30 April 2005

all time favourite..

Ive just ate half a big bar of chocolate..,=/. As i sit hating myself for ruining my health and mood..( when u feel fat, surely ur mood will deteriorate as well ), my lustful eyes glanced longingly at the last 2 rows of chocolate which is safely protected from my humongous appetite, ..my head went chanting.." fat..fat..fat..", and i quickly keep it in the fridge, before i change my mind. Huaaaww..

the news in ntv7 are all buzzing around each hour about AIM tonite. HEheh..watching award shows like this, the thrill and enjoyment is much more felt when im watching it among friends in college. All of us would huddle in one room ( there's a certain usual port where everyone will head to watch TV, masing2 fhm sendiri je bilik sapa nak pi..yg mana selipar bnyk berkumpul tu, itulah portnya..). Some will bring food mostly kacang, keropok, choco..(ops..sensitif nih, 'that' sweet, brown thing tu,) tuan punya bilik will prepare tea, bentang surat khabar, and all eyes will be glued to the box. One person will root for Zamani, another for Ning, and as usual there will be a group of 'CT lovers' and 'CT haters'..( heheh..). It was fun, chattering, gossiping throughout the show, commenting on the celebrities' fashionable attire, and criticizing the perfomance by the singers..oohing and aahing at their favourite artistes. Not forgetting the 'hush'ing as well, to some ppl who has the habit of singing along with the performer in TV..( and it irritates me when the one performing is Siti, not like their voice is anywhere comparable to her .. ). At home, it is more quieter and more like 'just watch the show' attitude, or else my father will stuck his head out from his bedroom door, telling us to slow down the volume. Heheheh..

well..i dont really care who wins what, just enjoying the show, that's all. Speaking of songs and singers..heheh, let me list down here,..among my all time favourite songs..( er..im bored here, so bear with me ya..)

jangan ada dusta antara kita ( Deddy dores & Mayang Sari )
Valentine ( sapa ehh nyanyi, Martina mcbride ke..? ntahh)
unchained melody ( x stau sapa nyanyi jugak..)
Semakin hari semakin sayang..( Uji RAshid and also most of her other songs )
when i fall in love ( nat king cole )
kehebatan cinta ( jamal abdillah & fran )
bisikan hati. ( actually a song by RAfeah bUang, but recorded again by Siti )

tetiba malaslah nak sambung, sbb bnyk sgtla plak..heheh..dh lah tu, justme makin merepek. till later..bye guys!!! ;]

.." mari..kita membuka hati, lantas jujur saja..."- sheila majid

29 April 2005

read this somewhere

Life coach, Martha Beck wrote..

" Disconnection is as necessary as connection for creating a healthy, happy life. When we force ouselves to connect against our hearts desires, we create false, resentful relationships; when we disconnect from the people who deplete us, we set them free to find their tribes while we find ours.."

26 April 2005

bersaksikan diri..

Masa aku kecil dulu, rsnya masih tadika ke drjh 2 kot..when we were living in Ampang, mama ada melanggan majalah al-Ain, Solehah. Bulan2 akan dapat, dan aku masih ingat mengadap majalah al-Ain yg berupa komik islamiah dari kulit ke kulit. Amazingly..most of the stories mcm terpahat kemas pulak dlm ingatan aku.

Satu drpd cerita2 dlmnya yg masih aku ingat ialah,'Mahkamah Akhirat' ( masih ingatkah adik beradikku sekalian....?=]).Dia buat dlm bentuk bentuk komik bergambar, sheesh.. masih ingat lagi dia lukis syaitan dan Iblis dlm bentuk makhluk bertanduk dan berekor,..( and please..dont imagine it as like that -lah..itu imaginasi pelukis sj..). It tells the story ttg persaksian drpd setiap anggota. Tangan akan cakap apa yg dibuatnya spjg hayat manusia. Kaki akan beritahu ke tempat mana dia pergi. Mata dan telinga akan bersuara membongkar apa yg dilihat dan didengar. Mulut akan terkunci, menjadikannya tak mampu untuk membuat sebarang penafian. Skrin layar besar membentangkan setiap satu tingkah manusia, dibuka di hadapan sekalian hamba Tuhan, dalam suasana ngeri yg dipanggil Mahkamah Akhirat. Aku rasa komik itu telah berjaya mengajar aku sesuatu yg aku ingat sampai sekarang, tentang pembalasan yg akan kita terima atas setiap perbuatan kita.

Bagaimanakah nasib aku nanti ya..saat di mana tiada bantuan, takde tempat nak lari atau sorok muka, tiada org peduli, masing2 kalut dan runsing memikirkan hal kesudahan mereka. Takut memikirkan hari di mana tiada jalan kembali, alam yg kekal sampai bila2. Kecut.

Tuhan...kasihanilah kami...

