27 September 2005

definisi suka

Pernah suka org ?..Tipulah kalau tak pernah..

Aku pernah. Malah, lebih tepat kalau dikata dah beberapa kali,..eheh. Tak pernah berhubung cinta, cuma sendiri suka. Dan setiap kali merasakannya, akan terfikir “.. mungkin ini agaknya org nya..”. Hehe..how silly I was…

Bila diingat2kan..aku sendiri tak pasti, yg aku rasa dulu tu, adakah ia suka, atau sekadar tertarik, was it love at first sight, or infatuation, atau ,,semata2 permainan perasaan yg perasan. Tertunggu2 kelibat org tu. Kalau dia takde, rasa bosan dan hambar je hari tu. Kalau dia ada berhampiran, rasanya lain, macam sgt peka akan kewujudan dia di situ. Perasaan kita ni, kadang2 boleh menipu..ditambah pulak dgn ketidak‘maksum’nya kita nih. Tup tap, tup tap..esok lusa..hilang mcm tu je perasaan tu..

Hmm..tapi yg pasti, semasa kita sedang ‘menyukai’ tu, kita mmg bersemangat. Bersemangat utk bangun pagi, utk ke sekolah dan ‘terserempak’ dgn org itu. Dan setiap kali itu, akan berharap dia akan melintas kat tepi, terpandang kita dan senyum. Paling melampau angan2, dia siap menegur ‘hai’. And that simple ‘hi’, was all u need to keep grinning for the rest of the day. A slight glimpse of that person, was enuff to make ur day. Wow, some feelings it was…=0D. Rasa nak senyum manjang.

Eheh..kelakar jugak bila difikirkan balik. Aku yg sentiasa penuh dgn perasaan dan imaginasi. Yang suka percaya dengan intuisi sendiri (walaupun selalunya tak betul.. ). Cuma, dlm usia sekarang, yg boleh dikatakan sudah dewasa, aku tak mahu layan lagi perasaan2 begini, jauh lagi utk percaya. Sudah penat berangan, sudah tak larat nak bermain dengan perasaan, yang akhirannya tak pernah tepat dan hakikat. Mungkin ini antara jalan dan pengalaman yang setiap orang harus lalui, untuk menjadikan kita lebih manusia. Yang membuatkan kita satu hari nanti, menoleh ke belakang, dan tersenyum mengenangkan kenangan menyukai seseorg ini. Mungkin kita boleh kongsikan dgn anak2 kita, di waktu mereka pulak berada dalam keadaan itu..merasai perasaan itu.

Jadi, kalau ditanya “..definisikan apa itu suka ?”. Hmm..seringkas yg aku mampu katakan, kita tahu kita suka bila kita mahu org itu gembira dan senang hati, sedaya mungkin nak tolong dan membantu bila melihat dia kesusahan. Berada dekat dengan dia, melahirkan satu perasaan yg istimewa. Kita tahu kita suka bila kita rasa bahagia, bila kita melihat hari lebih indah dari biasa, memandang dunia seakan lebih berwarna.

24 September 2005

tag along...

im tagged by a friend...So..here goes..=]

20 years ago, 1985 :

hmm, at the age of 3 years old, no vivid memories of those years. ..ha'ah eh, can't recall anything..=/...but according to storytellers in the family, we were still living in tmn seri watan, ampang.

10 years ago, 1995 :

my first time away from home as a form 1 student in SMAPL, neg sembilan. Ermm.., not much interesting things to tell, still 'selebet'ly fumbling with my tudung and hostels's life. But, basically, what i can say is that, it was the start of a new me..yup, from a bossy, loud, harsh, dirty girl..slowly changing to a different kind of person..more quiet and ..alone. Had a sour experiences with few classmates, ( i think this was among the reason of me becoming someone so 'hermit' ) and the process of adapting to new environment. But among the memories that i choose to bring along with me till now, my friendship with Kak Ratna Sumarni..erm, my 'bidan terjun' decision to join school debate team, that opens me to lots of valuable experiences....and what else?!..oh yeah..eheh, my first experience as a teenage girl surrounded with so many boys..haha, still remember my stupidity, confused when a particular boy keep staring ( i should have stared back, instead of sheepishly and awkwardly fidgeting on my seat)..and also, my first crush..sheesh, =0)..

