31 December 2005
wow..can't believe it's almost two weeks since my last entry.( knowing my unrestrainable desire to write..). Lots of things happenned within that time, and insyaAllah, some of it will be shared with all of you here. Still with me..? =]
it's 4 hours towards the new year of 2006. Hmm..2006, we are approaching another year,.. saying that, it occurs to me, where were all the days gone, what have i accomplished this year..? It just felt like yesterday, when i was sitting here, writing about new resolutions, hopes and dreams for 2005, and here we are, at the end of it. The clock must be ticking faster than ever...recalling a saying i read somewhere, " life is like toilet paper, the nearer it gets to its end, the faster it rolls..".
Remember i wrote in here some times ago about '100 things i want to do before 2005 ends'..? Heheh..let just say, it was not very successful, i didnt even manage to list out the 100 things, more else having done it all. One of my friends said,.." it's because u are so busy thinking of 'big' things that u want to do, rather than looking and realising the 'small' things that u could do and achieve...". Guess she got a point there. Hmm..so, how about a new list for 2006 ehh naz..?
next year ( which will be here in a few hours)..i will be older, and hopefully wiser,,(it reminds me of a 'cliche' statement 'a year older, a year wiser', where do that comes from..?). Ill be 24 years old in March, and insyaAllah..will begin my working life probably in August or Sept ( pray for me fellas..!). Entah masih hidup atau tidak masa tu. Entah masih dikurnia peluang dan diberi kesempatan. Semoga kita semua dipanjangkan usia dlm keberkatan, dilimpahkan kemurahan rezeki, diberi kesihatan yg baik, kita menjadi anak, kakak, abang, kawan, ibu, bapa, suami, isteri...yg lebih baik. Menjadi manusia dan hamba Tuhan yg lebih baik...aminn.
okaylah..more will come, just finding the proper time to sit down and write. So..till then ,everyone..wishing all of you..HAPPY NEW YEAR..!!! May this coming new year will bring along lots of love, happiness, success..and world peace.Welcome 2006..~!!!
19 December 2005
First realised my 'hidden talent'..( huhu..another self-admission, =p.. okla..not a gifted-talent..but a talent-in-the-making..how abt tht..?) when i was in Form 3. Stressed out due to the coming PMR, plus debate-prefect stuffs, having long hair seems to add the burden. So..decided to give myself a hair-cut. It was done beautifully by my mom, but the ever 'creative' me, was not satisfied with the outcome of it..and made some adjustment in the bathroom, cutting more hair which results with a 'remarkable' macam-kena-gigit-tikus hairstyle. But i couldnt complain, because it was my fault, and had to bear with the short haircut for the next several months. But..instead of getting negative remarks from ppl, my new look was complimented, causing me to beam in pride, secretly hiding the fact that it was actually a mistake.( heheh). And that's how it starts, my new passion in cutting hair..( now, let see, where do i get that gene from..? hmm)
Smtmes, i even offered to friends/families to cut their hair, but unfortunately were mostly turned down. Also had few experiences of bad attempt in cutting ppl's hair.There was this one time when i cut my sisters hair ( all three of them..smugly saying ). Accidentaly traumatising a small bit of Imah's neck..( sorry..!) , and unintentionally ruined Yah's and Bie's hair..(..sorry again! ). I made both of them look kinda like 'temenggung jugah anak barieng',and we howled in laughter looking at the final result. I guiltily said"..it doesnt look too bad,.." and "..hair grows real fast, u know ", and "..nvmd, we wear tudung, no one will notices.."..trying my best to patch the damage done. And later at night got a disapproving look and comment from ayah.(" sapa potong rambut nih..?", both of them shot accusing eyes at me,..opsie..!) . And i wonder why ppl turn down my sincere offer to cut their hair.
But..it never dampen my enthusiasm and enjoyment in cutting and hairstyling. i cut my own hair.( seriously..) whenever i feel like wanting a different look. New haircut alwys give a livelier, fresher sense in me. And yesterday, after a long time away from scissors, a friend of mine asked my help to cut her hair. Finally..!
" potong pendek tau naz, panas lah rambut nih!"
" nak pendek mcmana nih..? "
" sependek mungkin !" ( wahh..enthrusting her 'hair' destiny in my hand..this was more than i had expected ).I rubbed my hands jubilantly, ready with equipments and snip..sip..snip.. i went. Seriously into my work, tossing her head from left to right,while she kept covering her ears, scared tht i might cut them off as well. ( hey.. im not tht clumsy-lah ok..). She held the mirror in front, letting me the total freedom to cut her hair. And another friend of us, decided to join the fun and thrill of the moment, offered to take photos of us covered with sweat and hair all over the place.( biasalah,,final yr,sikit2 nk ambil gambar..ehhe).
" mcmana? ehh,jap2, sebelah ni tak sama...". Snip.snip.
" Ehh..yg ni tak sama jugak..jap2.." Another snip. snip.
" Wahh...smart-lah..nampak muda nih.. eh..sikit lagi katsini..." Go another snip.
Ta-da. We stared at her new reflection in the mirror, totally different from her previous one. Expectantly waiting for her reaction to it, i peered to look at her expression from behind. Hair were all over my clothes. And face.
"..ermm., amacam...?..ok ke?"..
"..err..pendek sgt ehh..?" ( she rubbed her bare neck that was covered with hair half-and hour ago.
"..kata nak pendek, .naz buat lah pendek..amacam ok ke? .."
"..eheheh..rasa pelik plak..tapi okaylah..."
"..tapi,,naz rs *** nampak lagi cutelah mcm ni..betul nih" (giving my most encouraging look).
"..eheh.yelah tuh!..okaylah nih.."
and later that night, as we sat together eating cakes ( sedap betuk kek coklat pasar mlm jln Tar, yg moist kek tuh..i forgot my diet instantly ), i couldnt help but felt slightly happy and impressed. She indeed look different, younger and more vibrant-looking. Even happier, when another friend of us said.." wahh..nampak smartlah rambut baru **** nih.." She shyly beamed, secretly revealing her feeling abt her new look. Hehehe...me?! i was bursting with glee inside...
well..well..who's my next 'victim'..? =D
14 December 2005
And gone too..days and years when all important decision regarding life, like which school to go, what books to buy, which place to head..are made by parents. Even clothes, shoes…name it, , when I think about it, did I ever make any important decision before ? ( apart of buying pau or mihun sup..).Seems like none. Because of a lack in skill of making decision, making one now, is hard and tough.
Stepping into adulthood, among the ‘freedom’ gained is the ability to make our own decision. Parents are always gonna be parents, the one who will worry about us, their ‘child’ (we will alwys be a child in their eyes..no matter how big or tall we grow..ehhe ), their little girl who once held their hand tightly when crossing the street, the child who sleeps soundly as they fondly ‘tepuk’ our butt or sing lullaby for us. Scared and worried..that their precious child might get hurt, injured or scarred once they let go their hands. We can never really understand a parent’s mind, until the day we become one. That’s what my mother alwys told me.
But now, as we are all grown up and holding the title ‘adult’, and there’s this big thing in front of us that we have to make decision fast, silently u found urself wishing to shrink back being a kid, with no worries of making the wrong decision. When the decision involves ppl’s life, and people around are looking expectantly at u, depending on ur word to start taking action ( example in the emergency room, when there’s a man struggling for life and all the nurses are waiting for ur decision and instruction, with no time for panic or hesitation.).Just thinking of all that makes me shudder..
And realizing that more big, important decision are waiting in front. When we have to make decision about life and future. And there’ll be no more hiding behind parents or depending on other ppl to make them for u. When it will be entirely up to us to choose and take the unknown risk of our decision. Hmmm..who ever says life is easy..
“..ayah ibarat pegang lampu suluh dan tolong suluhkan jalan, kerana ayah lebih dulu hidup, dan telah melalui jalan ini. Samada anak nak ikut jalan yg disuluh, atau memilih jalan lain, itu terpulang…kerana ayah hanya tolong suluhkan jalan..”- ayah.
January is getting nearer, and up until now, I have no decision yet. That’s the consequence of not having enough decision-making skill. Feels like all the words that ive said to ppl, ( when I was the ‘smart’ one helping other ppl to decide ), is ‘mocking’ at me. Iskk..where do I want be posted later?..huaaaa..make up ur mind, it’s not long to January,..
Of course, I would like to work in Kl, or Selangor, it’s my place, where I grew up, where my parents live, and where im most comfortable at. But life is not always on ur side....and news around stated that there’s no vacancy for First Year Dental Officer (FYDO) in KL. Great. And my parents, as usual being parents are not very keen with the idea of me working too far in south or north, not to mention Sabah or Swak, they’ll certainly freak out at the idea of me ‘bersampan’ to work.
Well, that left me with options like Melaka, Negeri Sembilan, Pahang, or Perak. My uncle suggested Kelantan, since it’s my hometown, ( biasalah , org tua, kalau boleh nak ada sedara-mara dekat2, boleh tolong tgk2kan..eheheh, ‘sweet’ lah org2 tua nih..)..but, the ‘young and adventurous’ side in me hope for sthg else. Been thinking of starting afresh at somewhere unfamiliar. Where im unrecognizable, and independently on my own. Perhaps , an experience being to Perlis for a week, kinda opened my eyes a bit, of so many things I haven’t yet see, or do.
