31 December 2005

last hours in 2005

salaam everybody...=]

wow..can't believe it's almost two weeks since my last entry.( knowing my unrestrainable desire to write..). Lots of things happenned within that time, and insyaAllah, some of it will be shared with all of you here. Still with me..? =]

it's 4 hours towards the new year of 2006. Hmm..2006, we are approaching another year,.. saying that, it occurs to me, where were all the days gone, what have i accomplished this year..? It just felt like yesterday, when i was sitting here, writing about new resolutions, hopes and dreams for 2005, and here we are, at the end of it. The clock must be ticking faster than ever...recalling a saying i read somewhere, " life is like toilet paper, the nearer it gets to its end, the faster it rolls..".

Remember i wrote in here some times ago about '100 things i want to do before 2005 ends'..? Heheh..let just say, it was not very successful, i didnt even manage to list out the 100 things, more else having done it all. One of my friends said,.." it's because u are so busy thinking of 'big' things that u want to do, rather than looking and realising the 'small' things that u could do and achieve...". Guess she got a point there. Hmm..so, how about a new list for 2006 ehh naz..?

next year ( which will be here in a few hours)..i will be older, and hopefully wiser,,(it reminds me of a 'cliche' statement 'a year older, a year wiser', where do that comes from..?). Ill be 24 years old in March, and insyaAllah..will begin my working life probably in August or Sept ( pray for me fellas..!). Entah masih hidup atau tidak masa tu. Entah masih dikurnia peluang dan diberi kesempatan. Semoga kita semua dipanjangkan usia dlm keberkatan, dilimpahkan kemurahan rezeki, diberi kesihatan yg baik, kita menjadi anak, kakak, abang, kawan, ibu, bapa, suami, isteri...yg lebih baik. Menjadi manusia dan hamba Tuhan yg lebih baik...aminn.

okaylah..more will come, just finding the proper time to sit down and write. So..till then ,everyone..wishing all of you..HAPPY NEW YEAR..!!! May this coming new year will bring along lots of love, happiness, success..and world peace.Welcome 2006..~!!!

19 December 2005

me..the self-declared hairstylist..=D !

one thing about me, i can never say no when someone approached and asked " ..ehh, naz reti potong rambut takk.? tolong potongkan..".Without hesitation, ill eagerly jump to the rescue, nodding aggreably offering my help. Ehhe...even when the actual truth is, im not that 'good' in cutting-hair skill, more else 'styling'. But..i like it, yupp..i really like it. =D. And given the opportunity to do sthg i find pleasure in doing, heh..ill definitely say yes.

First realised my 'hidden talent'..( huhu..another self-admission, =p.. okla..not a gifted-talent..but a talent-in-the-making..how abt tht..?) when i was in Form 3. Stressed out due to the coming PMR, plus debate-prefect stuffs, having long hair seems to add the burden. So..decided to give myself a hair-cut. It was done beautifully by my mom, but the ever 'creative' me, was not satisfied with the outcome of it..and made some adjustment in the bathroom, cutting more hair which results with a 'remarkable' macam-kena-gigit-tikus hairstyle. But i couldnt complain, because it was my fault, and had to bear with the short haircut for the next several months. But..instead of getting negative remarks from ppl, my new look was complimented, causing me to beam in pride, secretly hiding the fact that it was actually a mistake.( heheh). And that's how it starts, my new passion in cutting hair..( now, let see, where do i get that gene from..? hmm)

Smtmes, i even offered to friends/families to cut their hair, but unfortunately were mostly turned down. Also had few experiences of bad attempt in cutting ppl's hair.There was this one time when i cut my sisters hair ( all three of them..smugly saying ). Accidentaly traumatising a small bit of Imah's neck..( sorry..!) , and unintentionally ruined Yah's and Bie's hair..(..sorry again! ). I made both of them look kinda like 'temenggung jugah anak barieng',and we howled in laughter looking at the final result. I guiltily said"..it doesnt look too bad,.." and "..hair grows real fast, u know ", and "..nvmd, we wear tudung, no one will notices.."..trying my best to patch the damage done. And later at night got a disapproving look and comment from ayah.(" sapa potong rambut nih..?", both of them shot accusing eyes at me,..opsie..!) . And i wonder why ppl turn down my sincere offer to cut their hair.

But..it never dampen my enthusiasm and enjoyment in cutting and hairstyling. i cut my own hair.( seriously..) whenever i feel like wanting a different look. New haircut alwys give a livelier, fresher sense in me. And yesterday, after a long time away from scissors, a friend of mine asked my help to cut her hair. Finally..!