5 years ago, 2000 :

was in Melaka matriculation College, Londang for 1 year ++. ( sblm sampai sini, tak tahu pun ada tempat nama 'londang' nih..). Here, dunno why, ive becomed someone quite lazy to study, and prefer spending times with friends. Had wonderful roommates, that really colours my day there, maliza, zayti, and sha..all 4 with a totally different personality. And not forgetting the unbeatable five.., me, marlia, haajar, anni, and huda, praktikum buddies, we called ourselves 'the invincible' ( we were suppossed to give a group name, and this was the name we choose)...I trully,really cherish my friendship and moments with them, since i barely had a group of friends when i was in smapl..=/. We even made a promise, that we'll be reunited on 7-7-2007 ( actually the reason of this reunion is to see who's married by then, how many kids, who's who..etc..bla2..gee, girls are alwys gonna remains as girls..)..

3 years ago, 2003 :

This was the best year so far in my dentistry year..=], seriously, as i think about it now, i really like and enjoyed my 3rd year. Found myself very much excited and interested learning general surgery and medicine, and alhamdulillah, i managed to did well in those two subjects.Enjoyed tailing behind Dr Kelvin in HUKM, and later had great admiration to him..( i even wrote a poem for him when he quit from our faculty,..).My first year as a dental clinician, and started treating patients..oh yeah, my first 'human' patient is Hassan Omar ( i dont think ill ever forget his name..ehhe ). Had a really fun and marvellous time with friends, as most of 3rd year dental students were thrown to the top floor, we became close and made lots of noise at night, watched cds together..( with me and aida screamed the loudest while watching some japan, korean ghost stories..=/)..Hmm..those were the happy days..=]

Last year, 2004 :

well..not much to tell about this year, as 4th year is the toughest year . Hmm,..besides struggling in my studies, what else..? oh yeah, it's the second year im elected as the secretary for our dental students association, PMGG..( sheesh, i thought the 'berjawatan' day was over when i left school..).Had a great teamwork in our group, we did our best, we had great experiences..and personally ..i think this year's PMGG was the most successful in its achievements..hmm, salute to our YDP! And im quite regretful that i didnt put all effort in my studies, perhaps if i studied harder, ill make myself proud, and did better in exams..But alhamdulillah, i passed all papers and continued my journey to the final year.

This year, 2005 :

whoaa..my final year nih..hmm, this year, is the 'rush hour' year, to finish up all requirements..and did my best in study, Fighting!! = . Oh yeah, besides the fact that this is my last year as a student, my parents are getting 'tak senang duduk' now..aiyoo...dont worrylah...;]

Next year, 2006 :

Im a dentist by now ! =D ( insyaAllah)..will be graduating in mid-sept, cant really say where ill be at this time. Hmm..will i be joining the university, or sent somewhere around Msia, reporting duty to Ministry of Health..wherever it'll be, ill do my best! And also, ill start preparing myself and asking around for informations about furthering post-grad abroad...if there's opportunity or chances to go, i wont let it slipped off my hand, the way i did 6 years ago. Oh..and by now, perhaps, we are no longer living in our beloved 'tall house', insya Allah, we'll settle down in our new 'kampung'..=], a place where later ill be coming home for raya! And also..ehhe, hopefully to, by this time, i've started seeing someone seriously..or else, my dad are never going to stop rambling about this..ehhe, dont want to say much about this-lah..pray for me yaa..;].and another thing,by now.. im already able to drive! Tengoklah..nanti..=..

Ten years from now, 2015 :

ohho..im 33 years old now! Hmm..so far in future, yet so near. Well, insyaAllah, by this time, hopefully im juggling a few important roles in hand. A loving, wonderful wife to a loving, wonderful husband..;], a proud mother to 2 or 3 kids, =].., still the obedient daughter to both my parents, ( oh..by now, i have-in-laws..! ), still the responsible, 'gila2-skema' sister to my siblings, an enthusiastic Orthodontist or Oral Surgeon, who spread my enthusiasm to others...but the most important of all, ive become a better Muslim, someone who is more calm, tolerant and optimist...who will not forget to do my part as 'hamba Allah', share what i know with ppl..aminn.... Hmm, mungkin dh start kumpul harta sket2 utk anak2. And perhaps, by this time, ill be in a middle of planning my first book..and, who knows..ill be working on making my other dream a reality as well,..what dream?..ermm,..let just say that it's a secret for now..=].

