sheesh..kakak, creepy tuh..=p). Anyway, what makes this photo so significantly remembered was everyone’s expressions in it. My mom, smiling holding me, my father, grinning happily as he hold my sister, who looked at me so anticipatingly, like she couldnt wait to touch her little sister.( why didn’t I get anymore of that look from her? The only look I received from my kakak nowadays is her mischievous grin, indicating that there’s a point she wants to tease me about..heheh, my dear jovial sister). It was such a happy moment, blissful young couples who just started a family. And the feeling was captured in the photo, and it remains till now.
Hmmm..whatever it is, alhamdulillah, ive been blessed indeed. Over this 22 years breathing freely in His lent world, ive been granted with so many things I just couldn’t list it all here. I have big happy family, parents who love me dearly, I have 6 healthy, beautiful brothers and sisters who will make me laugh no matter how hard the situation is, Im surrounded with friends, I have enough to eat, to dress, ..and the lists goes on. Thank you Allah, …thank you very very much.
And to everyone whom I have got the chance to meet, befriended, and encountered throughout my life, thank you..for making my life a more beautiful story . Pray for me yaa..=]
07 March 2005
know what to seek
“What ur mind doesn’t know, ur eyes wont see”
This words were from my microbiology lecturer, Dr Zaleha when I was in my 2nd year ( a funny doctor who makes learning about teeny-weeny microbs easier ). She referred it to us who’s struggling to look into the microscope, scanning the red-pink-bluish thing on the glass slaid, and keep rising the power to higher level, hoping to see some hyphae or any bacterias colonies. And finally with triumph saying out loud that “.. yup, we found it..” but then sheepishly hung our head as that ‘dot’ was not the thing we’re supposed to see in the slaid..heheh.
The words means that if we have no idea of what we are supposed to look at, to search for, to seek, then our eyes won't see it, no matter how hard we look. We can pretend to be looking , along with lines formed on our forehead as a sign that we are seriously working on it, but then, who are we fooling..? no other than ourselves.
And when I think about these spoken words now, after 2 yrs leaving microb class ( and secretly enjoying it..heheh, as there’s no more mingling around with smelly bacteria cultures. I can't forget one of the experiments that we had to do, where we had to kind of spit on the blood agar, culture it, to see how many bacterias are there in our mouth.., interesting huh?), i can see how the words reflects other part and aspects in life as well. Like when we have no idea or plans in life, where we are heading for, sthg like that, we’ll surely easy to be lost in our own journey. We might be on the right track, we might be the captain of our ship sailing proud on the ocean, but if we don’t know where are we actually focusing, or where is this taking us.., in the end, what will all that means. Recalling one of the quotes, “ when you don’t know what you want, you often end up where u don’t want to be…”- Bob Greene
The same goes when finding ‘the one’, the only one I believe all people around the globe are looking for. In order to fulfill our human nature and needs. To complete us. We’ll never found him/her, if we ourselves as the person looking have no idea what kind of partner we are seeking for. This is not clothes-hunting in department store, also not choosing what cakes to buy to satisfy our hunger, more so picking anyone, someone out from the crowd just like that. It’s a crucial task, a decision to be with someone for the rest of our lives.
I remember once my father told me “ dlm mencari pasangan hidup ni, kita mesti ada dlm kepala ciri2 yg kita mahu ada pada dia. Ayah dulu mcm tu masa ayah usia kak nih, dan alhamdulillah, ayah jumpa. Memang mustahil utk dapat 100% macam yg kita mahu, lengkap ada ciri2 yg kita cari, tapi kalau dia sudah punyai 80%, 70%..60% daripada itu, itu dh cukup baik. Kita tak boleh nak expect kesempurnaan ..kerana kita takkan dapat jumpa. Tapi jangan main terima suka2, main2..tanpa pertimbangan dan perkiraan yang serius. Kerana ini bukan perkara main2.Kita berdoa, dan berusaha…”
My father, he opens up and taught me all I need to know. And the words he keeps saying to me now, that my time has come.( according to my father la.. dulu masa sekolah lain, boys telefon ke rumah pun takut2 aje nak jawab..). I'm very grateful having them as my parents, someone I can confide in matters like this. But then, seriously, what are those criterias that i want in a life partner? . On the verge of 23 yrs old, what are those things to look for, if my mind are clueless about these, how would I expect to know he’s the one when i've finally found him?
