30 October 2005

you are on the air !

As i was listening to the deejay chattering lively with callers, I couldn’t help but imagine how it is to be a deejay. U know..entertain strangers woes and stories, and not all of them are interesting. Sitting in the ‘konti’ for hours, talking endlessly. Have they ever experienced going blank or 'lost' of what to say, or just keep repeating the same sentences over and over, until listeners got bored and switched to another station, and they got kicked out for causing low ratings..ehhe. Now that’s a wild, 'melampau' imagination...ehhe.

I remembered once, I did thought of trying my skill of dee-jaying, (okaylah..rosakkan bhs plak) to becoming a deejay. No, I didn’t go for any audition, just picturing myself, and gotten quite absorbed with it. I told my sisters, but their reply was really ‘inspiring’ …“ kak nak jadi deejay?..hmmph..alamatnya takde org dgrlah radio kak tuh..”. Cehh…

But, the more I think about it, the more fun it seems. U talk without being seen. Listen to musics, and converse with ppl u don’t know. Even better, u can cut the line when u got bored listening to them rattling nonstop about trying to fix the washing machine and pretend not guilty by saying ..“ ops,,talian terputus nampaknya..”. Hhehe..(making a devilish grin ). And u could share ur views and points with ppl, u could even help them solve their problems. Smtmes, ppl don’t need solutions, they just want to talk to someone to lessen the burden inside. In that sense, u are actually contributing some teeny help that might not really gonna be remembered or considered as big, but at least ur existence in this world make it a better place to someone. Someone might find ur bland rantings funny and interesting, that could brighten their day and create smile on their faces. Some other might benefit from ur simple talk about life, and help them in some way or another. Who knows, ur not-so-glamourous job, ( other than rAdio ERA deejays ) where u r hidden from the public, is how u can actually be a good citizen, doing ur part in the society. Yes, small it may seem, but i found myself many times, moved and touched while listening to some of the words by the deejays. ( and maybe that's how i started 'berangan' to be a deejay..ehhe)

When the caller trust u enough to share their deepest secret, without even knowing u. When they let our their anguish and sadness of losing their loved ones by crying in the phone, telling it to u. When u are given the priviledge to talk about almost anything on air, that will be heard by the entire nation. To entertain the people with songs and cheerful notes, inspire them with words, challenge their minds through discussions and offer them solace and help when needed. Hmm.. i believe this is a noble job, if we choose to make it that way. Not everyone is lucky enough to be given the chance to have their voice loved, waited and anticipated each day by the radio. Wahh..being a radio deejay is becoming more 'inviting' to my eyes now..

and speaking of it, what comercial name should i use,..erm, now this is the toughest and most crucial part..heheh. Should i use 'justme' ? emm..no, too boring. What about 'naz'..? ermm..to simple and ordinary. OR.."justnaz' ? No..too complicated to pronounce,, and sounded stupid as well.

ok..enuff of berangan. Think about the name if it's really gonna to happen, ok naz. It'll save ur time and reduced the wrinkles on ur forehead for thinking too much about this, which is quite unlikely to ever happen.

29 October 2005

majlis ilmu

hari tu, aku dan dua org kwn baik berpeluang utk dengar satu forum Ramadhan yg diadakan lepas solat tarawikh. Tahun ni, solat tarawikh terakhir aku di kolej yg dh pun aku duduki hampir 5 thn sbg pelajar ( wuih..pejam celik je kan hidup nih, pantasnya smpi tak terasa masa berlalu..)insyaAllah...thn depan kat mana pulak aku berterawikh. Di kolej aku, kami bertarawikh di surau lelaki. Peliknya,.bila dibuat di surau lelaki, ramai je muslimah turun..kalau buat kat musolla asrama prpmn, tak seramai mana..ehhe. Pada pdpt peribadi penulis-lah, mungkin disbbkan faktor lebih 'best' berimamkan org lelaki, lebih terasa bersolat tarawikh di bulan Ramadhan dgn keramaian suara sahutan selawat, ditambah pulak surau lelaki yg lebih luas dan selesa. And speaking of imam nih, aku sgt kagum dgn imam yg mengepalai jemaah kami setiap malam. Kefasihan dan kelancarannya menghafal surah2 Al-Quran..dan mampu mengalunkannya dgn baik, boleh membuatkan org yg mendengar rs nak menitis airmata. Student tahfiz agaknya...