" potong pendek tau naz, panas lah rambut nih!"
" nak pendek mcmana nih..? "
" sependek mungkin !" ( wahh..enthrusting her 'hair' destiny in my hand..this was more than i had expected ).I rubbed my hands jubilantly, ready with equipments and snip..sip..snip.. i went. Seriously into my work, tossing her head from left to right,while she kept covering her ears, scared tht i might cut them off as well. ( hey.. im not tht clumsy-lah ok..). She held the mirror in front, letting me the total freedom to cut her hair. And another friend of us, decided to join the fun and thrill of the moment, offered to take photos of us covered with sweat and hair all over the place.( biasalah,,final yr,sikit2 nk ambil gambar..ehhe).

" mcmana? ehh,jap2, sebelah ni tak sama...". Snip.snip.
" Ehh..yg ni tak sama jugak..jap2.." Another snip. snip.
" Wahh...smart-lah..nampak muda nih.. eh..sikit lagi katsini..." Go another snip.

Ta-da. We stared at her new reflection in the mirror, totally different from her previous one. Expectantly waiting for her reaction to it, i peered to look at her expression from behind. Hair were all over my clothes. And face.
"..ermm., amacam...?..ok ke?"..
"..err..pendek sgt ehh..?" ( she rubbed her bare neck that was covered with hair half-and hour ago.
"..kata nak pendek, .naz buat lah pendek..amacam ok ke? .."
"..eheheh..rasa pelik plak..tapi okaylah..."
"..tapi,,naz rs *** nampak lagi cutelah mcm ni..betul nih" (giving my most encouraging look).
"..eheh.yelah tuh!..okaylah nih.."

and later that night, as we sat together eating cakes ( sedap betuk kek coklat pasar mlm jln Tar, yg moist kek tuh..i forgot my diet instantly ), i couldnt help but felt slightly happy and impressed. She indeed look different, younger and more vibrant-looking. Even happier, when another friend of us said.." wahh..nampak smartlah rambut baru **** nih.." She shyly beamed, secretly revealing her feeling abt her new look. Hehehe...me?! i was bursting with glee inside...

well..well..who's my next 'victim'..? =D

14 December 2005

making decision

Gone were the days when the only decision made was whether to buy ‘pau kaya’ or a bowl of mihun sup, both cost 60 cents, the amount of money in hand. Pausing outside the canteen back during CBN years, taking some time considering it " pau kaya ke mihun sup ?”..( back at that time, I was really torn between that two ..).hmm..

And gone too..days and years when all important decision regarding life, like which school to go, what books to buy, which place to head..are made by parents. Even clothes, shoes…name it, , when I think about it, did I ever make any important decision before ? ( apart of buying pau or mihun sup..).Seems like none. Because of a lack in skill of making decision, making one now, is hard and tough.

Stepping into adulthood, among the ‘freedom’ gained is the ability to make our own decision. Parents are always gonna be parents, the one who will worry about us, their ‘child’ (we will alwys be a child in their eyes..no matter how big or tall we grow..ehhe ), their little girl who once held their hand tightly when crossing the street, the child who sleeps soundly as they fondly ‘tepuk’ our butt or sing lullaby for us. Scared and worried..that their precious child might get hurt, injured or scarred once they let go their hands. We can never really understand a parent’s mind, until the day we become one. That’s what my mother alwys told me.

But now, as we are all grown up and holding the title ‘adult’, and there’s this big thing in front of us that we have to make decision fast, silently u found urself wishing to shrink back being a kid, with no worries of making the wrong decision. When the decision involves ppl’s life, and people around are looking expectantly at u, depending on ur word to start taking action ( example in the emergency room, when there’s a man struggling for life and all the nurses are waiting for ur decision and instruction, with no time for panic or hesitation.).Just thinking of all that makes me shudder..

And realizing that more big, important decision are waiting in front. When we have to make decision about life and future. And there’ll be no more hiding behind parents or depending on other ppl to make them for u. When it will be entirely up to us to choose and take the unknown risk of our decision. Hmmm..who ever says life is easy..

“..ayah ibarat pegang lampu suluh dan tolong suluhkan jalan, kerana ayah lebih dulu hidup, dan telah melalui jalan ini. Samada anak nak ikut jalan yg disuluh, atau memilih jalan lain, itu terpulang…kerana ayah hanya tolong suluhkan jalan..”- ayah.