25 April 2005

yo katta ne..! =D

i went out with Yah, my adik with a mission ..to go and buy a Japanese series at Kotaraya. HEhehe..my interest in JApanese thingy dh berjangkit dkt adik beradik plak.' Love Revolution'..dh lama nak tgk nih...yeehhaa...! Extra jubilant when the cds are now in my hand .Perhaps a dose of japanese view could help bring the scramble in my head to a clearer end...

and we walked, miles, from one place to another..enjoying sister outing together. i brought her for her first stroll through petaling street..( punyalah penakut adik aku seorg nih, menonong je dia jln...=p). Im not brave myself..but, I enjoy looking at ppl, from different background and lifestyles. Observing the ways human make a living, creating variety in life. Love and enjoy walking in the city..just walk, not wanting to miss anything along the way.( and later at night..fuuh,,sore feet and hurt ankles..manja betul dah badan nih,nampak sgt tak cukup lasak.)

And as we were on the monorail, there's this American couple, in their travelling outfit,along with their huge knapsack on their back, with camera clung to their neck,..looking very friendly ( as a smile is constantly on their face..) and energetic. Looking at them, a hidden part in me suddenly aroused, like being reminded that there is another 'me' inside that is waiting to be realised and acknowledged. Yup..that's true. Begitulah aku, or should i say sepatutnya aku, aku yg belum terealisasi kerana sbb2 tertentu tp sentiasa ada dlm diri.

I always have a dream to be like that, cladded in 'sempoi' shirt and trousers, holding a bottle of water, a camera in hand, with a traveling knapsack, wearing dirty sneakers proving how far ive walked ..and not forgetting a beige cap on my head written 'justme' on the front...roaming countries and places around the world. Not worried about a thing other than a place to sleep and some food to eat. Not wearing any make ups other than sunscreen to protect from UV rays, and smtmes washed or sprinkled clear water on my face. Scanning map along the way ( eventhough at this moment, i have not a slightest idea on how a map supposed to be read..). Ill take pictures of beautiful sceneries, of ppl, of anything that appeals to my eyes, from all over the globe. My god..just thinking about it, i trembled with eagerness and excitement..how i wish ..

if only things could be much simpler..if only..But still,who knows, ..one day, i might be standing in the middle of Tokyo city..fumbling thru maps and English-japanese dictionary..with a big smile and satisfaction on my face..glad that im finally there...

22 April 2005

till death do us part

“ a divorce is like an amputation; you survive it, but there’s less of you “- Margaret Atwood

Before i continue, ive changed my blog settings, now EVERYONE can leave a comment, please do if there's anything anyone wish to voice their opinion on, or just dropping some lines ....looking forward to hearing feedback from outsiders..=]

Ive been wanting to write about this for quite some times, but havent had the time to do so. ( the time was there, it was the ideas which nowhere to be found..). Until lastweek, after watching 'Wanita Hari Ini', and the topic was..' Bila Rumahtangga Mula Goyah..', and later read a piece of news in papers about young and beautiful celebrities' marriage which becoming more and more fragile nowadays, im determined to start jotting words about this society issue. Married for 23 months and call it quit. Hutang dan belanja masa kahwin belum settle lagi, dh ke pejabat kadi. No.. i should not point fingers at famous stars only, normal ordinary young couples suffered the same problem..one couple 'bercerai' because of langsir rumah..Huh?! Funny and absurd it may seem, but that's what happened. Are ppl today, think that bercerai and getting married is as easy as saying 'yes' and 'no'?

Hearing all these 'divorce craze', making a decision to finally settle down with someone becomes tougher and scarier. What is wrong actually, is it too early tying the knot ? Not yet ready for the responsibility as married couples? Or just giving up without even trying to make things work? Or suddenly, in their marriage life, they bump into someone they thought as 'the right one' for them, and began questioning themselves,.." oops, did i make a wrong decision? or have i married the wrong person?!". Hmm..digging to the roots of the problem, what is it that makes marriage in today's world not as strong, solid and pure like the ppl in older generations, our parents years..?

Among the discussion dlm 'Wanita Hari ini', one of the panel spoke about 'Sindrom 7-11'. Sindrom ini adalah keadaan yg biasanya berlaku apabila usia perkahwinan dlm lingkungan 7 hingga 11 thn. Pada masa nilah, mulanya nak retak dan berbalah, bila anak dh 2-3 org, tanggungan bertambah, tekanan hidup kian terasa, ditambah pulak manis honeymoon dh kian malap. Another teori ialah pada 2-5 thn pertama perkahwinan dikatakan sbg masa plg genting. Pada waktu ini, kedua2 pihak masih dlm proses menyesuaikan diri dgn org baru dan hidup baru, masa2 bilamana peribadi sebenar mula kelihatan dan terbongkar ( ms tgh bercinta, masing2 control ayu dan macho, some pretenders we are..=p). If during those times, kita gagal bertahan, kita kalah dgn keadaan dan give up, itu yg menjuruskan kepada penceraian..hmm, ade betulnya jugak.

Dr Fadzillah Kamsah pernah berkata " bukannya kita bertemu dgn psgn yg salah, tetapi kita yg gagal untuk menjadi psgn yg tepat dan terbaik utk psgn kita..". In other words, rather than blaming fate or ppl around us, perhaps we should look at ourselves in the mirror, try to correct what's lacking and make the best from the situation in hand. " If we keep believing in love at first sight, we'll never stop looking" - Closer.

