Alhamdulillah, finally..thanks for the prayers. ..=].
( list yg dh dibuat lama dulu..skrg baru boleh post =] )
Things I wanna do after exam : ( this going to be a veryy loooong list )
1. Bayar nazar. Syukur pada Tuhan..=]
2. go and see my orthodontist. Been checking my teeth in the mirror every two seconds, as I feel it’s getting weirder. Like the occlusion has deviated a bit from its way of biting, and make me feel quite worried. Very worried actually. Okay2..i know, a bit of paranoia here, but that’s the problem when we learn about it, we know when it’s not normal. Need to put a stop to this worry and get it checked, padan la dgn muka sendiri, for being incompliant in wearing retainer and caused my orthodontically -aligned teeth to relapse..=/
3. read novels. All the novels in the world..ehhehe. Stay at Borders for hours and make it my second home.
4. master cooking and driving skills. This time, seriously naz, no more playing around like before. Err...not a really good cook yet, still learning a lot..=p. But it’s the driving part where I really need to muster all the strengths and courage in me,..sheesh, just wipe the fear off ur face and drive…ok?! Will force Abe to be my driving instructor..heheh.
5. Keluar dgn kakak. IF she refused, paksa!!! Ehhehe..no-lah..i can go out alone. Been doing tht all my life. Better exercise my feet as preparation for my outings session..as I like to walk when I go out! =D ( or ..is the main reason is because u can’t drive naz..? cehhh)
6. spend all my time with family. This is supposed to be on top of the list. Be the maid, let mama rest. Spend time berbual2 dgn ayah. When the first priority is to be their daughter, i will try my best to use it fully. Who knows where ill be send working after this, ..or where my destiny will lead me. If KL, alhamdulillah. If somewhere else, im ok with that too…=]
7. go and visit my old schools, CBN and SMAPL. Been wanting to do this for a long time, but haven’t had the time. Jumpa cikgu2, borak2...and thank them, as without their help and blessing, I might not be where or who I am today. HEheh..can’t wait to meet them, and one very expected question that will surely pop out from their mouth would be “ awak ni, bilanya lagi nak kawen..?”. =] My sis, Bie told me that Ustzh Epuziah been digging juicy infos from her..ehheh., cikgu2...
8. chat in ym every night...=]. InsyaAllah..will be available most of the time.
9. find out about locums...? Need the experience. Plus it's time to build my future..takkan nak depend on parents money lagi..
10. Buy the ‘Choc Moist’ cake ingredients and bake one! ....been craving for it, and dreaming of baking one....yummy!!! Really hope it’ll turn out a moist choc cake, and not the ‘bersepai2-hancur’ type of cake…=/
11. Make Abe life miserable by joining him when he stays up for football match =p. Wanna learn a few things about football. Especially since it’s the World Cup season. Not to the extend of becoming an expert ( cos it will never happen, tht’s for sure! =p) but..nak tahulah sket2…heheh..
12. It’s self-pampering time, naz, time to indulge urself with beauty regimes. Been neglecting myself, time to recharge inside out, And kakak..heheh, im all urs, if u wanna practise ur massaging tech or facial, im 100% willing…=]..and also the yoga-belly-dancing too. Ok2..i wont 'curi-tulang'..
13. And.., naz, FINISH UP imah’s sarung bantal, which has lasted for about a year I think. So much for my surprise gift which has turned out to be a gift-in-waiting due to my bad habit of procrastinating. Sorriie-lah imah…this time, ill get it done! And when u come back next year, ull be sleeping on it..( err..dont u think u are being waay too ambitious here? Remember last year…?). ehhe. Hopefully not another false hope.
14. Go to PTC and watch the Japanese movies ive been wanting to watch. It’s free anyway….
15. help my parents at Puchong. And btw..bilanya nak pindah nih..?
16. read the old newspapers. Before mama buat operasi and throw them all out. Make paper cuttings if I found anything interesting and worth keeping ( dulu nak buat papercutting psl tsunami, ade lagi ke paper thn 2004 dulu…=/)
17. clean the house. From top to bottom.
18. buy new sandals, practical one, naz..not the stilleto-type or high-heels that would cause u footache or landing facedown on the stairs. Practical and comfortable sandal.
19.watch discovery channel, .ehhe, ths is the new resolution. Hope to be more knowledgable about many issues under the sun..and besides, ayah dok membebel "...tengoklah jugak discovery channel nih,asyik tgk drama je! ”..
20. Again, make Abe life miserable by asking him to accompany me every Saturday for the mouth-watering ‘cendol+pulut’ at Pasar Malam. Let just hope he forgot about his idea to reminisce our good kanak2 days’ and drive to Tmn Perdana after that for some monkey-watching activity…cehh.tak molah!!
21.write in my blog!!!=D
But first...settle the unsettled business dulu!
30 June 2006
28 June 2006
thinking of someone
Seriously thinking of someone.=/. What to do ehh, to lessen this ‘constant thinking’, or at least make it bearable…
- call that person..?
not really possible at the time being. And besides.. ‘malu-lah’..eheh.
- write an email..?
done that before. Not a really good solution to cure the ‘thinking’ ..and I alwys end up babbling nonsense.
-send sms…?
Sama je cam tulis email. And I have this problem with sms, I write looong texts..i might as well just write letters!
-go and talk with some friends..?
hmm..might be a good idea,,
-watch some tv..?
naah..
-how about indulging in ur favourite pastime activity..? eat ?
...excuse me, it’s not really my ‘fav pastime activity’ anymore. But yeah..eating ehh. Let’s look what we have in my room, stale crackers and dry apple ?…hmm...=/
- write ur blog ? ur forever fav hobby..?
what do u think im doing now, may I ask..?
-go clean ur room and start packing ur stuffs? btw..bila nak siap packing nih?!
ehehehe..in progress. the 'Monica' side in me is planning and organising on how to box my things properly in stages, starting from books, and moving to clothes. The problem is, the 'nostalgic' me cause the packing time to be longer,eheh...with " ..i cant believe i still keep this 'ancient' things.oh my.. it brings old memories..=/ ". And i have this habit of keeping everything,.." ehh sayang nak buang nih, boleh guna lagi..bla bla.." So..let just hope im done with packing by Friday..yeah2.....