What about Trengganu…? Never really thought about that option. Hmm..Terengganu or Kelantan..well, ill keep that in mind...
And readers..pray for me ya..life has been quite a mess the last few days..im really running out of time now...=/
10 December 2005
sehari menghadap elektif projek. Memang kena hadap sungguh dh sekarang ni.Interesting topic ..'Dyslexia Symptoms;Coordination of left and right among dental student'. Hmm..who would have guess dyslexia has anything to do with dentistry..
Alhamdulillah, Adik ditawarkan masuk SMAP Kajang. ..eheh, another generation of SMAP in the family. Deep down, i felt really relieved hearing the news, knowing that another adik of mine is going to enter sekolah agama. Pengalaman dan ilmu yg pernah aku terima 5 thn di sekolah Smap dulu, harapnya adik2 aku dpt lebih lagi. HEh..tetiba rindu sgt pulak kat sekolah tu, ..bila aku nak pergi jenguk sekolah ya. Rasa sgt happy bila Bie cakap Ust JEfridin ,Ustzh Nuri masih ingat kat aku..eheh...insyaAllah, pjg umur ada masa, aku pergi nanti...
mata dh mengantuk. Need to go. till later ya...
05 December 2005
‘Baik’ ..sesuatu yg tak punya parameter nak diukur banyak atau sikitnya. Cakap mudah, dikatakan baik kalau tak buat jahat. Lantas, tak buat jahat yg bagaimana..? tak minum arak? tak bunuh atau rogol orang ? tak pernah langgar peraturan.?
Dikira baik ke.., kalau muka manis senyum di luar, tapi di belakang mencemuh mengata. Dianggap baik ke..., kalau melayan seseorg dgn mesra dan hormat kerana dia berkepentingan untuk kita, tapi buat pandang tak pandang pada orang lain yg tak dapat beri apa-apa keuntungan. Dinilai baik ke...., tangan yg memberi dgn harapan dibalas, tangan yg menerima gembira tapi dalam hati menggerutu benci. Baik ke begitu…
Mungkin ‘baik’ adalah apabila manusia dan segala di sekeliling dilayan dengan ‘hati’. Apabila mata sentiasa mencari dan melihat kebaikan pada diri orang lain. Apabila kita membuat orang biasa rasa istimewa, disayangi dan dihormati, bukan kerana siapa dia, atau atas sebab apa yg kita dapat perolehi daripada dia. Hanya kerana dia manusia seperti kita. Kerana nilai kemanusiaan yg ada.
Apabila kita tak rasa apa yg kita buat tu ‘baik’, tapi kerana itu yg sepatutnya dibuat. Tak rasa nak tunjuk pada orang atau mengharapkan ada mata yg memerhati perlakuan ‘baik’ kita. Barangkali..begitu baru ‘baik’.
Bukan senang kan,… nak mempunyai hati yg baik. Kerana segala tutur kata, tindak-tanduk dan perbuatan adalah hasil cerminan hati. Seketul daging dalam diri manusia, yg jika baik daging itu, baiklah semuanya.
“ when you carry out acts of kindness, you get a wonderful feeling inside. It is as though something inside your body responds and says, ‘ yes, this is how I ought to feel’..”- Harold Kushner.
04 December 2005
Masa tu aku Darjah 2 Orkid, di SRK CBN, KL. Tengah 'berhingus' lagi,..dan pada usia 8 tahun tu, dalam fikiran hanya tahu pergi sekolah, main , dapat keputusan yg baik, dan balik rumah. Antara pelajaran yg menarik dan senang, ialah muzik. Masa Drjh 2, belum belajar pegang recorder, cuma belajar menyanyi je. Dan exam muzik lah yg paling mudah, hafal lagu yg diajar, dan nyanyikan dgn gaya dan penuh perasaan dpn cikgu muzik, yg akan tersenyum dan cakap ayat yg sama pd semua pelajar.." very good! ".Lagu2 nya? Hehe..aku rs seluruh kanak2 di Malaysia ni belajar lagu yg sama. Masih ingat lagu2 ni...' Tiga sekawan'..'Burung tiung'. Lagu paling popular ialah 'Ais Kacang'..sheesh..gaya ms nyanyi pun aku ingat lagi. Nak aku tunjuk..? .." bila cuaca panas terasa dahaga, singgah di gerai ais kacang diminta, susu dan jagung, kacang dan lengkong, air gula berwarna..."..
Satu hari ,seorg cikgu pelatih dtg yg mengajar kami muzik untuk beberapa minggu . Seorg cikgu berbangsa Cina, berambut lurus ke bahu. Dia sentiasa membawa gitar dia bersama setiap kali masuk kelas untuk mengajar. Dan kdg2 aku curi2 petik tali gitar dia,..heheh, 'jakunis' la katakan. She would sit on a chair dan kitorg akan duduk bersila di hadapan dia. Cara dia mengajar berbeza dr cikgu muzik lama, mungkin sbb dia generasi baru. Dia perkenalkan not2 muzik..wpun agak boring jugaklah bg kanak2 yg lebih prefer menyanyi sambil membuat gaya2 mengikut cerita lagu berbanding belajar klef trebel, C major, F minor etc.. yg membosankan bg aku pd masa itu. But..her short presence left behind a small memory in my mind. Memory of a song.
I remembered oneday, as she sat on her chair, her long hair swayed behind her shoulder. She taught us this song, ' Biarkan bunga berkembang'. As she sang, i dunno whether it was my imagination , but there was a sheer of happiness on her face, as if the song has a special meaning to her. I never knew that this is actually an old song, originally by 'Broery Marantika'. I only remember it as her song, the one she sang happily in front of me. And weirdly enough,the song kinda stick to my mind. Until now.
So..here's the song... come, sing along with me...
" Biarkan bunga berkembang,
di atas tangkainya,
janganlah diusik sayang,
nanti kan merana..
Bunga berkembang di dalam hati
tak mungkin lagi aku menghindari
kasih dan sayang telah bersemi
diriku seakan bermimpi...
sengaja aku nyanyikan
lagu yang syahdu
selalu aku kenangkan
wajahmu yang ayu..."
- broery marantika ' biarkan bunga berkembang'
03 December 2005
Tadi sesi paeds. One thing that makes paeds session different from other clinics, ialah ..'bising dan riuh’. With laughter.. ( though very rarely..) and tears, screams and shouts..running here and there..that smtmes makes me eyeing them in worriness, as they are playing around dental units which contain handpieces and sharp instruments, that might accidentally cause injury to them. But..children, after a few… “jgn adik,..jgn main dekat situ, bahaya !”, I turned away for split of seconds, and they are back in action.
Heh…cute they may be, but need a huge amount of patience and ‘smiling-through-gritted-teeth’ as we are struggling to keep them still on the dental chair. One thing we are taught regarding treating children is that, they have short attention span. So..whatever it is that we need to do, make it fast during their ‘obedient’ minutes . After 45 mins, they will start to move around restlessly, keep moving their head, playfully closing their mouth when our hands are still working furiously in it. This is usually in the 3-6 years old, which make it even harder for you to be mad at them. Their parents will be sitting nearby, and each time their child refuse to stay still or starting to act naughty, the fathers would open their eyes wide, which most of the time manage to keep them quiet again.
Some are very talkative and full of curiousity, ‘petah’ kata org Melayu. Some say it’s a sign that the child is bright. The first few questions are entertained willingly, but as they start to bombard us endlessly with never-ending questions like..“ Apa tu.. ?” or “ kenapa buat ni, untuk apa ni.?”, esp when we have fillings to do in their mouth and we can’t do it if they are still happily chattering away, we began to lose our patience and motherly way. No wonder…mothers are the most patient human being in the entire world. They have enough practise while bringing their kids up.
Some are very well-behaved. Too good for a kid, I think..( as I was not like that before..hehe..). Some are terrible, seriously. It’s whether they refuse to open their mouth, or when they finally did, they are howling, along with tears streaming their cheeks., esp when it’s extraction. Some are overly hyperactive, like my partner’s patient today, a 6 year-old girl. One minute we left her, we found her standing on the dental chair, with her 3-year old brother running around the place. I glanced at her mother, who could only watch, too tired to chase her two ‘not-listening’ child. I looked at my partner, who was shaking her head, using her last strand of patience and energy to control the situation. But, most of the kids ive seen so far, are quiet and timid, sitting passively on the chair. When asked, they would shyly grin, and look at their mothers. They barely speak a word, too scared maybe.
But..no matter how naughty, how timid or active, they are children. Wonderful children. After treatment, we would give them stickers, and they would perk up at the sight of it. Smtmes, we blow air into a glove and make balloons out of it, and they would be very happy and excited. Hmmm..kids…the way they look at you, with that huge eyes, ull melt like ice. Toddlers..especially..hmm..
Agaknya,….brp tahun kena penjara kalau culik ‘patient cute’ td..? Cute sgt…terbyg2 pulak muka dia..( sigh)..
02 December 2005
"..ketika Allah memberikan kemewahan, kita kena turun bawah tengok mana-mana yang boleh dibantu. Allah beri rezeki melalui kita untuk kita tolong orang lain.."
" ..kesenangan daripada Allah datang dengan tanggungjawab..."