But still, kita kena percaya jugak, adakalanya penceraian is the only way, that's why we must not view penceraian as sthg yg jahat dan teruk, krn ia dihalalkan wpun sgt dibenci Tuhan. When all other possible options failed, and staying married only cause more damage physically and mentally to both, dgn redha terima hakikat kehidupan, and move on. A divorce is not and should not be the end of the world, eventhough sgt pahit ditelan la kan.

To all married couples, dont ever give up easily. Work and try ur best to keep ur marriage. Be that girl and boy that was once very much in love with each other. Spice up ur marriage, never let the romance die. Hold firmly to the decision uve made, that this person is the right one for u, no matter what happens or whoever comes in ur life later.

And to single ppl out there ( me included-lah..heheh ), as long as u are still uncommited or not romantically linked to anyone, keep ur options open. ( this is the commonest advice given to me ). Be friend with everyone,( note the word used, i said 'friend'..dont give false hopes to ppl..that's cruel..) get to know them, and during this phase of friendship, then only ull know what kind of person u are, and to whom u are most comfortable with. Getting married is a big and serious thing, so..take ur time and think wisely. Listen to ur heart with the guidance of clear mind and 'iman'. I remember someone said.." let's cross the bridge when we come to it.."

okay..till later. Bye!

“ Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck, if you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and left “- Jean Kerr

“ Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated, often moving in opposite direction, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them “ - Sydney Smith

21 April 2005

a big time - waster!

Im starting to hate that horoscope thing in Frenster.=[. Been telling myself to stop reading it, because being me, im scared eventually i might fall in believing it. Not good for our 'aqidah'. But seeing it on the bright side, perhaps we can take the good points as a motivation to be a better person..but, still..'jaga hati' is a really hard thing to do..

okay..what did i do these past few days..? my holiday has lasted for about a month, and frankly speaking... im wasting it just like that.=/..oh justme..not again, this is the longest holiday in the history of my 4 yrs in uni..and i will not let time flow by without any gain. I mean..should do more useful things rather than vegging out watching tv most of the time. ill rot my brain by the end of holiday. Okay..here's a reminder to myself..

1. Finish imah's 'surprise' sarung bantal!!!! ( it was supposed to be a surprise at first, but my over-excited nature could never really keep secret that long, ive blabbed it to her..so much for my surprise..). dont worry..itll be done by June, as she's coming back home for a holiday..yeay!!
2. Read good books..good novels..nourish my nearly-dead brain with reading materials. Speaking of it, 2 of my borrowed novels are now already overdued, one book is half-read, another still tucked untouched in my bag ( ive read it halfway some times last yr, but havent finished it, now i have to start all over from the beginning because the 'feeling' reading that particular book has gone..besides i have forgotten most of the storyline..).Wah..4 books with none completed. Bravo justme.
3. Finish constructing my ortho patient's appliance. And at the mention of this, it reminds me as well that i have to call him..and let him know that im on holiday..he must be waiting and thinking .." bila nak siap nih..?!". Huaaa...
4. Start working on my KAP project that has to be submitted early June. And..no..no more excuses to dump it to the last minute. This is sthg i want to do my damn best, i want to enjoy working on it without any pressure of tak-cukup-masa ( like always ). Ive chosen a topic that im trully interested on, and ive fought to be the first giving my name for it. ( there's a special reason why i chose this topic, im dedicating it to someone..hopefully i could and would do more in the future..).
5. Help my parents working in our new garden, instead of just moping around the house. I know gardening is not one of my thing, but...hello,..?Hari tu berdegar2 berazam nak berbakti kpd ibu bapa..and this is among the thing i can do..
6. Work out on the treadmill. That thing now looks like a 'habuk' collector. Ive started quite impressively good the first few days of my holi, but..the spirit just died. And that thing stood like this big robot, making faces to me when im munching food near it. Great.

aaa..not good, justme..not good at all. Better start making moves early tomorrow morning, or in no time, my classes begin, my holidays ends..and im back stuck to my never-ending work. Cherish ur holiday time, but dont waste it !

17 April 2005

typist at work

After 5 yrs declining invitation from a good friend of mine, finally i stepped into his house, newly furnished..( punyalah buruk perangai aku sbg kwn, sampai dia pindah rumah, baru aku sampai..=/). And what an experience, what a day ..i met his wonderful family members, all cheerful and good-natured.. and i made some new friends..'glamorous' friends to be exact..heheh, as all of them are the friends of his from a programme they did on tv. Fuuuh..all of them are happenning ppl, laugh out loud, accept ppl the way they are, make jokes about everything, forget boundaries and differences between them..and sit together in one group and call themselves friends. I learnt a few precious things, about family ties, about being positive about life and have faith in ppl, about friendships..and about ...being a good society members as well..alhamdulillah, Allah, for this new lesson for me..=]