- read novels, or old newspapers..or any magz..?
hmm..going to, after ‘letting it out’ in here..
-How about making this ‘thinking of someone’ sthg beneficial..? Everytime u think of that person, send a prayer to his/her way. A silent prayer in ur heart, wishing that person happiness and good health,......
The best answer..insyaAllah..ill do that…=]
26 June 2006
a beautiful day
Pagi tadi, atas bas terpandang ke langit. Wahh..sangat cantik, subhanallah ! Awan putih kelihatan berbaris-baris, membentuk satu rantaian ombak yang memenuhi seluruh langit. Punyalah excited melihatkan ciptaan Tuhan, terus pusing cakap kat org sebelah.." cantikkan langit ?". Confused je muka dia..eheheh.
Alhamdulillah. Teruslah cantik ye langit..selamat perjalanan kapal terbang sampai ke destinasi. Orang kat atas flight tengah buat apa agaknye...hmm..
baru habis exam oral. Haih..kenapa selalu jawab tak lancar ehh, daya keyakinan diri yg kurg ke apa. Yg tensennya asal exam jadi mcm tu, masa tgh berbual bende mengarut punyalah laju mcm tak reti berhenti..=p. Nasib baik Dr Naga sgt baik, sepanjang sesi oral exam paediatric. Alhamdulillah sudah selesai..semoga semuanya lepas dgn baik..amiiinnnn.
okeylah..lots of things to do. Wish me luck..bye!
And thank you Allah..for this beautiful day...=]
24 June 2006
kalau dh bukan 'rezeki'...
Aku sentiasa sudah ada gambaran awal bende yg aku nak dlm kepala. Contohnya, kalau nak beli sandal. Dalam kepala aku, gambaran sandal yang aku inginkan tu dah ada, nak yg jenis mcm ni, rupa begini. Dan aku akan cari sehingga jumpa sandal yg menyamai ciri-ciri yg aku dh bayangkan ni. Dan bila aku kata 'cari' ..aku memang cari. Tu pasal , kalau dah set dalam kepala nak 'shoe-hunting', aku lagi suka keluar sendiri. Sebab tak nak menyusahkan kawan2 yg akan kepenatan melayan' kedegilan' aku ni.. Baik keluar sendiri, cari sampai puas hati.
Dan setiap kedai kasut yang aku masuk, mata akan perhati deretan sandal2 yg ada. Bila ada yg menyerupai gambaran sandal yg aku dh lakar dlm kepala, aku akan belek, try pakai, nilai harga, dan ambil kira keselesaan. Kadang-kadang 'yg cantik di mata, tak selesa di kaki'. Dan pendapat orang pun takkan sama dengan kehendak hati kita. Aku biasanya takkan terus beli. Aku akan masuk kedai2 kasut yg lain, buat comparison pros-cons utk sandal2 yg dh di'short-list'kan. Lepas tu baru akan beli. Dan biasanya..aku akan puas hati dan takkan menyesal. Kerana itu pilihan aku yang telah aku pertimbangkan justifikasi pembeliannya.
Dan kdg2 kerana terlalu berhati-hati dlm membeli, aku tak terus beli sbb nak fikir dulu. Mungkin faktor duit belum cukup, mungkin sebab takut ikut nafsu membeli je. Dan akan dtg pada hari yg lain utk beli. Pernah berlaku, bila aku dah cukup duit, dan dah memang determined nak beli..tengok-tengok dah takde sandal tuh. Memang rasa sangat terkilan, sebab aku dh jumpa sesuatu yang aku suka, tapi tak bertindak segera untuk memilikinya. Akan salahkan diri sendiri, kerana ambil masa lama sangat untuk buat keputusan. Walhal hakikat sebenarnya...sandal itu dah memang tertulis bukan 'rezeki' aku.
Ini baru nak membeli sandal, kalau nak memilih sesuatu yang lebih bernilai dan berharga..apatah lagi.
hmm....Tadi shopping sandal. Sepanjang sesi 'sandal-hunting' berseorangan, bnyk bende boleh difikir. Antara kebaikannya bersendiri, kerana kita akan diam. Bila diam, banyak bende fikir.
Ada org pernah kata.." kalau dah memang bukan rezeki kita, makanan dalam mulut pun lagikan terkeluar.." . Nak dipegang kemas mana pun, nak diikat rantai sekali pun, kalau dah bukan 'rezeki' kita,..tetap bukan rezeki kita.
Cuma..bila kita dah jumpa sesuatu yang buat kita fikir.." yeap..this is it. ". The search has finally come to an end. Yang membuatkan kita rasa tak nak melepaskannya selagi ada kudrat kita. Kerana kita rasa kita dah jumpa apa yg kita cari-cari selama ini.
Kerana perasaan yang melimpah-ruah begini, kadang-kadang kita jadi terlupa, keupayaan kita yang terbatas sebagai manusia. Kita boleh merancang, boleh memasang angan-angan, boleh merangka perjalanan masa depan..sedangkan penentunya adalah DIA, Tuhan yang Maha Mengetahui apa yg terbaik untuk hamba-Nya. Bila sesuatu berlaku yang...errr , ..terasa macam Tuhan nak 'ketuk' sikit kepala hamba yang terlalu asyik menganyam mimpi agar kembali berpijak di bumi. Agar tidak alpa hakikat masa depan yg masih belum pasti. Hmmm...
Percaya apa juga yang akan berlaku esok adalah yang terbaik. Kita boleh usaha, berdoa dan bertawakkal..selebihnya kita serahkan pada Tuhan. Dan sentiasa berbaik-sangka pada-Nya, kerana TUhan menyertai sangkaan hamba-hamba-Nya.
22 June 2006
the boy i like
Some friends asked me this question back during those days. The days when everyone fancy someone. The years when boy’s issues appeared to be an interesting topic to talk about. Those teenage years, when we were at the age of 15-16 years old. The period of time when the boys grow taller and walk in herds, and the girls learn how to look pretty and make face-mirror their inseparable bestfriend ( and still do until now..=p).
“.. Naz, bgtaulah, siapa yg naz suka..? Takkan takde suka sapa2 kott..come on…Is it A..? Or B ? haa..mesti C nihhh..kan?” prodding me along with a curious look on their face. And I would smile mysteriously, enjoying the attention while asking myself “.. who do I like..?”.