sebenarnya bukan itu yg aku nak cerita. Psl forum Ramadhan yg disampaikan oleh 3 org panel. 2 org panel yg pertama, bercerita dgn gaya yg cukup hebat, ditambah lagi dengan lawak2 jenaka yg membuatkan hadirin gelak bagai nak pecah perut. Beza dengan panel ketiga, yg mana penampilannya jugak agak 'kurang gah', dengan susuk tubuh yg lebih kecil, nampak 'terlindung' dibandingkan 2 panel yg awal. Tapi, aku rasa panel ketiga paling berjaya 'mengikat' aku, terus khusyuk mendengar sehingga habis, paling berkesan dlm menyampaikan apa yg ingin disampaikan. Beliau sgt bersahaja, suara nya biasa je, takde intonasi2 tinggi rendah seorg penceramah, lebih seperti gaya seorg ustaz mengajar agama dlm kelas. Dan dia jugak tak berlawak jenaka, cuma sekali2 disulam tawa dan gurau. Anehnya..dia yg lebih menarik perhatian aku sbg pendengar..

Teringat pada Ustaz Zulkifli, yg dtg berceramah ketika aku masih di Smapl. Sama jugak senarionya, penceramah pertama, berceramah sehingga menyebabkan dewan gegak gempita dgn ketawa. Tp, penceramah kedua, yg tampil lebih 'senyap', memukau seluruh dewan sehingga terdiam mendengarkan kata2 yg keluar mulutnya. Kelancarannya menyebut hadis2, gaya dan suaranya yg tenang dlm menyampaikan ilmu,..sedar tak sedar mata basah. Sehabis ceramah, aku dan Asma'a berkejar mendapatkan Ustaz yg berjalan pantas2 ni. Aku cuma temankan Asma'a yg nk bertanya soalan, dan mengambil kesempatan melihat wajah tenangnya dr dekat. Pada aku dia berjaya, meninggalkan kesan sikit kalau tak bnyk dlm hati yg mendengar. Ehhe..aku dan asm'aa siap ambil autograph dia..mesti konfius ustaz seorg ni, apsallah kitorg gi ambil signature dan no tel dia..ehhe..

ringkasnya, tak perlu tarik perhatian org utk mendengar apa yg ingin kita kata dgn lawak2 jenaka yg ada antaranya pada hemat aku, sudah agak berlebihan...terutama jika ia majlis ilmu agama. Sehingga org balik dr ceramah, lebih ingat lawaknya dr buah ilmu yg disampaikan. Sehingga kadang2 aku rasa, hanya dpt ketawa shj, tapi isinya takde. Berlawak bergurau tak salah, malah perlu utk elakkan hadirin mengantuk atau keadaan jd terlalu formal dan serius, tapi jgnlah lawak jenaka tu pulak lebih hebat dr pokok ilmu yg nak diutarakan. And subtle jokes are much more preferable, rather than lawak2 yg kita boleh dgr di kedai kopi.

oohh..serius plak aku mlm ni ehh. Dh lama nak ckp psl topik nih..cuma tak tahu nak mula dan tutup mcm mana. Aku tak condemn atau critic sesapa, just voicing out what i feel. What i personally think how it should be. Pun begitu , aku faham..lain org, lainlah caranya..kan..? Cuma, yelah..there's always room for improvements, and im saying this mostly to myself..( berckp pandai, beban ditanggung kat bahu aku yg berckp nih..sapa nak jwb..)

oklah..lain kali plak..selamat ye semua..bye!

24 October 2005

it's the tagging thing again!

.." tag me more, tag me more..'cos i like doing this.."- ( sing it like Danny Zucko( john Travolta ) and Olivia-Newton John in Grease )..ehhe..=D..

im tagged by ghoyye =]. Ready..scroll on..

seven things u plan to do before u die
- be a loving wife and mother ( grow old with my hubby, and watch my kids grow )
- pilgrimmage to Mecca with husband, ayah and mama
- go to Japan and converse fluently in Japanese with the locals.
- be a good dentist and have my own clinic
- publish some of my writings
- open a nursery/kindergarten atau, paling2 tak, kelas mengaji Quran.
- be the best Mukminah and human being as a whole.

