31 December 2004

malapetaka tsunami

what a way to end the year...

26 disember 2004 is marked in our memory, another tragic day for us all, not only to those who are directly affected, but felt as much by us, other ppl , who are watching their miseries, tears and losts thru the media...

Melihatkan nasib keluarga2 yang ranap hampir semua benda, yang paling perit kehilangan ahli keluarga sekelip mata, by a swept of tsunami. Bumi Acheh jadi padang jarak padang tekukur, mayat timbul bergelimpangan di pesisir pantai,muka kanak2 yg mencari sakibaki buku dan pakaian di timbunan kemusnahan, muka mengharap bapa dan ibu menanti, mencari bayang anak yg hilang, dalam hati tak putus harap agar anak masih bernyawa, saudara dan rakan mencari kenalan di himpunan mayat yang kian bertambah hari demi hari, Ya Allah, tiada daya kami menolak ketentuan -Mu, betapa lemahnya kami menerima ujian dari-Mu,..Berat mata memandang jauh lagi berat bahu yang memikul..

Malapetaka yg berlaku, yg disebut sebagai terburuk dlm sejarah sejak 40 thn dahulu, diharapnya akan menjadi ingatan dan pengajaran buat kita yg masih hidup. Menginsafkan kita tentang hakikat kematian yg datang tanpa diduga. Agar negara2 terlibat lebih bersiap siaga, dengan alat dan sistem pengesan bencana yang lebih efektif, meski kita sedar, semuanya di tangan Tuhan, namun kita masih boleh berusaha semampu kita.Dan belajar untuk lebih menghargai orang2 di sekeliling kita, sebelum terlambat.

“ Kematian bukan pengakhiran sebuah kehidupan, tapi ianya adalah permulaan bagi manusia yang tinggal untuk belajar dan mengerti hakikat kehidupan di dunia yg sebenar..”-petikan buku ‘Anjung Warisan’

29 December 2004

exams..exams..exams...

hari ni result PMR keluar, ..alhamdulillah, as expected, my dear sister, Nabilah, excelled with flying colours, managed to grab all the As' ..she was called to the Ministry of Education today, malam ni, boleh tgk muka dia dlm tv,,beaming with happiness and pride, omedeto dear bie!!

semalaman, dia berguling dgn muka ayam berak kapur dia, menantikan hari ni,..secretly, kitorg semua kind of expect dh she will 9A', cuma..yelah ,selagi tak nampak hitam putih atas kertas, dont want to put hopes too high. Never know what's really scarier, going for the exams itself, or waiting for the results. And alhamdulillah, praises and thanks to Allah, usaha bnyk mana pun, kalau tiada keberkatan dan keizinan- NYA, tak dpt merasa jugak nikmat kejayaan ni.

Sejak dari kecil, masa time sekolah rendah lagi, kami sgt2 dititikberatkan ttg getting good and high results dlm exams, tak kiralah, exam besar atau kecil. Ayah aku sgt tegas..( err..ke garang?), dan hal exam ni tak boleh main2 dgn dia. Seminggu sebelum exam, no TV for us. Kena berkurung dlm bilik, hadap buku, ..( time sekolah rendah, nak baca apa sgtlah,punya hadap sampai boleh hafal buku 'Rampaian Agama Islam ' masa tu..).Kadang2 kalau ade cerita best, kami 3 beradik ( kakak, aku dan imah ), akan mengintai dr tangga. Paling ngeri masa nak tunjuk report card kalau keputusannya bukan nombor 1 atau 2. Fuuh..rasa macam nak menerima hukuman mati lagaknya. Aku teringat lagi , ms tu darjah 2, memang salah aku jugaklah, masa tu bercuti di kampung, jd seronok sgt main dgn sepupu dan tgk cerita cina kat rumah nenek, buat tak dgr je suara ayah suruh baca buku sbb bukak aje cuti terus exam. Sekali aku cuma mampu dpt nombor 4, masih jelas dlm kepala, dan masih terasa rs takut dan kecut nak tunjuk buku report utk minta tandatangan ayah. Kata2 ayah masa tuh .." Jangan nak minta tandatangan ayah, ayah tak nak sign. Ayah dh pesan suruh baca buku, tapi dok ralit tgk tv. Lepas ni, tak boleh tgk tv, hanya boleh tengok 'nota berita' je.."..( 'nota berita' tu, berita kat tv lah..ayah aku panggil mcm tu..). Masa kecik dulu aku keras hati, aku tak menangis, tapi sebak dan sakitnya menahan tangisan, Tuhan shj yg tahu. Last2 ayah sign jugak, tu pun mama yg tolong minta kan, ayah nak bg pengajaran dan ingatan , study jgn main2. Kesan didikan ayah tu, sampai sekarang aku jd malu dan takut nak beritahu keputusan peperiksaan , kalau tak brp baik. Selalunya gi menyendeng kat mama dulu.

