29 April 2006

kisah cicak


2 tahun menetap dlm bilik ni, sekalipun tak pernah nampak kelibat cicak. Tiba2 malam ni, lagi 2 minggu nak meninggalkan bilik ni..nampak seekor cicak yg masih kecil melekat kat dinding. Aiikkk…

Betapa peliknya serangga, ops, reptilia cicak nih..tiba2 je ade. Mana generasi sebelumnya, ..sbb untuk membolehkan wujudnya cicak kecik nih, mesti ada mak bapaknya kan..? Entah2 dalam almari aku.

Masa kecik2 dulu, pantang nampak cicak. Bersegera panggil ‘askar’2 lain, esp Abe, “… cepat2 , kita bunuh, dpt pahala..”. Lps tu, lintang pukang lari kejar cicak, dan lintang pukang jugak lari sbb geli dgn cicak. Semuanya sbb kisah zaman nabi dulu, yg kononnya disebabkan cicaklah tempat persembunyian Nabi diketahui. Dh nasib engkau cicak…seluruh keturunan dimusuhi.

Kenapa namanya ‘cicak’..? Mungkin sbb bunyinya yg “cukcukcuk” mcm tuh..jd org pertama yg jumpa reptilia ni ( btw..dia reptilia kan.? Taknak pulak berulang sejarah ‘godzilla’..ehhe), dan terfikir apa nama binatang nih.. dengar bunyi “cukcukcuk " terus namakan mcm tu. Mungkin jugak dulu, asal namanya “cukcuk”..tapi lama2, dr satu mulut manusia ke manusia, mcm main “bisik2/telefon buruk” masa zaman kanak2 dulu..dr ‘cukcuk’ akhirnya jd ‘cicak’. Hmm.. possible.

..still fikir, mana dtgnya cicak kecik nih…



( inilah yg berlaku bila mata tak boleh tidur di tgh malam, baca ortho sambil dgr lagu " take me to ur heart" for the zillionth time, dan terpandang cicak merayap kat dinding..haihh, bertemankan cicak nilah aku mlm ni..Isskk...cepatlah habis exam!!!!! )


26 April 2006

in the same 'drain'...again.

I need a miracle…


I've read somewhere, I think in one of the Andrew Matthews motivational series, that when bad thing happens, it’s because the world is teaching us sthg. And if the bad things keep repeating itself in front of us, it’s because we haven’t really learn from it, and the world has to teach us again. Until we finally learn and get it. Hmm…

Why I never learn from mistakes.....


When I think about it, reflecting my life..what is stated in Quran is true.. “..Sesungguhnya Allah tidak menganiaya manusia sedikit pun, akan tetapi manusia jualah yang menganiaya diri mereka sendiri..”
– Surah Yunus :44

Kita dh tahu kalau makan banyak manis dan berlemak, tak jaga kesihatan, risikonya macam2 penyakit nanti..tapi kita buat jugak.
Kita pun tahu kalau nak jadi orang berjaya dan berguna, kalau nak hidup senang.. kena bersusah-susah dahulu, berkorban masa dan tenaga..tapi tetap nak bermalas2 dan tak berdisiplin…macam mana nak berjaya…(dan macamana nak buat elok dlm exam ?!)
Dan kita juga tahu, hidup kat dunia ni sekejap je, pinjaman sahaja, tempat kita singgah..tapi persediaan aku hanya setakat mana, sedangkan ajal mati sesuatu yg pasti, dan rahsia…

Tuhan dah bagi peluang, sentiasa bagi peluang…kita yang sia-siakan bila tak gunakan peluang yang diberi dgn baik.
Tuhan dh beritahu dan ajar melalui al-Quran, malah diulang-ulangnya lagi, kita sahaja yg tak pernah nak ambil pengajaran..


Memang-lah kita yang aniaya diri kita sendiri sebenarnya.


“ Dan sesungguhnya telah Kami mudahkan Al-Quran untuk pelajaran, maka adakah orang yang mengambil pelajaran ?”…
- Surah al-Qamar : 17, 22, 32, 40.


Issks…

19 April 2006

tagging time, i like!