seven things i cannot do
- read in a moving car, or any transport - nanti pening!
- naik suara to my parents.
- eat any live insects or gross, smelly foods like in Fear Factor - im willing to participate, under one condition, no eating or drinking yucky-slimy stuffs.
- lie. im a teribble liar - it's either i feel guilty or i can't keep a straight face while doing it.
- read book ( esp educational book ) for straight 5 hours nonstop.( it's either i fall asleep or i got bored and do sthg else )
- snap or yell to the person im angry at infront of their face.( wpun dh practise dpn cermin beforehand, i still cant )
- pretend to be reckless atau tak kisah about something, or trying to be tak bertanggungjwb about a task - i cant, ill relapse to my old self in no time.

seven things i can do
- makan sgt bnyk at one time ( seriously i can, and worry about the weight gain later )
- soberly cry or be excitedly happy for sthg not closely related to me, like crying when reading berita kematian family org dlm paper atau be over-ly gembira sampai jd sebak tak psl2 bila observe a happy, loving couple kahwin (duuhh..naz )
- sleep while sitting straight on the chair ( and smtmes org kat blkg tak realise pun tgh tido )
- write poems, that's dug deep from my heart..(..ehhe..)
- make fun of myself, or laugh at my own silliness.
- going from one place to another on foot, and public transport all day long...even on my own.( tp it's more fun to do this with someone 'sekepala' with me )
- listen to the same one song, over and over again for days. ( ms tgh suka sgt lagu tuh )

seven celebrity crushes
- Colin Firth, in "Bridget Jones Diary 2"..( sigh )
- Jet Li, in most of his movies,esp in the movie where he becomes the bodyguard to a rich lady.
- Jang Dong Gun, in all his movies...( to anybody who has no idea who he is, ( esp kakak ), he's one of the top Korean actor.
- Jonathan Brandis, in " Sidekick " ( ms nih, i was still in primary school, isk2..)
- Tony Leung Chiu Wai, in " Infernal Affairs ", and maybe all other movies of him as well..ehhe.
- John Travolta..( esp to his voice..)
- Yutaka Takenouchi..

seven often repeated words
- ehh..ye ke?
- Mana ade -lah..!
- ..comel la plak ( name of person ) buat cemtu..
- jiayou/fighting/gambaro!!
- aaaa...macam mana nih..
- betullah macam org/naz ckp...
- cehh..

seven things that attract me to the opposite sex
- 'Matured and calm' in attitude.
- The type that 'buat keje sendiri and tak ambil pusing org sekeliling' (seriously into his work)
- have his own mind, yet respects other's opinions..
- Confidently positive.
- able to communicate with me. (talk,argue,listen, understand ) plus fun to talk to ! And can talk about anything..eveything..
- quite religious, maksudnya bolehlah jadi imam sembahyang.
- emm..*****.

seven tags to go to ( im tagging my ex-schoolmates =] . Buat, jgn tak buat ! )
- farr
- pa'e
- esteena
- suhail
- kaydee
- teh azreen
- huda azni aka nuzray

..now, that's some revelation..okla, penatlah! bye!

23 October 2005

boasting ppl..bleahh..

Hmm..do u have a friend, or know someone, who happens to enjoy ‘ boasting’ very much. Kata org Melayu ‘ suka berlagak atau cakap besar’. Example of ‘ayat berlagak’ in dental school..

“ .. aku dh pernah cabut 100 gigi dulu, jadi takde mslh sgtlah sekarang..”( making a serious, ‘professional’ look..)
“..fuuh..aku buat 5 tampalan tadi, ..5 tampalan..”( while grinning smugly..)

As I look at his face, boasting proudly, ( and to make it worse, he kept repeating his ‘self-acclaimed victory’ several times,..like saying.. “dh cabut 100 btg gigi” for umphteen times, in case I missed hearing it, ..), I couldn’t help but feel a bit sorry for him. Is he that pitiful, that he desperately seek people to throw a pom-pom dance over his work, or he just find it as a great boost to his ego, that he can see other ppl’s amazed or awed faces listening to his boastful sentences.

My mind was thinking, what did he expect me to react listening to his ‘confession of achievements’. Am i supposed to open my eyes wide, clapped hand over my mouth and gasped, “ ooh…my God, U are our hero, our most eligible dentist, when can we be like u, so fast and efficient at work..we should die of embarrassment.”. Or should I just look as uninterested as possible, and respond nonchalantly “..oh really, like I care.” . As if I’ll ever say worshipping words to ‘kipas his ego’ more than he needs it, neither would I be that cruel to say sthg like the latter. Instead, I just smiled half-heartedly and said “hmm.. good for u…”, and quickly walk away, still thinking, can anyone be anymore boastful than that?