I remember listening about the boy they like. Some of them wrote letters and when no one’s watching, stuck it in the boy’s locker. Some would combined names, or birth-dates and scribble it on every single thing they own eg ‘azura’ + ‘jamil’= ‘AzuMil’ or sthg like tht. Sometimes, they count ‘percentages’ (..how to cerita, kira peratus nama tuh..eheh, had a few share of doing this myself..), and then squeal in delight when the percentages are high, as if that indicates ‘compatibility’. Some other prefer to keep it to themselves, enjoy being a ‘secret admirer’, but we know they like someone judging from the ‘mysterious’ nicknames and ‘words combination’ found in their notebooks. And some of the girls choose to discuss the boy openly in their group of friends..and I would listen, and think “.. aren’t they afraid telling ppl about this…considering that the words might spill to the boy’s side, and to that ‘particular’ boy’s ears.?”.
During that time, I had no story to share, no particular boy to talk about or ‘squeal’ at. Basically, I was only a listener, or observer. Not that I want to be like someone im not, it just that smtmes I wondered how is it, to have a certain liking to a boy and declare it to public. Looking at these ppl around me, each having a ‘crush’ on someone, I did ask myself “..aren’t there someone I suppose to like too..?.”. I did have a few ‘crushes’ ( .. I was a normal growing girl ok..;]..)..but I never entertain the feelings, as I believed it is only transitory and not worth thinking about. And besides….eheh, I was a ‘skema’ student..huhu..=p
so..at the peak of my blossoming teen life, I decided to have ‘someone to like’. To divert a little of my attention from books, and to ‘join the crowd’. To feel how it is. I picked someone from my class. He is a quiet boy, alwys seemed to be in his own world, and I believe studying is his passion..eheh. I begin stealing glances at him, looking at his serious expression as he fixed his eyes in books. I never tell a soul, as I was scared that I might be teased around when ppl know about it. But the strongest reason of me keeping it to myself, is because I wasn’t really sure what I was feeling, is it ‘like’ or sthg else, I dunno...=/. Because of that uncertainty, I didn’t want the boy to know, didnt wish to make him ‘perasan’ ( as he is a good boy, I want him to stay that way ) and then I would have trouble to explain it later. What i knew was, I want to like someone...that’s all =]. Eheheh..silly, silly..me…but amidst my silliness, the ‘seriousness’ remains..aiyoo, naz..it’s only zaman kanak2 ribena maa…dont have to be so serious, but can’t help it, it’s who I was, and still am.
I don’t remember how long I like the boy. Recalling the times when I smile amusedly looking at him eating ice cream, and after that he eats a bag of ‘keropok’ and the munching continues..and there I was thinking, “ issh…makan sorg je..”. He usually would ‘accompany’ me studying in the class, him at the boy side, and me at the ‘puteri side’. And when I was in my ‘lazy mood’, looking at him so seriously studying would make me sit up straighter and said to myself “..study..naz, study. Dia study maut tuh ..”. Thinking it back, im not sure if we ever utter a single word to one another…hmm.
I think the 'fancying him' stopped when one of my friend started to ‘announce’ that she too, like that boy. Since no one knows about my ‘little secret’, it was not a problem for me, and silently too, the feeling just died. One thing I learn from it, heart can be very mouldable. Even if u don’t like someone at first, but if u keep ‘thinking-telling’ urself that u do, or u let ppl around ‘cucuk-cucuk’ by pairing u with that person, suddenly u go all fluttery and blush at the sight of him, or at the mention of his name. Eventually..it will trigger ur heart in a way u didn’t expect. So..dont ‘cucuk-cucuk’ if u are not ready to face the consequence of really falling for that person.
So there..a little story of a boy I once like. Hmm.....if he had offered me a piece of that ‘keropok’..maybe, i might want to fight for his attention.. =p..just kidding ! ( yeah..like the boy would bother responding to it..,;] )
“.. Naz, bgtaulah, siapa yg naz suka..? Takkan takde suka sapa2 kott..come on…Is it A..? Or B ? haa..mesti C nihhh..kan?” prodding me along with a curious look on their face. And I would smile mysteriously, enjoying the attention while asking myself “.. who do I like..?”.
I remember listening about the boy they like. Some of them wrote letters and when no one’s watching, stuck it in the boy’s locker. Some would combined names, or birth-dates and scribble it on every single thing they own eg ‘azura’ + ‘jamil’= ‘AzuMil’ or sthg like tht. Sometimes, they count ‘percentages’ (..how to cerita, kira peratus nama tuh..eheh, had a few share of doing this myself..), and then squeal in delight when the percentages are high, as if that indicates ‘compatibility’. Some other prefer to keep it to themselves, enjoy being a ‘secret admirer’, but we know they like someone judging from the ‘mysterious’ nicknames and ‘words combination’ found in their notebooks. And some of the girls choose to discuss the boy openly in their group of friends..and I would listen, and think “.. aren’t they afraid telling ppl about this…considering that the words might spill to the boy’s side, and to that ‘particular’ boy’s ears.?”.
During that time, I had no story to share, no particular boy to talk about or ‘squeal’ at. Basically, I was only a listener, or observer. Not that I want to be like someone im not, it just that smtmes I wondered how is it, to have a certain liking to a boy and declare it to public. Looking at these ppl around me, each having a ‘crush’ on someone, I did ask myself “..aren’t there someone I suppose to like too..?.”. I did have a few ‘crushes’ ( .. I was a normal growing girl ok..;]..)..but I never entertain the feelings, as I believed it is only transitory and not worth thinking about. And besides….eheh, I was a ‘skema’ student..huhu..=p
so..at the peak of my blossoming teen life, I decided to have ‘someone to like’. To divert a little of my attention from books, and to ‘join the crowd’. To feel how it is. I picked someone from my class. He is a quiet boy, alwys seemed to be in his own world, and I believe studying is his passion..eheh. I begin stealing glances at him, looking at his serious expression as he fixed his eyes in books. I never tell a soul, as I was scared that I might be teased around when ppl know about it. But the strongest reason of me keeping it to myself, is because I wasn’t really sure what I was feeling, is it ‘like’ or sthg else, I dunno...=/. Because of that uncertainty, I didn’t want the boy to know, didnt wish to make him ‘perasan’ ( as he is a good boy, I want him to stay that way ) and then I would have trouble to explain it later. What i knew was, I want to like someone...that’s all =]. Eheheh..silly, silly..me…but amidst my silliness, the ‘seriousness’ remains..aiyoo, naz..it’s only zaman kanak2 ribena maa…dont have to be so serious, but can’t help it, it’s who I was, and still am.