Tapi, aku sgt berterima kasih pada ayah, kalau bukan begitu aku dibentuk, aku tak tahu kat mana aku sekarang nih. Kalau masa dulu, ayah tak bergarang begitu, mungkin ketujuh2 kami tak capai apa yg kami dapat hari ini. Ayah dulu, krn aku tak berapa cekap dlm matematik, masa tu darjah enam, lepas sembahyang Zohor, aku akan pi bersila dpn ayah, dlm bilik dia, dia akan ajar aku matematik, siap dgn papan putih lagi..hehe, specialnya aku nih, atr banyak2 anak dia,aku aje yg dpt tuisyen special dr ayah...sbb aku aje yg selalu buat problem dlm matematik nih..Sampai sekarang aku tak masih tak cekap..=[..

oklah, enuff for now..utk sapa2 yg nak ambik exam tuh, do ur very best...USaha ..doa ..tawakkal..JIA you!

"..Allah tidak melihat kejayaan hamba-Nya, Dia melihat dan menilai usaha kita.."

25 December 2004

alone..

Tahu apa itu kedamaian ?
Ketika memerhatikan sawah luas hijau terbentang,
Merenung laut nun saujana mata memandang,
Tatkala mendengar sayup2 suara bacaan ayat al-Quran,
Keseorangan di hening malam , sunyi dingin pagi,
Tatkala melihat bayi terlena dalam dakapan,
Menonton kanak2 bermain , tertawa riang,
Mendongak ke langit, dihias indah bulan dan bintang,
Alangkah damainya….Tuhan.

Mengertikah apa itu bahagia ?
Ketika bersama keluarga, pecah gelak, bergurau senda,
Melihat mama dan ayah sihat gembira, tua bersama,
Berkumpul adik beradik, buka cerita lama, senak perut tahan ketawa,
Melihat yang tersayang di depan mata, senang sejahtera,
Merenung pasangan nyenyak diulit lena,
Mengelus rambut, penuh mesra,
Jika inilah bahagia, ..
Tuhan..Kekalkanlah..



22 December 2004

lepas Tutorial dr dalia

aku ni bukannya bodoh..cuma tak berdisiplin je.
aku ni, Tuhan bagi akal, cuma tak gunakan sepenuhnya.
aku ni, bukannya cacat tubuh atau terencat minda, cuma tak bersyukur dan manfaatkan kurniaan- Nya.
aku ni, selalu sedar diri, tapi tak kekal lama kesedaran tu.
aku ni, selalu lepas terantuk baru terngadah, lps tu kata kat diri sendiri, .." lepas ni tobat dah.."

aku tahu aku boleh pergi lebih jauh, dengan syarat mesti disiplin .
aku tahu satu hari nanti,aku sampai jugak ke destinasi aku, dengan syarat mesti usaha kuat .

aku tahu, aku boleh jadi se'terer' Dr Dalia..dengan syarat be passionate and love what im doing.
aku tahu, aku boleh buat, dengan syarat jgn dok berangan je.
pokok pangkalnya..kena tegas dgn diri sendiri, and fight hard..
i know life is tough, but im damn tougher!

satu hari nanti, aku akan berjalan di musim winter, dalam kot tebal berselubung badan, melanjutkan pelajaran di luar negara..
satu hari nanti, ketika berjalan di pasar malam, orang2 kampung, tua dan muda, akan melambai pada aku dengan gembira, memanggil.." apa kabar Dr ?"..

satu hari nanti....

fuuh,,kalau pasal berangann...lepas tutorial dr dalia, selalu berkobar2.. she's really inspiring, the way she asks and asnwers , proves that she really know what she' talking ,..and she knows it in depth..

