A friend asked me to write a poem about love. Actually, he asked me to do it months ago, but I was unable to make it. Not because of time, but more because I just don’t know how. Where to start, what to tell. To write a poem, to make it meaningful that it can touch the hearts of those who read it, that what makes it difficult. To create something beautiful, that comes from the heart.
Some ppl worship love, see it as sthg sacred, invincibly strong that only death could tear it apart. ( im referring to love between man and woman here.) Cinta itu agung, kata Laila Majnun. CInta yang membuat Romeo kelihatan hero apabila mati kerana Juliet. Cinta yang sangat hingga wujud ungkapan seperti ‘lautan api sanggup kurenangi’. Kisah cinta yang melahirkan seloka berbunyi, ‘ Buang emak buang saudara, Kerana kasih hamba turutkan’. Hebatnya cinta kalau begitu.
But the more I understand life, I come to realise that love is just merely a feeling, that can come and go anytime. One can feel so deeply in love today, but the feeling becomes lesser, some might even vanished without trace when hatred and resentment started to fill in the space. Why? Why a feeling that was once so strong, so worshipped can slowly fade away? Because it’s only a feeling. Perasaan manusia yg tidak kekal, seperti tidak kekalnya manusia itu sendiri. Ive wrote before in the ‘deleted blog’ about ‘sifat kebolehubahan hati’. Knowing the nature of heart, in order to retain love, it needs hard work, it needs persistent reminder, it needs faith, trust, respect and responsibility. But most important it needs blessings from the Giver of love itself. Blessings from Allah.
Because HE is the provider, the creator, the owner of us. HE gives to whom He wishes, HE also can take it back. To get love, to keep love, raise our hands up and pray to Him, for HE surely listens and answers. Cinta itu anugerah Tuhan. Cinta tak wujud jika Dia tak izinkan. Jadi..untuk mengekalkan cinta agar kukuh sepanjang zaman, pada Dia kita minta dan pohonkan. Mungkin juga, cinta jadi goyah dan hina, kerana jalan untuk mendapatkan cinta itu sendiri tidak diredhai-Nya.
I really like a phrase from one of M Nasir’s songs. Listen and understand its meaning, then perhaps we can appreciate and understand love better. “ ..mari mawar ku , raikan cinta, tanpa cinta - NYA kita tiada. Mawar cinta mawar ku abadi, cinta Pemilik segala jadi..” – RAIKAN CINTA.
Love is a wonderful feeling, and I believe it’s a human desire to love and be loved back in return. Because we are created in pairs, we can never really be able to live normal being alone in this world. So…ppl, every day, every moments..our whole life, let’s be grateful to have ppl who love us and we love them back. Thank you Alllah, for this gift of love….let’s celebrate love!!!
* FALSAFAH CINTA* - Slam
( another song written by M Nasir, he’s a real music-sifu..=])
Bila hadir kasih sayang
Tanda cinta sudah berakar
Terkadang pudar hidupku
Terkadang semangat gelora
Rasa cinta kepada keindahan
Yang ada yang peka pada kejadian
Berdiri di atas kehendak keamanan
Kedamaian
Cinta menciptakan rindu
Juga membuat kita sendu
Semangat terbakar hangus
Hidup mesti terus
Kerana cinta dunia pun berperang
Itu cinta sesat di perjalanan
Demi cinta kita terlupa dunia
Kesesatan…
Marilah kita bersama terus bercinta
Menjadi cermin untuk manusia
Hentikan tangisan rindukan ketenangan
Cinta ini penuh keindahan
Kasih dan sayang….
12 February 2006
08 February 2006
the tittle? ,,dunno-lah,
Know why ‘surprises’ can make us so happy that smtmes tears welled between smiles ? Because it is unexpected. We don’t expect it coming, and suddenly ‘the surprised thing’ is handed before our eyes, and we went…speechless. Unable to say a word due to shocked, happiness and touched. The feeling of joy is different because we don’t expect to get it, like a hidden gift from God, it falls straight into our lap. .
It’s different when we know that we will get the thing or when we asked for it. The feeling of happiness is there alright, but…different. How to say it…hmm…like opening the door one morning and found a small parcel hanging at the doorknob. It’s not ur birthday, or anniversary, or any special occasion which u know u’ll be getting sthg today and silently anticipating a gift coming urself ( eventhough we usually modestly voiced out “ tak pyhlah, buat susah2 je..”, but secretly , we actually do hope for sthg. Because it’s our birthday, or a special day of ours..hehe), but that small gift hanging at the doorknob able to create extreme happiness. Beyond words. Because it is unexpected.
And it hurts when u expected sthg, and it didn’t happen. Or when ur colleagues at workplace keep flattering u by saying that the post of asst manager is ‘confirmed’ in ur hand due to..blabla..( words of praises that make u beamed proudly like tomato ), and suddenly ur boss gave it to someone else. It hurts even more, like hurt-plus-embarrased-plus-upset, but u have to keep a happy face and smiling along, congratulating the new ‘asst manager’. Not because u are angry that u didn’t get the post, or mad at the new ‘asst manager’ or whatever, but because u already kind of thinking that u’ll get it, because of the expectations blabbed to ur ears by ppl around u.
Like what ‘Cinta’ felt, in a scene from ‘Ada Apa Dengan CInta’, when she was the one expected to bagged the prize in the poetry competition. Her name was chanted by the crowds, she was already happily and shyly smiling and enjoying the cheers, and then, ‘Rangga’ name was announced as the winner. (Fuuh..i really understand the feeling now). At that moment, u don’t know whether u are sad because u didn’t win, or angry to the ppl who‘ve been flattering u with expectations of winning and making u kind of hope to win, or embarrassed because u was the one ppl said would win and yet u lose. Do u get my point? Nevermind…
What Im trying to say is that, don’t flatter me by praises or words of expectations like ill be the one bringing back the prize or ill be the one crowned as the beauty queen or ill be the one chosen as the best singer etc2. And keep teasing playfully to my ears statements like." Eleh, ull win punya, .” or "okay2..siap sedia nak gi ambil hadiah..” .I don’t know, their intentions is harmless, but it gives the pressure, and the embarrasment and the frustration boiling in me when I didn’t get or win all those things they said ill do. And if they think I like being praised and hearing them ‘flattering’ me like that, no, I don’t. I don’t like it one bit. I hated it. It makes me too hopeful, overly confident, happily anticipating and expecting to win. And when I didn’t, I hate the feeling I would feel after it.
It’s different when we know that we will get the thing or when we asked for it. The feeling of happiness is there alright, but…different. How to say it…hmm…like opening the door one morning and found a small parcel hanging at the doorknob. It’s not ur birthday, or anniversary, or any special occasion which u know u’ll be getting sthg today and silently anticipating a gift coming urself ( eventhough we usually modestly voiced out “ tak pyhlah, buat susah2 je..”, but secretly , we actually do hope for sthg. Because it’s our birthday, or a special day of ours..hehe), but that small gift hanging at the doorknob able to create extreme happiness. Beyond words. Because it is unexpected.
And it hurts when u expected sthg, and it didn’t happen. Or when ur colleagues at workplace keep flattering u by saying that the post of asst manager is ‘confirmed’ in ur hand due to..blabla..( words of praises that make u beamed proudly like tomato ), and suddenly ur boss gave it to someone else. It hurts even more, like hurt-plus-embarrased-plus-upset, but u have to keep a happy face and smiling along, congratulating the new ‘asst manager’. Not because u are angry that u didn’t get the post, or mad at the new ‘asst manager’ or whatever, but because u already kind of thinking that u’ll get it, because of the expectations blabbed to ur ears by ppl around u.
Like what ‘Cinta’ felt, in a scene from ‘Ada Apa Dengan CInta’, when she was the one expected to bagged the prize in the poetry competition. Her name was chanted by the crowds, she was already happily and shyly smiling and enjoying the cheers, and then, ‘Rangga’ name was announced as the winner. (Fuuh..i really understand the feeling now). At that moment, u don’t know whether u are sad because u didn’t win, or angry to the ppl who‘ve been flattering u with expectations of winning and making u kind of hope to win, or embarrassed because u was the one ppl said would win and yet u lose. Do u get my point? Nevermind…
What Im trying to say is that, don’t flatter me by praises or words of expectations like ill be the one bringing back the prize or ill be the one crowned as the beauty queen or ill be the one chosen as the best singer etc2. And keep teasing playfully to my ears statements like." Eleh, ull win punya, .” or "okay2..siap sedia nak gi ambil hadiah..” .I don’t know, their intentions is harmless, but it gives the pressure, and the embarrasment and the frustration boiling in me when I didn’t get or win all those things they said ill do. And if they think I like being praised and hearing them ‘flattering’ me like that, no, I don’t. I don’t like it one bit. I hated it. It makes me too hopeful, overly confident, happily anticipating and expecting to win. And when I didn’t, I hate the feeling I would feel after it.
let life be the way it is, unexpected...like it better tht way.
06 February 2006
aku, kau berbeza
antara perkara yg kita tak berupaya untuk kawal, atau perlakukan agar mengikut kehendak kita ialah perwatakan atau personaliti manusia lain. Ayat yg aku selalu sebut.." lain orang, lain lah kan..". Sekali-sekala akan tercabar kesabaran, akan berlaku terasa hati, tersinggung, dan kdg2 mungkin menyebabkan terdetik dlm hati, yg kita lebih baik dari dia..( which sgtlah tak baik utk fikir mcm ni kann..).Walau mcmana kita nak jaga hati kita, perasaan kita..kdg2 ter'jejas' jugak..kerana kita pun manusia.
once, mama pernah ckp.." jgn cepat nak mengatakan org2 yg masam muka, bengis dan kasar, sebagai tak baik, atau merasakan kita ni lebih baik dr mereka. Mungkin mereka pun tak nak begitu. Mungkin mereka pun nak tersenyum jugak, nak jugak ramah bertegur sapa dgn org lain, tapi karekter mereka yg kasar dan dingin menjadikan mereka tidak begitu mudah dirapati. Perangai adlh sesuatu yg sukar nak diubah dlm sehari dua, ..". Setiap kali aku berhadapan dgn org2 begini, aku akan teringat kata2 mama ni, jadi aku takkan terasa hati atau bersangka buruk dgn dia. Kadang2 aku akan fikir, sebenarnya org ni nak senyum kat aku, nak buat baik pd aku, tapi cuma dh mmg perangai dia macam tu..jd , biar jelah..It will make me feel better after that.
Cuma yg buat aku sedikit 'takut', adalah dengan sikap manusia yang lahiriahnya rapat dan baik dengan kita, tapi punya hati yg tidak baik. Aku ingat selama ini hanya dlm drama2 dan novel2 je wujud manusia mcm ni, rupanya sekeliling kita pun ada yg 'luar jernih dlm keruh'. Sedaya upaya kita nak pikir baik ttg dia, nak bersangka baik, tapi..hmm,... apa yg kita boleh buat ialah elakkan dan jauhkan diri dr org mcm ni. Sbb takkan selamat dan takkan bahagia. Manusia yg berdengki, hati penuh iri dan tak puas hati melihat kelebihan atau kejayaan manusia lain..pada aku, org2 begini bahaya dibuat kawan. Bisa 'makan' kita dlm diam.
Dan sepanjang usia aku, ( yg takdelah tua sgt lagi nih..ehhe, ), drpd pengalaman bergaul dan melihat manusia2 lain, sikit2 aku belajar. Dan aku bersyukur sentiasa ada ahli keluarga di sekeliling yg 'guard' aku dr manusia2 dan keadaan yg 'mencurigakan'. Aku sudah belajar, tak semua org yg dabik dada mengaku kawan, adalah 'sebenar kawan'. Aku perlahan2 mengerti, tak semua manusia dalam dunia punya niat baik, tak semua orang kita boleh letakkan kepercayaan dan dunia tak seindah dan se'selamat' yang kita harapkan. Kebaikan yang kita kongsikan dengan manusia lain, tak semestinya mereka memulangkan dalam bentuk yg serupa, kerana manusia berbeza, hati perut kita tak sama. Apa yg kita boleh buat,ialah terus berbuat kebaikan, dan dalam masa yang sama percaya Tuhan sentiasa melindungi dan melimpahkan kita dengan perkara2 baik juga.
How did i get to here..? tulah akibatnya kalau mcm2 yg difikirkan.
hmm..kemahiran 'membaca' niat di sebalik wajah luaran orang nilah yang aku belum mahir, nasib baik ada org2 mahir sekeliling aku yg akan peringatkan..
"... jangan kak, danger!.."
Percaya kepada gut instinct.
once, mama pernah ckp.." jgn cepat nak mengatakan org2 yg masam muka, bengis dan kasar, sebagai tak baik, atau merasakan kita ni lebih baik dr mereka. Mungkin mereka pun tak nak begitu. Mungkin mereka pun nak tersenyum jugak, nak jugak ramah bertegur sapa dgn org lain, tapi karekter mereka yg kasar dan dingin menjadikan mereka tidak begitu mudah dirapati. Perangai adlh sesuatu yg sukar nak diubah dlm sehari dua, ..". Setiap kali aku berhadapan dgn org2 begini, aku akan teringat kata2 mama ni, jadi aku takkan terasa hati atau bersangka buruk dgn dia. Kadang2 aku akan fikir, sebenarnya org ni nak senyum kat aku, nak buat baik pd aku, tapi cuma dh mmg perangai dia macam tu..jd , biar jelah..It will make me feel better after that.
Cuma yg buat aku sedikit 'takut', adalah dengan sikap manusia yang lahiriahnya rapat dan baik dengan kita, tapi punya hati yg tidak baik. Aku ingat selama ini hanya dlm drama2 dan novel2 je wujud manusia mcm ni, rupanya sekeliling kita pun ada yg 'luar jernih dlm keruh'. Sedaya upaya kita nak pikir baik ttg dia, nak bersangka baik, tapi..hmm,... apa yg kita boleh buat ialah elakkan dan jauhkan diri dr org mcm ni. Sbb takkan selamat dan takkan bahagia. Manusia yg berdengki, hati penuh iri dan tak puas hati melihat kelebihan atau kejayaan manusia lain..pada aku, org2 begini bahaya dibuat kawan. Bisa 'makan' kita dlm diam.