But seriously..he did not win anything by being ‘berlagak’ and I have this sudden urge to ‘wake’ him up from his self-indulged being, ( suddenly im picturing myself, knocking hard on his head to awake him ) that he really should stop boasting around. He’s losing friends, ppl hates him because of this, everytime he comes around ppl, they runs away, and it surely does not make him look any better. And I think im among the person left that still able to fake a ‘friendly’ face everytime he goes around telling about his ‘magnificent’ performance.

Not that im saying me or some ppl are jealous of him, or other high-achievers, we are not losers ourselves.( esp looking at his attitude that need lots of make-over, to invite more friends coming ). But, there’s a big, huge different between being successfully competent in work and letting others acknowledge it, rather than u going around making sure other ppl know about ur wonderfully, great success. Ever heard of the Malay adage,’ Diam-diam ubi berisi’, rather than ‘riuh2 sana-sini buat org benci’. ( yg ni direka sendiri..ehhe ). I praised friends and ppl all the time, who did good job and truly deserves it, esp the kind who likes to keep it to themselves, not showing-off their trophies hungered for applause. A pat on the shoulder and joyous thumbs-ub, will surely make ppl happy and motivate them to do better in the future, but..let the praises and words of ‘well done’ come sincerely from others mouth, rather than being ‘forced ‘ out to ‘jaga hati’ some ‘berlagak’ ppl.

And seriously, to guys, ..( ermm since im a girl..ehhe ), u are not impressing any woman by doing that. Eventhough u are extremely good in sthg, but once u start boasting about it, and keep focusing on u as the centre of conversation everytime u talked, ermm..i don’t see that as anyway near ‘noble’ or ‘attractive’. And we wonder why Superman, Batman, or any heroic-man prefer to shy away from public and remain as low-profile as possible, because that what makes them ‘man-ly’ to women, and making woman cry out their name for help. Make sense ehh..ehhe. Heroism is not defined by what comes out from ur mouth, but by ur action, that is seen and appreciated by others. So...guys, start finding a name, any whatsoever-man..anything other than Cicakman or Keluangman,.

But after saying all these, Im beginning to feel more sorry for him. Perhaps he doesn’t realised that his behaviour is utterly irritating to ppl. Hopefully he realizes it soon, or should I be the one to tell him, for his own sake,..before he keeps shooing ppl away and ended up alone. Ermm..i’d rather stay out of the way..or maybe I could hint it to him subtly..oh, never mind, stay out of ppl’s life, naz!

22 October 2005

ngomongan hati

Jangan ditanya kenapa aku enggan
Jangan dirunsing fikir perihal aku seorang
Jangan didesak tanya bikin aku keresahan
Kerna aku juga insan punya impian
Kemahuan hati yg tak bisa aku lepaskan

Di hadapan hari mendatang kuhitung
Di belakang masa mengejar kubingung
Di kiri kanan bingit masyarakat melaung
Sedang di dalamku, ada harapan tinggi menggunung

Mimpi semalam yg masih meranum.

20 October 2005

back to blogger

Im back. =]

It ends today. My exam I mean. Alhamdulillah, Allah Maha Memberi Pertolongan, kalau nak digantungkan pada usaha aku yg sekuman tuh, emm..tak tahulah. Dalam waktu susah, tertekan, terbeban ( yg selalunya dicari sendiri sbb tak reti2 nak manage masa..), terasa sangat pergantungan pada Tuhan. Apa2 pun, doakan aku ya..sudah usaha, sekarang tinggal doa dan tawakal.

For the past week, aku ‘campak’ handset jauh2, siap turn off lagi. It’s not because I was too busy that I couldn’t spend few minutes talking thru phone, but because I really need to be away from it. Seeking some peace of mind, perhaps. I do that smtmes when Im stressed over the limit .Nahh..it’s not the phone’s fault, nor anyone..it’s totally my problem. When Im unable to handle something any longer, I run away. But 'gencatan senjata’ dh ditarik balik..im back to normal.