thank you friend, for inviting me over, and giving me the opportunity to meet great ppl...ppl i will never forget. thank you also , for always being a great friend to me...=]

and later at night, i watched this 'ohmyGod' Drama..no, not becos im astonished for its good storyline, but was aghast, i cant believe i spent 2 hrs , wasted just like that..over such a silly malay drama. I was anticipating a good story ..looking at the actors working in it.. i mean, it was far from good..it was..unbelievably trying-too-hard to be melodramatic but failed..it did nothing to the heart, more else mind. Puh-leese lah..come-onlah..takkanlah the drama-makers ni ingat penonton bodoh2 and main telan je semua yg dihidangkan, we are thinking ppl ok, we want smthg more, that make us feel fulfilled as audience and satisfied, able to get sthg valuable after watching it. Guess MAlay dramas still has a looong way to goo..( and the sad thing is, im one of their fans..=/..)...

Btw..im typing my mom's students exam questions. Dh jd typist mama la plak, plus tukang gosok baju + kutip baju kotor and then basuh and jemur+working in the kitchen+kemas rumah..lps ni, kalau apply jd pembantu rumah org sure lulus punya..kdg2 bagus jugak maid cuti nih..

14 April 2005

mencari keberkatan

" keredhaan Tuhan bergantung pada redha ibu bapa, dan kemurkaan Tuhan juga datang dari kemurkaan ibu bapa.."

Simple kan, tapi bende yang sesimple inilah sgt berat dan sukar utk dilaksanakan. Mudahnya kita nak mendapat redha Allah, sesenang itu juga kita mengundang kemurkaan-Nya. Pandang ibu bapa dengan pandangan kasih kita dpt pahala. Taat dan patuh pada mereka ada ganjarannya. Senangkan dan gembirakan mereka, kita yang akan rasa bahagia.

Hakikatnya hidup ini begitu, sekaya mana pun kita, kalau rezeki tak berkat takde maknanya. Sekuat mana pun kita berusaha dalam pelajaran dan kehidupan, tapi perasaan ibu ayah tak dijaga, terasakah berkatnya.. Tenangkah jiwa kalau hati emak terguris .. Tenteramkah kita kalau jauh di lubuk dada ayah menangis ?

Cukuplah zaman kanak2 aku merunsingkan dan menyusahkan mereka, sekarang aku ingin pergunakan sepenuhnya masa yg ada utk berbakti dan menggembirakan mereka, yg pastinya takkan mampu untuk setimpal dgn apa yg telah mama dan ayah korbankan. Selagi masih diberi peluang, selagi masih punya hayat. Selagi aku belum milik orang, yang mana akan mengubah kedudukan utama mereka dlm hidup aku selepas itu.

Ayah aku mengingatkan, kepentingan berkat dalam rezeki. Kerana apa yg kita makan akan menjadi darah daging, mencorak kehidupan dan peribadi kita, anak serta keturunan kita. Rezeki yg mak ayah bawa pulang ke rumah, mesti dipastikan dtg dari sumber yg bersih dan halal, tak tercampur baur dgn unsur2 riba, rasuah atau perkara haram yg lain. Ini penting, sgt penting, kata ayah. Memang semua org nak hidup mewah, tapi kita sebagai Islam, ada tahap dan limitasinya. Jgn kerana kejar harta, main redah je, tak ambil kira halal haram, dosa pahala. Apa guna kaya, kalau anak2 tak menjadi, yg atr faktor penyebabnya adalah sumber rezeki ibu bapa yg bercampur aduk unsur yg dilarang Islam. Itu yg pentingnya kita ada ilmu, agar tidak tersilap langkah. Kalau tidak tahu, belajar dan tanya org yg lebih arif.Jgn guna alasan kejahilan, kerana menuntut ilmu tak kira tua atau muda. Panjang khutbah ayah, aku yg mendengar senyap tak terkata.

Ya Allah, Engkau peliharalah kami, dengan naungan rahmat dan perlindungan dari-Mu. Jadikanlah hamba-Mu ini, kaum keluarga keturunanku, hamba-hamba yg tetap dlm mendirikan sembahyang, lagi tekun dan sabar melaksanakannya.. jadikanlah kami , anak2 yg soleh dan solehah kepada ibu ayah kami, dan kurniakanlah mereka kesejahteraan dunia dan akhirat..Ya Allah, wahai Tuhan Yg Maha Mendengar...aminn.

.." rezeki ni, sekelip mata Tuhan bagi, sekelip mata jugak Tuhan boleh ambil balik.."
- ayah

suara hamba

Bila diri disimbah kedamaian,
Tatkala diri dilimpahi nikmat kebahagiaan,
Ketika diri enak menganyam kasih dan sayang,
Senang berlingkar dalam kemewahan,
Jangan Ya Allah,..
Kau lepaskan aku dalam alpa,
Hingga asyik menyulam tawa,
Sampai terlupa,
Senang ini kurniaan - Mu,
Bahagia ini pemberian – Mu,
Kasih sayang ini anugerah – Mu,
Damai ku kecap bukan hak mutlak ku.