( bila kebosanan menghadap buku melanda diri..eheeh..lari ke cc jap.)

tagged by ghoyye, here goes...=]

How many schools did I go to?
- Let start with pre-school/kindergarten. I went to Tadika Amal, for 1 year and half, had to quit halfway because of a boy, who made my life miserable. I dread to face each morning, knowing that I would be seeing him in school. Luckily, my father let me stay at home for the rest of the year. If he happens to read this, I think I would…I just…I hope..let just hope he's a better man now, or at least, less scarier ..

- Then, primary school, SRK Convent Bkt Nanas, KL. Had a wonderful six years here.!!

- Next, secondary school, SMAP LAbu, Neg Sembilan. Another 5 years spent, a place where I grew up, and blossomed into a woman. ;]

-Is matriculation considered as ‘school’ ? Definition of ‘school’ by Oxford Dict ( naz, can u be any more 'skema' than that..?), ‘an institution for educating children; a dept in uni with a particular area of study; a group of ppl sharing similar views, methods’. Whatever-laah naz..

Was I the studious nerd, or the last minute hero?
- Hmm..never the studious nerd, always the ‘last minute’ person. But there was this one time, I was in Form 2, I think the only time in my life when I studied quite consistently...( plus the UPSR, PMR and SPM year..ehhe ). I remembered going to class in the evening and weekends to study alone. But actually the main reason I turned into a ‘studious nerd’ in 1996 was due to some personal conflicts and issues, which caused me to isolate myself with books. But alhamdulillah…the ‘hikmah’ from it, the following year I jumped to first class,...( err..ive to delete the last line.., tak perlulah cerita in detail sgt, naz.. )


Was I the class ‘taiko’ or the teacher’s pet?
-never the class ‘taiko’ either..hehheh…but I used to belong to a playful, loud, perasan ‘hebat’ group when I was in CBN ( u know, all-girls school..), but I was also a prefect, who was trusted by teachers to hold their cupboards keys where they kept important things and the one keeping and collecting class money. I remembered once when I was in stdrd 6, because my class teacher ‘burdened’ me with this and that responsibility, I could memorize which cupboard keep papers, which shelf contained ' kad manila', which rows of book to look when she asked me to pick a book.. like it was my house instead of a class.

- In short, I think I was more like the ‘teacher’s pet’ type. Never had any problem with teachers as far as I can remember. I think one of the reason I put teachers on a pedestal is because my parents are teacher/lecturer, my grandparents were also teachers..so basically, how I treat my parents, that’s how I treat my teacher. I don’t like other kids to be disrespectful to my parents in school, so I wont do the same to my own teachers.

What was the biggest rule I broke in school?
- heheh..this is hard. I was quite 'skema' in school, most of the rules were followed obediently without fuss. Lemme think for a sec..hmm. I think the biggest rule I broke was on my last day in SMAP, me and a few friends of mine, we climbed the ‘tangki air’ belakang sekolah and take pictures to carve that moment in print. Fuuh..ultimate lah tuh kononnya, never break rules, but on the last day tuh, panjat tangki air ! Terketar2 nak ambil gambar kat atas tuh, untuk kenangan lah kan..ehhe nasib baik tak kena kejar dgn jaga !! =p

Three subjects I enjoyed the most:
1. history – seriously, I really like history. Baca buku teks sejarah mcm baca buku cerita, sampai hancur2 dahlah buku pinjaman. Dan sambil baca, i would imagine the images of ppl and events. Fuuh..memang ralit baca buku sejarah..=]
2. bahasa melayu penulisan – ni pun among fav subjects. Since primary school, I really enjoyed writing and found great satisfaction when my writings were put on board for ppl to read.
3. pendidikan islam – I think the major factor was because I alwys like the teachers who taught me this subject. From primary up to secondary school, alwys found myself ‘melopong’ listening to their stories in class. And very seriously too..ehhe.