Ohhh..another important event that occurred today. It startled me quite a bit, because it was unexpected. The death of Datin Seri Endon. And..have I ever told u that I like Pak Lah..i really like him =]. His personality, muka dia yg mcm sentiasa tersenyum, dan gaya dia yg tenang dan berlembut dlm segala perkara, pada aku berdamping dgn org begini memberi ketenangan, terutama pada org mcm aku. Tadi aku sempat tengok siaran pengkebumian, dan mata ralit perhati Pak Lah, yg masih lagi kelihatan tenang. Apa agaknya yg berselirat dlm kepala dia ? Lepas ni, nak bercerita isi hati dengan siapalah agaknya, tentang hal2 yg tak mampu nak dikongsi dengan org lain, kecuali org yg paling hampir iaitu isteri. Kalau Pak Lah terbaca entry ni, ( manalah tahukan,..walaupun sgtlah unlikely to happen..), takziah dari aku dan seluruh rakyat Malaysia, semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas roh Allahyarhamah, amin.

okaylah, got to write more, idea yg membuak2 ditahan je spjg exam week. Some were written earlier, but need more adding up as i was writing in hurry. Before i end, i wanna share these wonderful words, written along in a card raya. I really like the words, and hope all of you feel the same way after reading it..enjoy!

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realise it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is costly, care for it.
Life is wealth, keep it.
Life is love, enjoy it.
Life is mystery, know it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is tragedy, confront it
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it!

09 October 2005

'Teratak Mukmin'

hari ni ,sehari suntuk di rumah baru, ( i like to refer it as my new 'kampung'..). Dh lama tak menjengah sana, sekali pergi ..wahh..dh jauh beza dr dulu. Patutlah ayah suka benar dtg sini...dh macam2 yg ditanamnya. Hilang gian ayah utk berkebun.

aku dn yah ditugaskan utk menyapu dan mengemop tingkat atas. Lupa sekejap tentang penat puasa, bila excited menyental lantai. Cuaca di luar sgt terik, lega bila kerja hanya melibatkan dlm rumah. Bila aku perhatikan hiasan dalam rumah, i have to admit, ayah punya bakat dan citarasa dalam hal2 begini. Termasuk bab2 tanam-menanam dan dekorasi taman. Kesemuanya boleh dikatakan hasil idea dan penat lelah ayah. Alhamdulillah..adalah beberapa pokok2 yg ditanam ayah, dari pokok2 renek, hinggalah ke pokok 'rambutan anak sekolah'..( pun aku terfikir, 'anak sekolah'..? heheh, kalau rambutan ' cikgu sekolah' plak, mcmana rupanya..)

Lepas mengemop, menyiram rumput di halaman. ( yg mana, konfius jugak..kenapa nak disiram rumput..?). Menyiram dengan ayah..yg siap berpayung menahan terik matahari. Kemudian,dek terlebih rajin, offer diri utk basuh kereta ayah yg sudah agak kotor, ( tak sempat agaknya nak attend kereta sdiri, sibuk dgn 'kampung' barunya..=]). Kali terakhir basuh kereta ayah, masa sekolah rendah, hampir 11-12 thn dulu..ingatkan senang main jirus2 je, rupanya...issks..But, anyway, membasuh dgn YAh..penat pun tak terasa...rupanya seronok juga..

Sebelum pulang, menyebok tengok ayah tanam halia dan lengkuas di blkg rumah. Aku tak membantu apa2, tukang tadah air dari paip shj. Sambil menunggu dgn Yah, sambil mengira berapa kereta yg melintas dan menoleh tengok kami berempat terbongkok2 di atas tebing tuh. Heheh..takde keje betul.Suasana petang dengan angin yg bertiup, best jugak kat atas tuh..

Teringat pulak kata2 ayah tadi, sms dia sedang menyiram tanaman2nya.." Haa, kat halaman nilah nanti anak2 kamu nak bermain meloncat, atas rumput ni.. dengan teduh beranginnya..mesti seronoklah mereka tu nanti " Aku hanya senyum. Macam-macamlah ayah. Dlm diam terdetik di hati, semoga anganan ayah yg satu ini menjadi realiti satu hari nanti..

Bertolak pulang lewat petang..sempat aku berangan dlm kereta, emm..nak menamakan 'kampung' baru ku ini..'Teratak Mukmin', bersempena nama ayah..insyaAllah...

07 October 2005

malam 1 Ramadhan

Malam 1 Ramadhan. Hmm..seperti thn2 sebelumnya, sentiasa nak mulakan Ramadhan dengan sebaik mungkin. Setulus mungkin. Dan malam 1 Ramadhan melahirkan satu perasaan yg tersendiri, rasa semangat utk jadi manusia yg lebih baik, rasa sayu dan gembira beraduk2..YA Allah, bantulah kami memuliakan Ramadhan- Mu. Tidak tahu masih panjangkah usia, utk bertemu Ramadhan yg seterusnya, sedang Ramdhan yg lalu disia2kan begitu shj.