Aku takut jua..Ya Allah,
Ingatan pada - Mu menipis,
Lantaran seronok tak terkata,
Aku lupa lafaz terima kasih,
Untuk dihamburkan kepada Pencipta,
Aku jadi bongkak dan bangga,
Hingga lupa sujud syukur pada – Nya,
Demi dunia, perlukah tergadai akhirat ku?
Untuk Akhirat, haruskah sengsara dunia ku ?

Oleh itu..Tuhan,,.
Hina dina ku pohon pada – Mu,
Kuingin rasa nikmat dunia pinjaman – Mu,
Kuingin kecap keindahan alam maya ciptaan – Mu,
Sementara hayat ku masih ada, ingin ku guna sepenuhnya,
Namun kujua damba bahagia abadi akhirat – Mu,
Ingin tergolong dlm golongan mukminin – Mu,
Harap dilimpahkan rahmat ampun – Mu

Lantas.. Ya Allah,
Engkau bantulah aku,
Menyelusuri jalan dengan pimpinan – Mu,
Melangkah di bumi dengan suluhan hidayah – Mu,
Mendaki hari bersama ingatan terhadap – Mu,
Jangan sekali pun Ya Allah…
Engkau palingkan muka dari ku,
Jangan abaikan aku …
Kerana aku tidak mampu lega bernafas ..
Tanpa redha dan kasih – Mu.

" bila hati mengadap Tuhan, baru ku sedar, ada kelemahan...

terasa kerdil berbanding Yang Esa, terharu terfikir..betapa agungnya...Tuhan...."- lirik nasyid Saujana

12 April 2005

how to smile..hmm..

a new friend of mine asked me this question, that makes me thinking of the most appropriate and correct answer to give her..

" can u teach me how to smile..?"

hmm..susah jugak nak jwb tu ehh...=/ ( thinking deep and hard..). Know what makes it hard ? because we dont smile because we want to smile, or have to smile..we just simply smile rite..? ( yeah..what a way to answer, brilliant , justme, very brillliant..=[, and btw, keep repeating the word 'smile' many times in one sentence, bunyinya jd pelik plak..). Okay..be serious.

Hmmm..how to smile..? Just stretch ur lips so that it'll be longer in length ( preferably, make it slightly curved like a crescent moon, a straight line wont make a good smile..know what i mean, try doing that and look in the mirror..). Okay..enuff, be seriously serious now...=<

I cant remember being taught on how to smile. It 's just sthg that happens naturally, i believe to everyone as well. Example babies, when cooed, diagah2 , ditimang2..automatically, he'll smile ( tp jgnlah try pd baby yg baru berusia sehari dua, mmg frust lah nak tggu dia senyum..=]). Recalling the time, masa kecik2 dulu, bila nak bergambar je, mak akan cakap kat depan.." okay senyum semua..". Tak payah diajar2. Tak perlu ditunjuk cara, terus tersenyum.

Basically, that's how it is. Smile is sthg everyone knows how..even the most solemn and fierce man ( senyum org mcm ni yg mahal nih..heheh ). Just relax, and it'll come by itself. A forced smile is usually noticeable, ever heard the term 'smiling from ur heart'..?This kind of smile will not only lit up ur face, but also will make the other person smiling along. And this is the smile that we want.

i know i cant make generalisation. i know some ppl find it's hard to smile, even in a photo shoot, more else in daily life. Im not the best ppl here to give advices on how to smile, ( and im honoured to be asked upon ), but ill share what i know and hopefully it will not only benefit me, but all my readers here.

All actions taken and words said by us comes from our heart. Im not saying that those who are not SMILEble ( ermm..dont seek for this word in dictionary, i hentam je nih..=p), is a bad person, it just perhaps they lack chances or practise, or the reason to smile. Start today. Smile as soon as u wake up. Remind urself early in the day that u are a happy person, warm and approachable, grateful with what life offers to u, and ull share ur happiness with everyone u meet with a smile. Greet ppl u meet along the way with a smile. Trust me, ull not only make other ppl happy, but ull find urself in such a great mood that will last the whole day. ( but of course-lah, in moderation, a pleasing friendly smile must be distinguishable from an annoying,'tiga suku' smile, or else org kata kita buang tebiat pulak..). And must i remind u a known fact..that 'senyum itu sedekah', another point that makes u wanna smile more rite?..=]. Finally, without u realising it, smiling becomes a part of ur normal life, u'll have more friends, and ppl seem to be drawn to u. Amazing rite, the power of smile. By that time ,u wont face any problem during a photo shoot, or in anything at all.

fuuh...i hope i helped a bit if not much. Start smiling everyone, as smile is contagious! Smile to the world and the world will smile back at you..= ].