JIA YOU!!!

"The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will.." - Vince Lombardi





21 December 2004

cry me a river

after clinic, drop by to write , this week sgt2 packed, nasib baik nextweek dh start cuti..

dlm cc nih, ade org tgh pasang lagu2 oldies kegemaran aku, hehe...hilang sikit tense, layan lagu2 slow nih..

smlm i broke down and cried, cried with no tears, tu yg buat lagi sakit. Sabar ajelah, itu sj yg aku ckp kat diri aku. Tadi pergi mencurahkan segala yg terbuku lagi menyesakkan dada kat partner merangkap good friend, yg dh sgt mengerti karenah dan perangai aku nih. Dia tak perlu ckp apa2, dia senyap aje. Biarkan aku habis cakap, dan tarik nafas panjang. And being a typical me ,lps tu mulalah rasa bersalahlah, rasa berdosalah sbb ikutkan sgt rs tensen dan geram yg membara2, biarkan nafsu amarah dan perasaan mengepalai setiap kata2 yg keluar dr mulut aku. Entah aku mengumpat org ntah, mengutuk org ke td, entah apa2 aje yg aku cakap..lps tu menyesal. Masalahnya, dosa dh cukup bnyk, hati dh cukup hitam, nak legapkan lagi ke..cik justme ooii.

tapi aku jugak manusia biasa. Tahap sabar aku ada hadnya. Mentang2lah, aku bukan jenis laser yg hentam org berdepan, dok pendam dlm hati ..sedap2 je org manipulate aku. Entahlah, kalau nak sebutkan satu2 masalahnya, alamatnya , naik baik lah temperature yg dh surut nih. Apa2 pun, kakak aku pernah pesan kat adiknya ni.." Jgn expect org lain, utk bertindak, berfikir dan jadi mcm kita..kerana kita buat expectations2 mcm tulah yg buatkan kita takkan bahagia dan berpuas hati..kerana memang itulah dunia nih, lain org lainlah perangainya.."

tapi kann..issh..( tak puas hati lagi tu..=p)..okay2lah, kakak, u win, betullah kata2 dia tu, slowly, hopefully, aku boleh belaja berfikir mcm tu..kalau aku taknak mati muda atau berkerut sebelum waktunya..=/

klah..gtg..bye!


16 December 2004

testifying oneself...

im wondering...

are all ppl reading testimonials written about us, by friends and colleagues take it as an actual fact about us? A way to know someone, can it be relied on testimonials ..

i dunno, just thinking, if ppl are judging me solely based on testimonials written, im scared they might think that im just a big, fat hypocrite when they know me better in person. There are lots of things about me that might surprised them if they really know me, i mean not thru cyber chatting or reading testimonials like what most of us are doing thru frenster..( opss..). There are more beyond the superficial attire and demeanour, there are still lots of uncovered and hidden mysteries about a person that cannot be 'read' and 'known' thru testimonials ..more else photos and pictures..( well..in todays sc and tech, big pimple on the cheek can turn to dimples!) ..

But still, im not saying that reading stuffs so-called testimonials is wrong , i do it all the time. Plus i even wrote about several friends. It just that dont see it as a definite mirror, an accurate image of a person, because what you read smtmes not like what it seems. To know a person , is to befriend him. Because only thru friendship, we can actually appreciate the person as a person, alive and unique, each with their own special gifts and undesired flaws ..and that what makes a person HUMAN. ..

