If only I could start back from the very first day I stepped my feet into campus life, I wouldn’t let it be the way it was for the past 5 yrs im here. I would study hard, real hard… and score excellent results in exams, and make myself proud being me. Not to impress anyone, just for my own personal satisfaction, apart from making my parents very happy having a daughter who scored with flying colours in every exams. Not that I cant do it, provided I work hard and be disciplined, I know myself..that I can achieve it.
It just that..it’s too late to ponder about this now. Thinking about this in my few last weeks as a student here, sure won't make me feel any better, knowing that I haven’t really utilised my full potential and ability during my uni years. When u have the ability, but u don’t use it…it sure doesn’t give a good feeling inside. It makes u feel like u’ve wasted the chances and opportunity that Allah has given u. And..in the Days of Judgement, when everything will be opened and witnessed before our eyes, the things ive done, the time ive wasted…what would be the most appropriate answer should I offer my Creator..? That I was simply being lazy in dunia..?
There’s nothing much I can do, other than reminding myself to remember this moment forever, as a lesson for the years to come. To be more focused and hardworking. Yeah…insyaAllah, if I managed to further my study one day,.i would repent by studying double hard, as a way to pay back for the lost times during my undergraduate years. Till that time comes,..insyaAllah. Maybe then I would feel more relieved, knowing that i had done my part in dunia well, using the gift bestowed upon me by Allah and chances handed to me full-heartedly…and not wasting it like before. InsyaAllah…..
For now, naz..concentrate on using the time left. Found this saying somewhere, that the last 5 mins in a football match could make a big difference…ehhe. So…study!
even when u are left in solitude,
with only the moonlight to depend on,
fly away using featherless wings,
and keep moving forward !
- 1 Litre of Tears