my favourite topic. .., yet the most challenging and confusing as well.
ive spent my entire life asking ppl about their love relationship, figuring and wondering silently about each of it. What make it a success, what cause it to fail ? Hoping to learn without experiencing. Thinking that by doing it, ill learn the good and the bad, the strengths and flaws, just by judging from ppl's stories. Just by observing as an outsider. 'Cause then i wont make any mistakes, no risks of hurting and be hurt. Refraining myself from relationship's disasters and break-ups. And i thought that was the best way, keeping me to myself, till the time comes.
Hah, the funny thing is..when is the time..? And how will i know it's the time...? THe thing about reality world, is we can never know, it's for us to find out. The answers are not going to be 'spooned' to me. I have to find out if i want to know. On my own.
A friend said to me "dont plan ur heart, plan everything else like ur future, ur work, ur daily life..but not ur heart..let it works the way it should..". Not to plan my heart. Was i planning my heart ? =/. Well,.. i did not 'open the door'. i did not welcome ppl in. I kept myself closed, reserved ..safely protected. Making excuses, i must be very good at it by now.
i dunno how other ppl fall in love, but personally..i think, when we let ourselves fall in love or decided to be in a serious relationship with someone, it's because we have found the person and ready to accept the responsibility of sharing a part of our life with someone else. Not because we want 'pakwe'. Not because of ppl's perception or opinions. But..because we know that this is it. The person who, we hope to be with dunia and akhirat. Thinking it back, yeah..maybe, i do plan my heart, and was planning it all along.
..eheheh..suddenly barging in here and 'emotionally' talking about emotions issue. All because of a friend, who's currently in a love dilemma, seeking opinion and help from the most 'experienced' ppl in the world..me!!! (Ya-ha!). Well..hard to say,..this 'love junction' ( 'persimpangan cinta'..amacam ..okay tak translation ?)..would not have happened, if she really knows what she wanted in the first place. And stick to the decision made.
well.. rather than preaching to other ppl about heart matters and keep playing the role of a 'love professor' ( esp when im not even 'in the boat' yet)....perhaps, it's me who really should learn from all this. Slowly opening the door for that special someone to reside comfortably in my heart. And let myself enter his heart, sincerely and willingly too.... insyaAllah...
May Allah bless and guide the way..amiin...