Testimonials, i do admit, ppl write what they see in us, what they think about us, and their past encounters and experiences together with that person. Fine enough lah..cuma, biasalah, we will only tend to pour out the positive values, i did the same, we just dont have the heart to babble out the negative and things we hate about that person, ..if org tulis pun, we ourselves wil not approve it ..!..heheh =p. So basically, testimonials is not 100% correct in describing a person, as it always tend to be kinda one-sided or one-person opinion.


But then, ini apa yg aku suka fikir-lah, kalau baik2 dan positif bende2 yg org tulis ttg kita, harap2 ia menjadi satu doa utk kita, moga2 kita betul2 jadi baik, lebih baik dr sebelum ini. Kalau kurg baik, atau agak negatif yg ditulisnya, perhaps that is one of the way utk kita kenal kelemahan dan keburukan kita yg sebelum ni tak kita sedar, and work a way to perbaiki keadaan tu. Apa2 pun, dont be too pessimistic about it, org punya penilaian, tak semestinya tepat dan betul. Jangan jadi ujub atau bangga diri dgn pujian dan jgn rs hina dan pembenci pulak bila dikritik, ..bak kata Siti Nurhaliza.." tak mati dek keji, tak hidup kita dek puji.."


okaylah..enough of this, i dont know where did this come from, suddenly, dh satu muka surat pasal ni. Had to head back to where im supposed to be right now, that is the lab..bleah! =/,,bye readers!

"..Ada 2 cara untuk betul-betul mengenali peribadi sebenar seseorang itu , iaitu tinggal serumah dengannya atau bermusafir dengannya.." - unknown.

13 December 2004

take me to your heart

my favourite song..here goes..

" TAKE ME TO YOUR HEART"

hiding from the rain and snow
trying to forget but i wont let go
looking at the crowded street
listening to my own heartbeat

so many people, all around the world
tell me where do i find, someone like u girl...

take me to ur heart
take me to ur soul
give me ur hand before im old
show me what love is
haven't got a clue
show me that wonders can be true
they say nothing lasts forever
we are only here today
love is now or never
bring me far away...
take me to ur heart
take me to ur soul
give me ur hand and hold me
show me what love is
be my guiding star
it's easy ..take me to ur heart

standing on the mountain high
looking at the moon through a clear blue sky
i should go and see some friend
but they don't really comprehend

dont need too much talking
without saying anything..
all i need is someone
who makes me wanna sing....

12 December 2004

allergic to....

When allergy strikes, ..=[..

Mama pernah pesan, satu masa dulu, sewaktu aku merungut2 ttg allergy aku, yg dtg dan perginya ikut suka hati dia..mama cakap " Bersyukurlah kak, org lain penyakit dia jauh lebih teruk dr kita, boleh buat mati, cacat tubuh badan, ...kita ni apalah sgt nak dibandingkan dgn penderitaan org lain" Terus aku senyap, betul jugak kata mama. Cuma, entahlah..dlm aku sedar dan tahu, masih jugak nak berkeluh kesah dlm hati.

Teringat sejenak kata2 ayah jugak. Aku bersyukur satu benda, alhamdulillah, aku berpeluang utk bnyk berbual, heart-to-heart-talk dgn mama dan ayah aku. Mungkin sbb aku anak mereka yg sudah agak dws yg tak pernah pergi jauh sgt dr mereka..( heheh..). Banyak nya berlansung atas kereta, dlm perjalanan bersama mereka. Dan aku sgt2 hargai setiap waktu perbualan ni, aku simpan kemas2 dlm hati dan ingatan aku, kerana inilah atr 'peninggalan' mereka pada aku suatu hari nanti.

Oh ya..kata2 ayah tadi. Ayah aku pernah cakap " Tuhan telah bagi ayah banyak kejayaan dan kesenangan semasa muda ayah, apa yg ayah nak, alhamdulillah ayah dapat. Jadi, bila sekarang, dah tua2 ni, berpenyakit itu ini, ayah takkan merungut atau mempersoalkannya, mengenangkan terlalu bnyk dah nikmat2 lain yg sudah ayah dapat.."

