22 April 2005

till death do us part

“ a divorce is like an amputation; you survive it, but there’s less of you “- Margaret Atwood

Before i continue, ive changed my blog settings, now EVERYONE can leave a comment, please do if there's anything anyone wish to voice their opinion on, or just dropping some lines ....looking forward to hearing feedback from outsiders..=]

Ive been wanting to write about this for quite some times, but havent had the time to do so. ( the time was there, it was the ideas which nowhere to be found..). Until lastweek, after watching 'Wanita Hari Ini', and the topic was..' Bila Rumahtangga Mula Goyah..', and later read a piece of news in papers about young and beautiful celebrities' marriage which becoming more and more fragile nowadays, im determined to start jotting words about this society issue. Married for 23 months and call it quit. Hutang dan belanja masa kahwin belum settle lagi, dh ke pejabat kadi. No.. i should not point fingers at famous stars only, normal ordinary young couples suffered the same problem..one couple 'bercerai' because of langsir rumah..Huh?! Funny and absurd it may seem, but that's what happened. Are ppl today, think that bercerai and getting married is as easy as saying 'yes' and 'no'?

Hearing all these 'divorce craze', making a decision to finally settle down with someone becomes tougher and scarier. What is wrong actually, is it too early tying the knot ? Not yet ready for the responsibility as married couples? Or just giving up without even trying to make things work? Or suddenly, in their marriage life, they bump into someone they thought as 'the right one' for them, and began questioning themselves,.." oops, did i make a wrong decision? or have i married the wrong person?!". Hmm..digging to the roots of the problem, what is it that makes marriage in today's world not as strong, solid and pure like the ppl in older generations, our parents years..?

Among the discussion dlm 'Wanita Hari ini', one of the panel spoke about 'Sindrom 7-11'. Sindrom ini adalah keadaan yg biasanya berlaku apabila usia perkahwinan dlm lingkungan 7 hingga 11 thn. Pada masa nilah, mulanya nak retak dan berbalah, bila anak dh 2-3 org, tanggungan bertambah, tekanan hidup kian terasa, ditambah pulak manis honeymoon dh kian malap. Another teori ialah pada 2-5 thn pertama perkahwinan dikatakan sbg masa plg genting. Pada waktu ini, kedua2 pihak masih dlm proses menyesuaikan diri dgn org baru dan hidup baru, masa2 bilamana peribadi sebenar mula kelihatan dan terbongkar ( ms tgh bercinta, masing2 control ayu dan macho, some pretenders we are..=p). If during those times, kita gagal bertahan, kita kalah dgn keadaan dan give up, itu yg menjuruskan kepada penceraian..hmm, ade betulnya jugak.

Dr Fadzillah Kamsah pernah berkata " bukannya kita bertemu dgn psgn yg salah, tetapi kita yg gagal untuk menjadi psgn yg tepat dan terbaik utk psgn kita..". In other words, rather than blaming fate or ppl around us, perhaps we should look at ourselves in the mirror, try to correct what's lacking and make the best from the situation in hand. " If we keep believing in love at first sight, we'll never stop looking" - Closer.

But still, kita kena percaya jugak, adakalanya penceraian is the only way, that's why we must not view penceraian as sthg yg jahat dan teruk, krn ia dihalalkan wpun sgt dibenci Tuhan. When all other possible options failed, and staying married only cause more damage physically and mentally to both, dgn redha terima hakikat kehidupan, and move on. A divorce is not and should not be the end of the world, eventhough sgt pahit ditelan la kan.

To all married couples, dont ever give up easily. Work and try ur best to keep ur marriage. Be that girl and boy that was once very much in love with each other. Spice up ur marriage, never let the romance die. Hold firmly to the decision uve made, that this person is the right one for u, no matter what happens or whoever comes in ur life later.

And to single ppl out there ( me included-lah..heheh ), as long as u are still uncommited or not romantically linked to anyone, keep ur options open. ( this is the commonest advice given to me ). Be friend with everyone,( note the word used, i said 'friend'..dont give false hopes to ppl..that's cruel..) get to know them, and during this phase of friendship, then only ull know what kind of person u are, and to whom u are most comfortable with. Getting married is a big and serious thing, so..take ur time and think wisely. Listen to ur heart with the guidance of clear mind and 'iman'. I remember someone said.." let's cross the bridge when we come to it.."

okay..till later. Bye!

“ Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck, if you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and left “- Jean Kerr

“ Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated, often moving in opposite direction, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them “ - Sydney Smith


-wan- said...

love doesn't require two people look at each other,but that they look together in the same direction.....

ghoyye said...

have been quite an avid reader of your blog but didnt have the chance to leave any comments. just wanna say, u read a lot! kagum... kagum... :D

justme said...

thanx ghoyye..=].ill take ur words as a support.ermm, actually i dont read that much compared to kak zieha and imah, perhaps it's because i talk, worry and think a lot =/...heheh...

imah said...

yeay!!! dah boleh comment dah boleh comment!!! yeay!!! :P

ghoyye said...

uish! i am really beginning to be a part of the 'Mumin's! sume org plak dah kenal! hehe..