10 March 2006

heart matters

my favourite topic. .., yet the most challenging and confusing as well.

ive spent my entire life asking ppl about their love relationship, figuring and wondering silently about each of it. What make it a success, what cause it to fail ? Hoping to learn without experiencing. Thinking that by doing it, ill learn the good and the bad, the strengths and flaws, just by judging from ppl's stories. Just by observing as an outsider. 'Cause then i wont make any mistakes, no risks of hurting and be hurt. Refraining myself from relationship's disasters and break-ups. And i thought that was the best way, keeping me to myself, till the time comes.

Hah, the funny thing is..when is the time..? And how will i know it's the time...? THe thing about reality world, is we can never know, it's for us to find out. The answers are not going to be 'spooned' to me. I have to find out if i want to know. On my own.

A friend said to me "dont plan ur heart, plan everything else like ur future, ur work, ur daily life..but not ur heart..let it works the way it should..". Not to plan my heart. Was i planning my heart ? =/. Well,.. i did not 'open the door'. i did not welcome ppl in. I kept myself closed, reserved ..safely protected. Making excuses, i must be very good at it by now.


i dunno how other ppl fall in love, but personally..i think, when we let ourselves fall in love or decided to be in a serious relationship with someone, it's because we have found the person and ready to accept the responsibility of sharing a part of our life with someone else. Not because we want 'pakwe'. Not because of ppl's perception or opinions. But..because we know that this is it. The person who, we hope to be with dunia and akhirat. Thinking it back, yeah..maybe, i do plan my heart, and was planning it all along.

..eheheh..suddenly barging in here and 'emotionally' talking about emotions issue. All because of a friend, who's currently in a love dilemma, seeking opinion and help from the most 'experienced' ppl in the world..me!!! (Ya-ha!). Well..hard to say,..this 'love junction' ( 'persimpangan cinta'..amacam ..okay tak translation ?)..would not have happened, if she really knows what she wanted in the first place. And stick to the decision made.

well.. rather than preaching to other ppl about heart matters and keep playing the role of a 'love professor' ( esp when im not even 'in the boat' yet)....perhaps, it's me who really should learn from all this. Slowly opening the door for that special someone to reside comfortably in my heart. And let myself enter his heart, sincerely and willingly too.... insyaAllah...

May Allah bless and guide the way..amiin...



5 comments:

Adi Ramli said...

Dalam punya panjang2 yg ditulis, aku nampak satu perkataan je.. "Ya-ha". Ni sure jenis2 yg layan Eyeshield 21 nih.. Ye ke? Atau mungkin tersilap tafsiran..?

justme said...

.. the 'Ya-Ha' word nih, dipelajari dr email someone. Masa baca tu..sampai kat perkataan ni, terus gelak..=D ' the effect of 'Ya-ha''..eheh..

btw,tak tahu apa Eyeshield 21 tu..

Adi Ramli said...

Ohh.. Dari email. Eyeshield 21 tuh katun jepun pasal american football. Kapten pasukan tuh slalu sebut "Ya-ha".

BTW, apa yg ditulis itu ada kaitan dgn motto skolah ngko dulu [Skolah ngko ye, bukan skolah aku. Aku skolah St. Michael. Bohahahah!!]: "Berilmu, Beriman, Beramal". Bukan calang2 motto tuh. Hebat sapa yg buat motto tuh.

Kadang2, tak semua benda kita leh belajar hanya dari observation. Ada yg perlu di"amal"kan dulu, tapi dlm masa yg sama, dikaji dan dipelajari (berilmu) utk ditahkik/proven keberkesanannya supaya kita lebih percaya (beriman).

Memang kita kena ikut turutan:
1) Belajar dulu
2) Buktikan dan percaya
3) Baru nak buat

Tapi cara approach yg tu akan ada satu trade off: Masa terbuang sbb byk sgt observation, lambat sgt nak jumpa bukti utk percaya, pastu baru nak panas enjin utk amalkan. Dah la nak panaskan enjin tu pun makan masa lg.

Tapi seorang yg hebat akan amalkan 3 benda tu serentak. Amal je dulu, tapi dlm masa yg sama dirujuk kembali apa yg dah diamal. Bila diperdalami mengenai amalan itu, dikaji dan diperhalusi, baru diubahsuai skit mana yg kurang tepat. Lama-kelamaan hasil dari amalan yg berterusan dan pengkajian atas ilmu amalan tersebut lebih mengukuhkan kepercayaan ke atas apa yg dilakukan.

In the end, bab ni tak lari dari surah Al-Asr. Yg mana dalam proses nak MENGAMALKAN kebaikan, kena diiringi dengan PERCAYA (beriman) dan KEBENARAN (bukti yg kukuh atas dasar ilmu dan kajian), yg disertai dengan strategi (KESABARAN).

Dalam bab hati nih? Samalah jugak. Kalau asyik larikan diri je, last2 andartu plak. Aiyooo.. Tak syiok la itu macam. Satu perkara yg kita kena terima; "not everything is perfect". Kalau nak tunggu bersedia baru nak buat, sampai bila2 la takkan bersedia. Kalau nak tunggu cukup duit baru nak kawin, sampai bebila la takkan kawin sbb duit mana pernah cukup.

Kalau dari sudut persediaan, org yg paling bersedia utk kawin ialah org yg dah kawin, yg nak kawin lagi satu. Wahahahahah!! Kenapa? Sbb dia dah tau apa yg patut disediakan utk kawin kerana telah mengalaminya. So org yg tak pernah kawin nih? Memang sah2 lah mana pernah bersedia sbb tak pernah melaluinya. So balun je la kalau dah ada jodoh tuh.

Tapi tak rasa pelik ke? Dalam bab dakwah, selalunya geng2 masjid nih sure dok push je utk dakwah. Alasannya? "Sesiapa pun perlu jalankan kerja dakwah tak kiralah ilmu agamanya masih perlu diperbaiki atau dah mantap. At least dlm berdakwah tu leh skit demi skit betulkan diri. Kalau nak tunggu semua jadi ustaz, tak jalan la kerja dakwah."

Tapi dalam bab2 yg mcm nih, terbalik plak? Kena tunggu sedia dulu? Walhal dedua tu sama je. Dedua tu melibatkan TANGGUNGJAWAB. Yg mana tanggungjawab dakwah tu rasanya lagi besar sebab merangkumi semua (termasuklah dakwah utk laki/bini dan anak2).

Entahlah.. Aku bukan geng masjid, manalah aku tau. Aku geng metal. Oyeh~~ Bring it on~~!! Tapi agak menarik gak utk difikirkan. Cumanya, memasing ada pandangan memasing. Ni sekadar pandangan aku dari sudut pemikiran aku je.

tm nut said...

happy belated birthday naz

justme said...

arigatou..tm nut!!! =D