Jika semasa kanak2 dulu, tak tahu dan tak faham kebesaran bulan ini, hanya tahu seronok nak puasa shj. Ralit mengikut siri drama Ramadhan di TV ( rumah kedai , siti zubaidah, wardah etc..). Seronok menghadap juadah berbuka di rumah yg sgt istimewa, hanya bulan puasa shj dihidangkan. Suka menghitung kad raya yg diterima, dan akan banding2 kan dgn adik beradik yg lain siapa dpt paling bnyk. Tak sabar menunggu hari di mana proses membuat biskut raya bermula, yg mana rumah akan berbau telur dan kuih. Berdebar menanti saat pengumuman tarikh hari raya puasa dan mendengar takbir, dan tak ketinggalan akan mengatur senarai rancangan hari raya yg nak ditonton. Alahai….

Dan kini, Ramadhan disambut dgn perasaan gembira yg sama, cuma dgn pengertian yg lebih berbeza. Menyedari keberkatan dan kelebihan bulan yg hanya dtg bertandang sekali sethn bersama peluang ganjaran yg berlipat ganda . Memahami hakikat Ramadhan yg menjanjikan keampunan Allah, rahmat- Nya, dan pelepasan dari api neraka buat hamba2 yg berpuasa. Menginsafi betapa ruginya diri jika membiarkan Ramadhan berlalu tanpa beza dr bulan2 yg lain. Dan mensyukuri nikmat dan kurniaan Allah, menciptakan Ramadhan buat hamba2- Nya.

Mari…kita hidupkan Ramadhan..!

"..given time, wisdom steps in.. " - quoted from a friend..(thank u..=] )

05 October 2005

simply irresistable..

Yesterday, after extraction class, me and aida hurried to 'Wad Bersalin HKL' to have a peek at Leen's first child. Went through some searching and asking around, and pausing for a couple of minutes at the nearest 'kedai runcit'..thinking of what to buy for a new mother. Finally, after wasting some time bickering with aida, of what we should bring along..as expected, we went without buying anything..after deciding that we should give some 'serious thought and discussion', to prevent us end up buying something totally useless..( as aida wanted to buy chocolate, and me voted for some 'keropok'..not like Leen or her baby will benefit either ways with that kind of gifts..).

so..after tip-toeing cautiously ( as we didnt wish to wake any babies up, or disturb any tired-looking mothers ), finally we arrived, Ward 4B. From the door window, we saw Leen and bursted through the door, couldn't restrain our excitement, totally forgotten that we were standing in a room of antenatal mothers. There, stood our friend, the proud new mother of her first child, a baby girl..FASHA ANDRIYANA. ( I hope i spelled it correctly ). Oohh..the cuddly, cute little baby, luckily the baby was not asleep, we spent quite some time gazing at such an amazing creation, such a beautiful baby. We didn't dare to hold her, as both of us are just out from clinic, not wanting to smear any microbs or dirtiness on a pure baby like her. So, we just sat there, looking at Leen holding her baby, with a mixture of feelings inside me.

i dont know why, but the feeling of watching Leen holding her baby, and addressing herself as ' ibu' to her child..aroused an indescribable feeling in me. Happy and excited, sikit tak sangka, a bit touched as i found my eyes glistening with tears, ( and dont ask me why, im alwys like that..),..and longing. Thinking how it would be, sitting there, cuddling ur baby. Ur own child. It feels different, when it's ur friend the one celebrating her first baby, maybe because she is just like you, yet not like u at all. Ermm..okay, what im trying to say is that, she's my age, she's my friend whom i hang out with, watch tv and spent time together, yet..look at her now..she's so far different, she's a mother. Hmm..well, i dwell on this too much, i guess...nvmd...

Whatever it is, as i walked back to campus, i couldn't shake away 'that' feeling inside me. In the same time, the look of 'Leen Junior' still remains in my head.

" Nanti ya..tunggu Fasha besar sikit, nanti Auntie Naz beli bnyk present..."( sheesh..auntie naz tuh..) . Hmm..it must wonderful, to have someone call u ' ibu'. And that would be the ultimate moment in life.

