23 January 2006
Topic yg hangat mcm ‘goreng pisang panas’ in the Sunday paper. I followed with a mixture of feelings. Interested, amused, disbelief , plus a little bit exasperated, considering the discussion which is leading nowhere. Why? Because the debate is about the nature of man and woman. So..basically, no matter how many times ppl grumble about men being like this, or women acting like that..they are just being themselves! =P
Not to say im defending men or women. And I don’t say that I agree with all the points stated, that all women are materialistic, and entire men on earth are beautylistik ( err..ada ke perkataan nih..? =/). But realistically speaking, no matter how we pretend to deny the fact, bite our tongue and play deaf, it’s true. Why..? ill tell u why. Before tht, may i switch to Malay? I think I will be able to write better in it.
Kerana nafsu yg melahirkan kehendak2 kepada kecantikan dan kemewahan. Dan kecenderungan nafsu yg berbeza atr lelaki dan prpmn. Yg dpt mengelakkan manusia drpd menjadi “—listik”, tak kirala apa2 ‘-listik’ pun, ialah akal dan iman agar kita waras dan tidak dipandu oleh tuntutan2 nafsu yg takde kesudahannya ni. Semua manusia nak hidup senang dan mewah, tipu kalau org kata dia tak berhajat nak hidup senang krn atr sifat manusia yg diciptakan Tuhan ialah berkecenderungan terhadap kebendaan dan keindahan.
Cuma silap bila ia berlebihan dan keterlaluan. Dan menyedari sifat manusia ini, Islam ajar manusia agar berusaha, berdoa, dan bertawakal, ‘zuhud’, redha dan percaya kpd qadak dan qadar, baru manusia tidak tenggelam dengan kehendak ‘nak cantik dan nak kaya’ ni. Usaha jika hendakkan sesuatu, dlm masa yg sama berdoa dan minta pd Tuhan, dan redha serta bersyukur dgn apa yg diberi.
Jadi, tak salah perempuan atau lelaki memilih material atau rupa selagi ia tidak keterlaluan. Sedang Islam juga melandaskan syarat pemilihan psgn kepada 4 perkara;harta,keturunan, rupa dan agama. CUma jgnlah itu menjadi sasaran dan matlamat utama. Itu shj.
Seperkara lagi, lelaki dok bising ckp perempuan pilih material, yg hang dok lengut pemalas tak berusaha tuh, memanglah sampai ke tua membujang. Perlu difikir jugak resam masyarakat kita nih, women once they are married, drpd kebergantungan kpd ibu ayahnya dia beralih kepada suaminya, meanings that suami yg akan jadi pelindung, ketua dan penyara keluarga. Tempat seorg isteri merasa selamat, emosi dan luaran. Bukan sekadar nak kenyang dgn bercinta je. Woman needs to feel that they can depend on this guy, able to converse their mind and heart out, and this needs the ‘ke'sekufu'an’ or ‘compatibility’ in sense of thinking, living and future planning. Kalau org perempuannya berfikir zaman 2000, tapi yg lelakinya zaman 1950an ..where’s the compatibility there..? Fuuh..some talk from a single girll..ehhehe.( I really should write back to that paper..).
In short, (after a long rambling).. guys, berusaha utk majukan diri and stop pointing fingers to women accusing them of being ‘materialistik’. Trust me, that’s not what really important to a woman. Harta benda boleh dicari bersama and personally, I prefer it that way as I think tht ‘pencarian bersama’ nih will make a marriage more sweet and strong as everything were started from scratch and learnt together from zero. But the attitude towards life, that’s what matters. And that what differ one man to another. A positive, down-to-earth guy who works hard to make a living, plus possess some leadership qualities and strong faith in religion ( for me this is important, I want him to be my ‘imam’ sembahyang’..=]).. it's lucky for any woman to found a man like this.
Another thing a guy should realise is that, women nowadays are getting smarter and more independent. If u still think that women are still the one who follow meekly behind u, nodding to ur every words and letting men order us around, please book a ticket and go back to the dark ages. U don’t seem to be suitable living in the today’s world where women and guys are raising higher and faster each day. And..did I mention ‘together’ ? Yes, together.