Dan sepanjang usia aku, ( yg takdelah tua sgt lagi nih..ehhe, ), drpd pengalaman bergaul dan melihat manusia2 lain, sikit2 aku belajar. Dan aku bersyukur sentiasa ada ahli keluarga di sekeliling yg 'guard' aku dr manusia2 dan keadaan yg 'mencurigakan'. Aku sudah belajar, tak semua org yg dabik dada mengaku kawan, adalah 'sebenar kawan'. Aku perlahan2 mengerti, tak semua manusia dalam dunia punya niat baik, tak semua orang kita boleh letakkan kepercayaan dan dunia tak seindah dan se'selamat' yang kita harapkan. Kebaikan yang kita kongsikan dengan manusia lain, tak semestinya mereka memulangkan dalam bentuk yg serupa, kerana manusia berbeza, hati perut kita tak sama. Apa yg kita boleh buat,ialah terus berbuat kebaikan, dan dalam masa yang sama percaya Tuhan sentiasa melindungi dan melimpahkan kita dengan perkara2 baik juga.
How did i get to here..? tulah akibatnya kalau mcm2 yg difikirkan.
hmm..kemahiran 'membaca' niat di sebalik wajah luaran orang nilah yang aku belum mahir, nasib baik ada org2 mahir sekeliling aku yg akan peringatkan..
"... jangan kak, danger!.."
Percaya kepada gut instinct.
perfect match
Where did I get this tittle ? From listening to Mix Fm ‘Perfect Match’. The times when Shazz and Richard will be questioning a couple, to know how well they know one another. First,they would ask the wife, and later asked the husband the same question, to see whether they both give the same answer.Heheh..quite fun. And I would be perching next to the radio waiting to hear the husband’s answer, will it be the same line as his wife..? Hah. Perfect match, indeed. But smtmes, the guys would give a totally different answer from his spouse, that would make his wife screeched in the receiver ( because then they would not get the prize awarded for those who answered all correct ). But what to expect from guys ehh.., they can be plain insensitive about living ppl around them smtmes, …eheh. ( but that what makes a man, a man..;].. )
Perfect match. Sounds too good to be true, except in movies, where ‘soulmates’ exist. ( Yikes..i sound like a cynic who don’t believe in love ) . I do feel happiness blossoming in me, watching happy couples who look just perfect together. Completing one another. ( yeah2..another cliché , mushy romantic sentence taken from ‘Jerry Maguire’ ). Especially old couples, when the streaks of beauty has faded with years, and the strong masculine build were replaced with old, sagging body. But the love remains. The relationship is still there, strong as ever.
Amazing ehh, these old ppl. During the old days, when there were no self-help books, no marriage counseling. No kursus kahwin. No luxury or wealth to go ‘honey-mooning’ to Venice or Paris. And no romantic dialogues learnt from movies. Yet their marriage last a lifetime. Compared to us nowadays who are pampered with all the love tips, yet the love itself crumbled halfway. Declaring to the world what a perfect match we are, and end up hating one another. What is missing there ? Or haven’t we found our ‘perfect match’?
I used to believe that perfect match means we found our soulmates, our so-called ‘the one’. Heh..but after several sessions of brainwashing, i finally come to my senses, that believing in such things is dangerous. It makes us hold to fantasies beliefs and just waiting in despair for ‘the one’ to finally pop-up in front of us. That’s not how life or love works. If u want it, be it and create it. Work for it. Hope all u can, dream all u want, but u have to work and not just sitting around waiting for the ‘soulmate’ to be granted to us.( tau..naz.!!! )
Maybe ‘soulmates’ or perfect match really do exist after all, but it comes after years of staying together, going through hardships and life turbulences, sharing happy moments and laughters, had rows of arguments and crying buckets of tears, and really know one another inside out. And it doesn’t happen overnight, it takes quite a period of time for someone to finally realise that this person next to him/her is their ‘soulmates’. Their perfect match. The one that completes the ‘missing puzzle’ in them. Hmm..
I remember once I was sitting in my parent’s room, watching tv when my father walked in to change his clothes ( just got back from work ). Suddenly he asked me..
“ sapa lipat kain pelekat ayah nih ?” his eyes pointing to his ‘kain pelekat’ neatly folded and hung on the racks.
“ kak lipatkan td. 'Bakpo nyo' ( kenapa nya ) ?” I asked, wondering to myself as I looked at the ‘kain pelekat’, ‘buruk sgt ke aku lipat ?’..eheh.
“ oohh..takde, sebab nampak lain, jadi ayah tahulah bukan mama yg lipat. ..” As he said this, he walked out from the room. Leaving me still looking at the ‘kain pelekat’, comparing it to the one folded by my mom hung next to it which looked not much different from the one i did. Silently amazed at the fact that my father could notice that.Wow.
Hmm..looks like my parents are ‘the perfect match’ too..=]
Perfect match. Sounds too good to be true, except in movies, where ‘soulmates’ exist. ( Yikes..i sound like a cynic who don’t believe in love ) . I do feel happiness blossoming in me, watching happy couples who look just perfect together. Completing one another. ( yeah2..another cliché , mushy romantic sentence taken from ‘Jerry Maguire’ ). Especially old couples, when the streaks of beauty has faded with years, and the strong masculine build were replaced with old, sagging body. But the love remains. The relationship is still there, strong as ever.
Amazing ehh, these old ppl. During the old days, when there were no self-help books, no marriage counseling. No kursus kahwin. No luxury or wealth to go ‘honey-mooning’ to Venice or Paris. And no romantic dialogues learnt from movies. Yet their marriage last a lifetime. Compared to us nowadays who are pampered with all the love tips, yet the love itself crumbled halfway. Declaring to the world what a perfect match we are, and end up hating one another. What is missing there ? Or haven’t we found our ‘perfect match’?
I used to believe that perfect match means we found our soulmates, our so-called ‘the one’. Heh..but after several sessions of brainwashing, i finally come to my senses, that believing in such things is dangerous. It makes us hold to fantasies beliefs and just waiting in despair for ‘the one’ to finally pop-up in front of us. That’s not how life or love works. If u want it, be it and create it. Work for it. Hope all u can, dream all u want, but u have to work and not just sitting around waiting for the ‘soulmate’ to be granted to us.( tau..naz.!!! )
Maybe ‘soulmates’ or perfect match really do exist after all, but it comes after years of staying together, going through hardships and life turbulences, sharing happy moments and laughters, had rows of arguments and crying buckets of tears, and really know one another inside out. And it doesn’t happen overnight, it takes quite a period of time for someone to finally realise that this person next to him/her is their ‘soulmates’. Their perfect match. The one that completes the ‘missing puzzle’ in them. Hmm..
I remember once I was sitting in my parent’s room, watching tv when my father walked in to change his clothes ( just got back from work ). Suddenly he asked me..
“ sapa lipat kain pelekat ayah nih ?” his eyes pointing to his ‘kain pelekat’ neatly folded and hung on the racks.
“ kak lipatkan td. 'Bakpo nyo' ( kenapa nya ) ?” I asked, wondering to myself as I looked at the ‘kain pelekat’, ‘buruk sgt ke aku lipat ?’..eheh.
“ oohh..takde, sebab nampak lain, jadi ayah tahulah bukan mama yg lipat. ..” As he said this, he walked out from the room. Leaving me still looking at the ‘kain pelekat’, comparing it to the one folded by my mom hung next to it which looked not much different from the one i did. Silently amazed at the fact that my father could notice that.Wow.
Hmm..looks like my parents are ‘the perfect match’ too..=]
02 February 2006
balik asrama semua..!
hari 'balik asrama'. Like usual, the same, chaotic situation in my house ..
"..ehh..mana stokin Bie?..sapa curi stokin Bie?!..err, ni stokin BIe ke..? "
"..Arrggh..malasnya nak balik sekolah..!!"
"...Weihh..cepatlah kemas barang2 tuh masuk beg, ..nak pergi lepas Zuhur nih, takut lewat nanti.."
"....berkubangnya kat sini..ni brg sapa nih?..jgn sepah2 nanti bercampur dgn barang org lain.."
"Sapa punya turn gosok baju..?!"
Dialog sama sejak dulu, dari zaman aku, kakak dan Imah..hinggalah ke time adik2 sekarang nih. Situasi yg sama. Eheh..just sekarang aku jd pemerhati je, lucu tgk gelagat adik2 berkemas balik sekolah. Time aku dulu lagi teruk, ..eheh. Dan ayat yg sama akan keluar dr mulut ayah, "...ha..sapa nak pergi dulu nih..?". Dan semua dh mcm faham2 sendiri, yg jauh akan pergi dulu, in our case, org yg bersekolah di Neg Sembilan. Yg syok org yg belajar kat SMAKL, pukul 5 baru bertolak. Dan ayah, dari anak yg sulung hingga bungsu, semua dia yg hantar balik asrama, tak kiralah kat Seremban ke, Hulu Langat ke, Kajang ke, KL ke. Dari kereta Ford LAser buruk ( yg seusia dgn aku tuh..=]) hinggalah ke kereta sekarang, bnyk benar jasa kereta2 tu kat kitorg...Aku ingat Imah pernah tnya ayah.., masa tu dia IB di Kolej MAra BAnting..
Imah : "..ayah..biarlah imah balik sendiri..susahlah ayah jauh2 nak drive. Imah reti balik sendiri.."
Ayah :"..tak payahla,..ayah boleh ambil hantar. Masa kamu semua masih bawah ayah nilah, ayah boleh nak mengambil menghantar. Esok2 dah jadi hak orang, dah ade suami..ayah dah tak boleh nak ambil dh.."
Terus Imah diam.
Mama pun tak kurg ligatnya. Dr pagi dh bergegas untuk siap2kan makan awal, sbb kena bertolak awal. Nak pastikan semua brg2 anak2nya ada. Yg penting, bekalan makanan, yg kdg2 aku terfikir, apa mama ingat anak2 dia kebulur kat asrama kot, punyalah bnyk mcm nak buat bekal utk batallion askar...ehehe. Setiap kali nak balik asrama, mama akan minta semua buat list brg2 yg diperlukan utk dia pergi beli. ,. .common request, 'ubat gigi', 'sabun', kadang2 'cermin muka'. ( ini satu hal lagi, adik2 aku ni punya list, ..isshh...mcm2 )
dan bila semua dh balik, tinggallah mama dan ayah, serta anak2 yg dh habis sekolah. Dari gelak ketawa riuh2 suasana dalam rumah semasa semua berkumpul, jadi sgt senyap dan hening. Sunyi je. iSkk...
Sebenarnya..im missing my adik2 yg baru balik asrama smlm..tu yg 'sentimental' semacam je nih..hAihh...
"..ehh..mana stokin Bie?..sapa curi stokin Bie?!..err, ni stokin BIe ke..? "
"..Arrggh..malasnya nak balik sekolah..!!"
"...Weihh..cepatlah kemas barang2 tuh masuk beg, ..nak pergi lepas Zuhur nih, takut lewat nanti.."
"....berkubangnya kat sini..ni brg sapa nih?..jgn sepah2 nanti bercampur dgn barang org lain.."
"Sapa punya turn gosok baju..?!"
Dialog sama sejak dulu, dari zaman aku, kakak dan Imah..hinggalah ke time adik2 sekarang nih. Situasi yg sama. Eheh..just sekarang aku jd pemerhati je, lucu tgk gelagat adik2 berkemas balik sekolah. Time aku dulu lagi teruk, ..eheh. Dan ayat yg sama akan keluar dr mulut ayah, "...ha..sapa nak pergi dulu nih..?". Dan semua dh mcm faham2 sendiri, yg jauh akan pergi dulu, in our case, org yg bersekolah di Neg Sembilan. Yg syok org yg belajar kat SMAKL, pukul 5 baru bertolak. Dan ayah, dari anak yg sulung hingga bungsu, semua dia yg hantar balik asrama, tak kiralah kat Seremban ke, Hulu Langat ke, Kajang ke, KL ke. Dari kereta Ford LAser buruk ( yg seusia dgn aku tuh..=]) hinggalah ke kereta sekarang, bnyk benar jasa kereta2 tu kat kitorg...Aku ingat Imah pernah tnya ayah.., masa tu dia IB di Kolej MAra BAnting..
Imah : "..ayah..biarlah imah balik sendiri..susahlah ayah jauh2 nak drive. Imah reti balik sendiri.."
Ayah :"..tak payahla,..ayah boleh ambil hantar. Masa kamu semua masih bawah ayah nilah, ayah boleh nak mengambil menghantar. Esok2 dah jadi hak orang, dah ade suami..ayah dah tak boleh nak ambil dh.."
Terus Imah diam.
Mama pun tak kurg ligatnya. Dr pagi dh bergegas untuk siap2kan makan awal, sbb kena bertolak awal. Nak pastikan semua brg2 anak2nya ada. Yg penting, bekalan makanan, yg kdg2 aku terfikir, apa mama ingat anak2 dia kebulur kat asrama kot, punyalah bnyk mcm nak buat bekal utk batallion askar...ehehe. Setiap kali nak balik asrama, mama akan minta semua buat list brg2 yg diperlukan utk dia pergi beli. ,. .common request, 'ubat gigi', 'sabun', kadang2 'cermin muka'. ( ini satu hal lagi, adik2 aku ni punya list, ..isshh...mcm2 )
dan bila semua dh balik, tinggallah mama dan ayah, serta anak2 yg dh habis sekolah. Dari gelak ketawa riuh2 suasana dalam rumah semasa semua berkumpul, jadi sgt senyap dan hening. Sunyi je. iSkk...
Sebenarnya..im missing my adik2 yg baru balik asrama smlm..tu yg 'sentimental' semacam je nih..hAihh...
23 January 2006
beauty vs material..( sigh..)
( this entry was suppsed to be posted earlier, when the issue was 'burning' hot,now...heheh., dh 'suam-suam kuku' dh...but still, baca jelah..=])
Topic yg hangat mcm ‘goreng pisang panas’ in the Sunday paper. I followed with a mixture of feelings. Interested, amused, disbelief , plus a little bit exasperated, considering the discussion which is leading nowhere. Why? Because the debate is about the nature of man and woman. So..basically, no matter how many times ppl grumble about men being like this, or women acting like that..they are just being themselves! =P
Not to say im defending men or women. And I don’t say that I agree with all the points stated, that all women are materialistic, and entire men on earth are beautylistik ( err..ada ke perkataan nih..? =/). But realistically speaking, no matter how we pretend to deny the fact, bite our tongue and play deaf, it’s true. Why..? ill tell u why. Before tht, may i switch to Malay? I think I will be able to write better in it.