Back to basics, Islam has guided us in terms of looking for a husband and wife. ‘Agama, keturunan, rupa, dan harta’,( emm..not really sure about the exact order..please check.) 4 things to consider when choosing the one, with ‘agama’ is put at the front list. Dlm apa hal pun, jika kita org yg beragama, kita jaga sembahyang, jaga perkara2 yg perlu dijaga..insyaAllah..other things will fall right into places. Tak perlu org berketayap atau berjubah litup, itu tak menjamin apa2. Kalau sembahyang seperkara pun tak boleh nak jaga, macamana nak jaga keluarga..? Nak bersama dunia dan akhirat…
Fuuh..how from microbs i get to here..sheesh, I need a controller when I write, or else i'll be writing from nowhere to nowhere. But seriously, I hope, if not much, a few things of what I've babbled above, might give some insights or a food for thought to all my readers, and as a reminder to myself as well.
Ta ta..=]
“..everything’s in the mind. That’s where it all starts. Knowing what you want is the first step towards getting it..”- Mae Weit.
“...our plans miscarry because they have no aim. When a man does not know what harbour he is making for, no wind is the right wind..” –Seneca
hasrat nak beli dulang bertepi
barulah molek untuk hidangan
hajat nak cari yang sama sehati
barulah molek makan sepinggan
- siti’s songs
This words were from my microbiology lecturer, Dr Zaleha when I was in my 2nd year ( a funny doctor who makes learning about teeny-weeny microbs easier ). She referred it to us who’s struggling to look into the microscope, scanning the red-pink-bluish thing on the glass slaid, and keep rising the power to higher level, hoping to see some hyphae or any bacterias colonies. And finally with triumph saying out loud that “.. yup, we found it..” but then sheepishly hung our head as that ‘dot’ was not the thing we’re supposed to see in the slaid..heheh.
The words means that if we have no idea of what we are supposed to look at, to search for, to seek, then our eyes won't see it, no matter how hard we look. We can pretend to be looking , along with lines formed on our forehead as a sign that we are seriously working on it, but then, who are we fooling..? no other than ourselves.
And when I think about these spoken words now, after 2 yrs leaving microb class ( and secretly enjoying it..heheh, as there’s no more mingling around with smelly bacteria cultures. I can't forget one of the experiments that we had to do, where we had to kind of spit on the blood agar, culture it, to see how many bacterias are there in our mouth.., interesting huh?), i can see how the words reflects other part and aspects in life as well. Like when we have no idea or plans in life, where we are heading for, sthg like that, we’ll surely easy to be lost in our own journey. We might be on the right track, we might be the captain of our ship sailing proud on the ocean, but if we don’t know where are we actually focusing, or where is this taking us.., in the end, what will all that means. Recalling one of the quotes, “ when you don’t know what you want, you often end up where u don’t want to be…”- Bob Greene
The same goes when finding ‘the one’, the only one I believe all people around the globe are looking for. In order to fulfill our human nature and needs. To complete us. We’ll never found him/her, if we ourselves as the person looking have no idea what kind of partner we are seeking for. This is not clothes-hunting in department store, also not choosing what cakes to buy to satisfy our hunger, more so picking anyone, someone out from the crowd just like that. It’s a crucial task, a decision to be with someone for the rest of our lives.
I remember once my father told me “ dlm mencari pasangan hidup ni, kita mesti ada dlm kepala ciri2 yg kita mahu ada pada dia. Ayah dulu mcm tu masa ayah usia kak nih, dan alhamdulillah, ayah jumpa. Memang mustahil utk dapat 100% macam yg kita mahu, lengkap ada ciri2 yg kita cari, tapi kalau dia sudah punyai 80%, 70%..60% daripada itu, itu dh cukup baik. Kita tak boleh nak expect kesempurnaan ..kerana kita takkan dapat jumpa. Tapi jangan main terima suka2, main2..tanpa pertimbangan dan perkiraan yang serius. Kerana ini bukan perkara main2.Kita berdoa, dan berusaha…”
My father, he opens up and taught me all I need to know. And the words he keeps saying to me now, that my time has come.( according to my father la.. dulu masa sekolah lain, boys telefon ke rumah pun takut2 aje nak jawab..). I'm very grateful having them as my parents, someone I can confide in matters like this. But then, seriously, what are those criterias that i want in a life partner? . On the verge of 23 yrs old, what are those things to look for, if my mind are clueless about these, how would I expect to know he’s the one when i've finally found him?
Back to basics, Islam has guided us in terms of looking for a husband and wife. ‘Agama, keturunan, rupa, dan harta’,( emm..not really sure about the exact order..please check.) 4 things to consider when choosing the one, with ‘agama’ is put at the front list. Dlm apa hal pun, jika kita org yg beragama, kita jaga sembahyang, jaga perkara2 yg perlu dijaga..insyaAllah..other things will fall right into places. Tak perlu org berketayap atau berjubah litup, itu tak menjamin apa2. Kalau sembahyang seperkara pun tak boleh nak jaga, macamana nak jaga keluarga..? Nak bersama dunia dan akhirat…
Fuuh..how from microbs i get to here..sheesh, I need a controller when I write, or else i'll be writing from nowhere to nowhere. But seriously, I hope, if not much, a few things of what I've babbled above, might give some insights or a food for thought to all my readers, and as a reminder to myself as well.