But women, once we are married, it's important to bear in mind tht a wife is forever the wife, with duties and obligations to obey husband, respect and be loyal to him. Work all the way, be outspoken and all, but back at home, leave the briefcase aside and shut all office's woes. We are mothers and wives, that's our main roles in life. Never forget that fact..(shessh.. karang tak cium bau syurga nanti derhaka dgn laki..=] )
Heheh..did I go overboard ? Sorry ya, if my words hurt anyone, didn’t intend to. Next time ,ill hit the women plak..okeh? deal,.
22 January 2006
I don’t know whether u readers notice it or not, that there are some scenes especially in Malay dramas which I think can affect indirectly our akidah. Not to the extreme that’ll make one to be murtad, but it’s not good to have this kind of belief. Example, if a glass suddenly slipped off from hand and shatters on the floor, or someone accidentally had a needleprick when sewing, or cutting ones finger in the kitchen or things like tht, it indicates ‘petanda buruk’/bad omen that someone will die or sthg bad will happen after tht. Everytime a scene like this appeared on tv, and im watching with my father, he would sigh for the zillionth times saying "... org Melayu nih, bnyk khurafat betullah..”.
Another example is when someone died, it’s like a compulsory question for the reporters in Malaysia to ask the family members “ ada apa2 perangai atau kelakuan pelik si mati sebelum hari kematiannya..?” Why would a question like tht be asked in the first place..and then,all sorts of weird and funny answers will come up. “ dia nampak lebih manja dgn saya dan taknak berenggang dgn saya” or “ arwah kelihatan murung 2-3 hari sblm hari matinya..”. Then, if anyone who looked sad or acting differently, like if before he never kisses his mother and suddenly he kissed, meanings that he’s gonna die soon ? OR what if before he never wakes up early to catch his Subuh, and when one day he finally did, does it mean he's about to kiss goodbye ? OR if before he never likes the colour red, and suddenly he likes it and wear a red shirt, does it indicate a bad omen..?
No..please dont think this way and don’t even ask the questions above. It’ll make ppl believe that’s it’s true, when the actual fact is that we don’t know, and will never know how or when death gonna come knocking on our door. Aren’t death are Allah’s secret, kept hidden from our knowing so we will alwys be prepared and not to have constant worriness that’ll cause us living in misery. What I mean by constant worrying is that, if we know we are going to die hit by a car on a certain date, are we ever able to breathe normal? No, our life will be like living hell. That’s among the hikmah of us not knowing, other than Allah wants us to berusaha in life, because we don’t know what’ll happen to us tomorrow. So, work to make a good tomorrow. IF we know, that we will be married in a certain year, surely, knowing human’s nature, we will only be sitting lazily waiting for tht day to come. What’s the point of waking up in the morning if we already know what to happen.. ?That’s the beauty of Islam, some things are not for us to find out by prying our nose asking questions like tht.
I remembered back in school ( haha ..opening up girls’ secret..), there was this one time when we huddled in the study room and start inspecting our hands, looking at the details of each lines, and make predictions. All sorts of silly predictions, like ‘pangkal nama bakal suami’ or ‘umur berapa akan kahwin’ or ntahapa2 lah lagi. And then we laughed and compared our ‘findings’ with one another. (yeah2..beneficial activities in the study room ). When my father found out, he forbade me to ever indulge in such things again.
“ alah..ayah, main2 je, bukannya kak percaya pun…heheh," (sheepishly hiding my embarassment for being ‘gatal’ to predict my husband’s pangkal nama when I was suppossed to be studying )
“ Tak boleh kak, yg awalnya nak main2 dan suka2 tu lah, dibimbangkan akan buat kita terpercaya. Ni lebih kurang menilik nasib lah namanya..syirik tahu tak menilik nasib nih..”
Gulp. Syirik? Astaghfirullah…minta dijauhkan Tuhan.