...smiling is the easiest and cheapest way to improve ur look....;]

10 April 2005

dont mess with me..=[

I am in a cranky mood. My allergy persisted throughout the day, and plus the tidbits things that pissed me off for no reason, i officially declared today as my 'bad day'. Need to see the dermatologist tomorrow, and pretend to be deaf for a few seconds as he scolded me for not being a compliant patient. Bleaah..I can guess what he would say tomorrow, among few common sentences from him..
"..Are you using anything on ur face..? No..stop. Just wash ur face with tap water.." ( huh..?! Telling a woman to only use tap water and throw all other beauty regimes is like asking them to forget that they are women..it's hard to follow this order obediently..=/)
"..come and see me again nextweek. And let me remind you that a week is seven days, im seeing you again in seven days, not in 30 days..got me?" ( heheh..okay, ill mark in my calendar. His way in telling me to be punctual in attending appoinments, which im very bad at..it's not totally my fault. I have classes to attend, and now is the best time to deal with this thing as im on holiday..)

Whatever it is...i just hope that this allergy of mine doesnt struck as i wake up in the morning of my wedding day. Please dont..please dont. Nothing more terrible than that. It would be a nightmare. Even better, i really hope that it will just go away from me, but im ashamed to ask for this. Ive been granted with many things, God has answered most of my prayers and wishes... apalah sgt dugaan yg sekecik ini, takkan ini pun tak mampu ditanggung...other ppl suffered a more serious, debilitating conditions, still they can put a smile on their face and be grateful .ISsh..justme, belajarlah bersyukur sikit. :/

okay..drop this subject, it's not a happy topic to talk about. Think of good things....hmm? Oh yeah..last Saturday, i met one of the best friend ever, she's studying in Japan( and that makes me like her more..! =D), and going back nextweek. She's still the same beautiful, nice, lovable friend of mine, and she was glowing with happiness.( which i know the reason why..ehhe ). We had a share of ais kacang, took photos and talked nonstop, trying to catch up what we lost in 3-4 years time not seeing each other. We went shoe - hunting ( actually im the one seeking for a new sandal and i dragged her along..dont worry, i didnt buy any). A couple of old friends came along, and suddenly we seemed to have forgotten that we are 23 , and acted like some 15 yrs old girls..laughing, chattering loudly and gossiped about the latest news. It was a hell lot of fun, frankly i wanted to stay longer. When i waved at her as her train started moving, i felt a surge of sadness, I miss her already. Sayonara dear friend, i wish you all the happiness in the world,..

okaylah...nextweek gonna be quite hectic for me. Our maid is not here, she went to stay with her son for a few days, which means im going to be the homemaker ( emm..quite like it-lah..heheh ). Well..a time to master my cooking skills, and invent new recipes ( as if...). Also a time when my brothers would really hate me, because when im incharged of the house, ..let just say that..ermm, it's like an old lady, with white hair wearing apron..who went around the house putting things in order, picking up dirty clothes and etc. Yikes..that's quite like it.

till then,,bye..=] ( im really giving all of u a smile here..).

dr X : why are you covering urself like this? then how the guys gonna see u, i mean ..how u gonna get married if u are hiding like this..?
girl : well then..only my husband will get the chance..=]

07 April 2005

just write

Ive just finished replying my pen-pal's email. It's 2.25 am, my brother, Abe is ready with the TV remote in his hand, fresh-eyed ( he slept early and wakes up later..), for the chelsea vs bayern munich match. Being a hard-core chelsea fan..he'll do anything to watch a live game..( which smtmes it's hard to understand, what's the difference watching live game or its re-run.?).

what am i doing awake at such an hour..? Good question. Okay..ive slept ( tertidur on the sofa ) for nearly 2 hrs td, i was waiting for a midnight drama, ( quite anticipatingly waiting, because today is an important episode ), and finally awake to find that ive missed the part when the hero died! Great! So..here i am, knocking my fingers on the keyboard, as im fully awake, not a pinch of sleepiness. Just now, while writing emails, ate a few ( okay..not exactly a few, too much for a few to be frank..), of strawberry rolls ( we used to call it 'rokok' back in school )..and, it was ..so sweeeett, rs mcm nauseated plak sekarang. Come onlah..tertumpah gula ke semasa di kilang..? Dahsyat punya manis...=/

Earlier tonite, i watched CSI, along with my sisters and Adik. It's really an intriguing series..no doubt about that. I was never really a CSI watcher, but starting from today..ive decided to join my siblings club of ' CSI-Philic'. And now there are CSI ( i think it's VEgas ), CSI: Miami and CSI:NY..woo..breeding CSI huh?( trying to imagine how CSI: Malaysia would be like..hmm...that'll be interesting..).

Btw..there's sthg bugging me these past few days. My eyes. Is it just some minor inflammation or infection ke..im not really sure, but what im sure is, it's not feeling normal. Itchy and watery..as if the gland keep producing tears abnormally. Anyone wants to make diagnosis..?

okay ive blabbled enough. Didnt i hear someone made a determined vow to herself that she wanted to 'talk less and listen more' ? Looks like it's not even 48 hrs, and i already become the talking machine..But really, since im on holiday, it's like i have all the time to write and think and dream..im bursting with ideas...! I have to keep reminding myself to not be too keen and excited in pouring them all out at once, controlling myself from conquering the computer at home, and bore my readers here..of my never-ending stories...But, i promise you.. there are more, much..much more..coming later. Because if i dont write it out.. i cant sit still. Im not the kind who's good at expressing things verbally ( it's either i make it sound the wrong way, or i make a gibberish statement that it would end up a total mess )..so, i choose to write it down. it's just my way.

okay..justme..stop! Bye readers...=]

05 April 2005

shut up and listen!