Tracking back the long-lost memories, and picturing what will happen in the future..hmm, it makes me realise that ive been breathing freely for quite a time, ive been through the ups and downs in life, and whatever that awaits me in the future, i can face it, insyaAllah. We really can. Let's be positive and berbaik sangka..and let's work to make our dreams and hope come true. Insyallah, semoga dipanjangkan umur dan dimurahkan rezeki, dilimpah rahmat dan keberkatan..semoga seluruh perjalanan hidup kita mendapat keredhaan dan dipermudahkan..aminn..

wow..writing all these down..seems to be inspiring to me some how..=]

p/s : oohh..erm,..am i supposed to continue this tagging thingy..? well ok then, im tagging neo_gillain, tm nut, bukhari, cikin, wanie..who else..?!..alah, whoever read this, and nak buat pun buatlah..it's fun anway..tata!

19 September 2005

a dentist-to-be..insyaAllah

hmm..if u ask me, what is the best thing about dentistry..? my answer would be.., hmm..i dont know...=/

if i were to tell the history, how i first stumbled to this path which was so 'foreign' and 'unwanted' in the first place, i might as well just write a book. To make a long story short, it all happenned one night, 5 years ago, the night that changed and created my destiny today. Where i stand rite now. Wahh..sounds like a synopsis of a major movie in the making..ehhe. Well, basically, i like to see it as 'love after marriage'..my relationship with dentistry... Perhaps this is like what they say, u can plan, u can dream, but whatever happens or how it turns out later, it's all Allah's plan..alhamdulillah.

hmm..looking at my seniors in their dark pink graduation robe..( which much to my dismay, ill be wearing that 'pink' robe next year, insyaAllah..ohh, why of all colours, it has to be pink..?!). After 5 years ..finally the awaited and glorious day arrived. The look of proud and happiness on their parents' faces, the joy and laughter..( sigh). The end of one chapter of life, and a new and more challenging one awaits in front. Hmm..a dentist..? How in the world i got myself in here..( still scratching my head, dubiously finding the answer..)

18 years ago, the word 'dentistry' never, i repeat, never crossed my mind. And look where i am today, ....life can be so unpredictable and beyond imaginings some times. And from the blurry, vague feelings towards my new life, eventually...and slowly..or i dunno how, im beginning to like and enjoy dentistry. More than i had expected it myself. Found myself excited during Oral Diagnosis classes. Happily tagging along behind doctors, and peering curiously in the ppl's mouth. Realising the new part in me, who's now very much attached to dentistry...

but ..yeah, i would be lying if i said there weren't one day of gloom and misery, the day when i felt so depressed and stressed out in clinics, the tears and frustrations, the day when i wished i could turn back time, and change the history..( ..and then what ? stop studying and 'mengorat' anak raja, married and lived in luxury in big palaces..huhu..as if i could bear living like that...). Heheh, but still, here i am, still paddling the waves, aiming to reach the shore that from day to day, becoming more visible in my mind. InsyaAllah, i will..( im picturing myself ni...with a big grin plastered on my face, wearing my graduation robe...and then, a few years later, me walking on the sidewalk, juggling books and clutching my coat, on my way to lecture hall, furthering my study abroad...) . Pray for me friends !!!! =D. Fighting!!!

so..back to the question, what is the best thing about dentistry ?
..Hmm..seriously, i dunno...

..p/s : do u want to know why out of the blue, im so bersemangat like this..ehhe..just finished my extraction class, as usual, when it is extraction classes, u really feel like a dentist...=0..