January is getting nearer, and up until now, I have no decision yet. That’s the consequence of not having enough decision-making skill. Feels like all the words that ive said to ppl, ( when I was the ‘smart’ one helping other ppl to decide ), is ‘mocking’ at me. Iskk..where do I want be posted later?..huaaaa..make up ur mind, it’s not long to January,..

Of course, I would like to work in Kl, or Selangor, it’s my place, where I grew up, where my parents live, and where im most comfortable at. But life is not always on ur side....and news around stated that there’s no vacancy for First Year Dental Officer (FYDO) in KL. Great. And my parents, as usual being parents are not very keen with the idea of me working too far in south or north, not to mention Sabah or Swak, they’ll certainly freak out at the idea of me ‘bersampan’ to work.

Well, that left me with options like Melaka, Negeri Sembilan, Pahang, or Perak. My uncle suggested Kelantan, since it’s my hometown, ( biasalah , org tua, kalau boleh nak ada sedara-mara dekat2, boleh tolong tgk2kan..eheheh, ‘sweet’ lah org2 tua nih..)..but, the ‘young and adventurous’ side in me hope for sthg else. Been thinking of starting afresh at somewhere unfamiliar. Where im unrecognizable, and independently on my own. Perhaps , an experience being to Perlis for a week, kinda opened my eyes a bit, of so many things I haven’t yet see, or do.

What about Trengganu…? Never really thought about that option. Hmm..Terengganu or Kelantan..well, ill keep that in mind...

And readers..pray for me ya..life has been quite a mess the last few days..im really running out of time now...=/

10 December 2005



sehari menghadap elektif projek. Memang kena hadap sungguh dh sekarang ni.Interesting topic ..'Dyslexia Symptoms;Coordination of left and right among dental student'. Hmm..who would have guess dyslexia has anything to do with dentistry..

Alhamdulillah, Adik ditawarkan masuk SMAP Kajang. ..eheh, another generation of SMAP in the family. Deep down, i felt really relieved hearing the news, knowing that another adik of mine is going to enter sekolah agama. Pengalaman dan ilmu yg pernah aku terima 5 thn di sekolah Smap dulu, harapnya adik2 aku dpt lebih lagi. HEh..tetiba rindu sgt pulak kat sekolah tu, ..bila aku nak pergi jenguk sekolah ya. Rasa sgt happy bila Bie cakap Ust JEfridin ,Ustzh Nuri masih ingat kat aku..eheh...insyaAllah, pjg umur ada masa, aku pergi nanti...

mata dh mengantuk. Need to go. till later ya...

05 December 2005

mencari BAIK

Selama ni, aku fikir aku dh cukup baik. Baik . Hmmph..berfikir begitu aje cukup untuk menjadikan aku tak baik…

‘Baik’ ..sesuatu yg tak punya parameter nak diukur banyak atau sikitnya. Cakap mudah, dikatakan baik kalau tak buat jahat. Lantas, tak buat jahat yg bagaimana..? tak minum arak? tak bunuh atau rogol orang ? tak pernah langgar peraturan.?

Dikira baik ke.., kalau muka manis senyum di luar, tapi di belakang mencemuh mengata. Dianggap baik ke..., kalau melayan seseorg dgn mesra dan hormat kerana dia berkepentingan untuk kita, tapi buat pandang tak pandang pada orang lain yg tak dapat beri apa-apa keuntungan. Dinilai baik ke...., tangan yg memberi dgn harapan dibalas, tangan yg menerima gembira tapi dalam hati menggerutu benci. Baik ke begitu…

Mungkin ‘baik’ adalah apabila manusia dan segala di sekeliling dilayan dengan ‘hati’. Apabila mata sentiasa mencari dan melihat kebaikan pada diri orang lain. Apabila kita membuat orang biasa rasa istimewa, disayangi dan dihormati, bukan kerana siapa dia, atau atas sebab apa yg kita dapat perolehi daripada dia. Hanya kerana dia manusia seperti kita. Kerana nilai kemanusiaan yg ada.

Apabila kita tak rasa apa yg kita buat tu ‘baik’, tapi kerana itu yg sepatutnya dibuat. Tak rasa nak tunjuk pada orang atau mengharapkan ada mata yg memerhati perlakuan ‘baik’ kita. Barangkali..begitu baru ‘baik’.