I don’t remember how long I like the boy. Recalling the times when I smile amusedly looking at him eating ice cream, and after that he eats a bag of ‘keropok’ and the munching continues..and there I was thinking, “ issh…makan sorg je..”. He usually would ‘accompany’ me studying in the class, him at the boy side, and me at the ‘puteri side’. And when I was in my ‘lazy mood’, looking at him so seriously studying would make me sit up straighter and said to myself “..study..naz, study. Dia study maut tuh ..”. Thinking it back, im not sure if we ever utter a single word to one another…hmm.
I think the 'fancying him' stopped when one of my friend started to ‘announce’ that she too, like that boy. Since no one knows about my ‘little secret’, it was not a problem for me, and silently too, the feeling just died. One thing I learn from it, heart can be very mouldable. Even if u don’t like someone at first, but if u keep ‘thinking-telling’ urself that u do, or u let ppl around ‘cucuk-cucuk’ by pairing u with that person, suddenly u go all fluttery and blush at the sight of him, or at the mention of his name. Eventually..it will trigger ur heart in a way u didn’t expect. So..dont ‘cucuk-cucuk’ if u are not ready to face the consequence of really falling for that person.
So there..a little story of a boy I once like. Hmm.....if he had offered me a piece of that ‘keropok’..maybe, i might want to fight for his attention.. =p..just kidding ! ( yeah..like the boy would bother responding to it..,;] )
20 June 2006
love story
Heh..no, this is not like what u think this is. Not the same kind of love ponderings or heart talks which ive done many times in here. And I really hope I didn’t 'pollute' anyone’s mind..ehehe. With my rambling entries.
Today I want to share a story ive read in TheStar newspaper ( found when i was rummaging the stacks of old newspapers under my desk..eheh,). It’s actually sent by a reader, who like me I believe, wish to share with public something we think as ‘worth a read’. It’s a beautiful, simple story, a proof that there is still pure and true love around us. And i hope too, that this story would inspire us all. In anyway it could.
It’s just an old fashioned love story ( by Dr Chris Anthony from Seberang Prai, Penang – thank u for sharing this story! )
On a recent trip back to my hometown, I happened to meet an elderly gentleman whom we fondly call Uncle George. I knew him when i was a schoolboy but had not seen him many years since.
His greatest trait was his perpetual cheerfulness. As a matter of fact, we never saw him angry or sad. Because of this, he was well liked by all, especially children.
He now lives with his wife, Grace, and spends all his time taking care of her, because an accident left her sickly and disabled. He cycles several kilometers a day to get food for himself and his wife.
I greeted him and invited him to join my wife and I for breakfast. His meal cost me just RM2.20.
As we ate, we chatted about old times, which brought pleasant memories. He told us about his family and wife. We listened patiently as he related how he cared for her and the problems he encountered. We wished him well and left.
A week later I was surprised to receive a letter from him praising my wife and I, a praise that we don’t really deserve.
The following paragraphs from his letter really touched us:
“ Aunty Grace is not so good in health, she sleeps all the time. I am so frightened she will go off in sleep for good. Hardly do we have any visitors.
This year I am 86 and my wife is 82. If we can live until Dec 28, we will be married for 60 years and we can celebrate our diamond jubilee.
Yes, doctor, true love begins when we grow old; I think I love my wife more now than I first met her.
But soon we will have to part..”
A mere two ringgit, a few encouraging words and the willingness to listen was all that was needed to touch a life in the form of Uncle George. In return, he gave us something which wealth cannot buy – his invaluable experience of true love.
His experience is a reminder to us that love, contrary to what we think, never fades, it only grows with time.
It also reinforces the fact that there are still a lot of good things in life that cannot be obtained with money or power – and that is God’s greatest gift to us.
Sob. Worth my tears too..=/
Now maybe that’s what we call a real love story…..
Today I want to share a story ive read in TheStar newspaper ( found when i was rummaging the stacks of old newspapers under my desk..eheh,). It’s actually sent by a reader, who like me I believe, wish to share with public something we think as ‘worth a read’. It’s a beautiful, simple story, a proof that there is still pure and true love around us. And i hope too, that this story would inspire us all. In anyway it could.
It’s just an old fashioned love story ( by Dr Chris Anthony from Seberang Prai, Penang – thank u for sharing this story! )
On a recent trip back to my hometown, I happened to meet an elderly gentleman whom we fondly call Uncle George. I knew him when i was a schoolboy but had not seen him many years since.
His greatest trait was his perpetual cheerfulness. As a matter of fact, we never saw him angry or sad. Because of this, he was well liked by all, especially children.
He now lives with his wife, Grace, and spends all his time taking care of her, because an accident left her sickly and disabled. He cycles several kilometers a day to get food for himself and his wife.
I greeted him and invited him to join my wife and I for breakfast. His meal cost me just RM2.20.
As we ate, we chatted about old times, which brought pleasant memories. He told us about his family and wife. We listened patiently as he related how he cared for her and the problems he encountered. We wished him well and left.
A week later I was surprised to receive a letter from him praising my wife and I, a praise that we don’t really deserve.
The following paragraphs from his letter really touched us:
“ Aunty Grace is not so good in health, she sleeps all the time. I am so frightened she will go off in sleep for good. Hardly do we have any visitors.
This year I am 86 and my wife is 82. If we can live until Dec 28, we will be married for 60 years and we can celebrate our diamond jubilee.
Yes, doctor, true love begins when we grow old; I think I love my wife more now than I first met her.
But soon we will have to part..”
A mere two ringgit, a few encouraging words and the willingness to listen was all that was needed to touch a life in the form of Uncle George. In return, he gave us something which wealth cannot buy – his invaluable experience of true love.
His experience is a reminder to us that love, contrary to what we think, never fades, it only grows with time.
It also reinforces the fact that there are still a lot of good things in life that cannot be obtained with money or power – and that is God’s greatest gift to us.