Ta ta..=]
“..everything’s in the mind. That’s where it all starts. Knowing what you want is the first step towards getting it..”- Mae Weit.
“...our plans miscarry because they have no aim. When a man does not know what harbour he is making for, no wind is the right wind..” –Seneca
hasrat nak beli dulang bertepi
barulah molek untuk hidangan
hajat nak cari yang sama sehati
barulah molek makan sepinggan
- siti’s songs
06 March 2005
exam fever
Exam fever. The moment when we can see ppl spend more time in their room, when the building seems quieter than usual, and smtmes, catching a sight of serious or grouchy expressions of friends walking, ( or should I say stomping ) along the corridor..muttering to themselves , I bet the words said ..” why didn’t I started studying earlier..?” or maybe “ ..come on..what is it? I read about it ten seconds ago..come on..brain, work!"..
Stressful huh? Perhaps to students who are disciplined and study consistently with systematic ways wont experience too much troubles, unlike some other who stumble and drain themselves out in the last minutes. Whatever it is, find a way to cope with stress, and I believe different ppl have different ways handling stress. Some might become massive eater, reaching for food everytime stress hit their way. Some choose to be alone, lock themselves in their room, and be a hermit until exams over. Others tend to forget their stress by being in their group of friends, making jokes and laugh out loud. Whatever ways , just don’t let stress kill you, try to relax and be calm, do some physical exercises between study hours, to release good hormones.. try to view it positively ( though it’s hard I know, when it’s called exam..)..but, there’s no other way to put it. When the stress is overwhelming, take ‘air wudhu’, and read some Quran..it’ll sure make u feel better. Call ur mother or sibling, like I usually do, as a mother’s words is the most healing medication, and chatting with brother or sisters will remind you that they’ll always be by ur side, besides the fact that they could help cheering u by making hilarious jokes. Find things that makes u feel good,.and as for me, I choose to write as well. Let all come out.
Hmm…at a time like this, blaming yourselves, or blaming the world wont do any good, just concentrate in using the time left fully. Like me, im so used to the rush feeling of working to the max at the last minute. I don’t really like it, because it’s really tiring ,and u tend to not do as good as u’re supposed to if u have started earlier,..but bad habits is so hard to kick away. Just have to do my damn best under pressure.
Well readers..pray for me yaa…it’s my final 4th year exam, they call it the professional exam. Cant wait for April..as I have already fantasied the things I want to do, in my 4 weeks holiday..yeehaaa!..but before that..exams first, justme!
Stressful huh? Perhaps to students who are disciplined and study consistently with systematic ways wont experience too much troubles, unlike some other who stumble and drain themselves out in the last minutes. Whatever it is, find a way to cope with stress, and I believe different ppl have different ways handling stress. Some might become massive eater, reaching for food everytime stress hit their way. Some choose to be alone, lock themselves in their room, and be a hermit until exams over. Others tend to forget their stress by being in their group of friends, making jokes and laugh out loud. Whatever ways , just don’t let stress kill you, try to relax and be calm, do some physical exercises between study hours, to release good hormones.. try to view it positively ( though it’s hard I know, when it’s called exam..)..but, there’s no other way to put it. When the stress is overwhelming, take ‘air wudhu’, and read some Quran..it’ll sure make u feel better. Call ur mother or sibling, like I usually do, as a mother’s words is the most healing medication, and chatting with brother or sisters will remind you that they’ll always be by ur side, besides the fact that they could help cheering u by making hilarious jokes. Find things that makes u feel good,.and as for me, I choose to write as well. Let all come out.
Hmm…at a time like this, blaming yourselves, or blaming the world wont do any good, just concentrate in using the time left fully. Like me, im so used to the rush feeling of working to the max at the last minute. I don’t really like it, because it’s really tiring ,and u tend to not do as good as u’re supposed to if u have started earlier,..but bad habits is so hard to kick away. Just have to do my damn best under pressure.
Well readers..pray for me yaa…it’s my final 4th year exam, they call it the professional exam. Cant wait for April..as I have already fantasied the things I want to do, in my 4 weeks holiday..yeehaaa!..but before that..exams first, justme!
01 March 2005
being crazy...