Kerana nafsu yg melahirkan kehendak2 kepada kecantikan dan kemewahan. Dan kecenderungan nafsu yg berbeza atr lelaki dan prpmn. Yg dpt mengelakkan manusia drpd menjadi “—listik”, tak kirala apa2 ‘-listik’ pun, ialah akal dan iman agar kita waras dan tidak dipandu oleh tuntutan2 nafsu yg takde kesudahannya ni. Semua manusia nak hidup senang dan mewah, tipu kalau org kata dia tak berhajat nak hidup senang krn atr sifat manusia yg diciptakan Tuhan ialah berkecenderungan terhadap kebendaan dan keindahan.
Cuma silap bila ia berlebihan dan keterlaluan. Dan menyedari sifat manusia ini, Islam ajar manusia agar berusaha, berdoa, dan bertawakal, ‘zuhud’, redha dan percaya kpd qadak dan qadar, baru manusia tidak tenggelam dengan kehendak ‘nak cantik dan nak kaya’ ni. Usaha jika hendakkan sesuatu, dlm masa yg sama berdoa dan minta pd Tuhan, dan redha serta bersyukur dgn apa yg diberi.
Jadi, tak salah perempuan atau lelaki memilih material atau rupa selagi ia tidak keterlaluan. Sedang Islam juga melandaskan syarat pemilihan psgn kepada 4 perkara;harta,keturunan, rupa dan agama. CUma jgnlah itu menjadi sasaran dan matlamat utama. Itu shj.
Seperkara lagi, lelaki dok bising ckp perempuan pilih material, yg hang dok lengut pemalas tak berusaha tuh, memanglah sampai ke tua membujang. Perlu difikir jugak resam masyarakat kita nih, women once they are married, drpd kebergantungan kpd ibu ayahnya dia beralih kepada suaminya, meanings that suami yg akan jadi pelindung, ketua dan penyara keluarga. Tempat seorg isteri merasa selamat, emosi dan luaran. Bukan sekadar nak kenyang dgn bercinta je. Woman needs to feel that they can depend on this guy, able to converse their mind and heart out, and this needs the ‘ke'sekufu'an’ or ‘compatibility’ in sense of thinking, living and future planning. Kalau org perempuannya berfikir zaman 2000, tapi yg lelakinya zaman 1950an ..where’s the compatibility there..? Fuuh..some talk from a single girll..ehhehe.( I really should write back to that paper..).
In short, (after a long rambling).. guys, berusaha utk majukan diri and stop pointing fingers to women accusing them of being ‘materialistik’. Trust me, that’s not what really important to a woman. Harta benda boleh dicari bersama and personally, I prefer it that way as I think tht ‘pencarian bersama’ nih will make a marriage more sweet and strong as everything were started from scratch and learnt together from zero. But the attitude towards life, that’s what matters. And that what differ one man to another. A positive, down-to-earth guy who works hard to make a living, plus possess some leadership qualities and strong faith in religion ( for me this is important, I want him to be my ‘imam’ sembahyang’..=]).. it's lucky for any woman to found a man like this.
Another thing a guy should realise is that, women nowadays are getting smarter and more independent. If u still think that women are still the one who follow meekly behind u, nodding to ur every words and letting men order us around, please book a ticket and go back to the dark ages. U don’t seem to be suitable living in the today’s world where women and guys are raising higher and faster each day. And..did I mention ‘together’ ? Yes, together.
But women, once we are married, it's important to bear in mind tht a wife is forever the wife, with duties and obligations to obey husband, respect and be loyal to him. Work all the way, be outspoken and all, but back at home, leave the briefcase aside and shut all office's woes. We are mothers and wives, that's our main roles in life. Never forget that fact..(shessh.. karang tak cium bau syurga nanti derhaka dgn laki..=] )
Heheh..did I go overboard ? Sorry ya, if my words hurt anyone, didn’t intend to. Next time ,ill hit the women plak..okeh? deal,.
Topic yg hangat mcm ‘goreng pisang panas’ in the Sunday paper. I followed with a mixture of feelings. Interested, amused, disbelief , plus a little bit exasperated, considering the discussion which is leading nowhere. Why? Because the debate is about the nature of man and woman. So..basically, no matter how many times ppl grumble about men being like this, or women acting like that..they are just being themselves! =P
Not to say im defending men or women. And I don’t say that I agree with all the points stated, that all women are materialistic, and entire men on earth are beautylistik ( err..ada ke perkataan nih..? =/). But realistically speaking, no matter how we pretend to deny the fact, bite our tongue and play deaf, it’s true. Why..? ill tell u why. Before tht, may i switch to Malay? I think I will be able to write better in it.
Kerana nafsu yg melahirkan kehendak2 kepada kecantikan dan kemewahan. Dan kecenderungan nafsu yg berbeza atr lelaki dan prpmn. Yg dpt mengelakkan manusia drpd menjadi “—listik”, tak kirala apa2 ‘-listik’ pun, ialah akal dan iman agar kita waras dan tidak dipandu oleh tuntutan2 nafsu yg takde kesudahannya ni. Semua manusia nak hidup senang dan mewah, tipu kalau org kata dia tak berhajat nak hidup senang krn atr sifat manusia yg diciptakan Tuhan ialah berkecenderungan terhadap kebendaan dan keindahan.
Cuma silap bila ia berlebihan dan keterlaluan. Dan menyedari sifat manusia ini, Islam ajar manusia agar berusaha, berdoa, dan bertawakal, ‘zuhud’, redha dan percaya kpd qadak dan qadar, baru manusia tidak tenggelam dengan kehendak ‘nak cantik dan nak kaya’ ni. Usaha jika hendakkan sesuatu, dlm masa yg sama berdoa dan minta pd Tuhan, dan redha serta bersyukur dgn apa yg diberi.
Jadi, tak salah perempuan atau lelaki memilih material atau rupa selagi ia tidak keterlaluan. Sedang Islam juga melandaskan syarat pemilihan psgn kepada 4 perkara;harta,keturunan, rupa dan agama. CUma jgnlah itu menjadi sasaran dan matlamat utama. Itu shj.
Seperkara lagi, lelaki dok bising ckp perempuan pilih material, yg hang dok lengut pemalas tak berusaha tuh, memanglah sampai ke tua membujang. Perlu difikir jugak resam masyarakat kita nih, women once they are married, drpd kebergantungan kpd ibu ayahnya dia beralih kepada suaminya, meanings that suami yg akan jadi pelindung, ketua dan penyara keluarga. Tempat seorg isteri merasa selamat, emosi dan luaran. Bukan sekadar nak kenyang dgn bercinta je. Woman needs to feel that they can depend on this guy, able to converse their mind and heart out, and this needs the ‘ke'sekufu'an’ or ‘compatibility’ in sense of thinking, living and future planning. Kalau org perempuannya berfikir zaman 2000, tapi yg lelakinya zaman 1950an ..where’s the compatibility there..? Fuuh..some talk from a single girll..ehhehe.( I really should write back to that paper..).
In short, (after a long rambling).. guys, berusaha utk majukan diri and stop pointing fingers to women accusing them of being ‘materialistik’. Trust me, that’s not what really important to a woman. Harta benda boleh dicari bersama and personally, I prefer it that way as I think tht ‘pencarian bersama’ nih will make a marriage more sweet and strong as everything were started from scratch and learnt together from zero. But the attitude towards life, that’s what matters. And that what differ one man to another. A positive, down-to-earth guy who works hard to make a living, plus possess some leadership qualities and strong faith in religion ( for me this is important, I want him to be my ‘imam’ sembahyang’..=]).. it's lucky for any woman to found a man like this.
Another thing a guy should realise is that, women nowadays are getting smarter and more independent. If u still think that women are still the one who follow meekly behind u, nodding to ur every words and letting men order us around, please book a ticket and go back to the dark ages. U don’t seem to be suitable living in the today’s world where women and guys are raising higher and faster each day. And..did I mention ‘together’ ? Yes, together.
But women, once we are married, it's important to bear in mind tht a wife is forever the wife, with duties and obligations to obey husband, respect and be loyal to him. Work all the way, be outspoken and all, but back at home, leave the briefcase aside and shut all office's woes. We are mothers and wives, that's our main roles in life. Never forget that fact..(shessh.. karang tak cium bau syurga nanti derhaka dgn laki..=] )
Heheh..did I go overboard ? Sorry ya, if my words hurt anyone, didn’t intend to. Next time ,ill hit the women plak..okeh? deal,.
22 January 2006
For Muslim to ponder
Ermm. Before I start, I must say im no expert in this, and I welcome feedbacks, and comments, or corrections if there’s any points here which are wrong. It just tht, I feel it’s important to share what I know and stand corrected if what I said here is not right.
I don’t know whether u readers notice it or not, that there are some scenes especially in Malay dramas which I think can affect indirectly our akidah. Not to the extreme that’ll make one to be murtad, but it’s not good to have this kind of belief. Example, if a glass suddenly slipped off from hand and shatters on the floor, or someone accidentally had a needleprick when sewing, or cutting ones finger in the kitchen or things like tht, it indicates ‘petanda buruk’/bad omen that someone will die or sthg bad will happen after tht. Everytime a scene like this appeared on tv, and im watching with my father, he would sigh for the zillionth times saying "... org Melayu nih, bnyk khurafat betullah..”.
Another example is when someone died, it’s like a compulsory question for the reporters in Malaysia to ask the family members “ ada apa2 perangai atau kelakuan pelik si mati sebelum hari kematiannya..?” Why would a question like tht be asked in the first place..and then,all sorts of weird and funny answers will come up. “ dia nampak lebih manja dgn saya dan taknak berenggang dgn saya” or “ arwah kelihatan murung 2-3 hari sblm hari matinya..”. Then, if anyone who looked sad or acting differently, like if before he never kisses his mother and suddenly he kissed, meanings that he’s gonna die soon ? OR what if before he never wakes up early to catch his Subuh, and when one day he finally did, does it mean he's about to kiss goodbye ? OR if before he never likes the colour red, and suddenly he likes it and wear a red shirt, does it indicate a bad omen..?
No..please dont think this way and don’t even ask the questions above. It’ll make ppl believe that’s it’s true, when the actual fact is that we don’t know, and will never know how or when death gonna come knocking on our door. Aren’t death are Allah’s secret, kept hidden from our knowing so we will alwys be prepared and not to have constant worriness that’ll cause us living in misery. What I mean by constant worrying is that, if we know we are going to die hit by a car on a certain date, are we ever able to breathe normal? No, our life will be like living hell. That’s among the hikmah of us not knowing, other than Allah wants us to berusaha in life, because we don’t know what’ll happen to us tomorrow. So, work to make a good tomorrow. IF we know, that we will be married in a certain year, surely, knowing human’s nature, we will only be sitting lazily waiting for tht day to come. What’s the point of waking up in the morning if we already know what to happen.. ?That’s the beauty of Islam, some things are not for us to find out by prying our nose asking questions like tht.
I remembered back in school ( haha ..opening up girls’ secret..), there was this one time when we huddled in the study room and start inspecting our hands, looking at the details of each lines, and make predictions. All sorts of silly predictions, like ‘pangkal nama bakal suami’ or ‘umur berapa akan kahwin’ or ntahapa2 lah lagi. And then we laughed and compared our ‘findings’ with one another. (yeah2..beneficial activities in the study room ). When my father found out, he forbade me to ever indulge in such things again.
“ alah..ayah, main2 je, bukannya kak percaya pun…heheh," (sheepishly hiding my embarassment for being ‘gatal’ to predict my husband’s pangkal nama when I was suppossed to be studying )
“ Tak boleh kak, yg awalnya nak main2 dan suka2 tu lah, dibimbangkan akan buat kita terpercaya. Ni lebih kurang menilik nasib lah namanya..syirik tahu tak menilik nasib nih..”
Gulp. Syirik? Astaghfirullah…minta dijauhkan Tuhan.
Recaling that moments now, my father had a point. Yeah, mulut boleh kata main2, tapi dek kelemahan iman kita dgn cocok2 jarum syaitan lagi, memang mudah nak terpercaya dgn bende2 mcm ni. Kita minta dipelihara drpd bende2 kecil di sekitar kita yg sebenarnya salah di sisi agama, lebih merisaukan sekiranya ia melibatkan sampai dosa syirik, wal’ia zubillah.
So..the point is, don’t pry in things like mentioned above or which have any similarities to it. Don’t go trying to assume or make predictions about things in the future which is not in our ability to find out. Ajal maut, rezeki, jodoh adalah ilmu dan rahsia Tuhan, apa yg kita manusia boleh buat ialah berdoa dan berusaha, itu sahaja, di samping berbaik sangka bahawa Tuhan sentiasa memberikan yg terbaik utk kita.
Maksud Surah Luqman, ayat 34 :
" Sesungguhnya Allah, hanya pada sisi-Nya sajalah pengetahuan tentang hari kiamat, dan Dia-lah yang menurunkan hujan, dan mengetahui apa yg ada dalam rahim. Dan tiada seorang pun yang dapat mengetahui ( dgn pasti ) apa yg akan dilakukannya esok. Dan tiada seorang pun yang dapat mengetahui di bumi manakah dia akan mati. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Mengetahui lagi Maha Mengenal.."
I don’t know whether u readers notice it or not, that there are some scenes especially in Malay dramas which I think can affect indirectly our akidah. Not to the extreme that’ll make one to be murtad, but it’s not good to have this kind of belief. Example, if a glass suddenly slipped off from hand and shatters on the floor, or someone accidentally had a needleprick when sewing, or cutting ones finger in the kitchen or things like tht, it indicates ‘petanda buruk’/bad omen that someone will die or sthg bad will happen after tht. Everytime a scene like this appeared on tv, and im watching with my father, he would sigh for the zillionth times saying "... org Melayu nih, bnyk khurafat betullah..”.
Another example is when someone died, it’s like a compulsory question for the reporters in Malaysia to ask the family members “ ada apa2 perangai atau kelakuan pelik si mati sebelum hari kematiannya..?” Why would a question like tht be asked in the first place..and then,all sorts of weird and funny answers will come up. “ dia nampak lebih manja dgn saya dan taknak berenggang dgn saya” or “ arwah kelihatan murung 2-3 hari sblm hari matinya..”. Then, if anyone who looked sad or acting differently, like if before he never kisses his mother and suddenly he kissed, meanings that he’s gonna die soon ? OR what if before he never wakes up early to catch his Subuh, and when one day he finally did, does it mean he's about to kiss goodbye ? OR if before he never likes the colour red, and suddenly he likes it and wear a red shirt, does it indicate a bad omen..?