One of my sister's common critics about me is.." u are a bad listener ! " Sheesh...
Seriously, i really tried to listen, but ..emm..ermm..yeah, perhaps i wasnt that attentive when she talked about sthg, hey..it's not my fault if smtmes my eyes wandered around as i listened to her, rite..at least my physical is there..=/. Or when i asked her to repeat her statement..okay..maybe, i wasnt that focused, but does it mean im a bad listener..?


Okay..i really need to brush up my listening skill, plus the art of communicating, learning the proper attitude in a conversation, whether face-to-face with the person or through the telephone.The consequences of lacking these two vital skills would result with me, being a complete idiot most of the time. Why i'd say idiot..? One; because i wasnt really listening, i end up giving the wrong or improper remarks to the statement said to me. Two; ill annoy ppl when i keep finishing their sentence, because my big mouth couldnt wait for its turn to speak, and enjoy interrupting when the other person talks ( duhh..justme!). Three; i couldnt really know the person talking to me, why? because i did most of the talking, and missing the chance to get to know that particular person better. Oh my..

Listing down my stupidity wasnt really what i like doing when my blog is read by ppl around the world, and as i keep thinking about this while i write, the stupider i feel. I gave a bad first impression to many ppl, because of my uncontrollable desire to talk and not listen.Smtmes, it's not that i like to talk so much, but because of the anxiety and nervousness, my mouth couldnt stop babbling ( and the stuffs that come out..was even worse ). Or when the other person is quieter, or seemed shy around me , then i 'll be the 'talker'. Naturally..that's how it'll be. And also, i barely do any active listening, because my mind is furiously thinking what to say next.

Okay..for things to change, i must change first. Start by keeping ur mouth shut most of the time, and practise to listen. Just listen. Practise eye contact when listening to the other person talking..this will help me to really focus to the message they are conveying ( gee..now i know why im always clueless or 'blurr' when sthg is said..or didnt get the joke, because i wasnt really listening!). Hmm...this is not hard, i can do this..=]. And maybe when im more silent, then im able to really listen to what my heart says. Hmm...

'talk less. listen more'. That'll be my motto from today onwards. ( ermm..eventhough i cant guarantee how long this motto will last..)

04 April 2005

blissful marriage

4th April 2005...happy 25th anniversary..mama and ayah!!!! =D

Wow..it's already their 'jubli perak'...recalling a joke i made with them the day before.." ayah dan mama buatlah persandingan semula..hehe,sempena jubli perak nih ". And the ever-not-romantic ayah of mine, shrugged off the idea, saying.." hussh..dh tua2 malulah..haa..mama suka tu nak bersanding, dia nak buat kat beranda tuh" Hahahh..i knew he'd say that, teasing my mother, who like usual, would smile at every joke my father made. Watching them teasing one another ( emm..where my father is the big teaser ) and laughing uproariously ( also my father is the one laughing the most..), the happiness i felt was bursting, overwhelming. Ya Allah, kekalkan kasih sayang dan kebahagiaan antara mereka, dan jadikanlah kami 7 beradik anak2 yg soleh dan solehah buat mereka ..aminn..

I remember asking my mother, as we were sitting in our new house, watching my father and my youngest brother delightfully playing under the rain ( actually they were digging holes and planting trees in the garden, but it rained heavily, my father shooed me into the house, leaving him to continue working under the rain in other words, 'mandi hujan' ). I asked her.." apa rahsia mengekalkan rumahtangga, mama..?". Seriously , i wanted to know, i barely see them quarelling, in fact i think i never catch them squabbling at one another. I never see my mom raised her voice to my father. They are always together, anywhere my father go, be it shopping, working in our new garden, or just a ride around kl, he will bring my mom along. And they communicate endlessly, as if there's nothing under the sun that they can't talk or discuss about. And usually my father is the one who talks a lot, compared to my mother who will play the role as the listener. Looks like the common statement ppl made," ..Kalau nak tahu psgn atas kereta tu husband and wife atau psgn bercinta, senang je. Kalau seorg pandang kiri, seorg pandang kanan, dan senyap tak bercakap apa, tu psgn dh berkahwin. Kalau rancak berbual tu psgn yg tgh maksyuk bercinta.." . Hah..my parents proved this wrong.

And mama answered .." Sabar, mesti bnyk bersabar. Kalau seorg tu ego, yg seorg lagi tak boleh nak ego jugak. Mama dah bersama dgn ayah lebih lama dr mama hidup dgn arwah mak dan ayah mama..." As she said this, her eyes was following my father's movement, who digged and worked joyously under the rain. Once in a while, my father will turned to look at my mother, grinning like a small boy seeking approval from his mother. And my mom will smile back, laughing at his antics while her eyes never leave him. I swore i saw love, love so big and so much that it was written and shone through her eyes.