Sob. Worth my tears too..=/
Now maybe that’s what we call a real love story…..
14 June 2006
fight the feeling !
When I was in school, one of my friends taught me a trick, which i never apply or try in my life so far. A trick on how to ‘neutralise our immense feelings’ to someone or sthg ( usually to a person ). Whatever strong feeling, be it hate, like, revenge, obsession, etc. Whatever that is overwhelming in us, which becoming more ‘dangerous’ or bothersome. Meanings..it gets too intense that makes u go slightly ‘crazy’.( ermm.that’s way too exaggerated..). Example, u are obsessed with someone, or sthg like tht. And it bothers u. Tremendously.
Ok, to make it short....this friend of mine, she liked a guy and always found herself thinking of that person and hoping to catch a glimpse of him everyday. To the extent that she knew at what time that guy would walk around her class so she could see him. The thing is, she didn’t like her state of being ‘addicted’ to wanting to see tht guy, and constantly thinking of him, when she was virtually invisible to him. What she did then was, she recorded her improvements in her attempts to kill the feeling, in other words, she keeps a record of how many times she thinks of him in a day. Example, on Monday 1st june, she thought of him 99 times.( whoaaa.), she jotted it down in her diary and said to herself that tomorrow she’ll think of him less. And it works. Gradually, the number of times spent floating away thinking of that guy reduced, from nearly 100 to 56, to 32 and so on. There were, of course, a few fluctuations in her records, but amazingly, with her effort ... by the end of that month, she managed to totally scrape the guy out from her mind, and the feeling was ‘neutralised’. From intense liking to …merely nonchalance. Hmm.
What I want to share here is not the story of a girl who’s obsessed with a guy. But about determination to fight our feelings. In a more common term people put it, ‘our jihad against nafsu’. We are human sent to this world with ‘akal and nafsu’. We are not angles or prophets who are ‘maksum’. We are only human beings. But..we are the best creation among all. “ Sesungguhnya Aku ( Allah ) ciptakan manusia dengan sebaik-sebaik kejadian..” As ‘khalifah’ of this world.
I don’t want to elaborate long, or else this will bore some ppl as they would see this as another ‘ceramah agama’. But yeahh..admitting our weakness, there are times when we are ‘flooded’ with emotions, which can make us float away dreamily. Smtmes too, it could create lustful thinkings in our minds without us realizing or wanting it. Fight the temptation. Beat the ‘syaitan or iblis or nafsu’ in us. We are better and stronger than them. And our 'silent battle' ..hopefully, will be regarded as one of our 'jihad' to be a better servant to Him..
10 June 2006
tuesdays with morrie
Taken from ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’ by Mitch Albom..
“..Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too – even when you’re in the dark. Even when you’re falling…”
“ So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they are chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning to life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating sthg that gives you purpose and meaning .."
“..the culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn't work, don’t buy it…”
- morrie schwartz
“..Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too – even when you’re in the dark. Even when you’re falling…”
“ So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they are chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning to life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating sthg that gives you purpose and meaning .."
“..the culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn't work, don’t buy it…”
- morrie schwartz
05 June 2006
deja vu
Have it ever occurred to you, a situation like this..it’s a little bit like déjà vu, I think..( btw, not really sure what déjà vu is ..=/ )
I was in my room, when a friend knocked and hand me a McD burger. Gratefully..( mcm tahu2 je tak mkn lagi..), i unwrapped the burger and took a humongous bite. Suddenly I felt like,..like a very familiar feeling, as my taste bud reacted to this particular burger. Weird. Like there is a special memory in me about this taste. And very strong too. And the very first bite of tht burger brought the old memory back…to my old days in CBN..!!
Back in CBN, every year, during the Hari Kanak2 celebration, each student would get a free McD burger. Heheh…still remember the excitement, as there were no class for the whole day ! Yahoo..! =D. And all the teachers were extra kind..(eheh..) and let us do whatever we want. But it’s the burger, that particular burger, that has stayed in my memory store. The beef, ketchup, the cheese, the taste..not a slightest change.(..err,..frankly.. i never really like the burger, and kept hoping that this year's burger is different from lastyear's, but kept getting disappointed when i opened the wrapper and it's still the same burger..=/...minta maaf McD..ehhe, tak bersyukur plak pt burger free..!). Hmm…never realized that I really ’treasured’ the burger memory..eheheh..
The same feeling too will occur in me, when I hear a certain Quran recital. Not all, only that particular voice. A very pleasant sound to ears. It will remind me of the days in my father’s car, on our way to Kelantan.. 'balik kampung’, when I was still in the tender age of 6 - 8 years old. During those days, ayah will be the driver, and I would be sitting next to driver’s seat with my big sister, ( ms tu, boleh dok 2 org, sbb kecil lagi..eheh), and mama had to sit behind to take care of the rest, the crying, squabbling, and vomiting siblings of mine..( eikks..). And my dad would ‘pasang kaset mengaji’ , which would accompany our journey home. Tertidur dgn alunannya, terbangun pun dgr bacaan ayat Tuhan yg sama. Maybe because of that, the consistency of that beautiful Quran verses, become sthg that stick like glue to my memory.
Are all these, what we call as déjà vu ?...
I was in my room, when a friend knocked and hand me a McD burger. Gratefully..( mcm tahu2 je tak mkn lagi..), i unwrapped the burger and took a humongous bite. Suddenly I felt like,..like a very familiar feeling, as my taste bud reacted to this particular burger. Weird. Like there is a special memory in me about this taste. And very strong too. And the very first bite of tht burger brought the old memory back…to my old days in CBN..!!
Back in CBN, every year, during the Hari Kanak2 celebration, each student would get a free McD burger. Heheh…still remember the excitement, as there were no class for the whole day ! Yahoo..! =D. And all the teachers were extra kind..(eheh..) and let us do whatever we want. But it’s the burger, that particular burger, that has stayed in my memory store. The beef, ketchup, the cheese, the taste..not a slightest change.(..err,..frankly.. i never really like the burger, and kept hoping that this year's burger is different from lastyear's, but kept getting disappointed when i opened the wrapper and it's still the same burger..=/...minta maaf McD..ehhe, tak bersyukur plak pt burger free..!). Hmm…never realized that I really ’treasured’ the burger memory..eheheh..