No..please dont think this way and don’t even ask the questions above. It’ll make ppl believe that’s it’s true, when the actual fact is that we don’t know, and will never know how or when death gonna come knocking on our door. Aren’t death are Allah’s secret, kept hidden from our knowing so we will alwys be prepared and not to have constant worriness that’ll cause us living in misery. What I mean by constant worrying is that, if we know we are going to die hit by a car on a certain date, are we ever able to breathe normal? No, our life will be like living hell. That’s among the hikmah of us not knowing, other than Allah wants us to berusaha in life, because we don’t know what’ll happen to us tomorrow. So, work to make a good tomorrow. IF we know, that we will be married in a certain year, surely, knowing human’s nature, we will only be sitting lazily waiting for tht day to come. What’s the point of waking up in the morning if we already know what to happen.. ?That’s the beauty of Islam, some things are not for us to find out by prying our nose asking questions like tht.
I remembered back in school ( haha ..opening up girls’ secret..), there was this one time when we huddled in the study room and start inspecting our hands, looking at the details of each lines, and make predictions. All sorts of silly predictions, like ‘pangkal nama bakal suami’ or ‘umur berapa akan kahwin’ or ntahapa2 lah lagi. And then we laughed and compared our ‘findings’ with one another. (yeah2..beneficial activities in the study room ). When my father found out, he forbade me to ever indulge in such things again.
“ alah..ayah, main2 je, bukannya kak percaya pun…heheh," (sheepishly hiding my embarassment for being ‘gatal’ to predict my husband’s pangkal nama when I was suppossed to be studying )
“ Tak boleh kak, yg awalnya nak main2 dan suka2 tu lah, dibimbangkan akan buat kita terpercaya. Ni lebih kurang menilik nasib lah namanya..syirik tahu tak menilik nasib nih..”
Gulp. Syirik? Astaghfirullah…minta dijauhkan Tuhan.
Recaling that moments now, my father had a point. Yeah, mulut boleh kata main2, tapi dek kelemahan iman kita dgn cocok2 jarum syaitan lagi, memang mudah nak terpercaya dgn bende2 mcm ni. Kita minta dipelihara drpd bende2 kecil di sekitar kita yg sebenarnya salah di sisi agama, lebih merisaukan sekiranya ia melibatkan sampai dosa syirik, wal’ia zubillah.
So..the point is, don’t pry in things like mentioned above or which have any similarities to it. Don’t go trying to assume or make predictions about things in the future which is not in our ability to find out. Ajal maut, rezeki, jodoh adalah ilmu dan rahsia Tuhan, apa yg kita manusia boleh buat ialah berdoa dan berusaha, itu sahaja, di samping berbaik sangka bahawa Tuhan sentiasa memberikan yg terbaik utk kita.
Maksud Surah Luqman, ayat 34 :
" Sesungguhnya Allah, hanya pada sisi-Nya sajalah pengetahuan tentang hari kiamat, dan Dia-lah yang menurunkan hujan, dan mengetahui apa yg ada dalam rahim. Dan tiada seorang pun yang dapat mengetahui ( dgn pasti ) apa yg akan dilakukannya esok. Dan tiada seorang pun yang dapat mengetahui di bumi manakah dia akan mati. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Mengetahui lagi Maha Mengenal.."
10 January 2006
just talk...
Do I look like a teacher in some way.. ? It's the second time i got a request from unknown ppl, to teach them about sthg. I don’t mind, and frankly, quite honoured to be asked upon, esp when it’s from strangers. It makes me feel that my presence in this world is slightly larger than I thought =]. That im able to provide sthg , to ppl around the world..wahh, now im making it sound like im some kind of Nobel Prize winner. And speaking about Nobel , hehe, I remembered when I was a kid, I used to think that the Nobel Prize is awarded to authors or writers who write ‘novel’, and kept getting puzzled why ppl spelled it wrongly when it’s supposed to be ‘v’ instead of ‘b’. Talk about thinking about thing I knew nothing about. Sheesh..and last time too, I thought Godzilla is about a beautiful person, ( because the name ‘Godzilla’ is quite exotic, like ‘Cleopatra-sort-of-name’ ) and later was aghast when found out that it is actually a relative of Gorilla or King-Kong species. Yikes. *After nearly 8 yrs believing that Godzilla is in the hierarchy of 'KingKong', a hamba Allah corrected me again, No...people, it's not. How about checking up the actual definition of it urself..? Something to do with lizard.(ehhe..scared i might get it wrong again..! =0)
Okay, enuff of that. Someone asked me "... kak naz, boleh bagi tau petua supaya lancar bercakap semasa berucap ..” =/..hmm, petua..( rs mcm org tua pulak..).. I guess, this fella must have seen the rapid movements of my mouth, babbling away somewhere. Yeah2..i can be quite talkative smtmes.(err, most of the times)..i dunno whether this guy actual intention is to ‘main-main’, or he really wants to know, but…let just give him the benefit of the doubt, and share what I know.
Okay, enuff of that. Someone asked me "... kak naz, boleh bagi tau petua supaya lancar bercakap semasa berucap ..” =/..hmm, petua..( rs mcm org tua pulak..).. I guess, this fella must have seen the rapid movements of my mouth, babbling away somewhere. Yeah2..i can be quite talkative smtmes.(err, most of the times)..i dunno whether this guy actual intention is to ‘main-main’, or he really wants to know, but…let just give him the benefit of the doubt, and share what I know.
Hmm..how to say it, im not a good speaker myself, still learning a lot ..and i dont intend to be 'Miss Knowledgable-about things' and start lecturing ppl on how to talk. Some ppl say, it's in the gene, like ppl who are born with talents to sing and perform beautifully, compared to some other who has to really work hard to achieve that ability. But the truth is, no matter how we acquire a certain skill, as long as we manage to prove to ourselves that we are able to do it, that's what important. Not to impress ppl, but to make ourselves proud and say.." yes,..im able to do this, and will do it the best that i can..".
as for me, i never regard myself as 'born with talents in talking' ( like that is sthg we want to be proud of ..ehhe). But i know that since kid, im the girl who enjoys talking and getting attention from it. I remembered when i was 9-10 yrs old, i would applied my mom's lipstick, ( thickly , to be exact..), smudging it messily on my lips and sit in front of the mirror. Then, i would talk, mimicking the anchor woman reporting news on television, or the lady hosting a talk show. I would talk, and talk all the way..pretending that im all grown up and talking on television about serious matters. There was this one time, when i was 'talking' to the mirror about a topic,( i just picked out any topic )...and my cousin was watching from bed. When im done, she said.. "hey..boleh tahanlah kak, ralit manihah dengar..." Wow, it really lifted my spirit up, even when the comment was from my 4 years old cousin..ehhe.
And when i was in school, i had the opportunity being exposed to more 'talking session'. I took part in public speaking, which later opened the door to debate and forum competition. And all these chances, were the thing that forced me to practise talking, willingly or unwillingly. Had to memorised texts of speeches and rehearsed the points many times till i can remember where the fullstops and commas are . And i would practise talking in front of the mirror, to see my facial expressions and body gestures as i talk. Apart from that, i had to read a lot, esp newspapers, when i was among the debate team members and i think it kinds of help to enrich my vocabularies . Another common habit i had before, was to read aloud, especially English articles. I would read aloud, along with appropriate intonations. I dont know why i did that, i just did. And still do it smtmes.
Now, being an adult and matured, i still 'talk' to the mirror. Not pretending to be an anchor woman anymore, but to practise for my oral presentations. It might appears as weird to other ppl, but it's my way to prepare myself before presenting in front of ppl. And it works for me, it gives me the practise i need, the chance to see from the audience's eyes and it helps build the confidence.
In short, ( after a long story-telling time ), what i can say to this guy, and to anyone interested to know is..practise talking and speaking. Just practise to talk, how u do it, it's up to u. I dont know about God-given talent or man-made talent,for me, i just want to do my best. The confidence to speak in public can be learnt and built from time to time through frequent-doing and exposure, and where to get the exposure is by speaking up in classes and offering to be the presenter when there's a group presentation. The problem ive seen in some ppl is their mentality and sikap 'nak kerja senang' which limits them from using their potential to the maximum. They use excuses to avoid speaking in front by shoving the job to ppl they identify as the 'speaker' or 'the one who can talk'. The result of it, only that person will get the experience and become better speaker, while the rest will forever remain quiet like mice. Reading a lot also one of the ways to help us become better speakers, as the words and ideas are alwys flowing in our mind.
Genetic inheritance..?Hmm..dunno, might play a role, but should not be used as reason why one can't talk fluently by saying " none of my ancestors are good speakers ". I remembered reading an interview with Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamed. He said he was once a very shy and quiet boy, but he worked hard to overcome his shyness because he had to, and now become one of the respected speakers in the world. Beat the fear and outlive our potential..sure we can,..=]
But the peak of all, is the feeling of satisfaction looking at the faces of ppl in front of u, listening to ur talk. Seeing them nodding their heads several times, agreeing with ur points. Noting their serious expressions like they are really hanging to every words spoken, not to mention the rows of applause u get at the of end ur speech. By that time, u know that u did it.
Scared, trembling hands, anxieties and nervousnes, heart that thumps so fast and loud it practically burst out from ur chest..all these are normal symptoms, especially if it's our first time or beginners. But trust me, once u started talking and getting hold of the ppl's attention, u will feel in control and relaxed. I think all speakers, no matter how many speeches they had give, will still slightly feel nervous, they just know how to fake it or overcome it, that's all.
so..just talk. Pretend that we are good speakers who are full of confidence, and capture the listeners. Nevermind the mistakes, small steps eventually will become big steps, so...keep talking..! =D
08 January 2006
an interesting piece
"...i never seek to defeat the man i am fighting. I seek to defeat his confidence. A mind troubled by doubt cannot focus on the course to victory. Two men are equals - true equals - only when they both have equal confidence.."
- Admiral Yamamoto Isoroku, taken from the novel 'Memoirs of a Geisha'
- Admiral Yamamoto Isoroku, taken from the novel 'Memoirs of a Geisha'
07 January 2006
looking back to yesteryears
Went to accompany ayah and mama working in our 'new kampung' last week , well..precisely speaking, i didnt help anything..heheh, since it was raining like cats and dogs outside. ( but, ayah, abe and adik didn't waste a moment to work in the garden and 'main hujan'..boys!). So i decided to wander around the house. In one of the room, i found my old box, my big box which contains the stories of my 5-6 years in SMAPL and KMM. It's been a long time since i last poke my head and scramble through the stuffs in it..so..it can be said that my excitement to be reunited with old memories was quite overwhelming ...=]
As i opened the box, berhabuk and all.., i found all my teenagers memories. There's this small paper bag crammed with letters. All sorts of letters, cards, short messages/notes, words...my God..didnt i throw anything away ? I opened some of the letters and was halfly-touched, half-ly amused reading through it. There were letters from 'kakak angkat'..;], from my 'monitor-and-junitor', from pen-pals and friends, some who only existed for a very short time in my life, yet i still have their letters. Including letters and notes from some 'SA's..ehhe ( fond and funny memories ms sekolah..). Some of the papers were already old and yellowish, some nearly 'hancur' and have to be opened gently, or else ill damage it.
Also safely kept are the gifts and presents from friends.I dont know why i never use those things...hmm. There are photo frames, music boxes, a clock+frame, the cute organiser ( still with me ; ]), and also the silver necklace from my monitor. I remembered when i received the necklace, i was quite shocked getting such an exquisite piece of jewellery when i only gave him a shirt =/. Because we were still young and in school, i didnt expect to get that kind of gift, plus dunno when to wear it.. so,..perhaps that was among the reason i kept it in the box for so long. But thanks,..really.. for all these precious things, it keeps the memory of the person who gave it in me. Each things has its own story, and i really cherish and treasured all of it dearly.
Terus menyelongkar khazanah dlm kotak. Found my old diary and journals, autographs (books where friends will write in it, at the end of schooling years. i have 3-4 of it..).Again ,i floated into old memories. As i flipped through it, i was choking back tears as emotions started to rise reading the lines written in the autographs. I opened and read thru some scribbled writings of mine in the diaries, and the images of the scenes came flashing vividly in my eyes. Some were stabbingly painful, some were hilariously funny, some were indescribably sweet. How childish we were at that age, thinking that that was the biggest problem in the world we'll ever encounter. The hidden feelings, the excitement and happiness,the confusion, the sadness,the longing and loneliness..the hopes and dreams. Captions of events which at that time were important to be written down, 'carved' in papers so we will never forget it.( which seem quite lame reading it back now..ehhe ). The need to share the story with someone, but it had to be kept secret..so I pour it out in diaries or journals.
Some revelations were made in autographs, perhaps thinking that it'll be their last chance to say what they want. Some took the opportunity to voice their opinions about the owner of the book, saying out things which are not able to be spoken upfront. Some of the words written makes me think, " so..that's how they see me, who i was in their eyes before.." Was i really like that, was i that kind of a person..? And..am i still like that..?
I have to admit, amidst the good life and reputation, im not proud of some of the things happenned back then, where i was the main role in it.( no..dont think too far, i did nothing of all that sort aa..). Words said can't be retrieved, actions taken are undone. Some ppl's feelings were hurt, and i hate thinking that i did that to them intentionally or unintentionally. And to make it worse, one of them is no longer here for me to beg forgiveness. Some of them are no where to be found, scattered around the world, for me to say 'im sorry'. I was just a childish, unsure, scared and confused girl..who tried my best to liven up the expectations of myself, parents, and school. Holding certain post in the school board made it even harder for me to do whatever i want or entertain my needs. Ive concealed the 'teenage' side in me, putting a hard, emotionless face as i walk, pretending not to care when i did, and brushing away any blossoming feelings in me. Heh..boy..did i look 'sombong' then, i guess i was..
Well..ive talked too much. If there's anyone here who was hurt before, by my words or actions..i apologise. If i could turn back time and do it once more, in a more appropriate and better way, i will do it. Unfortunately we can't. I just hope that ppl understand and would see it as an act of an immatured girl, who was still very much unaware of many things about life. Ive learnt from experiences and mistakes, still learning to live, and trying to better myself from day to day. Pray for me..and insyaAllah, ill be praying for all of us too..
it's easy to be judgmental towards other ppl rite...even the people we dont even know.( im telling this to myself mostly..)