"..saya buat apa yg tergerak dalam hati dan apa yg tercapai oleh tangan. Saya insaf bahawa diri saya ini tak kekal. Saya hanya seorang hamba Allah yg kalau ditakdirkan hidup hingga 70 thn, umur saya hanya tinggal 17 thn shj..."
" ..beri sedikit masa kepada apa yg hendak diusahakan.."
"..kena fokus, majukan diri dan selalu meningkatkan kemahiran.."
“..saya gembira dapat membantu. Kalau saya boleh membeli seekor lembu untuk sebuah kampung yang sudah lama tak makan daging, saya rasa gembira. Saya rasa seronok dapat bawa anak2 dr luar datang ke Kuala Lumpur, tengok lampu-lampu cantik. Saya tahu bagaimana perasaannya. Saya mahu org lain merasai apa yg saya pernah rasa. Saya kata pada diri saya, apa yg saya dapat saya mesti beri org lain merasainya sama. Jgn beri kurang daripada itu, lebih tak mengapa. Itu yg buat hati saya seronok..”
"..saya asal dari tak ada apa2. Apa yang saya tak tahu saya belajar, minta tolong daripada orang. Saya tak malu. Saya bukannya mencuri. Saya usaha sendiri. Sikap pemalas & pemalu ini yg orang Melayu kena atasi..”
"..mereka mungkin tak nampak ini sebagai satu kewajipan, kerana mereka tak melalui kesusahan.."
" saya suka nikmat sedikit yg saya dapat itu orang lain boleh berkongsi sama. Emak saya mengajar; kalau dapat lebih beri lebih, dapat kurang, beri kurang.."
27 November 2005
Had a minor oral surgery done on me last thursday, to remove my partially erupted lower wisdom tooth. Its not functioning, and was angulated in such a way that makes it unable to erupt fully in to arch. It impinges to the adjacent tooth, creating food impaction area..causing more problems. Not wanting to deal with it any further,i finally decided to have it removed, get it over once and for all. And because of its abnormal position, it cant be extracted through the usual extraction, need to be taken out by a procedure called 'minor oral surgery'..( rsnya pernah cerita psl ni sblm ni kan..). Meanings that it involves some incision to the part of the gum, to create an opening, section the tooth, might need some removal of bone ..and take the tooth out, and lastly, suture the gum back. It was not as bad as it sounds..
It just that the post-op experiences which are more dreadful. The complications that i must and currently are facing. The swelling up of the left jaw, the inability to open my mouth big enough to eat (more else talk), the pain and redness due to some inflammation..all signs and symptoms that are expected after the procedure. Got 2 days MC, bought loads of ice packs, stuffed it in my friend's fridge..and my activity for the past 2-3 days was putting the ice packs over the inflammed jaw...to reduce the swelling. How bad is the swelling..? hmm..how to say it..it looks as if a ping-pong ball is constantly inside my mouth, specifically situated at the left jaw, bulging out creating an asymmetrical size of the both jaws. Yup..quite like it.
the feeling of unattractiveness is one thing (hate to admit this, but yeah..), but the feeling of not being able to talk normally, not to mention laugh..was more depressing. I stayed in my room, with ice packs glued mostly to my cheek, lying on the bed, reading or watching cds. Dreading the thought of going out or walking around, as ppl are taking double looks at me. Yeah..i know, ..it looks weird alright, and funny too, in a way..but,..please dont stare. Some symphatetic ppl even offered some 'petua' to help reduce the 'bengkak', which i accepted gratefully, but not brave enuff to do so..( hey..muka nih, tak kena gaya petua, lain plak jdnya..heheh). But..thanks. Friends helped a lot, trying to cheer me up by saying words like.." takdelah bengkak sgt..ok je,.." or.." cute apa, bengkak sebelah muka, Lebih cute kalau bengkak dua2 belah..terus jd 'cherubism'..haha".Gee, thanks. My biggest problem was to hold back my laughter when some jokes are made ,..knowing my weakness, i stayed away from any laughter-causing medium, be it jokes or comedies. That's among the reason of me not going home to spend the weekend, as all my dear siblings are masters in making me doubling over with laughter.
But..it makes me realise and appreciate my jaw. ( ..how many of us here ever terlintas utk be grateful that we have perfectly normal jaw..?). As i think about it, yes..i never really think about my jaw, more else to be grateful or care about it. Until now...until im unable to open my mouth big enough to insert a spoon, not able to chew normally, not able to laugh or smile easily.( and prettily..=/). When right at this moment, i am salivating hungrily over burgers and nasi goreng kampung, but unable to eat until the wound is compeletely healed. When my left jaw is bigger than its right..and then i realised, how wonderfully , perfectly fine and functioning my jaws are, not to mention it's main purpose in creating our face features, plus holding all our teeth. Thank you Allah..for creating our jaws !
So..ppl..wish me well ya..=]. And let us be grateful for all things, ..whatever things..in our hands, in our life. It might be small, insignificant or unimportant to us now, but lose it, or when it's unable to function normally ..then only we'll realise that we can't live without it, and began desperately praying for it.
oklah..actually, im on my way to buy more ice packs, saw the internet room lights on, and here i am, knocking on the keyboard. ( tak peduli dh mata2 org yg memandang my dear swelled jaw nih..ehhe. anyway..it's much better now..). Dan sgt lapar..sbb makan pun terkial2 je..iskks..sabarlah skett, org lain yg permanently deformed lebih ramai kat dunia nih, dan lebih hebat ujian dia dr aku ...
p/s : biasa tak dgr org kata.." tak ada 5 sen tu, tak cukup seringgit ! .." .Hehe...bukan apa, sbb sesetgh org nih, buat nampak tak nampak je dgn duit 5 sen, mentang2lah 5 sen je nilainya ehh, nak buat telefon tak boleh, nak masuk vendor machine air pun tak boleh..dahlah saiznya kecik je. Tapi ada nilai tau..kerana takde 5 sen, tak cukup seringgit!
23 November 2005
Talk about experiencing how Cinderella feels when the ‘glass slipper’ slipped off. Unfortunately, it was not a glass slipper, nor a prince charming who happens to caught it and bring it back to me, galloping on a horse. Huh..and must it happened twice? On the same day..arrghh…
It was my new sandal. Correction, not really new, but I seldom wear it. Why? Because it is high heeled, and i have problems with high heels because I walk fast. Terribly fast, especially when im at clinic that smtmes I just pass through ppl, like wind ( and not the breezy-type of wind). You are supposed to ‘glide’ when u are wearing heels, (a word I got from ‘ Miss Congeniality’ )..not rushing here and there. And ‘gliding’ is a skill I haven’t yet master.
But still, Im a woman. And realizing my woman-ity, who are born to love and wear heels, I have to practise. Practise wearing heels. So, there I was, wobbly balancing myself, carefully taking each steps, keep chanting in my head that I look like a princess. Yeah..some princess I was.
It was yesterday, as I went to class wearing my precious tiny sandals. After some horrendous attempt, finally im quite able to walk gingerly in it( but not yet able to ‘glide’). But who would have expect, after I can walk successfully without tripping or tumbling, it ‘embarrased’ me. As I climbed the stairs, one of it slipped off, causing me to walk bare-footed for a few seconds. And a few steps. I quickly turned, and ..oh.My.God...i came face-to-face with a Chinese boy who was standing right behind me, witnessing the whole event, grinning amusedly at me. And to make matters worse, we know each other, as we are under the same faculty. I managed to return the smile, sheepishly to be exact, and panickingly fumbling to turn the ‘stupid’ sandal, which lying lifelessly backward at that time. Ohh…
And not like that was enough. Later during the day, it happened again. At the same stairs. ( what is wrong with that tangga, is there a curse or sthg..=/). But now, it occured in front of my group of friends, who burst out laughing. Great. A perfect way to end the day. But, as I think about it now...yeah, it was quite hilarious.
So..looks like that sandals are going back in the shelves. Yup..need more practise , I know. Perhaps, have to remind myself to slow down a bit when I walk in it, as it sure don’t look good when u are wearing delicate sandals and walking like u are on marathon. Nahh..not good at all.
Hehe..it reminds me of a scenario that occurred 8 years ago, when I was in form 4 ..ke form 3....
Me : ( walking fast across the ‘dataran perhimpunan’, baru abis kelas )
B : oit…naz, tunggulah..lajunya jalan….( trying to catch up with me )
Me : (glaring at him )..suka hati orglah..( the commonest answer during teenage years..)
B :..amboii..engko jalan laju mcm ni, nanti tertinggal pengantin lelaki ..
Me: ( smiling, slightly amused at his statement..“ sapa suruh pengantin lelaki jalan lambat!” .. ;] )
18 November 2005
so..i first met him, 10 yrs ago, i was the 'selebet' form 1 student, and he is the Form 3 prefect. Pertama kali berckp berdepan, masa beli burger dr gerai kelas dia, hari keluarga rsnya ms tu, and he was the one on duty. I lingered at his gerai, eyeing the burger ...( not eyeing sthg else..ok..eheh), and my father asked .." kak, nak burger ke..?". I remember, expression muka dia nih masa tuh..wuihh, serious betul, he didn't even laugh at some jokes my father made..( cehh..). But we bought the burger anyway. And that's it. Only God knows..that i would have more encounters with him in the future.