Tuhan..jadikanlah kami hamba2 - Mu yg bersyukur, lagi sabar..dan golongkanlah kami dlm golongan hamba yg Engkau kurniakan kebahagiaan dunia dan akhirat.aminn.

love after marriage

ive just watched a drama,' Miftahul Jamilah'. Not bad, emm, quite good actually. The message sent to audience. How i wish everyone could get the same feeling as i did. Besides good acting from the actors, it's a worth watch. About how patience, tolerance, and kindness always win. About the good and bad values, and how bad ppl get punished, with a given time to repent, recalling a famous phrase" What you give, you'll get back". And how love grows, from total strangers to deep lovers.About being a good, loyal , 'solehah'wife to an undeserving husband. Hmm...

Arranged marriage. Marrying someone who's practically a stranger. Will it work ? Perhaps only to ppl who's patient enough, and persevere during tough times, the times to adapt, to try create love and acceptance to someone who suddenly appear in ur life and , insyaAllah, will stay with u till the end. To share ur most intimate possesions and thoughts, to give without hesitating, to open ur hands with honesty and trust, to someone new in ur life, and wondering silently to urself, " Does he love me ?"

Kinda scary huh? That's a few things that i began to think about after watching that drama. Picturing myself in the heroine's shoe, imagining how i would react in that kind of living. How it will feel, being alone in a house, only the two of u, together, without really knowing ur exact and true feeling for ur partner. For life. And does the term 'love after marriage'works on all people ?

Okaylah, frankly, i do want a marriage based on love. I think everyone else does.Tying a sacred knot, on a memorable and unforgetable day, with ur loved one, and knowing that he loves u as much. But on the other hand, if, i said if, im destined to be married to someone i barely know, more else love, someone arranged by my parents, i think ill be able to accept, under one condition, both of us,me and him, have to be given a time to get use to each other before walking down the aisle. See how things go between us, and learning to accept each other. I always believe that they know better, and wiser.

Heh..looks like im so into this thing. Whatever it is there's nothing that can't be worked out, and actually, the idea of 'love after marriage', when everything is 'halal', is kind of more sweet and wonderful. Each day is a new discovery, each things u experienced it firsthand with ur husband, the one trully yours, u learn to like him, and gradually, without u realising it, u are so madly in love, and can't live without him. Both of u started fresh as strangers, and end up lovers. Wahh..that sure sounds romantic. Blame it to my novel reading and movie watching. But surely that how it goes rite..? uh-oh..im started to float to my dreamland..not again..=p

okaylah..wish u all readers the best of luck in ur love life, and pray for me too. Writing in here, is much, much more easier than actually doing it in action. Go to go..tatta!

" dont marry someone you can live with, marry the one you can't live without "- unknown

" ..Kahwinilah dengan orang yg engkau paling senang berbual dengannya, kerana pabila engkau sudah tua, tiada yg lebih bermakna melainkan perbualan engkau dengan pasangan kau .." - petikan dari novel 'Cemburu Seorg Perempuan'



11 December 2004

chocolate doughnuts..yumm!

Life is heaven. When u woke up and found a plate of doughnuts, with creamy chocolate topping , emm..enough to salivate me. Hehe..

Hilang penat lps bangun dr tidur, walaupun tidur lewat2 ptg selalu buat aku sikit pening. Berehat hujung minggu di rumah, aktiviti yg aku rs cukup menyenangkan hati. Sepatutnya aku kena attend seminar kesihatan anjuran fakulti perubatan, utk jadi fasi, aku tolak ke junior utk pergi. Sorrylah, i need some space for myself. Weekdays aku full, kejar sana sini. Weekends, are for family time. Bermalas2 dgn adik2 aku, berborak2 dan bergurau dgn mak ayah aku. Nothing compares to that...

