Some friends asked me this question back during those days. The days when everyone fancy someone. The years when boy’s issues appeared to be an interesting topic to talk about. Those teenage years, when we were at the age of 15-16 years old. The period of time when the boys grow taller and walk in herds, and the girls learn how to look pretty and make face-mirror their inseparable bestfriend ( and still do until now..=p).
“.. Naz, bgtaulah, siapa yg naz suka..? Takkan takde suka sapa2 kott..come on…Is it A..? Or B ? haa..mesti C nihhh..kan?” prodding me along with a curious look on their face. And I would smile mysteriously, enjoying the attention while asking myself “.. who do I like..?”.
I remember listening about the boy they like. Some of them wrote letters and when no one’s watching, stuck it in the boy’s locker. Some would combined names, or birth-dates and scribble it on every single thing they own eg ‘azura’ + ‘jamil’= ‘AzuMil’ or sthg like tht. Sometimes, they count ‘percentages’ (..how to cerita, kira peratus nama tuh..eheh, had a few share of doing this myself..), and then squeal in delight when the percentages are high, as if that indicates ‘compatibility’. Some other prefer to keep it to themselves, enjoy being a ‘secret admirer’, but we know they like someone judging from the ‘mysterious’ nicknames and ‘words combination’ found in their notebooks. And some of the girls choose to discuss the boy openly in their group of friends..and I would listen, and think “.. aren’t they afraid telling ppl about this…considering that the words might spill to the boy’s side, and to that ‘particular’ boy’s ears.?”.
During that time, I had no story to share, no particular boy to talk about or ‘squeal’ at. Basically, I was only a listener, or observer. Not that I want to be like someone im not, it just that smtmes I wondered how is it, to have a certain liking to a boy and declare it to public. Looking at these ppl around me, each having a ‘crush’ on someone, I did ask myself “..aren’t there someone I suppose to like too..?.”. I did have a few ‘crushes’ ( .. I was a normal growing girl ok..;]..)..but I never entertain the feelings, as I believed it is only transitory and not worth thinking about. And besides….eheh, I was a ‘skema’ student..huhu..=p
so..at the peak of my blossoming teen life, I decided to have ‘someone to like’. To divert a little of my attention from books, and to ‘join the crowd’. To feel how it is. I picked someone from my class. He is a quiet boy, alwys seemed to be in his own world, and I believe studying is his passion..eheh. I begin stealing glances at him, looking at his serious expression as he fixed his eyes in books. I never tell a soul, as I was scared that I might be teased around when ppl know about it. But the strongest reason of me keeping it to myself, is because I wasn’t really sure what I was feeling, is it ‘like’ or sthg else, I dunno...=/. Because of that uncertainty, I didn’t want the boy to know, didnt wish to make him ‘perasan’ ( as he is a good boy, I want him to stay that way ) and then I would have trouble to explain it later. What i knew was, I want to like someone...that’s all =]. Eheheh..silly, silly..me…but amidst my silliness, the ‘seriousness’ remains..aiyoo, naz..it’s only zaman kanak2 ribena maa…dont have to be so serious, but can’t help it, it’s who I was, and still am.
I don’t remember how long I like the boy. Recalling the times when I smile amusedly looking at him eating ice cream, and after that he eats a bag of ‘keropok’ and the munching continues..and there I was thinking, “ issh…makan sorg je..”. He usually would ‘accompany’ me studying in the class, him at the boy side, and me at the ‘puteri side’. And when I was in my ‘lazy mood’, looking at him so seriously studying would make me sit up straighter and said to myself “..study..naz, study. Dia study maut tuh ..”. Thinking it back, im not sure if we ever utter a single word to one another…hmm.
I think the 'fancying him' stopped when one of my friend started to ‘announce’ that she too, like that boy. Since no one knows about my ‘little secret’, it was not a problem for me, and silently too, the feeling just died. One thing I learn from it, heart can be very mouldable. Even if u don’t like someone at first, but if u keep ‘thinking-telling’ urself that u do, or u let ppl around ‘cucuk-cucuk’ by pairing u with that person, suddenly u go all fluttery and blush at the sight of him, or at the mention of his name. Eventually..it will trigger ur heart in a way u didn’t expect. So..dont ‘cucuk-cucuk’ if u are not ready to face the consequence of really falling for that person.
So there..a little story of a boy I once like. Hmm.....if he had offered me a piece of that ‘keropok’..maybe, i might want to fight for his attention.. =p..just kidding ! ( yeah..like the boy would bother responding to it..,;] )