24 July 2006

riding in the car with ayah

The best time to talk with ayah is when he's driving in his car with me sitting next the driver's seat. The two of us. Father and daughter.

Like yesterday. I accompanied him driving to Kajang, Labu and Puchong, usually he'll go anywhere with mama, but since mom is not here and im the only 'penganggur' at home, my Sunday was later spent in the car with him. My earlier plan was to snuggle cosily in the seat and sleep, expecting my father to be absorbed with his fav radio station, KLfm or listening to his collection of Quran recitals. But instead..we spent the whole time talking, or more accurately speaking, he talked and i listened..eheh. And it turned out to be one of the poignant moment that i never want to forget, just by listening to his stories within that few hours together. Not that we seldom talk, but having a real father-daughter talk, the kind of conversation that i want to remember forever, his words and wisdom that i hope would guide me when he's no longer here.

My father is a real story-teller, maybe because he likes talking so much, eheh. Of course,...he's a lecturer who has to talk, obviously. My father is the guy who crack jokes in the house, and create uproarious laughter. His fav target to tease, who else, no other than my mom. He teases her endlessly, till smtmes it makes me think.." does he ever got bored or lose ideas ..?" Naah, never....he alwys come up with a new point to 'usik', and the laughter starts all over again.

Yesterday, he shared with me about many things. About life in general. About ppl. The cruel truth about human being, holding the tittle 'friends'. His childhood and adolescent years. About his love life with mama ;]. About missing his late mom ( arwah mok nab). Basically, about all the things i need to know, esp at this stage of my life. As if he could read my mind, he opens up and tells his stories, indirectly teaching me about life and answering the questions in my mind.

Throughout our talk, i noticed the changes of intonations in his voice. Sometimes, he sounds so 'bersemangat', along with his hand's motion. ( which caused me glancing worriedly at the steering wheel..eheh ). At certain time, his voice become deep and serious when he reflected his old memories. And i couldnt help but to sense his sadness at the mention of 'arwah mok nab'. As his eyes fixed to the road, he talked and talked. And i had to bit my lip a few time to prevent the tears stinging my eyes from trickling down, which dont ask me why..im alwys like tht ( maybe becos im a Water..?)..hearing my parent's words has that effect on me smtmes.

And i realised one thing too, how im so much similar to my father than my mom, in term of thinking. But he's the extrovert type , who speaks out things in his mind while im more introvert, who likes to keep it to myself, or write it out in here. I was surprised to hear him say the exact words i had in my head and share the same sentiments about things. Hmm..i am his daughter after all,..eheh..

Im glad that he did not listen to the 'stories'. Im glad he took actions based on his own judgement. And im mostly glad and grateful that he's my 'ayoh', who tried his best to be the best father to me and my siblings.

" kita dah berada di suatu yg tempat yang teduh, yg mana di sini kita bahagia, semua cukup dan ada. Tapi kita nak pergi berlari ke tempat lain, yg dari jauh kita nampak lebih baik dr tempat berteduh kita sekarang..sedangkan kita tak tahu lagi. Kita gadaikan keteduhan yg kita ada untuk ke tempat itu. Nasib tak baik, mungkin kena panah petir tengah jalan dan tempat yg kita tuju tu tak seteduh yg kita harapkan..." - his opinion about polygamy,..lucky mama, ayah never thought of tht option..=]

" kalau sesuatu perkara yg kita nak buat membawa kepada manfaat atau kebaikan, baru kita buat. Tapi kalau perkara itu membawa bersama risiko keburukan yg dh nyata, tapi kita saja-saja nak cuba, nak rasa..baik jgn buat.." - thanks ayoh, i learn from this.....

"..ibu bapa akan memberi pandangan dan penyelesaian yang terbaik untuk anaknya, hanya yang terbaik,.." -hmm..exactly...

"..dalam perhubungan kita dgn pasangan kita, mesti amalkan berterus-terang. Ayah jenis yang bercerita semua pada mama, berterus-terang dari zaman bercinta sampai sekarang...takde sorok apa-apa.. dan begitu jugak ayah ckp pd mama, apa2 hal mesti berterus-terang.." - insyaAllah, ..=]

Dan ayah sebutkan sepotong kata pesanan Allah dlm Al-Quran, Surah Al-Hujuurat, ayat 6 yang bermaksud :" Hai orang-orang yang beriman, jika datang kepadamu orang fasik membawa suatu berita, maka periksalah dengan teliti, agar kamu tidak menimpakan suatu musibah kepada suatu kaum tanpa mengetahui keadaannya yang menyebabkan kamu menyesal atas perbuatanmu itu.."

My ayah might not be the perfect man, or the perfect father. He has his strength, and like all other humans, he has his own weaknesses. But he's my father, who i know would give his world to us, who alwys put our needs and happines before himself. Who, beneath his serious look, lights up our house with his jokes and teasing. Who would let me sleep through the morning instead of waking me up to fix his breakfast. He would let the curtains down, to prevent the streaking sun from disturbing my sleep.

" ...ayah besarkan anak-anak ayah bagai menatang minyak yang penuh..jadi bila sampai masa nak melepaskan anak ke tangan orang.. bukanlah mudah. Dalam kepala risau dan fikir "bolehkah orang ini menyayangi, menjaga dan melindungi mereka ?"..."

Ayah..thank you very much. For everything.


imah said...

(in tears), i'm missing home...

justme said...

ooohh...my dear sister, ehehe..=]

we miss u too, and cant wait to see u in December..! =D ( kakak has this big plan in mind, better be prepared....=p )

take good care imah..!

ghoyye said...

i have always admire ur father. tho tak penah jumpa die personally, i bet he's very wise and sgt2 sayangkan anak2 nye :)

justme said...

All the fathers in the world deserve our admiration and repect.. the 'hero' in our eyes...

=]..thanks ghoyye..

and u are right, he really, really loves us...=]