As i opened the box, berhabuk and all.., i found all my teenagers memories. There's this small paper bag crammed with letters. All sorts of letters, cards, short messages/notes, words...my God..didnt i throw anything away ? I opened some of the letters and was halfly-touched, half-ly amused reading through it. There were letters from 'kakak angkat'..;], from my 'monitor-and-junitor', from pen-pals and friends, some who only existed for a very short time in my life, yet i still have their letters. Including letters and notes from some 'SA's..ehhe ( fond and funny memories ms sekolah..). Some of the papers were already old and yellowish, some nearly 'hancur' and have to be opened gently, or else ill damage it.
Also safely kept are the gifts and presents from friends.I dont know why i never use those things...hmm. There are photo frames, music boxes, a clock+frame, the cute organiser ( still with me ; ]), and also the silver necklace from my monitor. I remembered when i received the necklace, i was quite shocked getting such an exquisite piece of jewellery when i only gave him a shirt =/. Because we were still young and in school, i didnt expect to get that kind of gift, plus dunno when to wear it.. so,..perhaps that was among the reason i kept it in the box for so long. But thanks,..really.. for all these precious things, it keeps the memory of the person who gave it in me. Each things has its own story, and i really cherish and treasured all of it dearly.
Terus menyelongkar khazanah dlm kotak. Found my old diary and journals, autographs (books where friends will write in it, at the end of schooling years. i have 3-4 of it..).Again ,i floated into old memories. As i flipped through it, i was choking back tears as emotions started to rise reading the lines written in the autographs. I opened and read thru some scribbled writings of mine in the diaries, and the images of the scenes came flashing vividly in my eyes. Some were stabbingly painful, some were hilariously funny, some were indescribably sweet. How childish we were at that age, thinking that that was the biggest problem in the world we'll ever encounter. The hidden feelings, the excitement and happiness,the confusion, the sadness,the longing and loneliness..the hopes and dreams. Captions of events which at that time were important to be written down, 'carved' in papers so we will never forget it.( which seem quite lame reading it back now..ehhe ). The need to share the story with someone, but it had to be kept secret..so I pour it out in diaries or journals.
Some revelations were made in autographs, perhaps thinking that it'll be their last chance to say what they want. Some took the opportunity to voice their opinions about the owner of the book, saying out things which are not able to be spoken upfront. Some of the words written makes me think, " so..that's how they see me, who i was in their eyes before.." Was i really like that, was i that kind of a person..? And..am i still like that..?
I have to admit, amidst the good life and reputation, im not proud of some of the things happenned back then, where i was the main role in it.( no..dont think too far, i did nothing of all that sort aa..). Words said can't be retrieved, actions taken are undone. Some ppl's feelings were hurt, and i hate thinking that i did that to them intentionally or unintentionally. And to make it worse, one of them is no longer here for me to beg forgiveness. Some of them are no where to be found, scattered around the world, for me to say 'im sorry'. I was just a childish, unsure, scared and confused girl..who tried my best to liven up the expectations of myself, parents, and school. Holding certain post in the school board made it even harder for me to do whatever i want or entertain my needs. Ive concealed the 'teenage' side in me, putting a hard, emotionless face as i walk, pretending not to care when i did, and brushing away any blossoming feelings in me. Heh..boy..did i look 'sombong' then, i guess i was..
Well..ive talked too much. If there's anyone here who was hurt before, by my words or actions..i apologise. If i could turn back time and do it once more, in a more appropriate and better way, i will do it. Unfortunately we can't. I just hope that ppl understand and would see it as an act of an immatured girl, who was still very much unaware of many things about life. Ive learnt from experiences and mistakes, still learning to live, and trying to better myself from day to day. Pray for me..and insyaAllah, ill be praying for all of us too..
it's easy to be judgmental towards other ppl rite...even the people we dont even know.( im telling this to myself mostly..)
04 January 2006
sesuai...?
Lama menilik...ermmm.. =/
Kalau Loreal,..bagus jugak, well-known product ni, convincing sikit berbanding jenama yg entah dr pocok mana tak pernah dgr..Hydrafresh, extra moisture..tapi, mahal lah plak… =/
Ke..Ponds atau Olay..? Both are popular beauty product, better price and more affordable compared to Loreal,..but ..Ponds ni, tak begitu menarik hatilah.. Olay ni pernah guna, tak smpi sebulan..naik allergic reaction…, bad experience, so out…
Ke yg ni..? Murah sikit..Ishh..tapi, kot murah sgt ntah2 tak brp bagus. Rupa produk pun ‘sengkek’ je, brg mahal lebih kualiti kot..and terkenal. Yakin sikit hasilnya...ehhe..
Ke yg tu..? Made in UK. Wahh …‘Simple’..tapi catchy. Tapi tak pernah iklan kat TV pun, ...boleh caya ke nih..? Non-allergenic,..ini, kat semua botol produk lain pun ade tulih…eleh…
-Isskk…yg pentingnya, sesuai ke tak dgn aku..?? Karang beli mahal2, guna sekali, dua..terus naik gatal jerawat, habis2 terperuk tak terguna..
-Alaahh, beli jelah, yg mana2 pun, kalau tak sesuai karang, beli yg lain..apa susah.
-Amboi...sedap berckp, beli bukan pakai daun, pakai duit. Muka plak tu yg jadi taruhan... alang2 memilih berjam2, biar menang memakai.
-Susah2 sgt takyahlah pakai apa2, basuh muka dgn air paip, bersih jugak.
-Ishh..mestilah nak pakai sthg, nama pun perempuan.
-Dah tu..?
Okay…enuff of storytelling. An event that occurred some times ago, in Watson, Times Square. Thinking about the analogy of the scenario.
So...how to know whether ‘kesesuaian’ tu wujud ke tidak…? No other way, than to try it. Any way, aren’t life is about finding out the meaning of sthg. Give it a try. U never know what u might be missing. Sesuai atau tidak..it’s up to u to find out. And if tak sesuai, takpelah..at least u dh ade experience with it..for future references. But if sesuai..wahh..aren’t u lucky , thinking that u are just about to let go a one in a million gift, getting and holding sthg that is hard to find..sthg that 'suits' u perfectly.
Get what Im trying to say…?..( no, im not promoting a facial product,..=/. )
Kalau Loreal,..bagus jugak, well-known product ni, convincing sikit berbanding jenama yg entah dr pocok mana tak pernah dgr..Hydrafresh, extra moisture..tapi, mahal lah plak… =/
Ke..Ponds atau Olay..? Both are popular beauty product, better price and more affordable compared to Loreal,..but ..Ponds ni, tak begitu menarik hatilah.. Olay ni pernah guna, tak smpi sebulan..naik allergic reaction…, bad experience, so out…
Ke yg ni..? Murah sikit..Ishh..tapi, kot murah sgt ntah2 tak brp bagus. Rupa produk pun ‘sengkek’ je, brg mahal lebih kualiti kot..and terkenal. Yakin sikit hasilnya...ehhe..
Ke yg tu..? Made in UK. Wahh …‘Simple’..tapi catchy. Tapi tak pernah iklan kat TV pun, ...boleh caya ke nih..? Non-allergenic,..ini, kat semua botol produk lain pun ade tulih…eleh…
-Isskk…yg pentingnya, sesuai ke tak dgn aku..?? Karang beli mahal2, guna sekali, dua..terus naik gatal jerawat, habis2 terperuk tak terguna..
-Alaahh, beli jelah, yg mana2 pun, kalau tak sesuai karang, beli yg lain..apa susah.
-Amboi...sedap berckp, beli bukan pakai daun, pakai duit. Muka plak tu yg jadi taruhan... alang2 memilih berjam2, biar menang memakai.
-Susah2 sgt takyahlah pakai apa2, basuh muka dgn air paip, bersih jugak.
-Ishh..mestilah nak pakai sthg, nama pun perempuan.
-Dah tu..?
Okay…enuff of storytelling. An event that occurred some times ago, in Watson, Times Square. Thinking about the analogy of the scenario.
So...how to know whether ‘kesesuaian’ tu wujud ke tidak…? No other way, than to try it. Any way, aren’t life is about finding out the meaning of sthg. Give it a try. U never know what u might be missing. Sesuai atau tidak..it’s up to u to find out. And if tak sesuai, takpelah..at least u dh ade experience with it..for future references. But if sesuai..wahh..aren’t u lucky , thinking that u are just about to let go a one in a million gift, getting and holding sthg that is hard to find..sthg that 'suits' u perfectly.
Get what Im trying to say…?..( no, im not promoting a facial product,..=/. )
01 January 2006
kursus kahwin
Went to ‘kursus kahwin’ at Plaza Warisan, near Puduraya last two weeks. It’s kursus kahwin, alright…, but no wedding bells ringing yet, still single, yes I am. Saja pergi. My mom was practically shooing me to go when I told her im going there ( ehhe ). The thing that attracted me to go, was because we went in groups of 20++ ppl. Going with that crowd of friends make kursus kahwin seems more fun to my eyes, besides the fact that my friend bribed me by saying that starting nextyear onwards the ‘kursus’ going to be tougher and harder to pass, and also we get student price, who knows nextyear it’ll be more expensive, and the certificate last a lifetime ..and bla2. So, I went.
But, a few days before the day, a friend wavered my decision by saying ,".. aren’t kursus kahwin supposed to be special, the kind of thing couples do together, in the spirit of getting married and preparing their next life as husband -wife. What if ur ‘bakal suami’ haven’t yet attend this kursus, nanti dia kena gi sorg2 esok..”. Hmm..betul jugak tuh, kesian pulak nanti kat dia. Let just hope my future husband has already attended the kursus ok.
And, alhamdulillah.That’s how I conclude it. I didn’t regret going and quite glad that I decided to go along. I learnt many things i never knew, and didn’t bother to know before. Some speakers got very ‘into detail’, perhaps thinking that all participants are ‘bakal suami/isteri’. Some of them even wished ‘selamat pengantin baru’ at the end of their talk, causing me and other single-ton friend of mine glancing amusedly at one another. One of the speakers blurted out my singlehood news by pointing at me and asked ( of all ppl in that room, why did he has to pick me..?) “saudari dh bertunang?”. Erk.Gulp. Emm.“ belum”. I could feel eyes started to focus on me, and the penceramah ‘trying to make me feel better’ by saying ".. ahh....barangkali saudari ini nak menambah ilmu dia, baguslah.”. Yeah..thanks.
Actually, the whole thing is ‘majlis ilmu agama’. Recalling some of the basic stuffs we learn in school, and mostly forgotten by now. We were taught how to be good husbands and wife according to Islam teaching, what are the 'hak dan tanggungjawab' expected and other stuffs, like communication in marriage, how to handle conflicts, etc. It was all 'talks and lectures', can be quite a bore if the penceramah speaks monotonously, with no jokes and laughs between lines...hhehe.
Ohh..and there this one guy,(a MALAY guy, let me stress on that) which nearly 'kill' us all with his idiotic act. ( im sorry for the harsh words used, can't think of better way to describe him.). He was hooting out silly answers from the back of class all the time, interrupting the lecturers impolitely, plus the guffawing ..urrghh, he is such a pathetic attention-seeker ! At one point he was really over the line, rudely shouting answers and disturbing the lecturer in front that made me turned sharply to shot dirty look at him, i was seething in anger. I couldnt believe that there would be a guy at his age, who came for kursus kahwin ..but act like 'org tak pernah sekolah'. He was embarrasing himself, he embarrased the Malays, and most of all, he didnt seem to care about his fiancee/ makwe feeling who was there in the room. If im in her place, keluar aje dari pintu kursus, 'kensel'!! What was he trying to prove anyway..his stupidity..?! Well, he succeeded in doing that, that's for sure. Sorry for this sudden out-burst..im just so angry!!! Please, to everyone..dont do that, dont be like that. It will only make u look downright stupid and uncivilised. And u are representing ur race, ur agama..have some pride and dignity-lah.. =(
fuuh...better stop now, or ill be boiling all over again. Anyway..apart from having a 'disturbing fly' in our class, the kursus was all over wonderful. And one thing i would like to share with everyone, ..( ehhe, since dh tahu kan, jd rs nak cerita skettlah). Emm..one of the penceramah asked.." apa tujuan kamu semua nak berkahwin.?" which was greeted with murmurs of answers from the participants.
"Fitrah manusia ..ustaz" =].
"Sebab nak anak.. ustaz, nak sambung zuriat.." =).
"sebab kita sayang dialah.. ustaz.." ;>
The ustaz smiled ,..shook his head and said.." Kerana nak mendapatkan 'mawaddah wa rahmah',..yg dapat kita perolehi dlm perkahwinan..". Janji Allah, dalam surah ar-Ruum, ayat 21, i think ive written down this piece of ayat in one of my entries..look up for urself ,ok...
Yang menjadikan perkahwinan itu syurga dunia.' Mawaddah wa Rahmah'..hmm..
But, a few days before the day, a friend wavered my decision by saying ,".. aren’t kursus kahwin supposed to be special, the kind of thing couples do together, in the spirit of getting married and preparing their next life as husband -wife. What if ur ‘bakal suami’ haven’t yet attend this kursus, nanti dia kena gi sorg2 esok..”. Hmm..betul jugak tuh, kesian pulak nanti kat dia. Let just hope my future husband has already attended the kursus ok.
And, alhamdulillah.That’s how I conclude it. I didn’t regret going and quite glad that I decided to go along. I learnt many things i never knew, and didn’t bother to know before. Some speakers got very ‘into detail’, perhaps thinking that all participants are ‘bakal suami/isteri’. Some of them even wished ‘selamat pengantin baru’ at the end of their talk, causing me and other single-ton friend of mine glancing amusedly at one another. One of the speakers blurted out my singlehood news by pointing at me and asked ( of all ppl in that room, why did he has to pick me..?) “saudari dh bertunang?”. Erk.Gulp. Emm.“ belum”. I could feel eyes started to focus on me, and the penceramah ‘trying to make me feel better’ by saying ".. ahh....barangkali saudari ini nak menambah ilmu dia, baguslah.”. Yeah..thanks.
Actually, the whole thing is ‘majlis ilmu agama’. Recalling some of the basic stuffs we learn in school, and mostly forgotten by now. We were taught how to be good husbands and wife according to Islam teaching, what are the 'hak dan tanggungjawab' expected and other stuffs, like communication in marriage, how to handle conflicts, etc. It was all 'talks and lectures', can be quite a bore if the penceramah speaks monotonously, with no jokes and laughs between lines...hhehe.
