27 February 2005

pondering alone...

Dalam wanita aku, ada ‘lelaki’nya.
Dalam kasar aku, ada lembutnya.
Dalam tikus aku, ada singanya.
Dalam manis aku, ada bengisnya.
Dalam riuh tawa ku, wujud simpatinya.
Yang menjadikan aku lebih manusia…

Dalam tegas aku, ada lemahnya.
Dalam yakin aku, ada was-wasnya.
Dalam ingin aku, ada ragu-ragu.
Dalam mahu aku, ada malu.
Dalam percaya aku, terselit curiga
Agar aku lebih waspada…
Berjalan di dunia..

Dari luaran, hanya lahiriah mampu dipandang
Dari sinar mata, mampukah dibaca semua…
Dari tutur kata, seiringkah dengan suara jiwa..
Dari gerak geri, bolehkah ditelah isi hati..

Penilaian manusia yang dangkal, hanya mampu sejangkau akal.
Pemerhatian hamba yang terbatas, kerapkali kebenaran tewas.
Keupayaan kita yang singkat, layakkah kita mengaku hebat?

Meneka dan menduga, mengagak dan mencongak,
Cuba mentafsir dari mata dan telinga,
Antara nyata dan pura-pura,
Bisakah dibeza..

Untuk mengenali, maka harus dirapati
Untuk mengetahui, maka mesti diselidiki,
Untuk mencintai terlebih dahulu perlu difahami..

- scribbling inner thoughts in my room…

25 February 2005

a bad sailor

im not good a friend.
never really good in friendship..=/

or is it im refraining myself from being too close to anyone..? Be it a female friend, more else a male friend..i find it hard to really give myself and allow friendship to sail smoothly on its own..i always tend to pad the wave so that it will land me safely ..scared ill be drifted somewhere unfamiliar, or ive chosen a wrong sailor to sail along in this 'ship of friends'...

ive got to learn to let loose myself a bit, rather than thinking too much over things, scared unnecessarily .. that usually resulted with me..back to the same spot ive been for the last 22 yrs. Let go of fear, and enjoy life ..cos life is short.
Beat the 'fear of the unknown' and face the risks upon me boldly.

Sheesh..saying is always easier...=/

24 February 2005

leaving scar forever..so that ill remember!!!!

I just couldn’t get it out from my head.

“..awak ni nampak pandai, tapi bila menjawab soalan, terus jadi tak pandai..” – prof g


Betullah kata org, words are the sharpest weapon, the effect of it lasts longer, and deeper..ouchh!

Im in my room, since there’s no internet connection available, I did like what I usually do, type it in here, and later paste it in my blog. I just need to write it out, to keep me sane.

Kelas MOS ( minor oral surgery ) is one of my favourite class, interesting it is, undoubtedly. TAdi kelas MOS lah, that resulted with me, thinking about the words spoken to me directly in front of my face. What’s wrong with me? Why cant I get the answer out smoothly from my mouth..? Why I always end up making a fool out of myself, blurting out answers like a stupid 3 yrs old instead of 23?!..Am I really like that, ‘nampak aje pandai, tapi bila menjawab..?”..Arrghhh! I don’t want to be like Bridget Jones!!!!

And to make me feel worse, is that ..i know the answers!! What’s limiting me from voicing it out was my inconfidence, scared and afraid that it might be a wrong answer.. I’d rather smile sheepishly, and pretended to think hard, while he looked long at me, waiting. And when he gave up waiting , he answered it himself, and the answer was just like what I thought it would be, in my head, but not saying it out. Nazzz. …must I always be like this ?

Okay ..correction…. Im not like this at all time, but ..when this kind of situation occurred to me, I just get so frustrated about myself ..

And this prof..the way he looked at me, challenging me with his eyes, looked at me straight in the face.. as if waiting for me to impress him, with intellectually, brilliant answers. And what did I do?! Impress him I did, with my foolish answers!

“ cara kita menjawab, biar sampai orang yang menyoal rasa gerun ..u don’t have to know lots of things, but it’s the way you answer..project how good u are ..”

“ when describing pictures..be descriptive. Look at it generally, and then to the specific parts, and then only to the more specific ..”