Three teachers who inspired me:
1. Cikgu Fatimah, my class teacher when I was in standard 6. Yeah..she did order me around, from cleaning the class to picking up her things, but she really taught me a lot. How to be neat and tidy, disciplined and organized. There was this one time, I had to collect money from students. When I handed her the money which I hold firmly in my hand, she looked at it in disgust and said to me.. " u expect me to take that ‘crumpled looking’ money from ur hand?” And then she taught me how to ‘susun duit’..ehhe, small things u might say, yeah..but it stays in my mind. And from that small things, ..i learn how to alwys ensure that whatever work I do, I would try to make it as presentable as possible and as perfect as I can before submitting. On the last day of the school year, when I asked her to write in my autograph book, she looked up to me, paused for a moment and wrote “..Takut adalah musuh kita yg paling utama. Fight the fear. Go..go..go the distance ! U can do it!"..
Sheesh.. I can still remember this too
2. Cikgu Chen. My bahasa melayu teacher when I was in form 2. I was alwys amazed at her, being a Chinese and all, yet she speaks good Malay, and alwys energetic in class teaching Malay language. She really ‘jaga’ her tatabahasa ( a Bahasa MElayu teacher, what do we expect…=] ) but it was her passion in teaching Bahasa Melayu tht really make me respect her. And she is very kind too..very. She would alyws give us presents , like sweets or fruits..things like that.
3. Miss Chew. my Physics teacher when I was in Matriculation. She’s the one who instilled the 'wonder' of Physics in me, and helped me to finally understand what ‘physics’ is all about. Seriously… I never, repeat..never understand Physics in school, just hafal buta2… which ended up being the lowest grade in my SPM..ehhe. Without her, I dunno how I would survive my physics in matrix..because of her too..i managed to get an A, the highest among all four subjects taken during matrix. Thanks Miss Chew..ill never forget you. =]

So..that’s all. Hmm..who should I pass this tagging thingy next..? I think I would put it this way... To all my blog-readers, whoever wants to do it..u are most welcome to.. ill be sure to drop by and read them later..=]

okay naz..time to head back to ur room..( bleaaah...=/)

16 April 2006

blame no one

One thing about human being, our innate tendency to blame others when things go wrong. We blame our teammates if our project failed. We blame the alarmclock if we woke up late. We accuse the innocent stool if we accidentally skipped onto it and fell. We are never wrong, it’s always them. It might not be the case to everyone or at all time ..but..smtmes, not without us realizing or wanting to do it, our spontaneous reaction when plan turn disaster is to find something or someone other than ourselves to put the blame on. Before we get to our senses, that is. Maybe it’s our escapism from accepting failure or it happens out of insensible and irrational thinking as we are feeling doomed about the matter. It’s normal…

But it’s not normal to keep on blaming others or the table-leg which we alwys ‘tersepak’ everytime we passed that area. It’s not normal to feel that we are always the one who is ‘right’ and never do mistakes. And it’s absolutely not right to blame other ppl when it is really ur fault. Yeah..u can give all kind of excuses, trying to turn ‘black’ to ‘white’ all ur might ..but deep down, we know that..“ It is our fault..”. Nothing we can do other then to admit the mistake, apologise, learn from it and move one. That’s all. It’s not that hard, isn’t it..?

The same goes to ppl who would ‘maki-hamun’ the police traffic for giving speeding ticket. Why speed when u know u should not? Why blame the police traffic for handing u speeding ticket? They’re just doing their work. A similar scenario is when a prefect catch u for skipping class while u hide in the toilet, smoking. Skip class is one thing, SMOKING is another. Is it the prefect’s fault, it’s his responsibility and u know tht u should not skip school, more else smoking. Another quite different example but it relates to the same issue, is when a girl u like turn u down politely when u ask her to be ur special girlfriend, saying tht she likes it better if the both of u are only friends. Suddenly u feel like u are the victim, and go blaming the girl for turning u down when all she did was being honest with her feelings. Or is it part and parcel of being human..to blame others?