And later, during my form 2 year, i ventured my first attempt in debate. Actually..i dont really like to talk about this, because i didn't do anything proud enuff to be told..but the point is, he was among the debate team members, the seniors, or better said..the mentors. So...during practise and 'sesi debat persahabatan' with other schools, i get to know him more as i tagged along with the seniors. Slowly..we 'kikis' rs segan, kekok and tak biasa, and put our head together as one team. With them, i learnt many things, not only about debate stuffs, but also about making friends, and accepting differences as there were a mix of personalities in our team. But.. to make a long story short, i had a wonderful time, and all these ppl, play some small role during my learning life.
And, years passed..life goes on..who knows, we bumped in Friendster, and became friends again. ( i alwys consider him a friend, what i mean is 'connecting friend' ). Share views, give opinions, and motivate each other. Grateful to know and befriend a guy like him, someone who is a real friend, nothing more, nothing less. ( u know, because smtmes, it's hard to create clear-cut friendship with the different gender, ..). But, with him, i know, i have nothing to worry about. I even discussed and seek his opinion about some guy problems, which i guess..guy know better about guy..ehh? =]
well..it's getting long, and i better cut my speech short. To the both lovely couple, im sorry for not being able to 'meramaikan' and 'memeriahkan' ur wedding day, but my best wishes and prayers will alwys be send along the way. May the future filled with lots of happiness, love,and successes. May all obstacles faced with patience and endurance, knowing that together, u can face anything. May Allah bless both of you...dunia akhirat.
fuuh...my first wedding speech. Sorrylah..'cokia' sana sini, not used to doing this.
before i end, here's sthg..a piece of words i kept in a box where i keep nice quotes and meaningful words ..
to my friends who are....MARRIED..
Love is not about " it's your fault", but "Im sorry"
not "where are you?", but "Im right here"
not " how could you ?", but "I understand"
not " i wish you were", but " Im thankful you are"..
congratulations..mizy & kak ida!!!!=D
15 November 2005
yesterday, my first experience assisting 'minor oral surgery' ( MOS ). Getting 'scrubbed' and wore steriled gown..fuuh, suddenly, i pictured myself like all those surgeons in the OT ( eheh, wpun hanya MOS, but still,..). Berangan seminit, as the nurse tied up the gown behind me, that im about to work on a serious case, which no doctors or surgeons could manage it, and they have to seek my opinion and need my skills to operate on the patient, they have to flew me on a helicopter to get to the hospital in a hurry, as it is an urgent, emergency situation..and i would, make a serious, professional look on my face the entire time, nodding solemnly as i walked to the ppl waiting for me....Hah..berangan mmg syok. Okay, back to reality, me, assissting the MOS.
Actually, eheh, i was kinda hoping to do it, but nvmd, there'll be some other time. It's different, being the assisstant, who only helped and watched compared to the one who make the cuts and incision. Yeah, we wore the same blue gown, but the feelings and satisfaction are totally different..
okaylah..got some work to do...
09 November 2005
What is the reason, to be with someone, to fall in love..?
One of my friends said, she accepted the guy ( her boyfriend ) into her life, because she wanted a boyfriend. Eventhough she liked someone else, ..but , how longer should she wait..? And what if she turned down the guy now, and end up alone later..? Tactfully I asked “.. but, do u like him..?”. Shrugging her shoulder, she answered "...alah..org perempuan ni mudah je nak cair…lambat laun kita akan suka dia jugak.” Hmm…I see..some generalization..
Another friend responded quite the same way, saying she couldn’t bear the thought of not having a boyfriend, when mostly everybody her age is seeing someone. She couldn’t stand her mother’s expectation, continuously questioning her about it. And most of all, she’s scared that she might not found any other man in the future, so...she might just as well stay with her current boyfriend, no matter what she feels inside. Well..wish u all the best,..
Some others said yes to a guy out of pity. Some of the relationships lasts and succeeded, while some other failed halfway. It’s hard, they said, because the feelings not there, and they felt guilty because they just drift through it half-heartedly. Looking at them, I have to say I respect them,..at least they’re being honest, while some ppl choose to play with ppl’s heart for the sake of being in a relationship.
One friend gave quite an interesting answer. “.. Because he could provide me the stable future I wanted, I don’t want to be the breadwinner of the family..and i dont want to 'feed' my husband.. ” Now, that’s an honest, straight from the heart answer. Eventhough she said it jokingly, she got a point there. Well..not to say that women are materialistic, but looking at statistics, it usually cause quite some problem later in marriage life when there’s too huge gap of difference in financial aspects, between husband and wife, esp when it involves male ego, and worsen by snotty remarks from 'busybody' ppl around. But saying that..it all depends "...lain org, lainlah kan.” Success or failure in a marriage, it's entirely up to u to decide and work it out.
Different ppl have different reasons. Im not here to criticize or judge anyone, how u live in this world, it's u who make the choices. And I believe every decision made is a result of serious considering and thinking. The important thing is u are happy and able to make the other person happy, willing to be responsible for ur decision, ready to share the ups and downs..be there for one another, and bring the best out of each other. Aren’t that what being in a relationship is all about..
Some talks from a plain girl who never really be in one. But that’s how I see it. It’s not about being lovey-dovey 24/7, but the reality within it, is fake and full of hypocracy. Relationship between a man and woman should not be based because ‘u want pakwe/makwe - jd terima sjlah sapa2 pun’. It’s not about finding someone who's able to build u big mansion, which would be totally meaningless if the heart is filled with emptiness. But deciding to be with someone, maybe is simply because u like being with that person. Comfortable being urself, at ease day and night. From ordinary friendship, it blossomed to something more than that, without u realizing it. U are finally 'at home', safe and protected emotionally, and the other person did nothing other than sit next to u. U feel connected, able to open up and talk about anything,everything effortlessly. At that moment, u knew, that this person is no longer the same person u met years or months before. His or her position in your heart has shifted. Higher. Or should I say ..deeper.
And..perhaps..by that time, ur eyes stop wandering around. Ur mind stop wondering and searching, and u realised that this is the person u wish to see everyday ur whole life. The person whom u want to grow old with, build family and stay together...insyaAllah..and u know that other than this person..there's no one else. Fullstop.
See..told ya it’s hard when u think too much…
06 November 2005
And now..'voila'..the cute boy of ours..has now transformed into this handsome boy..( ..yeah2, i have to admit this one fact, and if he heard me saying this, he would beamed like red apple!), who from day to day becoming taller and 'hairy-ier'. ehhe..giving us another point to tease him about, saying stuffs like.." tengok misai dia..wuyyo..naik misai dh.." or.." ..ehh adik, dah bermisai jambang la skarang nih...". Ahah..he would then smugly smile, like he is proud of his 'misai', proving his maleness. And speaking of it, perhaps we should stop addressing and calling him by this 'adik' nickname, realising that now he is no longer the little boy in the family.
but ..it is not the physical changes that triggers me to write about him. The other day, our Internet connection broke down, and me..the ever-blurr about IT thingy, more else fixing machines or stuffs like computer, was struggling in a failing attempt, trying to find a cause of it..or better said, pretending to fix it. And along came Adik, offering his help. As i sat behind and watched him seriously checking here and there, i noticed a well-known male trait in my little brother, 'the fixer' who finds satisfaction in repairing things. Remembering my other brother, Abe who enjoyed fixing broken radio when he was a kid and also one of my father's hobby and speciality. The 'problem -solver', who will not give up, until he did all he could to make things better. The 'Martian', whe needs no advice or help from woman, unless he seeks and asks for it. Hehe..and i was restraining myself at that moment, to avoid my mouth from saying anything, and simply watched, until he gave up by himself. At that time, i know, that the apple of the family's eye..is no longer the baby, but is now a growing boy, slowly becoming a man.
Yeah..i know im gonna miss my once 'manja' Adik, but.. deep down, im proud of the man my Adik is becoming. No longer the 'little one', but a boy who helps around the house, who joins his big brother staying up late to watch a live football match,and the boy who's becoming more matured in his words and behaviour. Noticing his 'jubah' which is now short, hanging below knee level as he prayed next to my father during 'tarawikh', indicating his growth. Looking at his 'growing' moustache, silently amused at him blushing when teased about a particular girl, or when he admitted that he likes looking at one girl in the TV..( haha..). Knowing that in the next few years.. ( or maybe months..), he'll be walking beside me, looking more like a big brother rather than my Adik..( and by that time, ill have another 'bodyguard' when i go out..ehhe ). Can't wait.
03 November 2005
Apa2 pun, Ramadhan baru berlalu, menyaksikan aku masih mcm dulu. MAcam nilah, tak bnyk perubahan sebelum dan sesudah Ramadhan. Sedangkan harapan dan azam pada awalnya sgt berdegar2. ISkk..Ya Allah, aku ulang kesilapan yg sama jugak, Ramadhan aku tak pergunakan sepenuhnya. Peluang yg Engkau bentang, endah tak endah aku sambut, sedang aku tak tahu masih berkesempatankah lagi utk bertemu Ramadhan yg seterusnya.Ya Allah..pertemukan kami dgn Ramadhan-Mu lagi...