Bukan senang kan,… nak mempunyai hati yg baik. Kerana segala tutur kata, tindak-tanduk dan perbuatan adalah hasil cerminan hati. Seketul daging dalam diri manusia, yg jika baik daging itu, baiklah semuanya.

“ when you carry out acts of kindness, you get a wonderful feeling inside. It is as though something inside your body responds and says, ‘ yes, this is how I ought to feel’..”- Harold Kushner.

04 December 2005

'biarkan bunga berkembang'

Tengah duduk2 dlm bilik sambil dengar Sinar.fm..( im alwys into oldies songs....=] ), dan tetiba terdengar lagu ni, 'Biarkan Bunga Berkembang' by Broery Marantika. Dan mcm ada satu perasaan yg sgt familiar , mengingatkan aku pada waktu kali pertama mendengar lagu ni.

Masa tu aku Darjah 2 Orkid, di SRK CBN, KL. Tengah 'berhingus' lagi,..dan pada usia 8 tahun tu, dalam fikiran hanya tahu pergi sekolah, main , dapat keputusan yg baik, dan balik rumah. Antara pelajaran yg menarik dan senang, ialah muzik. Masa Drjh 2, belum belajar pegang recorder, cuma belajar menyanyi je. Dan exam muzik lah yg paling mudah, hafal lagu yg diajar, dan nyanyikan dgn gaya dan penuh perasaan dpn cikgu muzik, yg akan tersenyum dan cakap ayat yg sama pd semua pelajar.." very good! ".Lagu2 nya? Hehe..aku rs seluruh kanak2 di Malaysia ni belajar lagu yg sama. Masih ingat lagu2 ni...' Tiga sekawan'..'Burung tiung'. Lagu paling popular ialah 'Ais Kacang'..sheesh..gaya ms nyanyi pun aku ingat lagi. Nak aku tunjuk..? .." bila cuaca panas terasa dahaga, singgah di gerai ais kacang diminta, susu dan jagung, kacang dan lengkong, air gula berwarna..."..

Satu hari ,seorg cikgu pelatih dtg yg mengajar kami muzik untuk beberapa minggu . Seorg cikgu berbangsa Cina, berambut lurus ke bahu. Dia sentiasa membawa gitar dia bersama setiap kali masuk kelas untuk mengajar. Dan kdg2 aku curi2 petik tali gitar dia,..heheh, 'jakunis' la katakan. She would sit on a chair dan kitorg akan duduk bersila di hadapan dia. Cara dia mengajar berbeza dr cikgu muzik lama, mungkin sbb dia generasi baru. Dia perkenalkan not2 muzik..wpun agak boring jugaklah bg kanak2 yg lebih prefer menyanyi sambil membuat gaya2 mengikut cerita lagu berbanding belajar klef trebel, C major, F minor etc.. yg membosankan bg aku pd masa itu. But..her short presence left behind a small memory in my mind. Memory of a song.

I remembered oneday, as she sat on her chair, her long hair swayed behind her shoulder. She taught us this song, ' Biarkan bunga berkembang'. As she sang, i dunno whether it was my imagination , but there was a sheer of happiness on her face, as if the song has a special meaning to her. I never knew that this is actually an old song, originally by 'Broery Marantika'. I only remember it as her song, the one she sang happily in front of me. And weirdly enough,the song kinda stick to my mind. Until now.

So..here's the song... come, sing along with me...

" Biarkan bunga berkembang,
di atas tangkainya,
janganlah diusik sayang,
nanti kan merana..

Bunga berkembang di dalam hati
tak mungkin lagi aku menghindari
kasih dan sayang telah bersemi
diriku seakan bermimpi...

sengaja aku nyanyikan
lagu yang syahdu
selalu aku kenangkan
wajahmu yang ayu..."

- broery marantika ' biarkan bunga berkembang'

03 December 2005

wonders of children

Children is an example of perfection. Why ? because u can never go wrong with them. Every act, every gesture..there just seem to be no ‘ugliness’..only purity and innocence. Emm..well, in majority of them. Some kids can be really out of control and menacing…

Tadi sesi paeds. One thing that makes paeds session different from other clinics, ialah ..'bising dan riuh’. With laughter.. ( though very rarely..) and tears, screams and shouts..running here and there..that smtmes makes me eyeing them in worriness, as they are playing around dental units which contain handpieces and sharp instruments, that might accidentally cause injury to them. But..children, after a few… “jgn adik,..jgn main dekat situ, bahaya !”, I turned away for split of seconds, and they are back in action.