Thank you Allah, for the love and happiness you bestowed upon us..bless us, and may us be a grateful servant to You..always.

Surah Ar-Rum, ayat 21 yang bermaksud.." Dan antara tanda - tanda kekuasaan- Nya, ialah Dia menciptakan untukmu isteri-isteri dari jenismu sendiri, supaya kamu cenderung dan merasa tenteram kepadanya, dan dijadikan - Nya di antaramu rasa kasih dan sayang. Sesungguhnya pada yang demikian itu benar-benar terdapat tanda - tanda bagi kaum yang berfikir.."

before i end, here's sthg i dedicated to my mama and ayah..

Mak aku pernah cakap, masa tengah duduk dapur tengok mak kupas mangga,
“ Perkahwinan ini macam satu perjudian, kita tidak tahu macamana akhirnya”
Aku pandang emak lama,
Uban dan kedut dah merata,
Pendek kata, dulu dan sekarang jauh berbeza,
Tapi pada ayah, pandangannya tetap sama,
Gurau senda seperti sediakala,
Hanya pada emak tempat ayah bermanja,
Sedangkan ayah lebih dari cukup syaratnya,
Kalau berhajat nak pasang dua.

Aku pernah tanya ayah,
“ orang kata lelaki ini pada awalnya saja penuh rasa cinta,
tapi bila dah bertahun – tahun berumahtangga,
yang tinggal cuma rasa tanggungjawab sahaja, betul ke ?”
Masa tu ayah tengah pandu kereta,
Perlahan suara ayah berkata,
Itu terpulang kepada si jejaka,
Nyatalah itu bukan hakikatnya,
Pada ayah, hanya emak selama-lamanya,
Dulu sayang, kini bertambah cinta,
Kerana bersamanya, lahir penyambung keturunan keluarga.

Aku pandang ayah lama,
Aku renung emak penuh rasa,
Barangkali inilah ibarat kata,
Sehidup semati bersama berdua,
Bukti masih wujud cinta setia,
Dalam dunia yang banyak syaitan bertopengkan manusia.

Dalam hati aku bersyukur,
Emak memang bertuah, ayah tumpang beruntung,
Kerana menemui pelengkap diri,
Dalam perhubungan suami isteri.

02 April 2005


I read an article few days back about ‘perfectionist’. Hmm….

Hate to admit it, as I was reading a few of the criterias stated about perfectionist, I felt like im looking at a reflection of myself in the mirror. Am I a perfectionist..?

Okay,,a little bit, yes..but certainly and definitely not the neurotic type, more like someone who likes to see her work done perfectly, so that i can look at it with triumph and satisfaction. Someone who’d rather not sleep at night than submitting a paper work or project that is not my standard of work. Someone who likes to see things in order and organized. Someone who would re-print the whole paper rather than smudging the error with correction liquid, because it will be untidy..and...untidy. Someone who cant stand people not giving their full effort in doing group works, in other words attitude ‘asal siap jadilah’.( org kata, ‘ buat keje macam melepaskan batuk kat tangga’). Someone who would rather do all the work herself, as it will promise her the satisfaction she wants, than delegating works, and the result is..ermm..easy said, she will end up doing their work all over again. Someone who …oh my God…i am a perfectionist.!!

As we are on this topic, recalling a conversation with one of my friends once, she said that all dentists, or dentist–to-be have a side of perfectionist in them. Because we deal with tiny things that need us to concentrate on the details. Carving restorations on teeth, creating it to its normal morphology, cutting tooth and meticulously ensuring not to overcut and avoiding cutting adjacent tooth..etc, all these makes dentist a perfectionist, but it is shown differently in different ppl. I remember listening to her words, and a sense of realisation came seeping in me, as I never really know about my perfectionist nature. Hmm..

But she also warn me the drawbacks that perfectionist might face in the future. Perfectionist tend to be more stressful in life, have more headaches, and higher risk for hypertension and finally heart problem. In a more serious case, might lead to mental illness, as they demand perfection, cant accept errors or mistakes, they force the hell out of them in their job. Tone down, she said. It’s okay not to be responsible all the time. It’s okay to settle for sthg less than perfection smtmes. And if it’s not ur job, don’t meddle in it, let ppl do their work, though it might not be up to the standard u expect from them. Because if u keep doing ppl’s work all over again, ull be someone who’s not likeable, not healthy body and mind.

Okay..advice taken. But still..being a perfectionist is good, if we put it in a good way. Perfectionist will give their best in their work, they try really hard to make things flawless. They give their 100% in every task handed to them. If I want to hire somebody, a perfectionist will be a good employee, as im sure of the satisfaction ill receive in every work by them.

So..everybody, to conclude it, it's okay being a perfectionist, as long as u dont over-being it..or else, the chances of u getting bald and grey hairs before 40, plus the headaches, and becoming a grouch and grumpy person ..will be higher. Bear that in mind..( and you too, justme!)