The same feeling too will occur in me, when I hear a certain Quran recital. Not all, only that particular voice. A very pleasant sound to ears. It will remind me of the days in my father’s car, on our way to Kelantan.. 'balik kampung’, when I was still in the tender age of 6 - 8 years old. During those days, ayah will be the driver, and I would be sitting next to driver’s seat with my big sister, ( ms tu, boleh dok 2 org, sbb kecil lagi..eheh), and mama had to sit behind to take care of the rest, the crying, squabbling, and vomiting siblings of mine..( eikks..). And my dad would ‘pasang kaset mengaji’ , which would accompany our journey home. Tertidur dgn alunannya, terbangun pun dgr bacaan ayat Tuhan yg sama. Maybe because of that, the consistency of that beautiful Quran verses, become sthg that stick like glue to my memory.
Are all these, what we call as déjà vu ?...
02 June 2006
hanya perlu faham
Hmm..pukul 2.00 pg , terfikir ttg nih.
Bila kita faham kenapa dia bersikap begitu..kita takkan cepat nak menghukum.
Bila kita faham kenapa manusia kadang2 begini, kadang2 begitu,.. kita takkan cepat nak melatah.
Bila kita faham, kita akan tahu cara terbaik untuk menghadapi keadaan dan tidak mengeruhkannya.
Banyak masalah berlaku bila kita tidak faham. Contoh, Maths. Kalau tak faham konsep, memang tak boleh jawab (ask the expert..=/). Tapi, kalau kita faham asasnya, hulurlah soalan mcmana pun, kita boleh jawab dengan mudah.
Sama juga kesnya dalam perhubungan kita sesama manusia. Kadang-kadang tak perlu penjelasan yg panjang berjela. Juga tak perlu nak dipersoalkan kenapa, mengapa..atau bentak2 bila kemahuan tak dipenuhi..apabila kita sudah faham dan mengerti. Kalau tak berapa faham, cuba untuk faham. Belajar untuk faham.
Bila sesekali melihat org yg hampir dgn kita bermuka keruh dan naik suara, cuba fahami situasi sukarnya.
Bila perasaan kejap naik kejap turun, faham bahawa kejadian ‘hati’ ni begitu dan bertindak untuk mengawalnya.
Dan bila berlaku sesuatu di luar kemahuan dan perancangan kita, fahami juga bahawa hakikat dunia ni begitulah.
Kalau lah semua manusia saling faham dan berbaik sangka... mungkin juga dunia akan lebih aman.
p/s :..ehheh, tiba2 bercakap psl nih, sesuatu yg selama ni aku hanya fikir sorg2. Memang bercakap lebih mudah, dan untuk betul2 menjadi org yg memahami bukan sesenang itu..tapi kita boleh berusaha..jd , usaha..!
01 June 2006
Q and A session
( ate too many carbs, at 10 pm..isk. Have to wait a few hours before hitting the sack..). Let's do some Q-A session...
Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise..?
- Neither of them both ! Definitely it’s gonna be Adrien Brody..!=D.(..if only he wears spectacles...)
Angelina Jolie or Julia Robert..?
- Neither of them both too. If I were to choose one famous Hollywood actress, Reese Witherspoon is the one. Smart, cute, funny woman with a good head on her shoulder
Mee bandung or mee Kari..?
- I’ll go for kuay tiaw hailam..=]..sllurrp!
Jungle trekking or fishing..?
- I’ve had my share of jungle trekking when i was in school, really enjoyed the experience. Fishing? Ive tried it once, managed to catch one fish..and later spent hours waiting for another. One fish and a sunburn..hmm. Spending time at the beach would be the ideal, just sitting on the sand, listening to the waves, looking far ahead at the wide sea,...and thinking to myself, where’s the end ..?
Starbucks or Warung Pak Abu...?
- Been to Starbucks once, and had one of the most delicious drink. But.., not the kind of place I’d choose to go all the time. ( as im quite ‘kedekut’ with my money,eheh..to spend over RM10 for a drink..err, I don’t think so..). Warung is allright,if only it put greater emphasis on cleanliness, ( but show me one, clean warung area..?) So, my choice would be any food court that place high, or at least, average standard of cleanliness. ( sigh )
Be a Prime Minister or Queen of a Country..?
- Hahaha..it reminds me of a question i asked my mama once.."mama, kalu kak nak kahwin dgn anak raja, mama bagi ke..?" ( tersengih2 macam kerang busuk..btw, mana dtgnya simpulan bahasa 'sengih mcm kerang busuk' nih,..kerang ada gigi ke..? =/ ). And mama's answer was.." tak payahlah..tak serupa cara hidup kita tuh.."( eheh..mama nih, org main2 je..). But really..trying to picture myself nih..waving gracefully and smiling elegantly..it must be pretty tiring to shake hands with all the ppl lining up..ehh ?. But no-lah, never dream of becoming one...it's not me. I just want to be the 'queen of my own family'..=]
Drawing or singing ..?
- ..when i was a kid, i draw a potrait of my father, proudly hoping to show it off to ppl, but at the end, i decided to pretend it was 'anwar ibrahim's potrait instead of him.( as halfway during my drawing, it eventually look more like anwar than my father...=/.) I can only draw simple stuffs, nothing grand. Singing..? anybody can sing actually, just the matter of 'are u confident enuff to sing ur voice in front of ppl '..that's all. I choose to read..reading is one thing i know im good at and enjoy it trully.
Gone With The Wind or Titanic..?
- i like the beautiful long gowns in GWTW, but i hate thinking that Scarlett wasted her time being stupid as she keeps wanting someone's husband till it makes her 'blind' to Rhett's love. Titanic..hmm, yeah2, tragic love story ( aren't every movie, say, Troy, Tristan&Isolde..? )..but i remember wondering why on earth Jack didn't find himself a floating piece of wood too, which he could climb on. Then, perhaps they could both be saved and live happily ever after..ehehehe. Like what someone said.." dh pengarah dia suruh buat mcm tu..!". But both are, undoubtedly great movies of their time, ..it just if i were to choose a movie, ill vote for 'shawshank redemptions' or 'life is beautiful',,that would be my choice..
'Garden wedding' or 'Grand wedding '..?