Recaling that moments now, my father had a point. Yeah, mulut boleh kata main2, tapi dek kelemahan iman kita dgn cocok2 jarum syaitan lagi, memang mudah nak terpercaya dgn bende2 mcm ni. Kita minta dipelihara drpd bende2 kecil di sekitar kita yg sebenarnya salah di sisi agama, lebih merisaukan sekiranya ia melibatkan sampai dosa syirik, wal’ia zubillah.
So..the point is, don’t pry in things like mentioned above or which have any similarities to it. Don’t go trying to assume or make predictions about things in the future which is not in our ability to find out. Ajal maut, rezeki, jodoh adalah ilmu dan rahsia Tuhan, apa yg kita manusia boleh buat ialah berdoa dan berusaha, itu sahaja, di samping berbaik sangka bahawa Tuhan sentiasa memberikan yg terbaik utk kita.
Maksud Surah Luqman, ayat 34 :
" Sesungguhnya Allah, hanya pada sisi-Nya sajalah pengetahuan tentang hari kiamat, dan Dia-lah yang menurunkan hujan, dan mengetahui apa yg ada dalam rahim. Dan tiada seorang pun yang dapat mengetahui ( dgn pasti ) apa yg akan dilakukannya esok. Dan tiada seorang pun yang dapat mengetahui di bumi manakah dia akan mati. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Mengetahui lagi Maha Mengenal.."
10 January 2006
Okay, enuff of that. Someone asked me "... kak naz, boleh bagi tau petua supaya lancar bercakap semasa berucap ..” =/..hmm, petua..( rs mcm org tua pulak..).. I guess, this fella must have seen the rapid movements of my mouth, babbling away somewhere. Yeah2..i can be quite talkative smtmes.(err, most of the times)..i dunno whether this guy actual intention is to ‘main-main’, or he really wants to know, but…let just give him the benefit of the doubt, and share what I know.
Hmm..how to say it, im not a good speaker myself, still learning a lot ..and i dont intend to be 'Miss Knowledgable-about things' and start lecturing ppl on how to talk. Some ppl say, it's in the gene, like ppl who are born with talents to sing and perform beautifully, compared to some other who has to really work hard to achieve that ability. But the truth is, no matter how we acquire a certain skill, as long as we manage to prove to ourselves that we are able to do it, that's what important. Not to impress ppl, but to make ourselves proud and say.." yes,..im able to do this, and will do it the best that i can..".
as for me, i never regard myself as 'born with talents in talking' ( like that is sthg we want to be proud of ..ehhe). But i know that since kid, im the girl who enjoys talking and getting attention from it. I remembered when i was 9-10 yrs old, i would applied my mom's lipstick, ( thickly , to be exact..), smudging it messily on my lips and sit in front of the mirror. Then, i would talk, mimicking the anchor woman reporting news on television, or the lady hosting a talk show. I would talk, and talk all the way..pretending that im all grown up and talking on television about serious matters. There was this one time, when i was 'talking' to the mirror about a topic,( i just picked out any topic )...and my cousin was watching from bed. When im done, she said.. "hey..boleh tahanlah kak, ralit manihah dengar..." Wow, it really lifted my spirit up, even when the comment was from my 4 years old cousin..ehhe.
And when i was in school, i had the opportunity being exposed to more 'talking session'. I took part in public speaking, which later opened the door to debate and forum competition. And all these chances, were the thing that forced me to practise talking, willingly or unwillingly. Had to memorised texts of speeches and rehearsed the points many times till i can remember where the fullstops and commas are . And i would practise talking in front of the mirror, to see my facial expressions and body gestures as i talk. Apart from that, i had to read a lot, esp newspapers, when i was among the debate team members and i think it kinds of help to enrich my vocabularies . Another common habit i had before, was to read aloud, especially English articles. I would read aloud, along with appropriate intonations. I dont know why i did that, i just did. And still do it smtmes.
Now, being an adult and matured, i still 'talk' to the mirror. Not pretending to be an anchor woman anymore, but to practise for my oral presentations. It might appears as weird to other ppl, but it's my way to prepare myself before presenting in front of ppl. And it works for me, it gives me the practise i need, the chance to see from the audience's eyes and it helps build the confidence.