Tadi, tengok gambar Imah, ( my sister ), di UK. She is soo beautiful, grinning from ear to ear, and secretly i think she's the prettiest of all, among her other friends in the photo. ( heheh, mmglah adik kita,tp mmg betul pun..). It's nice to see her so happy, cheerful..her pictures were all filled with laughter. She's been blessed indeed, and she deserves every bit of it. Hehe..tak kusangka adik yg malu2 dan dibuli oleh aku sms zaman hingusan dulu, sudah begitu dewasa dan cantik...( ampun ya imah..heheh )

Sangat kenyang. Lupa diri masa mengadap donat bercoklat, yg panas2 pulak tuh. Fuuh...Hilang terus semangat dan keazaman utk 'hidup sihat, makan sihat ' aku. Macam di kolej, lps menikmati sebungkus junk food atau se'bar' coklat, baru mula nak menyesal. Kesian kat badan aku, terasa menzalimi diri sendiri jugak. Sekali - sekala takpe, jgn itu dibuat makanan harian.

okaylah. Tadi suara Shin Can memenuhi ruang tv kat rumah, sekarang suara doraemon dan Nobita plak. Hidangan hujung minggu. Bukan kanak2 aje melopong, kdg2 yg dh terkeluar dr kategori kanak2 pun 2 kali lima jugak. heheh.

till later, bye!

"Home is where the heart is.."

07 December 2004

rehat minda jap..

Baru lps telefon mak, ckp 2-3 patah je, nak habiskan duit syiling td. Tapi kesan nya, wau..membuatkan aku tersenyum sepanjang perjalanan ke cc nih. Hebatnya 'kuasa' suara mama..agaknya itulah atr bende2 yg hanya seorg bergelar IBU shj boleh buat...

Hidup agak sibuk 2-3 menjak nih. Tak lama lagi perletakan jawatan persatuan pelajar sesi ni..( fuuhh..agak lega jugak, dh 2 thn pegang, final yr ni nak enjoy la plak..=])..dan aku terlibat utk majlis AGM nanti. Harap sgt semuanya berjln lancar. ( thn ni kami buat pembaharuan sket cara pencalonan dan pengundian ). Dan jugak Majlis Makan Malam Kolej, 16 Jan 05 nanti. Dental's Dinner pulak 17 Dec 04. Biasa la..akhir2 thn je, mcm2 dinner nak dibuat, ..aku tak kisah sgt nak makan2 dinner ke apa, cuma sejak bergelar student u nih, kalau lunch atau dinner, mesti nak buat kat hotel dan restoran mewah..tu yg aku agak lemah sket. Apa tak nya, duit keluar dh lah bukan sikit, nak pakai pun kena proper, yg kdg2 buat aku tak puas hati tu..ialah makanan nya, ..dh lah tak brp menepati selera aku yg tak biasa dgn juadah hotel, rs kdg2 mcm tak berbaloi aje dgn bayaran. Tapi..telan jelah.

Kan best kalau boleh buat mcm masa sekolah, kalau time sekolah rendah dulu, asal jamuan akhir thn je, masing2 akan bawa makanan dr rumah masing2, aku biasanya minta kak dah buat kuay tiaw goreng, bawa se'tupperware' besar, kwn2 yg lain pun bw macam2 jugak ,minuman ringan ,keropok2, kek..wahh..lps tu mkn ramai2 , main game .., gelak2 ...( sigh ). Aku teringat jamuan akhir thn darjah 6 aku, dhlah makanan bnyk sungguh, seorg kwn bw karaoke set dia ke kelas, apalagi, dr anak murid ke cikgu semua berangan jadi siti nurhaliza..( rsnya masa tu siti belum mula nyanyi lagi..). Aku nyanyi lagu apa ye masa tu, rsnya lagu kump Spring "Bougainvillae "( masih teringat muka cikgu kelas aku, Pn Fatimah Mastan, tersengih tgk aku pegang mikrofon )..Heheh, zaman kanak2 yg manis, kalau suruh buat sekarang, tobat tak mau, masa tu..suruh buat apa2 pun, dgn rela hatinya volunteer..