Come on, naz..u are not stupid, bear that in mind. U know the answers, it just that u have to be more confident. I have to study harder, be more serious and focused, and disciplined…if I want to be good, damn good. It’s not because I want to impress my profs, or friends..it’s because I know im good, and I can be better. Where’s the tough-rock-hard girl in you back in school.. remember what kakak said..” we are not the mediocre, we are among the best!!..” (..she’s a real motivator..the next Anthony Robbins plus Robert Kiyosaki she is!)

I was born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?

23 February 2005

dr mashita : soo..what is the molar relationship on the left?
me : ..ermm..i think it's CLass III molar relationship, doctor.
dr mashita : ( looked at me with 'that' look, the look ull get when u give the wrong answer..) Are u sure it's Class III ?
me: (..ehh..bukan ke..?!)..ermm.. yeah, ..i think it is...( my confidence plummeted to the floor..aiyoo!)
dr mashita : What is the definition of CLass III molar relationship ? ( eyeing me seriously..)
me : ( managed to answer in one full sentence , glancing a few times to the innocent patient sitting )
dr mashita : ok..look again in the mouth, are u sure it's CLass III ? ( come on-lah..ive given u enough hints !)
me : ( stammering for the zillionth times )..ermm..i still think it is..
dr mashita : ( ok, enough chances given)..ok then..let's move to the next..
me : ( im dead! = / )..

huwaaa..it's not Class III! It's CLass I , la cik naz ooiiii! ( running out from clinic to check the answer in books )..

but..hehehe, it was fun! never know exams can be this fun..=D ( but it'll be more fun if i get that one question right!)

21 February 2005

infidelity among women..?

today's topic discussion in radio ERA this morning. As i was getting dressed for class, i found myself listening words by words the conversation spoken by the deejays and the callers. MY..my..my....

frankly, i had to admit, stunned and shocked by certain revelations from the callers. But their bravery to opening up their stories for the benefits of others deserved a respect, if it's not because of them, i wouldnt have known the reality of todays world...( and i think im not the only one..). One of them, said that she just couldnt live with only one guy in his life..( huh?) and was cheating behind her husband since 8 yrs ago. Some of them claimed that they do all these ( having affairs with other men ) as a way to pay back, revenge or whatever it is called ..because their husband are also philandering behind their back. A few also said that, majority of the infidelity cases that involves women occurs in KL..( why every bad things must be blamed on KL? Pity my KL...=/).

One of the guy who called, blamed the technology nowadays, with the Internet chatting, SMSing day and night..all these resulted with women having more access to the men out there..and finaly he admitted, those were the reasons for the breaking up of his marriage( sorry for him)...But seriously, aren't women known for their loyalty..? Cherishing and loving their husband with all their heart..? Aren't women known for all that good qualities?..

i cant express much about this, as i never really been in a serious relationship with any guy, (more else married! )..but, if this is the trend in today's world, our morality and ethics values need to be viewed all over again. Tinggi pelajaran, bergaji besar, tapi fundamental thing as human macam 'menjaga diri dan maruah ' tak ada, pada aku tiada nilainya perempuan tu. MAaflah bunyi kasar, tapi kadang2 kita kena berkasar utk sesetgh benda.

dalam hal ni, bukan perempuan shj should be blamed, as some of them stated above," kalau bukan suami mereka curang, mereka takkan buat begitu". Yeah..i have to say, some guys are just not worth our loyalty. But listen to this piece of advice from me, for that kind of husband, yg nak kita junjung dan hormat dia sbg lelaki dan suami, tapi dia sendiri gagal menjadi lelaki yg selayaknya dihormati..jgn rendahkan diri kita dan cemarkan maruah kita membalas perlakuan mereka dengan berlaku curang jugak, kita jauh lebih baik dr itu. Daripada dpt dosa kering dan dipandang hina org, kita tak menang apa2 pun..there are other brilliant ways to treat men like that.

fuuh..tiba2 terasa hangat plak bilik beraircond nih..=]. Emosi plak ckp psl nih.Whatever it is, ..pegangan agama itu lah tunjangnya. Hebat mana pun kita, atau miskin kedana ..kalau kita ni sentiasa ingat Tuhan, ingat amanah sebagai suami dan isteri, sedar hakikat kewujudan kita kat dunia nih..insyaAllah, takkan jauh kita kesasar. Seperti pendapat seorg pemanggil pg td, "..perkara2 mcm ni berlaku sekarang, kerana institusi kekeluargaan kita dh rosak dan goyah, ramai yg takde bekalan agama yg cukup.."

work to make your marriage works. Work to be a good spouse and partner . And most of all..pesan mak .." kalau kita inginkan org yg baik, kita kena jadi org yg baik dulu.."