In short, ( after a long story-telling time ), what i can say to this guy, and to anyone interested to know is..practise talking and speaking. Just practise to talk, how u do it, it's up to u. I dont know about God-given talent or man-made talent,for me, i just want to do my best. The confidence to speak in public can be learnt and built from time to time through frequent-doing and exposure, and where to get the exposure is by speaking up in classes and offering to be the presenter when there's a group presentation. The problem ive seen in some ppl is their mentality and sikap 'nak kerja senang' which limits them from using their potential to the maximum. They use excuses to avoid speaking in front by shoving the job to ppl they identify as the 'speaker' or 'the one who can talk'. The result of it, only that person will get the experience and become better speaker, while the rest will forever remain quiet like mice. Reading a lot also one of the ways to help us become better speakers, as the words and ideas are alwys flowing in our mind.
Genetic inheritance..?Hmm..dunno, might play a role, but should not be used as reason why one can't talk fluently by saying " none of my ancestors are good speakers ". I remembered reading an interview with Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamed. He said he was once a very shy and quiet boy, but he worked hard to overcome his shyness because he had to, and now become one of the respected speakers in the world. Beat the fear and outlive our potential..sure we can,..=]
But the peak of all, is the feeling of satisfaction looking at the faces of ppl in front of u, listening to ur talk. Seeing them nodding their heads several times, agreeing with ur points. Noting their serious expressions like they are really hanging to every words spoken, not to mention the rows of applause u get at the of end ur speech. By that time, u know that u did it.
Scared, trembling hands, anxieties and nervousnes, heart that thumps so fast and loud it practically burst out from ur chest..all these are normal symptoms, especially if it's our first time or beginners. But trust me, once u started talking and getting hold of the ppl's attention, u will feel in control and relaxed. I think all speakers, no matter how many speeches they had give, will still slightly feel nervous, they just know how to fake it or overcome it, that's all.
so..just talk. Pretend that we are good speakers who are full of confidence, and capture the listeners. Nevermind the mistakes, small steps eventually will become big steps, so...keep talking..! =D
08 January 2006
- Admiral Yamamoto Isoroku, taken from the novel 'Memoirs of a Geisha'
07 January 2006
As i opened the box, berhabuk and all.., i found all my teenagers memories. There's this small paper bag crammed with letters. All sorts of letters, cards, short messages/notes, words...my God..didnt i throw anything away ? I opened some of the letters and was halfly-touched, half-ly amused reading through it. There were letters from 'kakak angkat'..;], from my 'monitor-and-junitor', from pen-pals and friends, some who only existed for a very short time in my life, yet i still have their letters. Including letters and notes from some 'SA's..ehhe ( fond and funny memories ms sekolah..). Some of the papers were already old and yellowish, some nearly 'hancur' and have to be opened gently, or else ill damage it.
Also safely kept are the gifts and presents from friends.I dont know why i never use those things...hmm. There are photo frames, music boxes, a clock+frame, the cute organiser ( still with me ; ]), and also the silver necklace from my monitor. I remembered when i received the necklace, i was quite shocked getting such an exquisite piece of jewellery when i only gave him a shirt =/. Because we were still young and in school, i didnt expect to get that kind of gift, plus dunno when to wear it.. so,..perhaps that was among the reason i kept it in the box for so long. But thanks,..really.. for all these precious things, it keeps the memory of the person who gave it in me. Each things has its own story, and i really cherish and treasured all of it dearly.
Terus menyelongkar khazanah dlm kotak. Found my old diary and journals, autographs (books where friends will write in it, at the end of schooling years. i have 3-4 of it..).Again ,i floated into old memories. As i flipped through it, i was choking back tears as emotions started to rise reading the lines written in the autographs. I opened and read thru some scribbled writings of mine in the diaries, and the images of the scenes came flashing vividly in my eyes. Some were stabbingly painful, some were hilariously funny, some were indescribably sweet. How childish we were at that age, thinking that that was the biggest problem in the world we'll ever encounter. The hidden feelings, the excitement and happiness,the confusion, the sadness,the longing and loneliness..the hopes and dreams. Captions of events which at that time were important to be written down, 'carved' in papers so we will never forget it.( which seem quite lame reading it back now..ehhe ). The need to share the story with someone, but it had to be kept secret..so I pour it out in diaries or journals.
