26 May 2006

age factor

I always forget that i'm 24 now. Need to keep reminding myself..or else i'll just.....forget. =/

Seriously..sometimes, i feel like im still the teen girl, experiencing new things with no worries in mind. Until reality hit me, that im actually no longer a ‘girl’, but im a woman now. Or when my father would repeat his ‘favourite words’ to his adult-daughter who smtmes act like kids around him “..Heh..dah boleh jadi mak orang dah nih..!”. ( Opsie. Lupa lah ). Or is this a sign and symptom of someone who is ‘awet muda’ ?..hehehheh. ( or a sign of someone who doesn’t want to grow up..? =/ ).

And smtmes, the truth would be presented to me when I attend a friend’s kenduri kahwin. Looking at the pair, hand in hand, glowing with happiness walking towards their new future, it’ll struck me “oh my…i'm 24 !!! ”. And the same realisation dawned on me too, when I am gathering with friends, and then someone said “ ehh, tahu tak *** dah dapat baby..”. ( Huh? Bila pregnant ?). And another one would add “..haa, next month,@@@ akan kahwin plak..” ( ehh..?). And among the gossiping singletons, someone would then ask “..Bila kita punya turn pulak..?” ( erk..?). There’ll be a split second silence, exchanging looks among one another, and another person would chip in cheerfully "... alah..nanti kita kahwinlah..!”.( that’s right! =] ). And the cluttering noise of forks and spoons and gossiping starts again..

Not that im not grateful or proud, being a 24 yrs old woman, "..yeay2..im 24 =D !!!" ( wow..it sounds very matured and grown up!..). It just, when I look around me, ppl my age, or younger than me, accomplishing this and that, gaining this much and that much every month, I couldn’t help but feel...'lacking’. As there isn’t yet many things, I mean, big things, like BIG. Whatever that is big…in my hand so far.

Thinking about this, it makes me question myself..what have I achieved, being a 24 yr old ? Personal achievements..., I mean. Haven't start working, so no monthly income, still very much depending on parents. Alwys proud of my independence, but suddenly all seems very fake and fruitless. If I die tomorrow, what marks will I leave behind me ..or is my short existence in this world were as near as meaningless..?

Okay..not really a ‘good life-planner’. When sthg happens, then only I’ll pause to think about my own life. Never had a target age, like when to settle down, or when to start getting my own car ( how about ‘learning’ how to drive again rather than planning about buying a car..?), or when to further my studies..? Hmm..not good, naz, not good at all. And no wonder my parents keep getting worried about me, as their daughter is still very much the same like 10 years ago, apart from the increasing age.

Don’t worry,.. ill get married, ok... And I’ll practise my driving, ( and ill pretend tht im not scared..), and i’ll pass my undergraduates, and I’ll be a great human being...insyaAllah. =] ..

I have another 6 yrs to 30. I don’t hope to see it as stagnant as now. Big changes have to happen, big rewards will come. Hmm. Eye for the future.

Act your age. You are 24.

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