-..wedding ehh..? woman's favourite topic, i suppose. Dunno, never really give this a serious thinking ( but yeah..'course, berangan2 a few times..ehehe ). I dunno how others picture their wedding day, or wanting it to be a garden wedding or a huge wedding on a cruising ship etc, for me there's only one image in my mind, which i dont think i want to reveal it in here. Wait till the day comes.., insyaAllah =]..
during weekends, hang out with friends and go partying or join woman's organisation to fight for women's right..?
- err..how about staying at home, pamper myself with any beauty regimes, curl on a sofa with good books, watch tvs all day long, spend hours talking to that one person, and plan to do things together. Weekends are for 'relaxing' and 'de-stressing' activities, which i wish to spend only with loved ones. "home is where the heart is.."
reading dental books or 'blogging'..?
- obviously..fellas, it's not that hard to guess ehh..
Enough of time-wasting...early today will be adik's minor operation. Wish him well yea..thinking of staying awake until dawn, dont want to miss sending him to the door ..eheh. And there's this other thing on my mind as well..why aa, when something is about to slip from ur hand, then only u'll realise how much u want that thing. Hmm..manusia, manusia....
Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise..?
- Neither of them both ! Definitely it’s gonna be Adrien Brody..!=D.(..if only he wears spectacles...)
Angelina Jolie or Julia Robert..?
- Neither of them both too. If I were to choose one famous Hollywood actress, Reese Witherspoon is the one. Smart, cute, funny woman with a good head on her shoulder
Mee bandung or mee Kari..?
- I’ll go for kuay tiaw hailam..=]..sllurrp!
Jungle trekking or fishing..?
- I’ve had my share of jungle trekking when i was in school, really enjoyed the experience. Fishing? Ive tried it once, managed to catch one fish..and later spent hours waiting for another. One fish and a sunburn..hmm. Spending time at the beach would be the ideal, just sitting on the sand, listening to the waves, looking far ahead at the wide sea,...and thinking to myself, where’s the end ..?
Starbucks or Warung Pak Abu...?
- Been to Starbucks once, and had one of the most delicious drink. But.., not the kind of place I’d choose to go all the time. ( as im quite ‘kedekut’ with my money,eheh..to spend over RM10 for a drink..err, I don’t think so..). Warung is allright,if only it put greater emphasis on cleanliness, ( but show me one, clean warung area..?) So, my choice would be any food court that place high, or at least, average standard of cleanliness. ( sigh )
Be a Prime Minister or Queen of a Country..?
- Hahaha..it reminds me of a question i asked my mama once.."mama, kalu kak nak kahwin dgn anak raja, mama bagi ke..?" ( tersengih2 macam kerang busuk..btw, mana dtgnya simpulan bahasa 'sengih mcm kerang busuk' nih,..kerang ada gigi ke..? =/ ). And mama's answer was.." tak payahlah..tak serupa cara hidup kita tuh.."( eheh..mama nih, org main2 je..). But really..trying to picture myself nih..waving gracefully and smiling elegantly..it must be pretty tiring to shake hands with all the ppl lining up..ehh ?. But no-lah, never dream of becoming one...it's not me. I just want to be the 'queen of my own family'..=]
Drawing or singing ..?
- ..when i was a kid, i draw a potrait of my father, proudly hoping to show it off to ppl, but at the end, i decided to pretend it was 'anwar ibrahim's potrait instead of him.( as halfway during my drawing, it eventually look more like anwar than my father...=/.) I can only draw simple stuffs, nothing grand. Singing..? anybody can sing actually, just the matter of 'are u confident enuff to sing ur voice in front of ppl '..that's all. I choose to read..reading is one thing i know im good at and enjoy it trully.
Gone With The Wind or Titanic..?
- i like the beautiful long gowns in GWTW, but i hate thinking that Scarlett wasted her time being stupid as she keeps wanting someone's husband till it makes her 'blind' to Rhett's love. Titanic..hmm, yeah2, tragic love story ( aren't every movie, say, Troy, Tristan&Isolde..? )..but i remember wondering why on earth Jack didn't find himself a floating piece of wood too, which he could climb on. Then, perhaps they could both be saved and live happily ever after..ehehehe. Like what someone said.." dh pengarah dia suruh buat mcm tu..!". But both are, undoubtedly great movies of their time, ..it just if i were to choose a movie, ill vote for 'shawshank redemptions' or 'life is beautiful',,that would be my choice..
'Garden wedding' or 'Grand wedding '..?
-..wedding ehh..? woman's favourite topic, i suppose. Dunno, never really give this a serious thinking ( but yeah..'course, berangan2 a few times..ehehe ). I dunno how others picture their wedding day, or wanting it to be a garden wedding or a huge wedding on a cruising ship etc, for me there's only one image in my mind, which i dont think i want to reveal it in here. Wait till the day comes.., insyaAllah =]..
during weekends, hang out with friends and go partying or join woman's organisation to fight for women's right..?
- err..how about staying at home, pamper myself with any beauty regimes, curl on a sofa with good books, watch tvs all day long, spend hours talking to that one person, and plan to do things together. Weekends are for 'relaxing' and 'de-stressing' activities, which i wish to spend only with loved ones. "home is where the heart is.."
reading dental books or 'blogging'..?
- obviously..fellas, it's not that hard to guess ehh..
Enough of time-wasting...early today will be adik's minor operation. Wish him well yea..thinking of staying awake until dawn, dont want to miss sending him to the door ..eheh. And there's this other thing on my mind as well..why aa, when something is about to slip from ur hand, then only u'll realise how much u want that thing. Hmm..manusia, manusia....
29 May 2006
liking the 'not-so-likeable'..
…bila-lah nak terer prostho nih. Or, accurately, bila-lah nak suka sikit kat prostho nih.. ( minta maaf kalau ade doktor2 prostho yg baca nih,..ehheh ..)
Prosthodontic, among the branches in dentistry, which involves the making of prosthesis/artificial teeth eg dentures, bridges, crowns..and implants ( implant nih, kitorg tak buat, specialist sj..).Kenapa tak suka..? Good question.