Accept that when it’s your fault, it’s your fault. Accept that smtmes life is not alwys on your side, not everything u want u’ll get. Accept that humans are not perfect, we are not perfect, ppl next to us are not perfect. ACCEPT. By accepting that that’s how life is, it will make u feel more ‘redha’ and create ‘rasa-diri-hamba’, knowing that we have no power to alwys be right, or to demand that all the things we want we should get. And it’s not a 'cowardice act' to lower our head a little, admitting our mistakes. It’s not a sign of weakness to apologise when u know u have wronged someone. No matter if u were the boss, the parents, the husband, the leader….when we know we did wrong, with humbleness seek forgiveness. Because frankly..being able to mouth the word ‘I apologise’ will make other ppl respect u more, esp if u are on top as the leader and saying this two words to your followers. It’s a remarkable thing to do..because it’s not easy. I know it’s not easy, esp when u are a man with ego and all..But, trust me, it’s worth it. Only a courageous man will dare enough to swallow his pride, admit his fault and apologise.

And besides, by going around blaming other ppl when things turn awry, esp when u know that it’s not going to solve anything, what good will it do. Learn from it. Find a way to fix it. Take responsibility if it’s ur fault. Stop yapping away blaming others…it really doesn’t make u look good.

Why am I suddenly all ‘heated-up’ like this.. ? Many reasons..not going to enlist them in here,..just letting out things on my mind. When lecturers take action to students who do not finish their work or requirements at the end of their final year, when they know that they should…is it the lecturer’s fault for giving the students detention? They are just doing their work. Is it wrong for them to hold these few unlucky students and give extra tests and work to really ensure that these students are capable and competent before going out serving public..? No, it’s not wrong, and they have every reason to do that. And should u, as a person who’s been taught and guided by these lecturers, from knowing nothing to knowing something, feel victimized and blame the lecturers for ‘punishing’ u..? No, u should not. We should not.

When it’s your fault, admit.

I admit my mistakes, and willing to face the consequences.



(..but still, it's really hard not to blame the 'not-so-bijak' cassete player for ruining my fav KEnny G tape (..it belongs to kakak actually..=/), esp at times when i need it the most..isk...)

09 April 2006

if only..

If only I could start back from the very first day I stepped my feet into campus life, I wouldn’t let it be the way it was for the past 5 yrs im here. I would study hard, real hard… and score excellent results in exams, and make myself proud being me. Not to impress anyone, just for my own personal satisfaction, apart from making my parents very happy having a daughter who scored with flying colours in every exams. Not that I cant do it, provided I work hard and be disciplined, I know myself..that I can achieve it.

It just that..it’s too late to ponder about this now. Thinking about this in my few last weeks as a student here, sure won't make me feel any better, knowing that I haven’t really utilised my full potential and ability during my uni years. When u have the ability, but u don’t use it…it sure doesn’t give a good feeling inside. It makes u feel like u’ve wasted the chances and opportunity that Allah has given u. And..in the Days of Judgement, when everything will be opened and witnessed before our eyes, the things ive done, the time ive wasted…what would be the most appropriate answer should I offer my Creator..? That I was simply being lazy in dunia..?

There’s nothing much I can do, other than reminding myself to remember this moment forever, as a lesson for the years to come. To be more focused and hardworking. Yeah…insyaAllah, if I managed to further my study one day,.i would repent by studying double hard, as a way to pay back for the lost times during my undergraduate years. Till that time comes,..insyaAllah. Maybe then I would feel more relieved, knowing that i had done my part in dunia well, using the gift bestowed upon me by Allah and chances handed to me full-heartedly…and not wasting it like before. InsyaAllah…..

For now, naz..concentrate on using the time left. Found this saying somewhere, that the last 5 mins in a football match could make a big difference…ehhe. So…study!


even when u are left in solitude,
with only the moonlight to depend on,
fly away using featherless wings,
and keep moving forward !
- 1 Litre of Tears

06 April 2006

blogthings

Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking

You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal.You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk.


You should major in:
Philosophy Music Theology Art History Foreign language

What Should You Major In?

