Gone were the days when the only decision made was whether to buy ‘pau kaya’ or a bowl of mihun sup, both cost 60 cents, the amount of money in hand. Pausing outside the canteen back during CBN years, taking some time considering it " pau kaya ke mihun sup ?”..( back at that time, I was really torn between that two ..).hmm..
And gone too..days and years when all important decision regarding life, like which school to go, what books to buy, which place to head..are made by parents. Even clothes, shoes…name it, , when I think about it, did I ever make any important decision before ? ( apart of buying pau or mihun sup..).Seems like none. Because of a lack in skill of making decision, making one now, is hard and tough.
Stepping into adulthood, among the ‘freedom’ gained is the ability to make our own decision. Parents are always gonna be parents, the one who will worry about us, their ‘child’ (we will alwys be a child in their eyes..no matter how big or tall we grow..ehhe ), their little girl who once held their hand tightly when crossing the street, the child who sleeps soundly as they fondly ‘tepuk’ our butt or sing lullaby for us. Scared and worried..that their precious child might get hurt, injured or scarred once they let go their hands. We can never really understand a parent’s mind, until the day we become one. That’s what my mother alwys told me.
But now, as we are all grown up and holding the title ‘adult’, and there’s this big thing in front of us that we have to make decision fast, silently u found urself wishing to shrink back being a kid, with no worries of making the wrong decision. When the decision involves ppl’s life, and people around are looking expectantly at u, depending on ur word to start taking action ( example in the emergency room, when there’s a man struggling for life and all the nurses are waiting for ur decision and instruction, with no time for panic or hesitation.).Just thinking of all that makes me shudder..
And realizing that more big, important decision are waiting in front. When we have to make decision about life and future. And there’ll be no more hiding behind parents or depending on other ppl to make them for u. When it will be entirely up to us to choose and take the unknown risk of our decision. Hmmm..who ever says life is easy..
“..ayah ibarat pegang lampu suluh dan tolong suluhkan jalan, kerana ayah lebih dulu hidup, dan telah melalui jalan ini. Samada anak nak ikut jalan yg disuluh, atau memilih jalan lain, itu terpulang…kerana ayah hanya tolong suluhkan jalan..”- ayah.
January is getting nearer, and up until now, I have no decision yet. That’s the consequence of not having enough decision-making skill. Feels like all the words that ive said to ppl, ( when I was the ‘smart’ one helping other ppl to decide ), is ‘mocking’ at me. Iskk..where do I want be posted later?..huaaaa..make up ur mind, it’s not long to January,..
Of course, I would like to work in Kl, or Selangor, it’s my place, where I grew up, where my parents live, and where im most comfortable at. But life is not always on ur side....and news around stated that there’s no vacancy for First Year Dental Officer (FYDO) in KL. Great. And my parents, as usual being parents are not very keen with the idea of me working too far in south or north, not to mention Sabah or Swak, they’ll certainly freak out at the idea of me ‘bersampan’ to work.
Well, that left me with options like Melaka, Negeri Sembilan, Pahang, or Perak. My uncle suggested Kelantan, since it’s my hometown, ( biasalah , org tua, kalau boleh nak ada sedara-mara dekat2, boleh tolong tgk2kan..eheheh, ‘sweet’ lah org2 tua nih..)..but, the ‘young and adventurous’ side in me hope for sthg else. Been thinking of starting afresh at somewhere unfamiliar. Where im unrecognizable, and independently on my own. Perhaps , an experience being to Perlis for a week, kinda opened my eyes a bit, of so many things I haven’t yet see, or do.
What about Trengganu…? Never really thought about that option. Hmm..Terengganu or Kelantan..well, ill keep that in mind...
And readers..pray for me ya..life has been quite a mess the last few days..im really running out of time now...=/