Bila usia dh tak 'kanak2' lagi, ketibaan 1 Syawal sudah tak terasa apa sgt. Cuma nak kekalkan suasana meriah menyambutnya, agar kemesraan dan keseronokan sesama ahli keluarga tak hilang dgn peredaran usia. Lagi pulak bila melihatkan adik2 bersungguh excited, ( mcm aku dululah) ,jd berusaha utk pastikan mood raya sentiasa ada dlm diri, pabila tiba 1 Syawal. Persiapan raya kat rumah aku biasa dan sederhana, takde nak bertukar2 kusyen ke langsir..apa yg ada kita elokkan rupa, dan guna. Projek biskut raya pun ,ehhe..masih berjalan, cuma tak se'membazir' dulu, yg biasanya menyebabkan adalah 2-3 jenis biskut yg kurg laku bertapa lama dlm balang berbulan2 lepas raya. Sekarang, kitorg buat yg menjadi favourite adik beradik je, biskut cornflakes, coklat cip dan tart nenas gulung..dan beli 2-3 jenis yg lain sikit2. Sebenarnya apa yg best ialah proses membuat biskut beramai2 tu..yg akan melibatkan segenap tenaga adik beradik..( kecuali Abe, ..yg liat nak menolong tp menghadap biskut sebalang..eheh, ). Seorg tukang adun, seorg tukang bentuk dan hias, tukang bakar dan susun dlm balang. Hah..ada jugak 'tukang rasa', yg biasanya akan mendapat jelingan tajam dr yg lain.." ..tolong rasa je, sedap ke tidak.. ". Ehhee..bende2 mcm nilah yg menjadikan suasana menyambut Syawal lebih terasa gembiranya.
Bersempena kehadiran Syawal ni, aku pun nak mengambil kesempatan ni mengucapkan SELAMAT MENYAMBUT 'AIDILFITRI, semoga ada sikit perubahan kalau tak bnyk dlm diri kita, hasil didikan sebulan Ramadhan. Tak perlu berubah secara drastik atau yg besar2, yg kecil2 tapi istiqomah lebih baik. Kita usaha dan cuba buat yg terbaik lagi Ramadhan akan datang. Dan jugak , aku dgn rendah diri nak meminta maaf andai ada kata2 , tulisan atau perbuatan aku yg pernah menyakitkan atau mengguris hati sesiapa. Frankly, aku sgt menghargai semua pembaca yg mengunjungi blog nih, menyedari isi kandungannya hanya bende2 biasa dr fikiran aku, tapi mengetahui ada org membaca di luar sana, menjadikan aku lebih bersemangat utk menulis dan bercerita. ..terima kasih =]..
okeylah..mlm dh larut. Kena gosok baju raya utk esok hari..till later, Salam Lebaran..!
30 October 2005
I remembered once, I did thought of trying my skill of dee-jaying, (okaylah..rosakkan bhs plak) to becoming a deejay. No, I didn’t go for any audition, just picturing myself, and gotten quite absorbed with it. I told my sisters, but their reply was really ‘inspiring’ …“ kak nak jadi deejay?..hmmph..alamatnya takde org dgrlah radio kak tuh..”. Cehh…
But, the more I think about it, the more fun it seems. U talk without being seen. Listen to musics, and converse with ppl u don’t know. Even better, u can cut the line when u got bored listening to them rattling nonstop about trying to fix the washing machine and pretend not guilty by saying ..“ ops,,talian terputus nampaknya..”. Hhehe..(making a devilish grin ). And u could share ur views and points with ppl, u could even help them solve their problems. Smtmes, ppl don’t need solutions, they just want to talk to someone to lessen the burden inside. In that sense, u are actually contributing some teeny help that might not really gonna be remembered or considered as big, but at least ur existence in this world make it a better place to someone. Someone might find ur bland rantings funny and interesting, that could brighten their day and create smile on their faces. Some other might benefit from ur simple talk about life, and help them in some way or another. Who knows, ur not-so-glamourous job, ( other than rAdio ERA deejays ) where u r hidden from the public, is how u can actually be a good citizen, doing ur part in the society. Yes, small it may seem, but i found myself many times, moved and touched while listening to some of the words by the deejays. ( and maybe that's how i started 'berangan' to be a deejay..ehhe)
When the caller trust u enough to share their deepest secret, without even knowing u. When they let our their anguish and sadness of losing their loved ones by crying in the phone, telling it to u. When u are given the priviledge to talk about almost anything on air, that will be heard by the entire nation. To entertain the people with songs and cheerful notes, inspire them with words, challenge their minds through discussions and offer them solace and help when needed. Hmm.. i believe this is a noble job, if we choose to make it that way. Not everyone is lucky enough to be given the chance to have their voice loved, waited and anticipated each day by the radio. Wahh..being a radio deejay is becoming more 'inviting' to my eyes now..
and speaking of it, what comercial name should i use,..erm, now this is the toughest and most crucial part..heheh. Should i use 'justme' ? emm..no, too boring. What about 'naz'..? ermm..to simple and ordinary. OR.."justnaz' ? No..too complicated to pronounce,, and sounded stupid as well.
ok..enuff of berangan. Think about the name if it's really gonna to happen, ok naz. It'll save ur time and reduced the wrinkles on ur forehead for thinking too much about this, which is quite unlikely to ever happen.
29 October 2005
sebenarnya bukan itu yg aku nak cerita. Psl forum Ramadhan yg disampaikan oleh 3 org panel. 2 org panel yg pertama, bercerita dgn gaya yg cukup hebat, ditambah lagi dengan lawak2 jenaka yg membuatkan hadirin gelak bagai nak pecah perut. Beza dengan panel ketiga, yg mana penampilannya jugak agak 'kurang gah', dengan susuk tubuh yg lebih kecil, nampak 'terlindung' dibandingkan 2 panel yg awal. Tapi, aku rasa panel ketiga paling berjaya 'mengikat' aku, terus khusyuk mendengar sehingga habis, paling berkesan dlm menyampaikan apa yg ingin disampaikan. Beliau sgt bersahaja, suara nya biasa je, takde intonasi2 tinggi rendah seorg penceramah, lebih seperti gaya seorg ustaz mengajar agama dlm kelas. Dan dia jugak tak berlawak jenaka, cuma sekali2 disulam tawa dan gurau. Anehnya..dia yg lebih menarik perhatian aku sbg pendengar..
Teringat pada Ustaz Zulkifli, yg dtg berceramah ketika aku masih di Smapl. Sama jugak senarionya, penceramah pertama, berceramah sehingga menyebabkan dewan gegak gempita dgn ketawa. Tp, penceramah kedua, yg tampil lebih 'senyap', memukau seluruh dewan sehingga terdiam mendengarkan kata2 yg keluar mulutnya. Kelancarannya menyebut hadis2, gaya dan suaranya yg tenang dlm menyampaikan ilmu,..sedar tak sedar mata basah. Sehabis ceramah, aku dan Asma'a berkejar mendapatkan Ustaz yg berjalan pantas2 ni. Aku cuma temankan Asma'a yg nk bertanya soalan, dan mengambil kesempatan melihat wajah tenangnya dr dekat. Pada aku dia berjaya, meninggalkan kesan sikit kalau tak bnyk dlm hati yg mendengar. Ehhe..aku dan asm'aa siap ambil autograph dia..mesti konfius ustaz seorg ni, apsallah kitorg gi ambil signature dan no tel dia..ehhe..
ringkasnya, tak perlu tarik perhatian org utk mendengar apa yg ingin kita kata dgn lawak2 jenaka yg ada antaranya pada hemat aku, sudah agak berlebihan...terutama jika ia majlis ilmu agama. Sehingga org balik dr ceramah, lebih ingat lawaknya dr buah ilmu yg disampaikan. Sehingga kadang2 aku rasa, hanya dpt ketawa shj, tapi isinya takde. Berlawak bergurau tak salah, malah perlu utk elakkan hadirin mengantuk atau keadaan jd terlalu formal dan serius, tapi jgnlah lawak jenaka tu pulak lebih hebat dr pokok ilmu yg nak diutarakan. And subtle jokes are much more preferable, rather than lawak2 yg kita boleh dgr di kedai kopi.
oohh..serius plak aku mlm ni ehh. Dh lama nak ckp psl topik nih..cuma tak tahu nak mula dan tutup mcm mana. Aku tak condemn atau critic sesapa, just voicing out what i feel. What i personally think how it should be. Pun begitu , aku faham..lain org, lainlah caranya..kan..? Cuma, yelah..there's always room for improvements, and im saying this mostly to myself..( berckp pandai, beban ditanggung kat bahu aku yg berckp nih..sapa nak jwb..)
oklah..lain kali plak..selamat ye semua..bye!
24 October 2005
im tagged by ghoyye =]. Ready..scroll on..
seven things u plan to do before u die
- be a loving wife and mother ( grow old with my hubby, and watch my kids grow )
- pilgrimmage to Mecca with husband, ayah and mama
- go to Japan and converse fluently in Japanese with the locals.
- be a good dentist and have my own clinic
- publish some of my writings
- open a nursery/kindergarten atau, paling2 tak, kelas mengaji Quran.
- be the best Mukminah and human being as a whole.
seven things i cannot do
- read in a moving car, or any transport - nanti pening!
- naik suara to my parents.
- eat any live insects or gross, smelly foods like in Fear Factor - im willing to participate, under one condition, no eating or drinking yucky-slimy stuffs.
