08 August 2005

complicated mind

my mom once said to me “…jangan suka buat teori2 macam tu, nanti makan diri sendiri..”..Yup, I can feel it’s ‘eating’ me rite now.

I never knew that those silly theories ( ..silly they are, I know..) that were created unconsciously became sthg that I quite believed in. And when u believed in sthg, and sudddenly someone significant in ur life told u that it was all crap and rubbish, u have quite a hard time restructuring and reprogramming ur mind to what is perceived as the right way to think it. Am I making any sense here..? never mind…

Since I was kid, naughty, loud and bullyish..there’s always a small part in me, most of the time hidden and unnoticed. The side in me who enjoys watching ppl, as I waited for my father to come pick me up. Who likes to look out from the car windows, and ponders to myself as I look in other people’s cars. Who are they in life, rich people..? happy people..? they do seem happy. Where are they going? What kind of life they have, and are they husband and wife..? They do look good together. The tendency to observe human beings around me, up until now..i still do that.

And unknowingly, from mere observation, my mind worked creating its own philosophy judging from what I see. Smtmes a theory was made up. At first, it was just a way to fill up the time as I was waiting, but later on..it became a natural thing to do. Anytime, anywhere. I just hope that it can be considered as quite a reliable products of my thinking, that might benefit others ..but sadly enough, it is not. And ive come to a point in life, where I have to accept that life is just not like that. It doesnt work the way ive pictured and theorized all my life. Some have good life, others are not that fortunate. Some ppl are lucky enough to meet their soulmate, others don’t, and not all marriages are blissful and like fairy-tales. And most important thing is, superficial things that i see from car windows or while waiting at the bus stop, it doesnt truly represent the actual whole story. And also..life doesn’t work in one same way. There’s not only one road for everyone, every person in this whole universe have their very own story, each possess their own unique history.

Well..guess, there’s still much more to learn..

“ life doesn’t have to be very complex. In the past, I used to analyse every tiny detail and make my life very complicated. Not anymore. I have come to understand that sometimes things just happen and we have to accept them “ – Craig Fong

p/s :..oohh..when can I think like this Craig guy, and stop critically analysing every single thing that’s going on around me, it’ll sure make my life much, much..easier..and happier.


neo_gillain said...

it is not wrong to "really" think ...i like to use the word "ponder"...and i know the "takdir" that craig guy trying to say....but life will be more meaninful when you accept d takdir and knows the reason...

justme said...

hmm..yeah, guess u are rite...thanks for dropping by..=]