20 February 2005

got it!

i got it, finally ..catching the song being played in RMKL..heheh..here it is..

" aku bukan aku
yang pernah kau kenal dulu
engkau bukan engkau
yang pernah memukau
di hadapan kita
dua insan berbeza
yg mencari-cari
arahnya sendiri
suara senada
seia sekata
tiba saatnya
bercanggah jua
kita yg bersifat padu
berubah dengan waktu
kau dan keakuanmu
mencabar kesabaranku
kemana kelembutan
bicara yang bersopan
diriku dikasarkan
oleh pengalaman
andainya berjauhan
rahmatnya kedamaian
biar kau pergi
biar ku di sini"


14 February 2005

hand me the tissue, please..

when laziness is overwhelming, and it's only a month away from ur biggest exams..!Come on, justme...must it always be at the last crucial minutes..?!

Talking about uncontrolled or involuntary actions from ur body or mind..( it is uncontrolled, i wanted to flip thru books, but instead , i reached the remote control..=/).Today, another bizzare incident that has sthg to do with tears. I dunno what's wrong with my lacrimal gland , smtmes it tends to be over-activated for no important or spesific reasons. It just welled up,..and rolled down my cheeks. Today, i found myself wiping away tears as i read the news about four siblings who died instantly in a car crash somewhere in Gerik ( may their souls rest in peace, Al -Fatihah ).Guess i was just again, putting myself in the victim's shoes, as i can feel the sorrow, and understand the trauma and lost faced by the father and mother. Things like this happenned all the time to me, suddenly in tears when reading or watching devastating news, esp lost family members.But peculiarly today, i became overly sensitive while watching a re-run of American IDol ,where one of its contestants, Jasmine Trias was asked to leave. Weird, weird..perhaps i too, can feel the pain, being asked to leave after all the hard works and hopes..and also being so near to the finale, so near of reaching ur dreams. Justme..get a grip!

I was not like this when i was a kid. I was not this 'cengeng'. I used to be the tough one,compared to my elder sister, and i was pretty proud of it. I was confused when she cried at our kindergarten days. I was dubious when she again, cried when our van driver got lost one day while driving us home and i end up comforting my big sister. Where did the tough girl gone? Today, my tears are very cheap. Dunno what happenned to them, easily stimulated over small stuffs. Like other ppl's happiness or lost, death of siblings or parents. That's my weakest point. Smtmes, i had to hold myself from breaking into tears while listening to my parents words, their stories..i was just touched, in a way i cant explain.Funny huh..?And oh yeah.. i too, sobbed while watching King Munfasa died when protecting his son ( or should i say cub..?) in Lion King.Gladly enough, i never shed a tear watching movies where the lovers die or separated etc..it just doesn't trigger anything in me.Yet.

But whatever it is, im grateful, at least i have tears!..Hahah...No-lah, im grateful with the fact that im granted with emotions,and that makes me human. Looking at the world around me,emphatising their sadness and sharing their laughter,and simply understanding the reason behind it all..

11 February 2005

obssesed with teeth

what is the first thing u noticed when talking face to face with a person? Some ppl says , it's the person's eyes..as eye contact is important in communicating . Perhaps that's how the term.." dari mata turun ke hati " comes from. Or maybe the person's smile, as one's smile lights up his/her face. Heheh..a prominent zit or pimple might attract some attention..( but dont look at people's pimples..it hurts more than the pimple itself..).

Heh..but the first thing that caught the dental students' eyes..obviously, is the person's teeth. Now, before anyone rolled their eyes , or think bad about us..i feel obliged to stress here, that..we dont mean to do that on purpose. Seriously, it just happens that when talking to anyone, automatically, my eyes will glance subtly to the person's mouth, catching a sight of their teeth. Again i said, i dont mean that. A few of my friends quoted saying..." risau bercakap dgn dentist nih, mata tgk gigi je..".Sheesh..that bad huh?