- lie. im a teribble liar - it's either i feel guilty or i can't keep a straight face while doing it.
- read book ( esp educational book ) for straight 5 hours nonstop.( it's either i fall asleep or i got bored and do sthg else )
- snap or yell to the person im angry at infront of their face.( wpun dh practise dpn cermin beforehand, i still cant )
- pretend to be reckless atau tak kisah about something, or trying to be tak bertanggungjwb about a task - i cant, ill relapse to my old self in no time.
seven things i can do
- makan sgt bnyk at one time ( seriously i can, and worry about the weight gain later )
- soberly cry or be excitedly happy for sthg not closely related to me, like crying when reading berita kematian family org dlm paper atau be over-ly gembira sampai jd sebak tak psl2 bila observe a happy, loving couple kahwin (duuhh..naz )
- sleep while sitting straight on the chair ( and smtmes org kat blkg tak realise pun tgh tido )
- write poems, that's dug deep from my heart..(..ehhe..)
- make fun of myself, or laugh at my own silliness.
- going from one place to another on foot, and public transport all day long...even on my own.( tp it's more fun to do this with someone 'sekepala' with me )
- listen to the same one song, over and over again for days. ( ms tgh suka sgt lagu tuh )
seven celebrity crushes
- Colin Firth, in "Bridget Jones Diary 2"..( sigh )
- Jet Li, in most of his movies,esp in the movie where he becomes the bodyguard to a rich lady.
- Jang Dong Gun, in all his movies...( to anybody who has no idea who he is, ( esp kakak ), he's one of the top Korean actor.
- Jonathan Brandis, in " Sidekick " ( ms nih, i was still in primary school, isk2..)
- Tony Leung Chiu Wai, in " Infernal Affairs ", and maybe all other movies of him as well..ehhe.
- John Travolta..( esp to his voice..)
- Yutaka Takenouchi..
seven often repeated words
- ehh..ye ke?
- Mana ade -lah..!
- ..comel la plak ( name of person ) buat cemtu..
- aaaa...macam mana nih..
- betullah macam org/naz ckp...
seven things that attract me to the opposite sex
- 'Matured and calm' in attitude.
- The type that 'buat keje sendiri and tak ambil pusing org sekeliling' (seriously into his work)
- have his own mind, yet respects other's opinions..
- Confidently positive.
- able to communicate with me. (talk,argue,listen, understand ) plus fun to talk to ! And can talk about anything..eveything..
- quite religious, maksudnya bolehlah jadi imam sembahyang.
seven tags to go to ( im tagging my ex-schoolmates =] . Buat, jgn tak buat ! )
- teh azreen
- huda azni aka nuzray
..now, that's some revelation..okla, penatlah! bye!
23 October 2005
“ .. aku dh pernah cabut 100 gigi dulu, jadi takde mslh sgtlah sekarang..”( making a serious, ‘professional’ look..)
“..fuuh..aku buat 5 tampalan tadi, ..5 tampalan..”( while grinning smugly..)
As I look at his face, boasting proudly, ( and to make it worse, he kept repeating his ‘self-acclaimed victory’ several times,..like saying.. “dh cabut 100 btg gigi” for umphteen times, in case I missed hearing it, ..), I couldn’t help but feel a bit sorry for him. Is he that pitiful, that he desperately seek people to throw a pom-pom dance over his work, or he just find it as a great boost to his ego, that he can see other ppl’s amazed or awed faces listening to his boastful sentences.
My mind was thinking, what did he expect me to react listening to his ‘confession of achievements’. Am i supposed to open my eyes wide, clapped hand over my mouth and gasped, “ ooh…my God, U are our hero, our most eligible dentist, when can we be like u, so fast and efficient at work..we should die of embarrassment.”. Or should I just look as uninterested as possible, and respond nonchalantly “..oh really, like I care.” . As if I’ll ever say worshipping words to ‘kipas his ego’ more than he needs it, neither would I be that cruel to say sthg like the latter. Instead, I just smiled half-heartedly and said “hmm.. good for u…”, and quickly walk away, still thinking, can anyone be anymore boastful than that?
But seriously..he did not win anything by being ‘berlagak’ and I have this sudden urge to ‘wake’ him up from his self-indulged being, ( suddenly im picturing myself, knocking hard on his head to awake him ) that he really should stop boasting around. He’s losing friends, ppl hates him because of this, everytime he comes around ppl, they runs away, and it surely does not make him look any better. And I think im among the person left that still able to fake a ‘friendly’ face everytime he goes around telling about his ‘magnificent’ performance.
Not that im saying me or some ppl are jealous of him, or other high-achievers, we are not losers ourselves.( esp looking at his attitude that need lots of make-over, to invite more friends coming ). But, there’s a big, huge different between being successfully competent in work and letting others acknowledge it, rather than u going around making sure other ppl know about ur wonderfully, great success. Ever heard of the Malay adage,’ Diam-diam ubi berisi’, rather than ‘riuh2 sana-sini buat org benci’. ( yg ni direka sendiri..ehhe ). I praised friends and ppl all the time, who did good job and truly deserves it, esp the kind who likes to keep it to themselves, not showing-off their trophies hungered for applause. A pat on the shoulder and joyous thumbs-ub, will surely make ppl happy and motivate them to do better in the future, but..let the praises and words of ‘well done’ come sincerely from others mouth, rather than being ‘forced ‘ out to ‘jaga hati’ some ‘berlagak’ ppl.
And seriously, to guys, ..( ermm since im a girl..ehhe ), u are not impressing any woman by doing that. Eventhough u are extremely good in sthg, but once u start boasting about it, and keep focusing on u as the centre of conversation everytime u talked, ermm..i don’t see that as anyway near ‘noble’ or ‘attractive’. And we wonder why Superman, Batman, or any heroic-man prefer to shy away from public and remain as low-profile as possible, because that what makes them ‘man-ly’ to women, and making woman cry out their name for help. Make sense ehh..ehhe. Heroism is not defined by what comes out from ur mouth, but by ur action, that is seen and appreciated by others. So...guys, start finding a name, any whatsoever-man..anything other than Cicakman or Keluangman,.
But after saying all these, Im beginning to feel more sorry for him. Perhaps he doesn’t realised that his behaviour is utterly irritating to ppl. Hopefully he realizes it soon, or should I be the one to tell him, for his own sake,..before he keeps shooing ppl away and ended up alone. Ermm..i’d rather stay out of the way..or maybe I could hint it to him subtly..oh, never mind, stay out of ppl’s life, naz!
22 October 2005
Jangan ditanya kenapa aku enggan
Jangan dirunsing fikir perihal aku seorang
Jangan didesak tanya bikin aku keresahan
Kerna aku juga insan punya impian
Kemahuan hati yg tak bisa aku lepaskan
Di hadapan hari mendatang kuhitung
Di belakang masa mengejar kubingung
Di kiri kanan bingit masyarakat melaung
Sedang di dalamku, ada harapan tinggi menggunung
Mimpi semalam yg masih meranum.
20 October 2005
It ends today. My exam I mean. Alhamdulillah, Allah Maha Memberi Pertolongan, kalau nak digantungkan pada usaha aku yg sekuman tuh, emm..tak tahulah. Dalam waktu susah, tertekan, terbeban ( yg selalunya dicari sendiri sbb tak reti2 nak manage masa..), terasa sangat pergantungan pada Tuhan. Apa2 pun, doakan aku ya..sudah usaha, sekarang tinggal doa dan tawakal.
For the past week, aku ‘campak’ handset jauh2, siap turn off lagi. It’s not because I was too busy that I couldn’t spend few minutes talking thru phone, but because I really need to be away from it. Seeking some peace of mind, perhaps. I do that smtmes when Im stressed over the limit .Nahh..it’s not the phone’s fault, nor anyone..it’s totally my problem. When Im unable to handle something any longer, I run away. But 'gencatan senjata’ dh ditarik balik..im back to normal.
Ohhh..another important event that occurred today. It startled me quite a bit, because it was unexpected. The death of Datin Seri Endon. And..have I ever told u that I like Pak Lah..i really like him =]. His personality, muka dia yg mcm sentiasa tersenyum, dan gaya dia yg tenang dan berlembut dlm segala perkara, pada aku berdamping dgn org begini memberi ketenangan, terutama pada org mcm aku. Tadi aku sempat tengok siaran pengkebumian, dan mata ralit perhati Pak Lah, yg masih lagi kelihatan tenang. Apa agaknya yg berselirat dlm kepala dia ? Lepas ni, nak bercerita isi hati dengan siapalah agaknya, tentang hal2 yg tak mampu nak dikongsi dengan org lain, kecuali org yg paling hampir iaitu isteri. Kalau Pak Lah terbaca entry ni, ( manalah tahukan,..walaupun sgtlah unlikely to happen..), takziah dari aku dan seluruh rakyat Malaysia, semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas roh Allahyarhamah, amin.
okaylah, got to write more, idea yg membuak2 ditahan je spjg exam week. Some were written earlier, but need more adding up as i was writing in hurry. Before i end, i wanna share these wonderful words, written along in a card raya. I really like the words, and hope all of you feel the same way after reading it..enjoy!
Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realise it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is costly, care for it.
Life is wealth, keep it.
Life is love, enjoy it.