Just one of those days in a month. Gee..blaming the mood swing eh? U never know how hard it is being a woman. Juggling between changes of tides every months, when u don’t know whether u are angry or simply being silly, when u are overly sensitive about small stuffs, when u are confused between crying and laughing.. finding a reason to be crazy for a few days, and putting all the blames on the hormones. And men says they cant’ understand women,..emm very much understandable..since we ourselves aren’t any better about this.
Just finished watching ‘Bridget Jones 2’..and suddenly I have this hugest crush on Mark Darcy. Heheh..just the kind I would fall head over heel for, quiet, serious, not really good in showing emotions , but own an inexhaustible love for the only woman in his life. Yeah .....I know I should be studying since my exams is just around the corner, rather than mooning over man on television, but it’s 6.30 pm, and since im in peculiar mood imbalance, I just want to stay in bed, and write in you.. than doing any physical activities to sweat me out a bit. Speaking of it, is this bloated feeling caused by the cycles of hormones or am I really putting on weight..? Can't really distinguish…
U know one thing about me..? I can’t really understand myself smtmes. Can u believe I went out in the hot sun, exposing myself to the dangers of UV rays..walked to the nearest supermarket in Chow Kit..to buy the biggest pack of TOP ( to whoever who has no idea what Top is, it’s a washing powder…) ..and carried the heaviest of thing all the way back, crossing the busy street, ..panting and sweating to the bus stand….all because of one single reason..because of the ‘ramen’ bowl. It’s the free gift if u buy Top 3 kgs. When I think about it now, ..i must really want that ‘mangkuk’ so badly to go through all that trouble. I've already envisioned myself enjoying my Laksa or mee with it….yum2…
It makes me realised one thing about myself..is that if I really want sthg, I mean sthg that's within my reach, no matter what, I will try every way to get it. I'll walk through the hot sun and rain, 'cos once I want sthg, I have this habit of picturing it as already in my hand. And it makes me want it more. I can even go out on my own, for no other reason than to get it..and when I got back to my room, with that dream thing in my hand, the happiness and satisfaction is sthg beyond explaination. Gladly so far, i never want sthg that would draw hole in my wallet or pocket..sthg expensive like Bonia shoes or Gucci bag,,..heheh (masih bawah kawalan akal lagi..). Recalling among these ‘most wanted’ things ,.there was one time I walked thru the rain..( it wasn’t heavily rained..) to the mall, because of the laksa penang . Heeheh.. crazy huh?
Well..as long i'm happy and I don’t burden ppl with my erratic behaviour once in a while nih..i'll just stay the way I am…it’s actually fun, wanting sthg and getting it.
Just finished watching ‘Bridget Jones 2’..and suddenly I have this hugest crush on Mark Darcy. Heheh..just the kind I would fall head over heel for, quiet, serious, not really good in showing emotions , but own an inexhaustible love for the only woman in his life. Yeah .....I know I should be studying since my exams is just around the corner, rather than mooning over man on television, but it’s 6.30 pm, and since im in peculiar mood imbalance, I just want to stay in bed, and write in you.. than doing any physical activities to sweat me out a bit. Speaking of it, is this bloated feeling caused by the cycles of hormones or am I really putting on weight..? Can't really distinguish…
U know one thing about me..? I can’t really understand myself smtmes. Can u believe I went out in the hot sun, exposing myself to the dangers of UV rays..walked to the nearest supermarket in Chow Kit..to buy the biggest pack of TOP ( to whoever who has no idea what Top is, it’s a washing powder…) ..and carried the heaviest of thing all the way back, crossing the busy street, ..panting and sweating to the bus stand….all because of one single reason..because of the ‘ramen’ bowl. It’s the free gift if u buy Top 3 kgs. When I think about it now, ..i must really want that ‘mangkuk’ so badly to go through all that trouble. I've already envisioned myself enjoying my Laksa or mee with it….yum2…
It makes me realised one thing about myself..is that if I really want sthg, I mean sthg that's within my reach, no matter what, I will try every way to get it. I'll walk through the hot sun and rain, 'cos once I want sthg, I have this habit of picturing it as already in my hand. And it makes me want it more. I can even go out on my own, for no other reason than to get it..and when I got back to my room, with that dream thing in my hand, the happiness and satisfaction is sthg beyond explaination. Gladly so far, i never want sthg that would draw hole in my wallet or pocket..sthg expensive like Bonia shoes or Gucci bag,,..heheh (masih bawah kawalan akal lagi..). Recalling among these ‘most wanted’ things ,.there was one time I walked thru the rain..( it wasn’t heavily rained..) to the mall, because of the laksa penang . Heeheh.. crazy huh?
Well..as long i'm happy and I don’t burden ppl with my erratic behaviour once in a while nih..i'll just stay the way I am…it’s actually fun, wanting sthg and getting it.
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