Heh…cute they may be, but need a huge amount of patience and ‘smiling-through-gritted-teeth’ as we are struggling to keep them still on the dental chair. One thing we are taught regarding treating children is that, they have short attention span. So..whatever it is that we need to do, make it fast during their ‘obedient’ minutes . After 45 mins, they will start to move around restlessly, keep moving their head, playfully closing their mouth when our hands are still working furiously in it. This is usually in the 3-6 years old, which make it even harder for you to be mad at them. Their parents will be sitting nearby, and each time their child refuse to stay still or starting to act naughty, the fathers would open their eyes wide, which most of the time manage to keep them quiet again.

Some are very talkative and full of curiousity, ‘petah’ kata org Melayu. Some say it’s a sign that the child is bright. The first few questions are entertained willingly, but as they start to bombard us endlessly with never-ending questions like..“ Apa tu.. ?” or “ kenapa buat ni, untuk apa ni.?”, esp when we have fillings to do in their mouth and we can’t do it if they are still happily chattering away, we began to lose our patience and motherly way. No wonder…mothers are the most patient human being in the entire world. They have enough practise while bringing their kids up.

Some are very well-behaved. Too good for a kid, I think..( as I was not like that before..hehe..). Some are terrible, seriously. It’s whether they refuse to open their mouth, or when they finally did, they are howling, along with tears streaming their cheeks., esp when it’s extraction. Some are overly hyperactive, like my partner’s patient today, a 6 year-old girl. One minute we left her, we found her standing on the dental chair, with her 3-year old brother running around the place. I glanced at her mother, who could only watch, too tired to chase her two ‘not-listening’ child. I looked at my partner, who was shaking her head, using her last strand of patience and energy to control the situation. But, most of the kids ive seen so far, are quiet and timid, sitting passively on the chair. When asked, they would shyly grin, and look at their mothers. They barely speak a word, too scared maybe.

But..no matter how naughty, how timid or active, they are children. Wonderful children. After treatment, we would give them stickers, and they would perk up at the sight of it. Smtmes, we blow air into a glove and make balloons out of it, and they would be very happy and excited. Hmmm..kids…the way they look at you, with that huge eyes, ull melt like ice. Toddlers..especially..hmm..

Agaknya,….brp tahun kena penjara kalau culik ‘patient cute’ td..? Cute sgt…terbyg2 pulak muka dia..( sigh)..

02 December 2005

kaya harta kaya jiwa

Antara petikan wawancara bersama Tan Seri Syed Mokhtar Al- Bukhary, Mingguan Malaysia, 17 Oktober 2004 ..

"..ketika Allah memberikan kemewahan, kita kena turun bawah tengok mana-mana yang boleh dibantu. Allah beri rezeki melalui kita untuk kita tolong orang lain.."

" ..kesenangan daripada Allah datang dengan tanggungjawab..."

"..saya buat apa yg tergerak dalam hati dan apa yg tercapai oleh tangan. Saya insaf bahawa diri saya ini tak kekal. Saya hanya seorang hamba Allah yg kalau ditakdirkan hidup hingga 70 thn, umur saya hanya tinggal 17 thn shj..."

" ..beri sedikit masa kepada apa yg hendak diusahakan.."

"..kena fokus, majukan diri dan selalu meningkatkan kemahiran.."

“..saya gembira dapat membantu. Kalau saya boleh membeli seekor lembu untuk sebuah kampung yang sudah lama tak makan daging, saya rasa gembira. Saya rasa seronok dapat bawa anak2 dr luar datang ke Kuala Lumpur, tengok lampu-lampu cantik. Saya tahu bagaimana perasaannya. Saya mahu org lain merasai apa yg saya pernah rasa. Saya kata pada diri saya, apa yg saya dapat saya mesti beri org lain merasainya sama. Jgn beri kurang daripada itu, lebih tak mengapa. Itu yg buat hati saya seronok..”

"..saya asal dari tak ada apa2. Apa yang saya tak tahu saya belajar, minta tolong daripada orang. Saya tak malu. Saya bukannya mencuri. Saya usaha sendiri. Sikap pemalas & pemalu ini yg orang Melayu kena atasi..”

"..mereka mungkin tak nampak ini sebagai satu kewajipan, kerana mereka tak melalui kesusahan.."

" saya suka nikmat sedikit yg saya dapat itu orang lain boleh berkongsi sama. Emak saya mengajar; kalau dapat lebih beri lebih, dapat kurang, beri kurang.."