Life is mystery, know it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is tragedy, confront it
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it!
09 October 2005
aku dn yah ditugaskan utk menyapu dan mengemop tingkat atas. Lupa sekejap tentang penat puasa, bila excited menyental lantai. Cuaca di luar sgt terik, lega bila kerja hanya melibatkan dlm rumah. Bila aku perhatikan hiasan dalam rumah, i have to admit, ayah punya bakat dan citarasa dalam hal2 begini. Termasuk bab2 tanam-menanam dan dekorasi taman. Kesemuanya boleh dikatakan hasil idea dan penat lelah ayah. Alhamdulillah..adalah beberapa pokok2 yg ditanam ayah, dari pokok2 renek, hinggalah ke pokok 'rambutan anak sekolah'..( pun aku terfikir, 'anak sekolah'..? heheh, kalau rambutan ' cikgu sekolah' plak, mcmana rupanya..)
Lepas mengemop, menyiram rumput di halaman. ( yg mana, konfius jugak..kenapa nak disiram rumput..?). Menyiram dengan ayah..yg siap berpayung menahan terik matahari. Kemudian,dek terlebih rajin, offer diri utk basuh kereta ayah yg sudah agak kotor, ( tak sempat agaknya nak attend kereta sdiri, sibuk dgn 'kampung' barunya..=]). Kali terakhir basuh kereta ayah, masa sekolah rendah, hampir 11-12 thn dulu..ingatkan senang main jirus2 je, rupanya...issks..But, anyway, membasuh dgn YAh..penat pun tak terasa...rupanya seronok juga..
Sebelum pulang, menyebok tengok ayah tanam halia dan lengkuas di blkg rumah. Aku tak membantu apa2, tukang tadah air dari paip shj. Sambil menunggu dgn Yah, sambil mengira berapa kereta yg melintas dan menoleh tengok kami berempat terbongkok2 di atas tebing tuh. Heheh..takde keje betul.Suasana petang dengan angin yg bertiup, best jugak kat atas tuh..
Teringat pulak kata2 ayah tadi, sms dia sedang menyiram tanaman2nya.." Haa, kat halaman nilah nanti anak2 kamu nak bermain meloncat, atas rumput ni.. dengan teduh beranginnya..mesti seronoklah mereka tu nanti " Aku hanya senyum. Macam-macamlah ayah. Dlm diam terdetik di hati, semoga anganan ayah yg satu ini menjadi realiti satu hari nanti..
Bertolak pulang lewat petang..sempat aku berangan dlm kereta, emm..nak menamakan 'kampung' baru ku ini..'Teratak Mukmin', bersempena nama ayah..insyaAllah...
07 October 2005
Jika semasa kanak2 dulu, tak tahu dan tak faham kebesaran bulan ini, hanya tahu seronok nak puasa shj. Ralit mengikut siri drama Ramadhan di TV ( rumah kedai , siti zubaidah, wardah etc..). Seronok menghadap juadah berbuka di rumah yg sgt istimewa, hanya bulan puasa shj dihidangkan. Suka menghitung kad raya yg diterima, dan akan banding2 kan dgn adik beradik yg lain siapa dpt paling bnyk. Tak sabar menunggu hari di mana proses membuat biskut raya bermula, yg mana rumah akan berbau telur dan kuih. Berdebar menanti saat pengumuman tarikh hari raya puasa dan mendengar takbir, dan tak ketinggalan akan mengatur senarai rancangan hari raya yg nak ditonton. Alahai….
Dan kini, Ramadhan disambut dgn perasaan gembira yg sama, cuma dgn pengertian yg lebih berbeza. Menyedari keberkatan dan kelebihan bulan yg hanya dtg bertandang sekali sethn bersama peluang ganjaran yg berlipat ganda . Memahami hakikat Ramadhan yg menjanjikan keampunan Allah, rahmat- Nya, dan pelepasan dari api neraka buat hamba2 yg berpuasa. Menginsafi betapa ruginya diri jika membiarkan Ramadhan berlalu tanpa beza dr bulan2 yg lain. Dan mensyukuri nikmat dan kurniaan Allah, menciptakan Ramadhan buat hamba2- Nya.
Mari…kita hidupkan Ramadhan..!
"..given time, wisdom steps in.. " - quoted from a friend..(thank u..=] )
05 October 2005
so..after tip-toeing cautiously ( as we didnt wish to wake any babies up, or disturb any tired-looking mothers ), finally we arrived, Ward 4B. From the door window, we saw Leen and bursted through the door, couldn't restrain our excitement, totally forgotten that we were standing in a room of antenatal mothers. There, stood our friend, the proud new mother of her first child, a baby girl..FASHA ANDRIYANA. ( I hope i spelled it correctly ). Oohh..the cuddly, cute little baby, luckily the baby was not asleep, we spent quite some time gazing at such an amazing creation, such a beautiful baby. We didn't dare to hold her, as both of us are just out from clinic, not wanting to smear any microbs or dirtiness on a pure baby like her. So, we just sat there, looking at Leen holding her baby, with a mixture of feelings inside me.
i dont know why, but the feeling of watching Leen holding her baby, and addressing herself as ' ibu' to her child..aroused an indescribable feeling in me. Happy and excited, sikit tak sangka, a bit touched as i found my eyes glistening with tears, ( and dont ask me why, im alwys like that..),..and longing. Thinking how it would be, sitting there, cuddling ur baby. Ur own child. It feels different, when it's ur friend the one celebrating her first baby, maybe because she is just like you, yet not like u at all. Ermm..okay, what im trying to say is that, she's my age, she's my friend whom i hang out with, watch tv and spent time together, yet..look at her now..she's so far different, she's a mother. Hmm..well, i dwell on this too much, i guess...nvmd...
Whatever it is, as i walked back to campus, i couldn't shake away 'that' feeling inside me. In the same time, the look of 'Leen Junior' still remains in my head.
" Nanti ya..tunggu Fasha besar sikit, nanti Auntie Naz beli bnyk present..."( sheesh..auntie naz tuh..) . Hmm..it must wonderful, to have someone call u ' ibu'. And that would be the ultimate moment in life.
03 October 2005
saja, ingat nak mengucapkan kepada semua..selamat menunaikan ibadah puasa Ramadhan..
semoga dengan kedatangan Ramadhan kali ini, kita dapat melaluinya dgn lebih baik lagi...
doakan aku yaa..nak exam nih..=]
02 October 2005
That’s how human beings are. We are just like the tree in 4 seasons. We have our good times, when we feel like smiling all day. We had our gloom moments, when even simple things pissed us off. We had our cloudy, windy, rainbow colour day..etc..u name it. IF we tend to judge ppl based on our first meeting with them during their ‘winter day’, we will think that they are a cold, arrogant person. Who knows , later, a few months in the future, ull be surprised at how sweet and serene they really are..
So..in short..if u happen to bumped into me, with my face looking like a lioness protecting its cub indicating a sign of ‘don’t-mess-with-me’…just think that it’s just not my spring or summer days. Or when it is ur first encounter with me, and I look like a sweet, demure princess from Uganda, please don’t think im all the time like that, ..( and then say that im some kind of ‘perempuan melayu terakhir’, only if u wish to call a woman who tripped over high heels and runs around with that label, by all means , please do..hahah ).Perhaps, at that moment, im just in my summer mood, u know, feeling girlie and stuffs. ..
Basically, what im trying to point out here is that, people are just people. We are not angels all the time, and also we are not devils 24/7. Sometimes we are kind and sweet, other times we are just not in the mood of being kind. Smtmes, we are happy, smtmes we are sad. Smtmes we look like the finest man on earth, and other times, we are just a slob. So..whenever we see anyone who looks their worst, or someone just snapped at us or treated us bad, just think that perhaps ..they’re not in their good season, they didnt really mean to do that to u. Say it to urself, so that we wont hold grudges towards other ppl, or see other ppl as bad, because we are just like them, and they are just like us. We have our own seasons, and we are only humans.
01 October 2005
“ …ehh..kenapa tu naz,, what’s wrong..?” ( siap point dgn jari lagi..=/ )
“..issks..is it because of ur allergic tuh..” ( nope.it’s not..)
“ wahh..besar jerawat..fikir apa sampai mcm tu sekali..” ( ohh..fikir nak kahwin, tu pasal dia besar mcm ni..=] )
Both got the same response, a super sweet smile and an answer…” ini jerawat stress, biasalah sekali sekala..”. =] . Funny how small things like acne-on-the-face evoked such questions in ppl’s minds…ehhe, I don’t really mind actually, just don’t stare too much at it, it might be contagious ;p. And also, I appreciate it very much if ppl could just pretend it’s not there, ...ahh, perhaps the next time ppl throw questions about the ‘thing’ on my face..i would say ..
“ ..haa..what, ? I don’t see anything on my face…...”=]
“… Ohh this thing..hey, don’t u know, it’s the trend nowadays, ppl pay to have this on their face, do u want one? Have mine, free of charge…” =]
“..what ? this thing ?..it’s because im in love, that’s why..u know ppl when they are in love, they day-dream a lot,..a result of too much berangan, what can i say....haha..” =]..
ehhe..suddenly, all this crazy-nonsense thing about pimples seems a bit funny to me,... don’t u think its funny..hahha..
get back to work.