Time sekolah menengah, biasanya ada buat 2 jamuan akhir thn, satu jamuan di kelas, putera dan puteri ( lamanya tak guna istilah ni )..dan satu lagi di bilik, dorm asrama masing2. Yg best , mestilah kat asrama punya. Siap ade persembahan., anugerah2 ..mcm apa je,heheh. Tempah Nasi Goreng Pattaya ( tambah ayam ) , air sirap limau, tembikai merah sepotong dari Restoran Marboro..( ehh..betul ke spelling restoran tu? ..).dah..sempurna jamuan dgn sgt meriah dan seronok. Haa,,satu yg tak boleh tinggal punyalah dlm jamuan2 kat secondary school ni, tukar2 hadiah. Mesti nak tukar hadiah. Laku betullah agaknya kedai cenderamata akhir2 tahun kat Seremban tu. Kalau kena bagi perempuan, mudah sikit cari hadiah, tapi kalau dpt nama lelaki ( kena cabut nama secara random ), mulalah garu kepala tak tahu nak belikan apa. Beli bende yg biasa bagi kwn perempuan, takut krg balik bilik dicampaknya bwh katil. Aku bagi apa dulu ya..? Heheh..sweet2..memories..

Apa2 pun, dgn berubahnya masa , bertambahnya usia, begitu jugaklah kian berbeza kehidupan yg dilalui. Satu hakikat yg tak boleh disangkal. Harap2 nya kehidupan aku dan semuanya terus berubah ke arah yg lebih positif, lebih baik dr hari2 semalam.

okaylah..nak gi solat Zohor. bye!

jika mimpi , masa silam,
bisa ku simpan dalam kaca jadi perhiasan,
pasti aku, abadikan,
zaman riang, kanak-kanak,
pabila hujan mengundang suasana bahagia,
dalam hidup, yg seindah,
mimpi yg tidak pernah melukakan perasaan

tapi kini bila dewasa,
kumula sedar betapa mimpi,
hanyalah suatu permainan
jiwa insan dalam kesepian.

-layar impian, ella

03 December 2004

a new beginning

assalamulaikum ...=]

How nice, to finally able to start writing back in here. Learnt a few things from the past months, undoubtedly, experiences are the best teacher.

Been holding the urge to write, but being a perfectionist, i just couldn't settle for less. Hunting words in dictionary and creating phrases became a hobby for the past weeks, just for the sake of satisfying myself, in my mission to searching a tittle and a blogname. Heh..

My plate is full at the moment.There's a few dentures to be constructed, im running late in my fixed prostho work, ..but in the same time, my,my...i still can squeeze in my packed schedule a tiny, free space, allocated for shopping time. Heheh..being a woman, just hope im more sensible in my choice of things i wanna buy, rather than following blindly the uncontrolled desire burning in me.

okaylah..wish me luck, dear all readers, in this new online jounal of mine. I really love writing, and sometimes, if i hadn't had the time to sit down and write, the stories will just started to float freely and reassemble by itself in my head, and during that moment, when the ideas and passion to write were unbearable, if i let the moment slip away, i couldn't get the same feeling later. Ive started dreaming about having my own novel since i was in the tender age of 12. I remembered buying a hardcover book ( yg org panggil log book tuh ) to start pouring my silly childish 'ilham' right after my UPSR ( complete with a special pen to write in it ). Heheh..i can still recall the times curled on my bed writing, and feeling very proud of that 'masterpiece' of mine. Wonder where is that green book now..hmm. Heheh..dont get me wrong, im not saying im born with power in manipulating words or im a great writer ke apa...up until now, i still consider myself as " berangan aje yg tinggi ", there's nothing ive achieved yet in this writing field, most of it hanya suka2..But who knows one day, kann..?

Whatever it is, ive realised one thing. When we have passion and interest in something, we always have the time for it, no matter how busy we are. Bila dah minat dan suka, sedaya upaya cari masa utk tu, kerana di situlah kelegaan , kepuasan dan sebahagian makna hidup kita dirasakan tercapai. ..

Enjoy reading, comments are very much welcomed..bye!

To write great verse, German poet Rainer Maria Rilke wrote to an anonymous young poet,
"Go into yourself. Search for a reason that bids you write, find out whether it is spreading its roots in the deepest places of your heart. Above all, ask yourself in the stillest hour of the night; must I write ?"