03 October 2005

ramadhan datang lagi

salaam semua...=]

saja, ingat nak mengucapkan kepada semua..selamat menunaikan ibadah puasa Ramadhan..
semoga dengan kedatangan Ramadhan kali ini, kita dapat melaluinya dgn lebih baik lagi...

doakan aku yaa..nak exam nih..=]

ku mengharapkan Ramadhan kali ini penuh makna
agar dapat ku lalui dengan sempurna...
ke bermohon pada Tuhan diberikan kekuatan...
..(emm..x ingat lah plak,,=/ )

02 October 2005

it's just my 'tornado' day...

I remembered a story that I once read, about a tree in 4 different seasons. During winter, the tree will be covered with snow, appeared white, and cold. A few months later, in spring, the tree will started to look lively again, the leaves are perking with yellow and brown colours. Then, summer comes, flowers blooming around and floral scent filling the air, makes it looks very fresh and inviting. But then, 3 months later, when it is autumn, all the leaves and flowers slowly dropped to the ground, leaving the tree looking hollow and empty, preparing itself for winter again. Get the moral of the story..?

That’s how human beings are. We are just like the tree in 4 seasons. We have our good times, when we feel like smiling all day. We had our gloom moments, when even simple things pissed us off. We had our cloudy, windy, rainbow colour day..etc..u name it. IF we tend to judge ppl based on our first meeting with them during their ‘winter day’, we will think that they are a cold, arrogant person. Who knows , later, a few months in the future, ull be surprised at how sweet and serene they really are..

So..in short..if u happen to bumped into me, with my face looking like a lioness protecting its cub indicating a sign of ‘don’t-mess-with-me’…just think that it’s just not my spring or summer days. Or when it is ur first encounter with me, and I look like a sweet, demure princess from Uganda, please don’t think im all the time like that, ..( and then say that im some kind of ‘perempuan melayu terakhir’, only if u wish to call a woman who tripped over high heels and runs around with that label, by all means , please do..hahah ).Perhaps, at that moment, im just in my summer mood, u know, feeling girlie and stuffs. ..

Basically, what im trying to point out here is that, people are just people. We are not angels all the time, and also we are not devils 24/7. Sometimes we are kind and sweet, other times we are just not in the mood of being kind. Smtmes, we are happy, smtmes we are sad. Smtmes we look like the finest man on earth, and other times, we are just a slob. So..whenever we see anyone who looks their worst, or someone just snapped at us or treated us bad, just think that perhaps ..they’re not in their good season, they didnt really mean to do that to u. Say it to urself, so that we wont hold grudges towards other ppl, or see other ppl as bad, because we are just like them, and they are just like us. We have our own seasons, and we are only humans.

01 October 2005

acne story

When u seldomly get pimples on the face.. once u do, suddenly it becomes the centre of attention. Especially when the zits that appear are about the size of Mount Pinatubo, and like pre-planned, they erupted at about the same location and time, perfectly on both cheeks…( sigh ). People out of nowhere approached u, with concerned faces and worried looks..some asks tactfully, while some other prefer the blunt way..

“ …ehh..kenapa tu naz,, what’s wrong..?” ( siap point dgn jari lagi..=/ )
“..issks..is it because of ur allergic tuh..” ( nope.it’s not..)
wahh..besar jerawat..fikir apa sampai mcm tu sekali..” ( ohh..fikir nak kahwin, tu pasal dia besar mcm ni..=] )

Both got the same response, a super sweet smile and an answer…” ini jerawat stress, biasalah sekali sekala..”. =] . Funny how small things like acne-on-the-face evoked such questions in ppl’s minds…ehhe, I don’t really mind actually, just don’t stare too much at it, it might be contagious ;p. And also, I appreciate it very much if ppl could just pretend it’s not there, ...ahh, perhaps the next time ppl throw questions about the ‘thing’ on my face..i would say ..

“ ..haa..what, ? I don’t see anything on my face…...”=]
“… Ohh this thing..hey, don’t u know, it’s the trend nowadays, ppl pay to have this on their face, do u want one? Have mine, free of charge…” =]
“..what ? this thing ?..it’s because im in love, that’s why..u know ppl when they are in love, they day-dream a lot,..a result of too much berangan, what can i say....haha..” =]..

ehhe..suddenly, all this crazy-nonsense thing about pimples seems a bit funny to me,... don’t u think its funny..hahha..

get back to work.