I dont stare at ppl's mouth,mind you..it just that the routine since the last 4 yrs studying and observing teeth makes my eyes grew accustomed to it..heheh, drawn to inspect the teeth. And smtmes, after noting the condition of the teeth, simultaneously my mind started working.." uh huh, that's a beautiful pair of teeth..." or.."..u-oh..a sweet smile with caries at the front teeth!" or maybe.." now, what kind of malocclusion is this..? Class II div II?".

Among ourselves, dental students, we look at each other's teeth, and learnt from those. Some of them have great cases in their mouth, so they became a good model for our learning. Smtmes, they can even stop us mid-sentence to comment on sthg at our teeth ( and personally ,, i really hate this,..becoming a subject of teeth discussion, when im excitedly talking about sthg else..) The common words from them are.."...ehh..ehh..jap2, cuba sengih kejap.." ( grrr..not again) or "..eh..gigi *** ni, class brp ehh..".

whatever it is..a person's teeth can tell sthg about that person, eg his attitude towards hygiene and overall health, but judging teeth is not to be used as a tool in measuring someone, whether he's nice or bad..etc. And surely not a way to assess who's good enough to be called a friend. It is an advantage to befriended lots of ppl from different fields and variety ways of life. Be friend with the pilot, make friends with the cleaner, be nice to a dentist ( heheh..who knows , ull get free dental check up..huh?), say hello to the old man watering the plants around school area. Be glad and grateful that u are blessed with so many friends and acquantainces.

tata..my sister dh buat muka seposen, signalling indirectly that she wants to use the comp..( huh..nak 'date' dgn abg zul la tuh..). Oklah, bg jalanlah..till later bye2!

08 February 2005

keeping love alive

hi..it's me again, of courselah..who else rite? =p..

haa..today, i wanna share another piece of writings ive read in readest digest some time ago,..( i copied it down in my writing journal..very valuable knowledge for future reference..hehe). I really hope that among my blog readers are someone's wifes or husbands, as they will benefit more on this. Apa2pun..insyAllah, one day, we will play that role jugak in the future,so everyone might as well read this ,and bear it in mind. Kalau rs mcm akan lupa..sila lah buat mcm saya, copy it down..heheh =p so..here it is..

SEVEN WAYS TO KEEP THE LOVE ALIVE ;] ( taken from readest digest)

1. remember that to love someone is to wish them the best; always wish the best for each other.- loving someone doesn't only mean showering her/him with mushy romantic words and gifts, or whatever other things loving couples do, but also to lift their spirit up when their down , help each other to achieve their dreams ..and pray for one another.
2. dont forget that you are IN LOVE. Kiss her in lifts, hold her hand at the movies. Tell her she's beautiful. Tell her again. - ermm..for muslims, this refers to the married couples ya.=] . The problem with malaysian ppl is that we dont express love often enough, more else in public..or..maybe only in the first few months of marriage, after 10 yrs together, mulalah seorg berjln depan seorg berjln blkg. Come one, we can be the first to make the difference, aiyaa..ur husband or wife is legally yours!..
3.Dont speak ill of her family or friends, even the ones you dont like.- this is important but usually forgotten. There's a saying that says.." bila kita berkahwin dgn seseorg tu, kita berkahwin sekali dgn keluarga dia.." Once u stepped into this new big family of ur spouse, learn to be humble and tolerant, and respect them the way u do to ur own family members.
4. Listen to each other. When you're wrong, say you're sorry. When you're right, hush up.- well, i know it's not easy for the men to say 'sorry', but smtmes a simple sentence like' im sorry', would leave such a meaningful impact for the women. And to the ever-talkative women, when your point is proven right while debating over an issue, dont put a smug face and says " i told u so". Just shut up!
5. Never embarass or correct one another in public; try not to in private either.- ermm...learn the art of criticizing..( well, surely not like the way Simon Cowell commenting in AmericanIDol ). It's a real no-no in public , but in private when there's only the two of you, start with praises and compliments, and slowly touch the subject. Well, we dont really have to do it thru words or verbally..try to think of a way to show it thru actions..( as some ppl says words cut deeper wounds ). Whatever it is, no sarcasm, jgn perli2 atau sindir2..and dont act 'mcm kita aje yg betul'.
6. Dont yell unless the house is on fire; whispers while arguing.- haa..this is , too, important. I dont know how actually a husbands-and -wifes arguments, as i never really see it between my parents, but judging from what showing in tvs',it can be quite bad. Ermm..fire can never be faced with fire. So if the husband is burning in the flame of anger, the wife has to act as the water, and the same goes when the wife is the one bursting with frustrations ( esp during those few days in each months..nasib baiklah kuasa cerai bukan kat tgn prpmn!). Find an appropriate time when both parties are more relaxed and ready to discuss it rationally.Dont shout or throw things to the wall..malu lah kat anak2 =/
7. On the days you dont like each other, remember that you love each other.=] - heheh, i really like this one. Yup, this is definitely true. As human, with unpredictable emotions at certain phase in our lifes, there will be times when just a sight of ur spouse will make u feel annoyed or u become irritated over small things that smtmes has nothing to do with him/her. At this moments, try to keep a certain distance, as 'absence may make the heart grew fonder'..( but not too far a distance until he or she feel neglected!). Give each other space , respect his/her need to be alone and let her/him know ull be there once needed. Bear in mind, this is the person ive chosed to spend the rest of my life with, to grow old together..and i really love him/her..at all times.