Some revelations were made in autographs, perhaps thinking that it'll be their last chance to say what they want. Some took the opportunity to voice their opinions about the owner of the book, saying out things which are not able to be spoken upfront. Some of the words written makes me think, " so..that's how they see me, who i was in their eyes before.." Was i really like that, was i that kind of a person..? And..am i still like that..?
I have to admit, amidst the good life and reputation, im not proud of some of the things happenned back then, where i was the main role in it.( no..dont think too far, i did nothing of all that sort aa..). Words said can't be retrieved, actions taken are undone. Some ppl's feelings were hurt, and i hate thinking that i did that to them intentionally or unintentionally. And to make it worse, one of them is no longer here for me to beg forgiveness. Some of them are no where to be found, scattered around the world, for me to say 'im sorry'. I was just a childish, unsure, scared and confused girl..who tried my best to liven up the expectations of myself, parents, and school. Holding certain post in the school board made it even harder for me to do whatever i want or entertain my needs. Ive concealed the 'teenage' side in me, putting a hard, emotionless face as i walk, pretending not to care when i did, and brushing away any blossoming feelings in me. Heh..boy..did i look 'sombong' then, i guess i was..
Well..ive talked too much. If there's anyone here who was hurt before, by my words or actions..i apologise. If i could turn back time and do it once more, in a more appropriate and better way, i will do it. Unfortunately we can't. I just hope that ppl understand and would see it as an act of an immatured girl, who was still very much unaware of many things about life. Ive learnt from experiences and mistakes, still learning to live, and trying to better myself from day to day. Pray for me..and insyaAllah, ill be praying for all of us too..
it's easy to be judgmental towards other ppl rite...even the people we dont even know.( im telling this to myself mostly..)
04 January 2006
Kalau Loreal,..bagus jugak, well-known product ni, convincing sikit berbanding jenama yg entah dr pocok mana tak pernah dgr..Hydrafresh, extra moisture..tapi, mahal lah plak… =/
Ke..Ponds atau Olay..? Both are popular beauty product, better price and more affordable compared to Loreal,..but ..Ponds ni, tak begitu menarik hatilah.. Olay ni pernah guna, tak smpi sebulan..naik allergic reaction…, bad experience, so out…
Ke yg ni..? Murah sikit..Ishh..tapi, kot murah sgt ntah2 tak brp bagus. Rupa produk pun ‘sengkek’ je, brg mahal lebih kualiti kot..and terkenal. Yakin sikit hasilnya...ehhe..
Ke yg tu..? Made in UK. Wahh …‘Simple’..tapi catchy. Tapi tak pernah iklan kat TV pun, ...boleh caya ke nih..? Non-allergenic,..ini, kat semua botol produk lain pun ade tulih…eleh…
-Isskk…yg pentingnya, sesuai ke tak dgn aku..?? Karang beli mahal2, guna sekali, dua..terus naik gatal jerawat, habis2 terperuk tak terguna..
-Alaahh, beli jelah, yg mana2 pun, kalau tak sesuai karang, beli yg lain..apa susah.
-Amboi...sedap berckp, beli bukan pakai daun, pakai duit. Muka plak tu yg jadi taruhan... alang2 memilih berjam2, biar menang memakai.
-Susah2 sgt takyahlah pakai apa2, basuh muka dgn air paip, bersih jugak.
-Ishh..mestilah nak pakai sthg, nama pun perempuan.
Okay…enuff of storytelling. An event that occurred some times ago, in Watson, Times Square. Thinking about the analogy of the scenario.
So...how to know whether ‘kesesuaian’ tu wujud ke tidak…? No other way, than to try it. Any way, aren’t life is about finding out the meaning of sthg. Give it a try. U never know what u might be missing. Sesuai atau tidak..it’s up to u to find out. And if tak sesuai, takpelah..at least u dh ade experience with it..for future references. But if sesuai..wahh..aren’t u lucky , thinking that u are just about to let go a one in a million gift, getting and holding sthg that is hard to find..sthg that 'suits' u perfectly.