15 September 2005

tulis sket...

a friend bising.." bila nak update blog nih..?" Eheh..quite a packed life 2-3 menjak nih. Presentation manjang, dan nature perangai aku yg satu, ialah suka nak buat seter'perfect' yg boleh. Selagi ada ruang utk di'perfect'kan, i will put full effort in it. And alhamdulillah, i did quite well in both presentations..had some rough moments in clinic, some running here and there with aida for our elective project, risaukan requirements and exams that's coming in about a month time..plus other tidbits things..it's enough to send me crawling to bed each night..hmm..

Actually there's a lot of things in mind, things that i really want to write and share with everyone here, but it's the time factor that restraining me. Nantilah..pjg umur, ada kelapangan, ill 'entertain' all of u with more 'crazy stuffs' digged out from my head..haha..

someone told me recently, about someone close to her had a marriage breakdown..( huhu, and me, before knowing the actual situation, keep asking.."dh 'berisi' dh..?"). Hmm..seriously, the more i hear about all these, the more i fear the word 'marriage'. The thing is that, the fragility of todays marriage institution..ntahlah...guess love is not enough ehh...

i read somewhere, about some studies from the Western, ranking who leads the happiest, most fulfilled life among married man, married woman, single man, single woman. The first or the most happiest, is married men, followed by single women, single men, and last..is the married women. Hmm...well..terlalu letih nak komen pjg lebar, cuma masa baca tu buat aku terfikir sendiri..if this is the case, no wonderlah semakin ramai org decide utk hidup sendiri. Pendek kata, be responsible to the life u choose and the path u pick to tread on, and it's up to u how u wish to colour it. Like what my mom always says..( now i realise, im sharing my mom's words with people around the globe..=D ).."..kebahagiaan ini dtg dr dlm diri kita, kalau kita fikirkan ia sebagai bahagia, kita akan rasa bahagia..." ..Hai..bilalah aku nak jd mcm mama ya. ..

Apa2 pun, ..im praying for everyone's happiness in the small things that comes in our life everyday..and jgn lupa doakan aku jugak ..=]..


09 September 2005

layan jelah...

=/..Kepala sgt sakit..inilah akibatnya org yg suka bertangguh kerja ke last minute, dn mlmnya kena 'gedebak-gedebuk' nak siapkan assignment, dan settlekan itu ini..kerah otak last minute, padanlah dgn muka...huhu..Why aa naz, never learn from mistakes...

and now, tercongok lagi dlm lab comp, siapkan script writing utk sesi 'lakonan' hari Isn ni. Ehhe..bende2 gini aku mmg semangat,agak2nya kalau ade kerusi 'director' dgn vest dan beretnya sekali..confirm2 aku duduk dan pakai punya..haha. =D dan alhamdulillah, idea aku diterima baik. Siap ada rehearsal lagi hari ini, ..ehhe, kalau ikutkan hati, teringin gak nak berlakon sekali, tapi script aku buat, tak eloklah aku conquer semua. Kasi can-lah org lain perform plak. Teringat pengalaman berlakon zmn sekolah, aku agak minat theater-performance esp acting, tapi watak2 aku dulu sungguhlah membosankan. Masa sekolah rendah, jadi Sultan ( sbb sekolah perempuan, kalau semua nak jadi Tuan puteri, sapa nak jadi Sultannya..),dan pegang watak budak2 nakal dlm persembahan kelas. Lps tu masa sekolah menengah, pun berkesempatan berlakon lagi. Ini semua hasil kreativiti Cikgu Zainab, Cikgu Bhs Melayu yg sgt aku suka sbb karekter dia unik..( husband dia ajar Kemahiran Hidup, setiap kali husband dia melintas tepi kelas, kitorg yg 'iyo2' tersengih menggiat dia..CIkgu Zainab buat 'dek 'je..cehh..). Ohh ya..lakonan tadi, melakonkan watak nakhoda kapal dlm drama si Tanggang ( which was, mcm 2 saat je berlakon..huhu..) . Drama paling best ialah ttg anak derhaka jugaklah, aku lah jd anak derhaka tu..fuyyo..sgt seronok masa tu. ..cuma masa menangis meratapi kematian ibu, aku tergelak2 sikit..( apa ke taknya, si ibu yg sepatutnya 'mati' terbujur boleh bergerak2 dlm selimut, sbb ketawa..terus berkocak2 semua pelakon2 kat situ..).