well..may ur relationships and marriage grow stronger with each passing year. And pray for me too ya..=]

" we come to love not by knowing a perfect person, but by learning an imperfect person perfectly.."- Shakespeare

05 February 2005

eyeing the forbidden fruit

copied this from an article in Berita Harian...hope we can learn from this..


1. Jika kamu hendak berbuat sesuatu, tapi hati kamu gelisah kerananya, maka janganlah kamu perbuat kerana aku sewaktu akan makan buah larangan di syurga, hati aku telah bergoncang dan gelisah.

2. Jika kamu hendak mengerjakan sesuatu, lihatlah kesudahan dari perbuatan itu kerana kalau aku melihat atau memikirkan tentang akibat daripada makan buah larangan tersebut, tentu aku tidak akan makan.

3.Jika hendak melakukan sesuatu perkara maka berundinglah dengan orang-orang tertentu kerana kalau aku dahulunya berunding dengan malaikat, tentu diberitahu kepadaku supaya jangan memakan buah terlarang...

hmm..no matter how tempting the forbidden fruit is, ..it's just not worth it..

.."when you carry out acts of kindness, you get a wonderful feeling inside. It is as though something inside your body respons and says," yes, this is how i ought to feel.."- Harold Kushner

02 February 2005

only 5 minutes

repeatedly saying to myself, .." okay justme, ONLY 5 minutes..".. Have a tendency to plan for 5-10 minutes of writing in here and end up half and hour.

Today started well, alhamdulillah, early at 8 am, i had an ortho presentation where im among the presenters. Alhamdulillah, it went quite well, and secretly im kinda happy when Dr Alizae recognised me, calling out my full name ( it's kind of hard for lecturers to remember their students names, and if they do, it's enough to make the students' day!). We used babies pictures as the animation and backgrounds of the slaids..( u can never go wrong with childrens..thanks to Robiah and Raja for preparing it..). .all over, it was fun!=D

but later in the evening, im going to face a serious trouble, as again, i have no patients for paediatric clinic. Me and my partner, both of us, will be doomed when we walk in the clinic with no patients along with us. A word of encouragement...."..And this too..shall pass.." .Yeah rite, im very much comforted now..thank you.

Last weekend, there's a seminar held about the future plan after undergraduate for dental students. It was a marvellous experience, getting a chance to listen to 3 different version of stories, from a specialist in Ministry of Health, from Angkatan Tentera Malaysia, a spokeperson from private clinic and also from a doctor joining the academic staffs. Good for early thinking and planning. Well, justme, better start looking ahead, picture yourself in the next 2-3 years . When the dream of pursuing my postgrad study abroad is still burning...

okaylah..need to prepare my treatment plan for Naqib, my ortho patient and find a way to get a 'bidan terjun' paeds patient. If only miracles do happens.." ..oo..please, let any child appear from thin air, and be my patient for this evening..".