Get what Im trying to say…?..( no, im not promoting a facial product,..=/. )
01 January 2006
But, a few days before the day, a friend wavered my decision by saying ,".. aren’t kursus kahwin supposed to be special, the kind of thing couples do together, in the spirit of getting married and preparing their next life as husband -wife. What if ur ‘bakal suami’ haven’t yet attend this kursus, nanti dia kena gi sorg2 esok..”. Hmm..betul jugak tuh, kesian pulak nanti kat dia. Let just hope my future husband has already attended the kursus ok.
And, alhamdulillah.That’s how I conclude it. I didn’t regret going and quite glad that I decided to go along. I learnt many things i never knew, and didn’t bother to know before. Some speakers got very ‘into detail’, perhaps thinking that all participants are ‘bakal suami/isteri’. Some of them even wished ‘selamat pengantin baru’ at the end of their talk, causing me and other single-ton friend of mine glancing amusedly at one another. One of the speakers blurted out my singlehood news by pointing at me and asked ( of all ppl in that room, why did he has to pick me..?) “saudari dh bertunang?”. Erk.Gulp. Emm.“ belum”. I could feel eyes started to focus on me, and the penceramah ‘trying to make me feel better’ by saying ".. ahh....barangkali saudari ini nak menambah ilmu dia, baguslah.”. Yeah..thanks.
Actually, the whole thing is ‘majlis ilmu agama’. Recalling some of the basic stuffs we learn in school, and mostly forgotten by now. We were taught how to be good husbands and wife according to Islam teaching, what are the 'hak dan tanggungjawab' expected and other stuffs, like communication in marriage, how to handle conflicts, etc. It was all 'talks and lectures', can be quite a bore if the penceramah speaks monotonously, with no jokes and laughs between lines...hhehe.
Ohh..and there this one guy,(a MALAY guy, let me stress on that) which nearly 'kill' us all with his idiotic act. ( im sorry for the harsh words used, can't think of better way to describe him.). He was hooting out silly answers from the back of class all the time, interrupting the lecturers impolitely, plus the guffawing ..urrghh, he is such a pathetic attention-seeker ! At one point he was really over the line, rudely shouting answers and disturbing the lecturer in front that made me turned sharply to shot dirty look at him, i was seething in anger. I couldnt believe that there would be a guy at his age, who came for kursus kahwin ..but act like 'org tak pernah sekolah'. He was embarrasing himself, he embarrased the Malays, and most of all, he didnt seem to care about his fiancee/ makwe feeling who was there in the room. If im in her place, keluar aje dari pintu kursus, 'kensel'!! What was he trying to prove anyway..his stupidity..?! Well, he succeeded in doing that, that's for sure. Sorry for this sudden out-burst..im just so angry!!! Please, to everyone..dont do that, dont be like that. It will only make u look downright stupid and uncivilised. And u are representing ur race, ur agama..have some pride and dignity-lah.. =(
fuuh...better stop now, or ill be boiling all over again. Anyway..apart from having a 'disturbing fly' in our class, the kursus was all over wonderful. And one thing i would like to share with everyone, ..( ehhe, since dh tahu kan, jd rs nak cerita skettlah). Emm..one of the penceramah asked.." apa tujuan kamu semua nak berkahwin.?" which was greeted with murmurs of answers from the participants.
"Fitrah manusia ..ustaz" =].
"Sebab nak anak.. ustaz, nak sambung zuriat.." =).
"sebab kita sayang dialah.. ustaz.." ;>
The ustaz smiled ,..shook his head and said.." Kerana nak mendapatkan 'mawaddah wa rahmah',..yg dapat kita perolehi dlm perkahwinan..". Janji Allah, dalam surah ar-Ruum, ayat 21, i think ive written down this piece of ayat in one of my entries..look up for urself ,ok...
Yang menjadikan perkahwinan itu syurga dunia.' Mawaddah wa Rahmah'..hmm..