Hmm..scriptwriting is also among the thing i found myself very interested in..basically anything that involves me expressing words on papers. And funny, last night, i was more keen on completing the script rather than concentrating on my perio paper...( some revelation ..hopefully takde Doktor2 aku yg baca blog nih..ehhe ). Kenapa..sebab suka. Simple. Sebab aku mmg suka. Suka yg kdg2 sanggup buat kalau org suruh, sanggup bersengkang mata, sanggup perabih duit kat cc mcm sekarang nih...

Dulu masa sekolah, ada seorg kwn yg jd editor buletin program tertentu, meminta aku tuliskan utk dia..kiranya mcm " aku nyanyi dia gerakkan mulut'. Tamat program, dia belanja makanan fav aku, 'roti kacang'. Mmg tak kisah..sanggup berjaga mlm siapkan, walhal aku peserta program. Dan ada pernah seorg cikgu minta tolong tuliskan surat utk seorg kwn dia ( heheh..) , kiranya aku tulis berpandukan point2 yg dia beri. Dan kerana minat jugak..aku ada tulis 2-3 kajang skrip, konon2nya nak masuk pertandingan majalah atau radio..tapi, tak pernahnya siap,,sbb ada aje halangan ( dn halangan paling besar adlh suka bertangguh dn tak tekun )..tup2..dh tarikh tutup pertandingan. Hmm..having said all these, buat aku terfikir plak..entah mcmana boleh tercampak kat 'dentistry' aku pun tak tahu...

ewahh..dlm sakit2 kepala, sambil2 nak siapkan kerja, dh sepanjang ini aku bercerita. Ada org terlelap ke..? Bangun! Dh nak stop dh...Kepala masih sakit, nak gi cari PAnadol. Risau pulak fikirkan elective project aku nih, kelmarin ke UKM Bangi, walupun camp induk ,tapi mcm tpt asing bg aku yg hanya jejak sana sethn sekali ms pesta convo. Bende yg dicari tak dpt, dhlah sesat2 kat situ..kenalah berikhtiar dgn lebih 'ganbatte' lagi..krn masa bergerak laju, kalau aku terhegeh2 lagi, alamatnya mmg tak selamat..okay guys..tata..!

"..life doens't have to be perfect, to be wonderful.."

p/s : 9 sept..ehhe, teringat thn 1999, ramai sungguh org nak kahwin pd tarikh ni,..sbb nakkan angka tarikh tu yg bg mrk jrg dpt jumpa ( 9-9-99). Hm..kalau aku nak mcm tu jugak, nak tunggu thn apa ya...20-07-2007..fuyyo..cop!Hahahaa..'iyo2' je..=p

04 September 2005

Go Power Rangers..! Bergabung tenaga..!

im missing her already..=/.

imah dh selamat bertolak ke KLIA ( dan agak menyesal sbb tak ikut sekali, hanya melambai kat pintu rumah je..iskks ). Bie pun dh balik ke hostel di Seremban, ..hmm..life back to ordinary.

That's the thing about family, the 'attachment' that binds us together, the trust and love, the sense of belonging, the feelings that u dont feel towards other ppl. Bagi aku, keluarga ni satu anugerah Tuhan yg tiada ganti dan tolok bandingnya. I found love, peace and happiness being around ppl most close to me, and these ppl are my family. Im blessed,..indeed ..with this valuable gift from You, thank you Allah. Ya Allah..peliharalah kami, dunia dan akhirat..aminn.

Aku dibesarkan dlm keluarga yg sederhana, tak kaya tak susah. Sedang-sedang aja. Sedari kecil kawan2 rapat adalah adik beradik aku, best friend pun mereka, bergaduh sampai kena rotan dan denda dgn ayah pun dgn mereka. Mungkin sbb jarak usia antara kami pun tak jauh mana, jd kerapatan zaman kanak2 berlanjutan sehingga dewasa.