Ohh..and there this one guy,(a MALAY guy, let me stress on that) which nearly 'kill' us all with his idiotic act. ( im sorry for the harsh words used, can't think of better way to describe him.). He was hooting out silly answers from the back of class all the time, interrupting the lecturers impolitely, plus the guffawing ..urrghh, he is such a pathetic attention-seeker ! At one point he was really over the line, rudely shouting answers and disturbing the lecturer in front that made me turned sharply to shot dirty look at him, i was seething in anger. I couldnt believe that there would be a guy at his age, who came for kursus kahwin ..but act like 'org tak pernah sekolah'. He was embarrasing himself, he embarrased the Malays, and most of all, he didnt seem to care about his fiancee/ makwe feeling who was there in the room. If im in her place, keluar aje dari pintu kursus, 'kensel'!! What was he trying to prove anyway..his stupidity..?! Well, he succeeded in doing that, that's for sure. Sorry for this sudden out-burst..im just so angry!!! Please, to everyone..dont do that, dont be like that. It will only make u look downright stupid and uncivilised. And u are representing ur race, ur agama..have some pride and dignity-lah.. =(
fuuh...better stop now, or ill be boiling all over again. Anyway..apart from having a 'disturbing fly' in our class, the kursus was all over wonderful. And one thing i would like to share with everyone, ..( ehhe, since dh tahu kan, jd rs nak cerita skettlah). Emm..one of the penceramah asked.." apa tujuan kamu semua nak berkahwin.?" which was greeted with murmurs of answers from the participants.
"Fitrah manusia ..ustaz" =].
"Sebab nak anak.. ustaz, nak sambung zuriat.." =).
"sebab kita sayang dialah.. ustaz.." ;>
The ustaz smiled ,..shook his head and said.." Kerana nak mendapatkan 'mawaddah wa rahmah',..yg dapat kita perolehi dlm perkahwinan..". Janji Allah, dalam surah ar-Ruum, ayat 21, i think ive written down this piece of ayat in one of my entries..look up for urself ,ok...
Yang menjadikan perkahwinan itu syurga dunia.' Mawaddah wa Rahmah'..hmm..
31 December 2005
last hours in 2005
salaam everybody...=]
wow..can't believe it's almost two weeks since my last entry.( knowing my unrestrainable desire to write..). Lots of things happenned within that time, and insyaAllah, some of it will be shared with all of you here. Still with me..? =]
it's 4 hours towards the new year of 2006. Hmm..2006, we are approaching another year,.. saying that, it occurs to me, where were all the days gone, what have i accomplished this year..? It just felt like yesterday, when i was sitting here, writing about new resolutions, hopes and dreams for 2005, and here we are, at the end of it. The clock must be ticking faster than ever...recalling a saying i read somewhere, " life is like toilet paper, the nearer it gets to its end, the faster it rolls..".
Remember i wrote in here some times ago about '100 things i want to do before 2005 ends'..? Heheh..let just say, it was not very successful, i didnt even manage to list out the 100 things, more else having done it all. One of my friends said,.." it's because u are so busy thinking of 'big' things that u want to do, rather than looking and realising the 'small' things that u could do and achieve...". Guess she got a point there. Hmm..so, how about a new list for 2006 ehh naz..?
next year ( which will be here in a few hours)..i will be older, and hopefully wiser,,(it reminds me of a 'cliche' statement 'a year older, a year wiser', where do that comes from..?). Ill be 24 years old in March, and insyaAllah..will begin my working life probably in August or Sept ( pray for me fellas..!). Entah masih hidup atau tidak masa tu. Entah masih dikurnia peluang dan diberi kesempatan. Semoga kita semua dipanjangkan usia dlm keberkatan, dilimpahkan kemurahan rezeki, diberi kesihatan yg baik, kita menjadi anak, kakak, abang, kawan, ibu, bapa, suami, isteri...yg lebih baik. Menjadi manusia dan hamba Tuhan yg lebih baik...aminn.
okaylah..more will come, just finding the proper time to sit down and write. So..till then ,everyone..wishing all of you..HAPPY NEW YEAR..!!! May this coming new year will bring along lots of love, happiness, success..and world peace.Welcome 2006..~!!!
wow..can't believe it's almost two weeks since my last entry.( knowing my unrestrainable desire to write..). Lots of things happenned within that time, and insyaAllah, some of it will be shared with all of you here. Still with me..? =]
it's 4 hours towards the new year of 2006. Hmm..2006, we are approaching another year,.. saying that, it occurs to me, where were all the days gone, what have i accomplished this year..? It just felt like yesterday, when i was sitting here, writing about new resolutions, hopes and dreams for 2005, and here we are, at the end of it. The clock must be ticking faster than ever...recalling a saying i read somewhere, " life is like toilet paper, the nearer it gets to its end, the faster it rolls..".
Remember i wrote in here some times ago about '100 things i want to do before 2005 ends'..? Heheh..let just say, it was not very successful, i didnt even manage to list out the 100 things, more else having done it all. One of my friends said,.." it's because u are so busy thinking of 'big' things that u want to do, rather than looking and realising the 'small' things that u could do and achieve...". Guess she got a point there. Hmm..so, how about a new list for 2006 ehh naz..?
next year ( which will be here in a few hours)..i will be older, and hopefully wiser,,(it reminds me of a 'cliche' statement 'a year older, a year wiser', where do that comes from..?). Ill be 24 years old in March, and insyaAllah..will begin my working life probably in August or Sept ( pray for me fellas..!). Entah masih hidup atau tidak masa tu. Entah masih dikurnia peluang dan diberi kesempatan. Semoga kita semua dipanjangkan usia dlm keberkatan, dilimpahkan kemurahan rezeki, diberi kesihatan yg baik, kita menjadi anak, kakak, abang, kawan, ibu, bapa, suami, isteri...yg lebih baik. Menjadi manusia dan hamba Tuhan yg lebih baik...aminn.
okaylah..more will come, just finding the proper time to sit down and write. So..till then ,everyone..wishing all of you..HAPPY NEW YEAR..!!! May this coming new year will bring along lots of love, happiness, success..and world peace.Welcome 2006..~!!!
19 December 2005
me..the self-declared hairstylist..=D !
one thing about me, i can never say no when someone approached and asked " ..ehh, naz reti potong rambut takk.? tolong potongkan..".Without hesitation, ill eagerly jump to the rescue, nodding aggreably offering my help. Ehhe...even when the actual truth is, im not that 'good' in cutting-hair skill, more else 'styling'. But..i like it, yupp..i really like it. =D. And given the opportunity to do sthg i find pleasure in doing, heh..ill definitely say yes.
First realised my 'hidden talent'..( huhu..another self-admission, =p.. okla..not a gifted-talent..but a talent-in-the-making..how abt tht..?) when i was in Form 3. Stressed out due to the coming PMR, plus debate-prefect stuffs, having long hair seems to add the burden. So..decided to give myself a hair-cut. It was done beautifully by my mom, but the ever 'creative' me, was not satisfied with the outcome of it..and made some adjustment in the bathroom, cutting more hair which results with a 'remarkable' macam-kena-gigit-tikus hairstyle. But i couldnt complain, because it was my fault, and had to bear with the short haircut for the next several months. But..instead of getting negative remarks from ppl, my new look was complimented, causing me to beam in pride, secretly hiding the fact that it was actually a mistake.( heheh). And that's how it starts, my new passion in cutting hair..( now, let see, where do i get that gene from..? hmm)
Smtmes, i even offered to friends/families to cut their hair, but unfortunately were mostly turned down. Also had few experiences of bad attempt in cutting ppl's hair.There was this one time when i cut my sisters hair ( all three of them..smugly saying ). Accidentaly traumatising a small bit of Imah's neck..( sorry..!) , and unintentionally ruined Yah's and Bie's hair..(..sorry again! ). I made both of them look kinda like 'temenggung jugah anak barieng',and we howled in laughter looking at the final result. I guiltily said"..it doesnt look too bad,.." and "..hair grows real fast, u know ", and "..nvmd, we wear tudung, no one will notices.."..trying my best to patch the damage done. And later at night got a disapproving look and comment from ayah.(" sapa potong rambut nih..?", both of them shot accusing eyes at me,..opsie..!) . And i wonder why ppl turn down my sincere offer to cut their hair.
But..it never dampen my enthusiasm and enjoyment in cutting and hairstyling. i cut my own hair.( seriously..) whenever i feel like wanting a different look. New haircut alwys give a livelier, fresher sense in me. And yesterday, after a long time away from scissors, a friend of mine asked my help to cut her hair. Finally..!
" potong pendek tau naz, panas lah rambut nih!"
" nak pendek mcmana nih..? "
" sependek mungkin !" ( wahh..enthrusting her 'hair' destiny in my hand..this was more than i had expected ).I rubbed my hands jubilantly, ready with equipments and snip..sip..snip.. i went. Seriously into my work, tossing her head from left to right,while she kept covering her ears, scared tht i might cut them off as well. ( hey.. im not tht clumsy-lah ok..). She held the mirror in front, letting me the total freedom to cut her hair. And another friend of us, decided to join the fun and thrill of the moment, offered to take photos of us covered with sweat and hair all over the place.( biasalah,,final yr,sikit2 nk ambil gambar..ehhe).
" mcmana? ehh,jap2, sebelah ni tak sama...". Snip.snip.
" Ehh..yg ni tak sama jugak..jap2.." Another snip. snip.
" Wahh...smart-lah..nampak muda nih.. eh..sikit lagi katsini..." Go another snip.
Ta-da. We stared at her new reflection in the mirror, totally different from her previous one. Expectantly waiting for her reaction to it, i peered to look at her expression from behind. Hair were all over my clothes. And face.
"..ermm., amacam...?..ok ke?"..
"..err..pendek sgt ehh..?" ( she rubbed her bare neck that was covered with hair half-and hour ago.
"..kata nak pendek, .naz buat lah pendek..amacam ok ke? .."
"..eheheh..rasa pelik plak..tapi okaylah..."
"..tapi,,naz rs *** nampak lagi cutelah mcm ni..betul nih" (giving my most encouraging look).
"..eheh.yelah tuh!..okaylah nih.."
and later that night, as we sat together eating cakes ( sedap betuk kek coklat pasar mlm jln Tar, yg moist kek tuh..i forgot my diet instantly ), i couldnt help but felt slightly happy and impressed. She indeed look different, younger and more vibrant-looking. Even happier, when another friend of us said.." wahh..nampak smartlah rambut baru **** nih.." She shyly beamed, secretly revealing her feeling abt her new look. Hehehe...me?! i was bursting with glee inside...
well..well..who's my next 'victim'..? =D
First realised my 'hidden talent'..( huhu..another self-admission, =p.. okla..not a gifted-talent..but a talent-in-the-making..how abt tht..?) when i was in Form 3. Stressed out due to the coming PMR, plus debate-prefect stuffs, having long hair seems to add the burden. So..decided to give myself a hair-cut. It was done beautifully by my mom, but the ever 'creative' me, was not satisfied with the outcome of it..and made some adjustment in the bathroom, cutting more hair which results with a 'remarkable' macam-kena-gigit-tikus hairstyle. But i couldnt complain, because it was my fault, and had to bear with the short haircut for the next several months. But..instead of getting negative remarks from ppl, my new look was complimented, causing me to beam in pride, secretly hiding the fact that it was actually a mistake.( heheh). And that's how it starts, my new passion in cutting hair..( now, let see, where do i get that gene from..? hmm)
Smtmes, i even offered to friends/families to cut their hair, but unfortunately were mostly turned down. Also had few experiences of bad attempt in cutting ppl's hair.There was this one time when i cut my sisters hair ( all three of them..smugly saying ). Accidentaly traumatising a small bit of Imah's neck..( sorry..!) , and unintentionally ruined Yah's and Bie's hair..(..sorry again! ). I made both of them look kinda like 'temenggung jugah anak barieng',and we howled in laughter looking at the final result. I guiltily said"..it doesnt look too bad,.." and "..hair grows real fast, u know ", and "..nvmd, we wear tudung, no one will notices.."..trying my best to patch the damage done. And later at night got a disapproving look and comment from ayah.(" sapa potong rambut nih..?", both of them shot accusing eyes at me,..opsie..!) . And i wonder why ppl turn down my sincere offer to cut their hair.
But..it never dampen my enthusiasm and enjoyment in cutting and hairstyling. i cut my own hair.( seriously..) whenever i feel like wanting a different look. New haircut alwys give a livelier, fresher sense in me. And yesterday, after a long time away from scissors, a friend of mine asked my help to cut her hair. Finally..!
" potong pendek tau naz, panas lah rambut nih!"
" nak pendek mcmana nih..? "
" sependek mungkin !" ( wahh..enthrusting her 'hair' destiny in my hand..this was more than i had expected ).I rubbed my hands jubilantly, ready with equipments and snip..sip..snip.. i went. Seriously into my work, tossing her head from left to right,while she kept covering her ears, scared tht i might cut them off as well. ( hey.. im not tht clumsy-lah ok..). She held the mirror in front, letting me the total freedom to cut her hair. And another friend of us, decided to join the fun and thrill of the moment, offered to take photos of us covered with sweat and hair all over the place.( biasalah,,final yr,sikit2 nk ambil gambar..ehhe).
" mcmana? ehh,jap2, sebelah ni tak sama...". Snip.snip.
" Ehh..yg ni tak sama jugak..jap2.." Another snip. snip.
" Wahh...smart-lah..nampak muda nih.. eh..sikit lagi katsini..." Go another snip.
Ta-da. We stared at her new reflection in the mirror, totally different from her previous one. Expectantly waiting for her reaction to it, i peered to look at her expression from behind. Hair were all over my clothes. And face.
"..ermm., amacam...?..ok ke?"..
"..err..pendek sgt ehh..?" ( she rubbed her bare neck that was covered with hair half-and hour ago.
"..kata nak pendek, .naz buat lah pendek..amacam ok ke? .."
"..eheheh..rasa pelik plak..tapi okaylah..."
"..tapi,,naz rs *** nampak lagi cutelah mcm ni..betul nih" (giving my most encouraging look).
"..eheh.yelah tuh!..okaylah nih.."
and later that night, as we sat together eating cakes ( sedap betuk kek coklat pasar mlm jln Tar, yg moist kek tuh..i forgot my diet instantly ), i couldnt help but felt slightly happy and impressed. She indeed look different, younger and more vibrant-looking. Even happier, when another friend of us said.." wahh..nampak smartlah rambut baru **** nih.." She shyly beamed, secretly revealing her feeling abt her new look. Hehehe...me?! i was bursting with glee inside...
well..well..who's my next 'victim'..? =D
14 December 2005
making decision
Gone were the days when the only decision made was whether to buy ‘pau kaya’ or a bowl of mihun sup, both cost 60 cents, the amount of money in hand. Pausing outside the canteen back during CBN years, taking some time considering it " pau kaya ke mihun sup ?”..( back at that time, I was really torn between that two ..).hmm..