27 September 2005
Aku pernah. Malah, lebih tepat kalau dikata dah beberapa kali,..eheh. Tak pernah berhubung cinta, cuma sendiri suka. Dan setiap kali merasakannya, akan terfikir “.. mungkin ini agaknya org nya..”. Hehe..how silly I was…
Bila diingat2kan..aku sendiri tak pasti, yg aku rasa dulu tu, adakah ia suka, atau sekadar tertarik, was it love at first sight, or infatuation, atau ,,semata2 permainan perasaan yg perasan. Tertunggu2 kelibat org tu. Kalau dia takde, rasa bosan dan hambar je hari tu. Kalau dia ada berhampiran, rasanya lain, macam sgt peka akan kewujudan dia di situ. Perasaan kita ni, kadang2 boleh menipu..ditambah pulak dgn ketidak‘maksum’nya kita nih. Tup tap, tup tap..esok lusa..hilang mcm tu je perasaan tu..
Hmm..tapi yg pasti, semasa kita sedang ‘menyukai’ tu, kita mmg bersemangat. Bersemangat utk bangun pagi, utk ke sekolah dan ‘terserempak’ dgn org itu. Dan setiap kali itu, akan berharap dia akan melintas kat tepi, terpandang kita dan senyum. Paling melampau angan2, dia siap menegur ‘hai’. And that simple ‘hi’, was all u need to keep grinning for the rest of the day. A slight glimpse of that person, was enuff to make ur day. Wow, some feelings it was…=0D. Rasa nak senyum manjang.
Eheh..kelakar jugak bila difikirkan balik. Aku yg sentiasa penuh dgn perasaan dan imaginasi. Yang suka percaya dengan intuisi sendiri (walaupun selalunya tak betul.. ). Cuma, dlm usia sekarang, yg boleh dikatakan sudah dewasa, aku tak mahu layan lagi perasaan2 begini, jauh lagi utk percaya. Sudah penat berangan, sudah tak larat nak bermain dengan perasaan, yang akhirannya tak pernah tepat dan hakikat. Mungkin ini antara jalan dan pengalaman yang setiap orang harus lalui, untuk menjadikan kita lebih manusia. Yang membuatkan kita satu hari nanti, menoleh ke belakang, dan tersenyum mengenangkan kenangan menyukai seseorg ini. Mungkin kita boleh kongsikan dgn anak2 kita, di waktu mereka pulak berada dalam keadaan itu..merasai perasaan itu.
Jadi, kalau ditanya “..definisikan apa itu suka ?”. Hmm..seringkas yg aku mampu katakan, kita tahu kita suka bila kita mahu org itu gembira dan senang hati, sedaya mungkin nak tolong dan membantu bila melihat dia kesusahan. Berada dekat dengan dia, melahirkan satu perasaan yg istimewa. Kita tahu kita suka bila kita rasa bahagia, bila kita melihat hari lebih indah dari biasa, memandang dunia seakan lebih berwarna.
24 September 2005
20 years ago, 1985 :
hmm, at the age of 3 years old, no vivid memories of those years. ..ha'ah eh, can't recall anything..=/...but according to storytellers in the family, we were still living in tmn seri watan, ampang.
10 years ago, 1995 :
my first time away from home as a form 1 student in SMAPL, neg sembilan. Ermm.., not much interesting things to tell, still 'selebet'ly fumbling with my tudung and hostels's life. But, basically, what i can say is that, it was the start of a new me..yup, from a bossy, loud, harsh, dirty girl..slowly changing to a different kind of person..more quiet and ..alone. Had a sour experiences with few classmates, ( i think this was among the reason of me becoming someone so 'hermit' ) and the process of adapting to new environment. But among the memories that i choose to bring along with me till now, my friendship with Kak Ratna Sumarni..erm, my 'bidan terjun' decision to join school debate team, that opens me to lots of valuable experiences....and what else?!..oh yeah..eheh, my first experience as a teenage girl surrounded with so many boys..haha, still remember my stupidity, confused when a particular boy keep staring ( i should have stared back, instead of sheepishly and awkwardly fidgeting on my seat)..and also, my first crush..sheesh, =0)..
5 years ago, 2000 :
was in Melaka matriculation College, Londang for 1 year ++. ( sblm sampai sini, tak tahu pun ada tempat nama 'londang' nih..). Here, dunno why, ive becomed someone quite lazy to study, and prefer spending times with friends. Had wonderful roommates, that really colours my day there, maliza, zayti, and sha..all 4 with a totally different personality. And not forgetting the unbeatable five.., me, marlia, haajar, anni, and huda, praktikum buddies, we called ourselves 'the invincible' ( we were suppossed to give a group name, and this was the name we choose)...I trully,really cherish my friendship and moments with them, since i barely had a group of friends when i was in smapl..=/. We even made a promise, that we'll be reunited on 7-7-2007 ( actually the reason of this reunion is to see who's married by then, how many kids, who's who..etc..bla2..gee, girls are alwys gonna remains as girls..)..
3 years ago, 2003 :
This was the best year so far in my dentistry year..=], seriously, as i think about it now, i really like and enjoyed my 3rd year. Found myself very much excited and interested learning general surgery and medicine, and alhamdulillah, i managed to did well in those two subjects.Enjoyed tailing behind Dr Kelvin in HUKM, and later had great admiration to him..( i even wrote a poem for him when he quit from our faculty,..).My first year as a dental clinician, and started treating patients..oh yeah, my first 'human' patient is Hassan Omar ( i dont think ill ever forget his name..ehhe ). Had a really fun and marvellous time with friends, as most of 3rd year dental students were thrown to the top floor, we became close and made lots of noise at night, watched cds together..( with me and aida screamed the loudest while watching some japan, korean ghost stories..=/)..Hmm..those were the happy days..=]
Last year, 2004 :
well..not much to tell about this year, as 4th year is the toughest year . Hmm,..besides struggling in my studies, what else..? oh yeah, it's the second year im elected as the secretary for our dental students association, PMGG..( sheesh, i thought the 'berjawatan' day was over when i left school..).Had a great teamwork in our group, we did our best, we had great experiences..and personally ..i think this year's PMGG was the most successful in its achievements..hmm, salute to our YDP! And im quite regretful that i didnt put all effort in my studies, perhaps if i studied harder, ill make myself proud, and did better in exams..But alhamdulillah, i passed all papers and continued my journey to the final year.
This year, 2005 :
whoaa..my final year nih..hmm, this year, is the 'rush hour' year, to finish up all requirements..and did my best in study, Fighting!! = . Oh yeah, besides the fact that this is my last year as a student, my parents are getting 'tak senang duduk' now..aiyoo...dont worrylah...;]
Next year, 2006 :
Im a dentist by now ! =D ( insyaAllah)..will be graduating in mid-sept, cant really say where ill be at this time. Hmm..will i be joining the university, or sent somewhere around Msia, reporting duty to Ministry of Health..wherever it'll be, ill do my best! And also, ill start preparing myself and asking around for informations about furthering post-grad abroad...if there's opportunity or chances to go, i wont let it slipped off my hand, the way i did 6 years ago. Oh..and by now, perhaps, we are no longer living in our beloved 'tall house', insya Allah, we'll settle down in our new 'kampung'..=], a place where later ill be coming home for raya! And also..ehhe, hopefully to, by this time, i've started seeing someone seriously..or else, my dad are never going to stop rambling about this..ehhe, dont want to say much about this-lah..pray for me yaa..;].and another thing,by now.. im already able to drive! Tengoklah..nanti..=..
Ten years from now, 2015 :
ohho..im 33 years old now! Hmm..so far in future, yet so near. Well, insyaAllah, by this time, hopefully im juggling a few important roles in hand. A loving, wonderful wife to a loving, wonderful husband..;], a proud mother to 2 or 3 kids, =].., still the obedient daughter to both my parents, ( oh..by now, i have-in-laws..! ), still the responsible, 'gila2-skema' sister to my siblings, an enthusiastic Orthodontist or Oral Surgeon, who spread my enthusiasm to others...but the most important of all, ive become a better Muslim, someone who is more calm, tolerant and optimist...who will not forget to do my part as 'hamba Allah', share what i know with ppl..aminn.... Hmm, mungkin dh start kumpul harta sket2 utk anak2. And perhaps, by this time, ill be in a middle of planning my first book..and, who knows..ill be working on making my other dream a reality as well,..what dream?..ermm,..let just say that it's a secret for now..=].
Tracking back the long-lost memories, and picturing what will happen in the future..hmm, it makes me realise that ive been breathing freely for quite a time, ive been through the ups and downs in life, and whatever that awaits me in the future, i can face it, insyaAllah. We really can. Let's be positive and berbaik sangka..and let's work to make our dreams and hope come true. Insyallah, semoga dipanjangkan umur dan dimurahkan rezeki, dilimpah rahmat dan keberkatan..semoga seluruh perjalanan hidup kita mendapat keredhaan dan dipermudahkan..aminn..
wow..writing all these down..seems to be inspiring to me some how..=]p/s : oohh..erm,..am i supposed to continue this tagging thingy..? well ok then, im tagging neo_gillain, tm nut, bukhari, cikin, wanie..who else..?!..alah, whoever read this, and nak buat pun buatlah..it's fun anway..tata!