Aktiviti yg biasa, berkumpul di meja makan dan borak2, dengan gelak ketawa, yg kdg2 buatkan ayah kena naikkan volume tv, sbb suara kitorg lagi kuat..ehhe. Berkumpul tgk dvd/cd dlm bilik, dn pasti akan ada suara2 skema.. " ehh, takleh makan dlm biliklah, semutlah nanti..." atau.." shhshh..jgn berckp lah, habis tak dgr dialog td..". Dan kalau tengok tv plak, akan ada yg suka pegang remote tv taknak lepas2 sbb takut org tukar channel, ada plak yg suka nak tukar2 channel time iklan yg men'tension'kan juga kdg2..ehhe, yg berebut nak tgk rancangan fav msg2 dan kena buat negotiation pulak utk leraikan etc. Bende2 remeh dan kecil yg pd aku, sgt membahagiakan bila dikenang sorg2. Paling best, kalau dh lewat malam masih tak tido, mulalah selongkar dapur dan buat maggi, hadap semangkuk besar share 2-3 kepala..slurp2. Tidur beramai2 depan tv tepi beranda, akan ada yg dh terlelap atas sofa, yg mengerekot dlm selimut lupa diri..dn esok pagi ayah akan turunkan langsir, utk elakkan silau cahaya matahari mengganggu lena kami. Hmm..agak2nya kat rumah baru nnti, merasa lagi ke tido atas 'toto' ramai2 nih..

di kesempatan ni, i would like to say, from the deepest part of my heart..( err,,im not good in this..), to Kakak, Imah, Abe, Yah , Bie and Adik, that i really love all of you, really2 love..very2 much. Thank you for making my boring life more fun and happening, for ur trust and confidence in me, for ur patience as u listen to me, ur never-ending helps to all my silly problems and mischiefs ive put myself into since kid till now..but most importantly, for ur existence in my life...thank you very much. I cant express how lucky i am to have all of u as my brothers and sisters...=].

okaylah..im getting all melodramatic plak..esok Adik UPSR, and next weekend, i promised him ,that ill bring him out, to 'ronggeng2', and enjoy his freedom after exams..ehhe. Which, unfortunately and sadly enuff, im nearly 'kopak' now..thanks to my ever-not-smart-shopping hobby...ehhe...

a little something

Got this from a friend..

''..Time always moves, a little slower when life is down, a little faster when it's looking up. Working towards something is always good, working for a dream is always healthy. Setting a goal in your life and working for it is something everyone should do. But you should also grow within those periods, experience life, open your heart to those around you, and learn to forgive those who wrong you. A heart that forgives, is a heart that is at peace.."

02 September 2005

"concentrate on the good things "- This Boy's Life

mama kata.." dalam hidup ni, kita takkan dapat semua yang kita inginkan..."
hmm, betul tu....

seorg kawan kata.." mungkin Tuhan tak bagi apa yg kita nak, sebab apa yg kita mahu tu, tak baik untuk kita.."
mungkin ada betulnya...

dan Al-Quran berkata...

."..kemudian bila kamu tidak menyukai mereka, ( maka bersabarlah ) kerana mungkin kamu tidak menyukai sesuatu, padahal Allah menjadikan padanya kebaikan yang banyak..." - Surah an-Nisa, ayat 19.
boleh jadi apa yg kamu suka itu tidak baik bagi kamu, dan boleh jadi apa yg kamu tidak suka itu baik bagi kamu. Sesungguhnya Aku ( ALLAH ) Maha Mengetahui dan kamu tidak mengetahui..." -

hmm..reality might not turns out the way we dreamt and envisioned our whole life, but it's okay, actually it's more than okay, it is wonderful if we choose to see it positively. Like what my mom always told me.." ..semua benda ni bergantung pada pemikiran kita, macamana kita fikir, mcm tula dia..". Learn to be grateful with what life offers to u, be optimist and fight the urge of ur inner critics inside. Believe that whatever happens in life, it's always for our own good as Allah is the one who knows best, and remember that there's always blessings in disguise...

Just concentrate on the good things. Smile to the world, and the entire universe will smile back at you..=]

.."...it's about finding the reason to why it happens.." - quoted from a wonderful friend ;].