And gone too..days and years when all important decision regarding life, like which school to go, what books to buy, which place to head..are made by parents. Even clothes, shoes…name it, , when I think about it, did I ever make any important decision before ? ( apart of buying pau or mihun sup..).Seems like none. Because of a lack in skill of making decision, making one now, is hard and tough.
Stepping into adulthood, among the ‘freedom’ gained is the ability to make our own decision. Parents are always gonna be parents, the one who will worry about us, their ‘child’ (we will alwys be a child in their eyes..no matter how big or tall we grow..ehhe ), their little girl who once held their hand tightly when crossing the street, the child who sleeps soundly as they fondly ‘tepuk’ our butt or sing lullaby for us. Scared and worried..that their precious child might get hurt, injured or scarred once they let go their hands. We can never really understand a parent’s mind, until the day we become one. That’s what my mother alwys told me.
But now, as we are all grown up and holding the title ‘adult’, and there’s this big thing in front of us that we have to make decision fast, silently u found urself wishing to shrink back being a kid, with no worries of making the wrong decision. When the decision involves ppl’s life, and people around are looking expectantly at u, depending on ur word to start taking action ( example in the emergency room, when there’s a man struggling for life and all the nurses are waiting for ur decision and instruction, with no time for panic or hesitation.).Just thinking of all that makes me shudder..
And realizing that more big, important decision are waiting in front. When we have to make decision about life and future. And there’ll be no more hiding behind parents or depending on other ppl to make them for u. When it will be entirely up to us to choose and take the unknown risk of our decision. Hmmm..who ever says life is easy..
“..ayah ibarat pegang lampu suluh dan tolong suluhkan jalan, kerana ayah lebih dulu hidup, dan telah melalui jalan ini. Samada anak nak ikut jalan yg disuluh, atau memilih jalan lain, itu terpulang…kerana ayah hanya tolong suluhkan jalan..”- ayah.
January is getting nearer, and up until now, I have no decision yet. That’s the consequence of not having enough decision-making skill. Feels like all the words that ive said to ppl, ( when I was the ‘smart’ one helping other ppl to decide ), is ‘mocking’ at me. Iskk..where do I want be posted later?..huaaaa..make up ur mind, it’s not long to January,..
Of course, I would like to work in Kl, or Selangor, it’s my place, where I grew up, where my parents live, and where im most comfortable at. But life is not always on ur side....and news around stated that there’s no vacancy for First Year Dental Officer (FYDO) in KL. Great. And my parents, as usual being parents are not very keen with the idea of me working too far in south or north, not to mention Sabah or Swak, they’ll certainly freak out at the idea of me ‘bersampan’ to work.
Well, that left me with options like Melaka, Negeri Sembilan, Pahang, or Perak. My uncle suggested Kelantan, since it’s my hometown, ( biasalah , org tua, kalau boleh nak ada sedara-mara dekat2, boleh tolong tgk2kan..eheheh, ‘sweet’ lah org2 tua nih..)..but, the ‘young and adventurous’ side in me hope for sthg else. Been thinking of starting afresh at somewhere unfamiliar. Where im unrecognizable, and independently on my own. Perhaps , an experience being to Perlis for a week, kinda opened my eyes a bit, of so many things I haven’t yet see, or do.
What about Trengganu…? Never really thought about that option. Hmm..Terengganu or Kelantan..well, ill keep that in mind...
And readers..pray for me ya..life has been quite a mess the last few days..im really running out of time now...=/
And gone too..days and years when all important decision regarding life, like which school to go, what books to buy, which place to head..are made by parents. Even clothes, shoes…name it, , when I think about it, did I ever make any important decision before ? ( apart of buying pau or mihun sup..).Seems like none. Because of a lack in skill of making decision, making one now, is hard and tough.
Stepping into adulthood, among the ‘freedom’ gained is the ability to make our own decision. Parents are always gonna be parents, the one who will worry about us, their ‘child’ (we will alwys be a child in their eyes..no matter how big or tall we grow..ehhe ), their little girl who once held their hand tightly when crossing the street, the child who sleeps soundly as they fondly ‘tepuk’ our butt or sing lullaby for us. Scared and worried..that their precious child might get hurt, injured or scarred once they let go their hands. We can never really understand a parent’s mind, until the day we become one. That’s what my mother alwys told me.
But now, as we are all grown up and holding the title ‘adult’, and there’s this big thing in front of us that we have to make decision fast, silently u found urself wishing to shrink back being a kid, with no worries of making the wrong decision. When the decision involves ppl’s life, and people around are looking expectantly at u, depending on ur word to start taking action ( example in the emergency room, when there’s a man struggling for life and all the nurses are waiting for ur decision and instruction, with no time for panic or hesitation.).Just thinking of all that makes me shudder..
And realizing that more big, important decision are waiting in front. When we have to make decision about life and future. And there’ll be no more hiding behind parents or depending on other ppl to make them for u. When it will be entirely up to us to choose and take the unknown risk of our decision. Hmmm..who ever says life is easy..
“..ayah ibarat pegang lampu suluh dan tolong suluhkan jalan, kerana ayah lebih dulu hidup, dan telah melalui jalan ini. Samada anak nak ikut jalan yg disuluh, atau memilih jalan lain, itu terpulang…kerana ayah hanya tolong suluhkan jalan..”- ayah.
January is getting nearer, and up until now, I have no decision yet. That’s the consequence of not having enough decision-making skill. Feels like all the words that ive said to ppl, ( when I was the ‘smart’ one helping other ppl to decide ), is ‘mocking’ at me. Iskk..where do I want be posted later?..huaaaa..make up ur mind, it’s not long to January,..
Of course, I would like to work in Kl, or Selangor, it’s my place, where I grew up, where my parents live, and where im most comfortable at. But life is not always on ur side....and news around stated that there’s no vacancy for First Year Dental Officer (FYDO) in KL. Great. And my parents, as usual being parents are not very keen with the idea of me working too far in south or north, not to mention Sabah or Swak, they’ll certainly freak out at the idea of me ‘bersampan’ to work.
Well, that left me with options like Melaka, Negeri Sembilan, Pahang, or Perak. My uncle suggested Kelantan, since it’s my hometown, ( biasalah , org tua, kalau boleh nak ada sedara-mara dekat2, boleh tolong tgk2kan..eheheh, ‘sweet’ lah org2 tua nih..)..but, the ‘young and adventurous’ side in me hope for sthg else. Been thinking of starting afresh at somewhere unfamiliar. Where im unrecognizable, and independently on my own. Perhaps , an experience being to Perlis for a week, kinda opened my eyes a bit, of so many things I haven’t yet see, or do.
What about Trengganu…? Never really thought about that option. Hmm..Terengganu or Kelantan..well, ill keep that in mind...
And readers..pray for me ya..life has been quite a mess the last few days..im really running out of time now...=/
10 December 2005
tired..but..
kepenatan..
sehari menghadap elektif projek. Memang kena hadap sungguh dh sekarang ni.Interesting topic ..'Dyslexia Symptoms;Coordination of left and right among dental student'. Hmm..who would have guess dyslexia has anything to do with dentistry..
Alhamdulillah, Adik ditawarkan masuk SMAP Kajang. ..eheh, another generation of SMAP in the family. Deep down, i felt really relieved hearing the news, knowing that another adik of mine is going to enter sekolah agama. Pengalaman dan ilmu yg pernah aku terima 5 thn di sekolah Smap dulu, harapnya adik2 aku dpt lebih lagi. HEh..tetiba rindu sgt pulak kat sekolah tu, ..bila aku nak pergi jenguk sekolah ya. Rasa sgt happy bila Bie cakap Ust JEfridin ,Ustzh Nuri masih ingat kat aku..eheh...insyaAllah, pjg umur ada masa, aku pergi nanti...
mata dh mengantuk. Need to go. till later ya...
sehari menghadap elektif projek. Memang kena hadap sungguh dh sekarang ni.Interesting topic ..'Dyslexia Symptoms;Coordination of left and right among dental student'. Hmm..who would have guess dyslexia has anything to do with dentistry..
Alhamdulillah, Adik ditawarkan masuk SMAP Kajang. ..eheh, another generation of SMAP in the family. Deep down, i felt really relieved hearing the news, knowing that another adik of mine is going to enter sekolah agama. Pengalaman dan ilmu yg pernah aku terima 5 thn di sekolah Smap dulu, harapnya adik2 aku dpt lebih lagi. HEh..tetiba rindu sgt pulak kat sekolah tu, ..bila aku nak pergi jenguk sekolah ya. Rasa sgt happy bila Bie cakap Ust JEfridin ,Ustzh Nuri masih ingat kat aku..eheh...insyaAllah, pjg umur ada masa, aku pergi nanti...
mata dh mengantuk. Need to go. till later ya...
05 December 2005
mencari BAIK
Selama ni, aku fikir aku dh cukup baik. Baik . Hmmph..berfikir begitu aje cukup untuk menjadikan aku tak baik…
‘Baik’ ..sesuatu yg tak punya parameter nak diukur banyak atau sikitnya. Cakap mudah, dikatakan baik kalau tak buat jahat. Lantas, tak buat jahat yg bagaimana..? tak minum arak? tak bunuh atau rogol orang ? tak pernah langgar peraturan.?
Dikira baik ke.., kalau muka manis senyum di luar, tapi di belakang mencemuh mengata. Dianggap baik ke..., kalau melayan seseorg dgn mesra dan hormat kerana dia berkepentingan untuk kita, tapi buat pandang tak pandang pada orang lain yg tak dapat beri apa-apa keuntungan. Dinilai baik ke...., tangan yg memberi dgn harapan dibalas, tangan yg menerima gembira tapi dalam hati menggerutu benci. Baik ke begitu…
Mungkin ‘baik’ adalah apabila manusia dan segala di sekeliling dilayan dengan ‘hati’. Apabila mata sentiasa mencari dan melihat kebaikan pada diri orang lain. Apabila kita membuat orang biasa rasa istimewa, disayangi dan dihormati, bukan kerana siapa dia, atau atas sebab apa yg kita dapat perolehi daripada dia. Hanya kerana dia manusia seperti kita. Kerana nilai kemanusiaan yg ada.
Apabila kita tak rasa apa yg kita buat tu ‘baik’, tapi kerana itu yg sepatutnya dibuat. Tak rasa nak tunjuk pada orang atau mengharapkan ada mata yg memerhati perlakuan ‘baik’ kita. Barangkali..begitu baru ‘baik’.
Bukan senang kan,… nak mempunyai hati yg baik. Kerana segala tutur kata, tindak-tanduk dan perbuatan adalah hasil cerminan hati. Seketul daging dalam diri manusia, yg jika baik daging itu, baiklah semuanya.
“ when you carry out acts of kindness, you get a wonderful feeling inside. It is as though something inside your body responds and says, ‘ yes, this is how I ought to feel’..”- Harold Kushner.
‘Baik’ ..sesuatu yg tak punya parameter nak diukur banyak atau sikitnya. Cakap mudah, dikatakan baik kalau tak buat jahat. Lantas, tak buat jahat yg bagaimana..? tak minum arak? tak bunuh atau rogol orang ? tak pernah langgar peraturan.?
Dikira baik ke.., kalau muka manis senyum di luar, tapi di belakang mencemuh mengata. Dianggap baik ke..., kalau melayan seseorg dgn mesra dan hormat kerana dia berkepentingan untuk kita, tapi buat pandang tak pandang pada orang lain yg tak dapat beri apa-apa keuntungan. Dinilai baik ke...., tangan yg memberi dgn harapan dibalas, tangan yg menerima gembira tapi dalam hati menggerutu benci. Baik ke begitu…
Mungkin ‘baik’ adalah apabila manusia dan segala di sekeliling dilayan dengan ‘hati’. Apabila mata sentiasa mencari dan melihat kebaikan pada diri orang lain. Apabila kita membuat orang biasa rasa istimewa, disayangi dan dihormati, bukan kerana siapa dia, atau atas sebab apa yg kita dapat perolehi daripada dia. Hanya kerana dia manusia seperti kita. Kerana nilai kemanusiaan yg ada.
Apabila kita tak rasa apa yg kita buat tu ‘baik’, tapi kerana itu yg sepatutnya dibuat. Tak rasa nak tunjuk pada orang atau mengharapkan ada mata yg memerhati perlakuan ‘baik’ kita. Barangkali..begitu baru ‘baik’.
Bukan senang kan,… nak mempunyai hati yg baik. Kerana segala tutur kata, tindak-tanduk dan perbuatan adalah hasil cerminan hati. Seketul daging dalam diri manusia, yg jika baik daging itu, baiklah semuanya.
“ when you carry out acts of kindness, you get a wonderful feeling inside. It is as though something inside your body responds and says, ‘ yes, this is how I ought to feel’..”- Harold Kushner.
04 December 2005
'biarkan bunga berkembang'
Tengah duduk2 dlm bilik sambil dengar Sinar.fm..( im alwys into oldies songs....=] ), dan tetiba terdengar lagu ni, 'Biarkan Bunga Berkembang' by Broery Marantika. Dan mcm ada satu perasaan yg sgt familiar , mengingatkan aku pada waktu kali pertama mendengar lagu ni.
Masa tu aku Darjah 2 Orkid, di SRK CBN, KL. Tengah 'berhingus' lagi,..dan pada usia 8 tahun tu, dalam fikiran hanya tahu pergi sekolah, main , dapat keputusan yg baik, dan balik rumah. Antara pelajaran yg menarik dan senang, ialah muzik. Masa Drjh 2, belum belajar pegang recorder, cuma belajar menyanyi je. Dan exam muzik lah yg paling mudah, hafal lagu yg diajar, dan nyanyikan dgn gaya dan penuh perasaan dpn cikgu muzik, yg akan tersenyum dan cakap ayat yg sama pd semua pelajar.." very good! ".Lagu2 nya? Hehe..aku rs seluruh kanak2 di Malaysia ni belajar lagu yg sama. Masih ingat lagu2 ni...' Tiga sekawan'..'Burung tiung'. Lagu paling popular ialah 'Ais Kacang'..sheesh..gaya ms nyanyi pun aku ingat lagi. Nak aku tunjuk..? .." bila cuaca panas terasa dahaga, singgah di gerai ais kacang diminta, susu dan jagung, kacang dan lengkong, air gula berwarna..."..