Your Career Type: Artistic

You are expressive, original, and independent.Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art.
You would make an excellent:
Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer Dancer - DJ - Graphic DesignerIllustrator - Musician - Sculptor
The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.
Your Inner Blood Type is Type A
You seem cool and collected, though a bit shy.You are highly driven and a perfectionist, but that's a side you keep to yourself.Creative and artistic, you are a very unique person who doesn't quite fit in.People accept you more than you realize, seeing you as trustworthy and loyal.
You are most compatible with: A and AB
Famous Type A's: Britney Spears and Hilter
Your Love Element Is Metal
In love, you inspire and respect your partner.For you, love is all about fusing together for one incredible life experience.
You attract others with wit and a bit of flash.Your flirting style is defined by making others want and value you.
Greatness and optimism are the cornerstones of your love life.You may let go too easily, but you never get weighed down by your past.
You connect best with: Earth
Avoid: Fire
You and another Metal element: will control and smother each other
What Element Is Your Love?
..hehehhe...activity time maleh nak study,..=p

05 April 2006

kerana dah biasa...

Biasanya kita ni, bila dah selesa dengan sesuatu benda, kalau benda tu hilang atau rosak, kita cenderung untuk mencari pengganti yang lebih kurang sama dengan yg hilang tu. Kerana kita dh merasa selesa dengan yg begini, kalau tukar dengan yg begitu karang takut tak berkenan atau tak puas hati pulak.

Kenapa aku tiba2 terfikir psl ni. Sebab tadi, melintas depan bilik kawan, terpadang 2 sandal yg tersusun elok depan bilik dia. Sandal yang serupa tapi tak sama. Serupa kerana corak dan fesyen sandal ni serupa, siap kedua2nya ada bunga di tali. Tak sama maksud aku, kerana bukan dari jenama sandal yg sama. Punyalah nak yg sebijik mcm sandal kegemaran, sampai beli yg rupa saling tak tumpah. Punyalah mahu mengekalkan rasa keselesaan tu. Dan punyalah tak mahu mencuba kelainan atau bende yg baru.

I used to be like that. When im familiar with sthg, to change to sthg else is hard. Example, in buying things, particularly bag. Last time around, if i went shopping for bags, i would go reaching straight for a brown bag, with the design and material almost similar to the previous old,broken bag. If there's no 'brown' bag, ill take the 'black'. If there's no 'black', ill go for 'brown+black' ..trying hard to find a bag who look like a 'photostated' copy from the previous one. Why ? Sbb dh suka sgt dan dh selesa sgt dgn yg tu. Walhal takde salahnya try yg lain, corak lain..warna lain.

And one day, i bought an 'apple-green'-coloured bag, with a totally different design from all my previous bags . Something i never do and not used to doing. The first day i brought the bag to class, rasa sangat canggung dan pelik, rasa bukan mcm diri sendiri. Friends and ppl who alwys see me going around with a 'brown-coloured' bag gave double looks and comments like "...ehh...naz lain hari ni..” or " naz tukar selera ke? ”. Yeap., have to admit that the first few days with the new bag, rs sgt canggung dan tak selesa..rasa mcm semua org tengok, tapi..lama kelamaan perasaan tu jd biasa. Malah sgt suka dan selesa menyandang beg hijau epal tu di bahu. And now, my bags are not only brown in colour, ..there are pink, orange, maroon ....and not forgetting..the 'hijau-epal' bag!!! =D

Kan best bila hidup kita tak terikat kepada satu corak atau warna shj. Tak salah try buat atau beli sesuatu yg di luar kebiasaan kita, ( asal tak melampaui batas lah kan..)..cos it really gives a different feeling bila kita melakukan atau memakai sesuatu yg kita tak biasa buat. Macam perasaan aku mula2 bawa beg hijau epal tu. It feels different..refreshing, like u just stepped out from ur old, rigid self ..and become a different, new person.

In short, a change is good, it prevents u from becoming stagnant. Recalling a quote I once read
“..in matters of principle, stand like a rock; in matters of taste, swim with the current..”- Thomas Jefferson.

02 April 2006

walking towards destiny

alhamdulillah..feeling very happy today..=]

guess 'love after marriage' is not so bad after all, we just have to endure the first few 'feeling-less' moments ..

betullah mcm yg dikata..'tak kenal maka tak cinta'...bila dh kenal, terasa sgt Tuhan sayang, dipandu-Nya kita ke jalan yg paling sesuai dan terbaik utk kita...

now ..it's up to me...naz, prove to urself..sure u can..!!!

doakan saya yea...=]..

*in my final days as undergraduate student..