Satu hari ,seorg cikgu pelatih dtg yg mengajar kami muzik untuk beberapa minggu . Seorg cikgu berbangsa Cina, berambut lurus ke bahu. Dia sentiasa membawa gitar dia bersama setiap kali masuk kelas untuk mengajar. Dan kdg2 aku curi2 petik tali gitar dia,..heheh, 'jakunis' la katakan. She would sit on a chair dan kitorg akan duduk bersila di hadapan dia. Cara dia mengajar berbeza dr cikgu muzik lama, mungkin sbb dia generasi baru. Dia perkenalkan not2 muzik..wpun agak boring jugaklah bg kanak2 yg lebih prefer menyanyi sambil membuat gaya2 mengikut cerita lagu berbanding belajar klef trebel, C major, F minor etc.. yg membosankan bg aku pd masa itu. But..her short presence left behind a small memory in my mind. Memory of a song.
I remembered oneday, as she sat on her chair, her long hair swayed behind her shoulder. She taught us this song, ' Biarkan bunga berkembang'. As she sang, i dunno whether it was my imagination , but there was a sheer of happiness on her face, as if the song has a special meaning to her. I never knew that this is actually an old song, originally by 'Broery Marantika'. I only remember it as her song, the one she sang happily in front of me. And weirdly enough,the song kinda stick to my mind. Until now.
So..here's the song... come, sing along with me...
" Biarkan bunga berkembang,
di atas tangkainya,
janganlah diusik sayang,
nanti kan merana..
Bunga berkembang di dalam hati
tak mungkin lagi aku menghindari
kasih dan sayang telah bersemi
diriku seakan bermimpi...
sengaja aku nyanyikan
lagu yang syahdu
selalu aku kenangkan
wajahmu yang ayu..."
- broery marantika ' biarkan bunga berkembang'
Masa tu aku Darjah 2 Orkid, di SRK CBN, KL. Tengah 'berhingus' lagi,..dan pada usia 8 tahun tu, dalam fikiran hanya tahu pergi sekolah, main , dapat keputusan yg baik, dan balik rumah. Antara pelajaran yg menarik dan senang, ialah muzik. Masa Drjh 2, belum belajar pegang recorder, cuma belajar menyanyi je. Dan exam muzik lah yg paling mudah, hafal lagu yg diajar, dan nyanyikan dgn gaya dan penuh perasaan dpn cikgu muzik, yg akan tersenyum dan cakap ayat yg sama pd semua pelajar.." very good! ".Lagu2 nya? Hehe..aku rs seluruh kanak2 di Malaysia ni belajar lagu yg sama. Masih ingat lagu2 ni...' Tiga sekawan'..'Burung tiung'. Lagu paling popular ialah 'Ais Kacang'..sheesh..gaya ms nyanyi pun aku ingat lagi. Nak aku tunjuk..? .." bila cuaca panas terasa dahaga, singgah di gerai ais kacang diminta, susu dan jagung, kacang dan lengkong, air gula berwarna..."..
Satu hari ,seorg cikgu pelatih dtg yg mengajar kami muzik untuk beberapa minggu . Seorg cikgu berbangsa Cina, berambut lurus ke bahu. Dia sentiasa membawa gitar dia bersama setiap kali masuk kelas untuk mengajar. Dan kdg2 aku curi2 petik tali gitar dia,..heheh, 'jakunis' la katakan. She would sit on a chair dan kitorg akan duduk bersila di hadapan dia. Cara dia mengajar berbeza dr cikgu muzik lama, mungkin sbb dia generasi baru. Dia perkenalkan not2 muzik..wpun agak boring jugaklah bg kanak2 yg lebih prefer menyanyi sambil membuat gaya2 mengikut cerita lagu berbanding belajar klef trebel, C major, F minor etc.. yg membosankan bg aku pd masa itu. But..her short presence left behind a small memory in my mind. Memory of a song.
I remembered oneday, as she sat on her chair, her long hair swayed behind her shoulder. She taught us this song, ' Biarkan bunga berkembang'. As she sang, i dunno whether it was my imagination , but there was a sheer of happiness on her face, as if the song has a special meaning to her. I never knew that this is actually an old song, originally by 'Broery Marantika'. I only remember it as her song, the one she sang happily in front of me. And weirdly enough,the song kinda stick to my mind. Until now.
So..here's the song... come, sing along with me...
" Biarkan bunga berkembang,
di atas tangkainya,
janganlah diusik sayang,
nanti kan merana..
Bunga berkembang di dalam hati
tak mungkin lagi aku menghindari
kasih dan sayang telah bersemi
diriku seakan bermimpi...
sengaja aku nyanyikan
lagu yang syahdu
selalu aku kenangkan
wajahmu yang ayu..."
- broery marantika ' biarkan bunga berkembang'
03 December 2005
wonders of children
Children is an example of perfection. Why ? because u can never go wrong with them. Every act, every gesture..there just seem to be no ‘ugliness’..only purity and innocence. Emm..well, in majority of them. Some kids can be really out of control and menacing…
Tadi sesi paeds. One thing that makes paeds session different from other clinics, ialah ..'bising dan riuh’. With laughter.. ( though very rarely..) and tears, screams and shouts..running here and there..that smtmes makes me eyeing them in worriness, as they are playing around dental units which contain handpieces and sharp instruments, that might accidentally cause injury to them. But..children, after a few… “jgn adik,..jgn main dekat situ, bahaya !”, I turned away for split of seconds, and they are back in action.
Heh…cute they may be, but need a huge amount of patience and ‘smiling-through-gritted-teeth’ as we are struggling to keep them still on the dental chair. One thing we are taught regarding treating children is that, they have short attention span. So..whatever it is that we need to do, make it fast during their ‘obedient’ minutes . After 45 mins, they will start to move around restlessly, keep moving their head, playfully closing their mouth when our hands are still working furiously in it. This is usually in the 3-6 years old, which make it even harder for you to be mad at them. Their parents will be sitting nearby, and each time their child refuse to stay still or starting to act naughty, the fathers would open their eyes wide, which most of the time manage to keep them quiet again.
Some are very talkative and full of curiousity, ‘petah’ kata org Melayu. Some say it’s a sign that the child is bright. The first few questions are entertained willingly, but as they start to bombard us endlessly with never-ending questions like..“ Apa tu.. ?” or “ kenapa buat ni, untuk apa ni.?”, esp when we have fillings to do in their mouth and we can’t do it if they are still happily chattering away, we began to lose our patience and motherly way. No wonder…mothers are the most patient human being in the entire world. They have enough practise while bringing their kids up.
Some are very well-behaved. Too good for a kid, I think..( as I was not like that before..hehe..). Some are terrible, seriously. It’s whether they refuse to open their mouth, or when they finally did, they are howling, along with tears streaming their cheeks., esp when it’s extraction. Some are overly hyperactive, like my partner’s patient today, a 6 year-old girl. One minute we left her, we found her standing on the dental chair, with her 3-year old brother running around the place. I glanced at her mother, who could only watch, too tired to chase her two ‘not-listening’ child. I looked at my partner, who was shaking her head, using her last strand of patience and energy to control the situation. But, most of the kids ive seen so far, are quiet and timid, sitting passively on the chair. When asked, they would shyly grin, and look at their mothers. They barely speak a word, too scared maybe.
But..no matter how naughty, how timid or active, they are children. Wonderful children. After treatment, we would give them stickers, and they would perk up at the sight of it. Smtmes, we blow air into a glove and make balloons out of it, and they would be very happy and excited. Hmmm..kids…the way they look at you, with that huge eyes, ull melt like ice. Toddlers..especially..hmm..
Agaknya,….brp tahun kena penjara kalau culik ‘patient cute’ td..? Cute sgt…terbyg2 pulak muka dia..( sigh)..
Tadi sesi paeds. One thing that makes paeds session different from other clinics, ialah ..'bising dan riuh’. With laughter.. ( though very rarely..) and tears, screams and shouts..running here and there..that smtmes makes me eyeing them in worriness, as they are playing around dental units which contain handpieces and sharp instruments, that might accidentally cause injury to them. But..children, after a few… “jgn adik,..jgn main dekat situ, bahaya !”, I turned away for split of seconds, and they are back in action.
Heh…cute they may be, but need a huge amount of patience and ‘smiling-through-gritted-teeth’ as we are struggling to keep them still on the dental chair. One thing we are taught regarding treating children is that, they have short attention span. So..whatever it is that we need to do, make it fast during their ‘obedient’ minutes . After 45 mins, they will start to move around restlessly, keep moving their head, playfully closing their mouth when our hands are still working furiously in it. This is usually in the 3-6 years old, which make it even harder for you to be mad at them. Their parents will be sitting nearby, and each time their child refuse to stay still or starting to act naughty, the fathers would open their eyes wide, which most of the time manage to keep them quiet again.
Some are very talkative and full of curiousity, ‘petah’ kata org Melayu. Some say it’s a sign that the child is bright. The first few questions are entertained willingly, but as they start to bombard us endlessly with never-ending questions like..“ Apa tu.. ?” or “ kenapa buat ni, untuk apa ni.?”, esp when we have fillings to do in their mouth and we can’t do it if they are still happily chattering away, we began to lose our patience and motherly way. No wonder…mothers are the most patient human being in the entire world. They have enough practise while bringing their kids up.
Some are very well-behaved. Too good for a kid, I think..( as I was not like that before..hehe..). Some are terrible, seriously. It’s whether they refuse to open their mouth, or when they finally did, they are howling, along with tears streaming their cheeks., esp when it’s extraction. Some are overly hyperactive, like my partner’s patient today, a 6 year-old girl. One minute we left her, we found her standing on the dental chair, with her 3-year old brother running around the place. I glanced at her mother, who could only watch, too tired to chase her two ‘not-listening’ child. I looked at my partner, who was shaking her head, using her last strand of patience and energy to control the situation. But, most of the kids ive seen so far, are quiet and timid, sitting passively on the chair. When asked, they would shyly grin, and look at their mothers. They barely speak a word, too scared maybe.
But..no matter how naughty, how timid or active, they are children. Wonderful children. After treatment, we would give them stickers, and they would perk up at the sight of it. Smtmes, we blow air into a glove and make balloons out of it, and they would be very happy and excited. Hmmm..kids…the way they look at you, with that huge eyes, ull melt like ice. Toddlers..especially..hmm..
Agaknya,….brp tahun kena penjara kalau culik ‘patient cute’ td..? Cute sgt…terbyg2 pulak muka dia..( sigh)..
02 December 2005
kaya harta kaya jiwa
Antara petikan wawancara bersama Tan Seri Syed Mokhtar Al- Bukhary, Mingguan Malaysia, 17 Oktober 2004 ..
"..ketika Allah memberikan kemewahan, kita kena turun bawah tengok mana-mana yang boleh dibantu. Allah beri rezeki melalui kita untuk kita tolong orang lain.."
" ..kesenangan daripada Allah datang dengan tanggungjawab..."
"..saya buat apa yg tergerak dalam hati dan apa yg tercapai oleh tangan. Saya insaf bahawa diri saya ini tak kekal. Saya hanya seorang hamba Allah yg kalau ditakdirkan hidup hingga 70 thn, umur saya hanya tinggal 17 thn shj..."
" ..beri sedikit masa kepada apa yg hendak diusahakan.."
"..kena fokus, majukan diri dan selalu meningkatkan kemahiran.."
“..saya gembira dapat membantu. Kalau saya boleh membeli seekor lembu untuk sebuah kampung yang sudah lama tak makan daging, saya rasa gembira. Saya rasa seronok dapat bawa anak2 dr luar datang ke Kuala Lumpur, tengok lampu-lampu cantik. Saya tahu bagaimana perasaannya. Saya mahu org lain merasai apa yg saya pernah rasa. Saya kata pada diri saya, apa yg saya dapat saya mesti beri org lain merasainya sama. Jgn beri kurang daripada itu, lebih tak mengapa. Itu yg buat hati saya seronok..”
"..saya asal dari tak ada apa2. Apa yang saya tak tahu saya belajar, minta tolong daripada orang. Saya tak malu. Saya bukannya mencuri. Saya usaha sendiri. Sikap pemalas & pemalu ini yg orang Melayu kena atasi..”
"..mereka mungkin tak nampak ini sebagai satu kewajipan, kerana mereka tak melalui kesusahan.."
" saya suka nikmat sedikit yg saya dapat itu orang lain boleh berkongsi sama. Emak saya mengajar; kalau dapat lebih beri lebih, dapat kurang, beri kurang.."
"..ketika Allah memberikan kemewahan, kita kena turun bawah tengok mana-mana yang boleh dibantu. Allah beri rezeki melalui kita untuk kita tolong orang lain.."
" ..kesenangan daripada Allah datang dengan tanggungjawab..."
"..saya buat apa yg tergerak dalam hati dan apa yg tercapai oleh tangan. Saya insaf bahawa diri saya ini tak kekal. Saya hanya seorang hamba Allah yg kalau ditakdirkan hidup hingga 70 thn, umur saya hanya tinggal 17 thn shj..."
" ..beri sedikit masa kepada apa yg hendak diusahakan.."
"..kena fokus, majukan diri dan selalu meningkatkan kemahiran.."
“..saya gembira dapat membantu. Kalau saya boleh membeli seekor lembu untuk sebuah kampung yang sudah lama tak makan daging, saya rasa gembira. Saya rasa seronok dapat bawa anak2 dr luar datang ke Kuala Lumpur, tengok lampu-lampu cantik. Saya tahu bagaimana perasaannya. Saya mahu org lain merasai apa yg saya pernah rasa. Saya kata pada diri saya, apa yg saya dapat saya mesti beri org lain merasainya sama. Jgn beri kurang daripada itu, lebih tak mengapa. Itu yg buat hati saya seronok..”
"..saya asal dari tak ada apa2. Apa yang saya tak tahu saya belajar, minta tolong daripada orang. Saya tak malu. Saya bukannya mencuri. Saya usaha sendiri. Sikap pemalas & pemalu ini yg orang Melayu kena atasi..”
"..mereka mungkin tak nampak ini sebagai satu kewajipan, kerana mereka tak melalui kesusahan.."
" saya suka nikmat sedikit yg saya dapat itu orang lain boleh berkongsi sama. Emak saya mengajar; kalau dapat lebih beri lebih, dapat kurang, beri kurang.."
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