Because it involves technicalities, if u don’t have a good grasp of the concept, u cant do it well. In other words, u just can’t memorise it blindly, like oral medicine or paediatric. For me, it’s a bit like maths/physics, .. u have to understand the basics well, in order to make a good denture design etc. Different mouth have different cases, and not everyone entering dental clinic with a Kennedy class III feature, which would be easy because then it would be a straight case from book. But unfortunately, very seldom cases like tht happens, and patient come with all sorts of anatomical variations and altered occlusions eg overerupted and tilted teeth that makes designing a good partial denture is hard. For me, I mean. And I have this big problem, since school, that when I don’t like a subject, I leave it for last, because reading and studying dislikeable subjects always end up with me snoring in the study room. Subjects like physics, and now prosthodontic. Huaaa….bila nak pandai kalau mcm ni..?
A little bit about dentistry. There are about 9 branches in dentistry, which I would explain very briefly...
1.preventive and community dentistry/ dental public health – about oral health issues in communities, focusing about oral health promotion and education.
2.paediatric dentistry/ pedodontic – concerning about children, their dentition, dentofacial growth and anomalies etc.
3.orthodontic – concerning with growth of face, development of dentition, prevention and correction of occlusal anomalies. Braces, is the type of orthodontic treatment.
4.endodontic – the branch in dentistry related with the pulp and periradicular area. Root canal treatment is the example of treatment.
5.restorative/conservative dentistry – restoring damaged tooth structure back to its functional and morphological state. Example doing fillings in teeth with amalgams ( the silver-black filling ), or tooth-coloured fillings like composite resin and glass ionomer cement.
6.periodontic – related with the supporting structures holding the tooth in the bone, that is the periodontal ligaments. Loosening and progressing tooth mobility in older ppl are related with periodontitis, inflammation and infection of the periodontal areas.
7.oral pathology and oral medicine- deals with pathology of mouth, oral lesions and oral manifestations from systemic diseases. Btw..do u know that 75% of AIDS patient have oral manifestations in the mouth…
8.oral surgery and maxillofacial – extractions, treatment of head and neck trauma injuries, involves the surgical treatment of the head and neck diseases and lesions. Example treating a motor-vehicle accidents patients who sustained injures to the face, eg jaw fracture.
9.and last but not least..prosthodontic...
There’s new addition, that is forensic dentistry and aesthetic dentistry ( this is more like conservative/restorative ).
Whatever it is naz, u have chose dentistry, so i must and should try my best to at least ‘pretend’ to like some parts in dentistry that I dont really like. And insyaAllah…step by step, bit by bit..i will be at least better in it than now. It’s a part of sthg I will be doing in life, so I must accept and try to find enjoyment in it. Or else, how am I going to enjoy my work later. I will and must find the ‘joy’ of prosthodontic, and concentrate on it. Who knows ..at the end of the day, I might even like making dentures…=]
The same goes when we have choose someone later, to be our life partner. There will be things about that person which might irk us. And some of our traits might annoy or irritate our spouse. But that’s how it is, right ?. We accept the person as a whole, taking in the good and the bad. If we are the ‘cleaning freak’ and our spouse are the type that doesn’t find messy room a big problem, never mind, don’t make a big fuss of it and turn everyday living into a catfight. Since u enjoy cleaning so much, u do the cleaning and ur partner can do the cooking or washing ;]. That’s what being a ‘partner’ is all about, working together as a team and sharing the workload.
I remember a discussion with my sister about this. Yes, we might never able to find a person who truly fits all the criterions we wish our future spouse would have. The important issue here, is we must be able to tolerate the ‘other side' of that person which we don’t really like. It actually differs between individuals and depends on what we view as important in life. What I mean by this is that, for me personally, I don’t think ill be able to tolerate someone who take ‘religion practice’ like sembahyang or puasa lightly. I can’t see my life next to someone who enjoys partying with friends till late at night, who makes 'goggling at woman' a hobby and put family second after 'personal entertainment'. And i dont want to tolerate LIARS too. If fundamentals things like ‘rukun islam’ are not part of his daily rituals or if his life is far too different from mine, it’ll clash with the way of life I want my children to have. But again, like I said, different ppl, have different views about this, and different aims in life.
Things like character and personalities are sthg we can’t really criticize much, it’s the variety and colours of life. Some ppl are taciturn and quiet, others are more loud and talkative. There are reasons why we are created not in the same mould,..or else life would be dull and bland. As for me, I enjoy observing the varieties of ppl's characters, making a mental note to myself that ‘no two person are alike’. And I believe that’s how it is. We don’t marry our mirror reflection, and we don’t hunt around looking for someone who thinks like us or agrees with all the words we said all the time.
..but as we are on the topic of 'tolerating',.. what if one person needs to sleep in pitch darkness with not a stir of noise, whereas the partner is the type that only can sleep with the lights on plus music blaring as backgound lullaby, ..hmm.. how to tolerate tht ehh..? eheheh..well then , maybe time will make u get used to it,..=]
...err…. how from prosthodontic I get to here…? =/
26 May 2006
age factor
I always forget that i'm 24 now. Need to keep reminding myself..or else i'll just.....forget. =/
Seriously..sometimes, i feel like im still the teen girl, experiencing new things with no worries in mind. Until reality hit me, that im actually no longer a ‘girl’, but im a woman now. Or when my father would repeat his ‘favourite words’ to his adult-daughter who smtmes act like kids around him “..Heh..dah boleh jadi mak orang dah nih..!”. ( Opsie. Lupa lah ). Or is this a sign and symptom of someone who is ‘awet muda’ ?..hehehheh. ( or a sign of someone who doesn’t want to grow up..? =/ ).
And smtmes, the truth would be presented to me when I attend a friend’s kenduri kahwin. Looking at the pair, hand in hand, glowing with happiness walking towards their new future, it’ll struck me “oh my…i'm 24 !!! ”. And the same realisation dawned on me too, when I am gathering with friends, and then someone said “ ehh, tahu tak *** dah dapat baby..”. ( Huh? Bila pregnant ?). And another one would add “..haa, next month,@@@ akan kahwin plak..” ( ehh..?). And among the gossiping singletons, someone would then ask “..Bila kita punya turn pulak..?” ( erk..?). There’ll be a split second silence, exchanging looks among one another, and another person would chip in cheerfully "... alah..nanti kita kahwinlah..!”.( that’s right! =] ). And the cluttering noise of forks and spoons and gossiping starts again..
Not that im not grateful or proud, being a 24 yrs old woman, "..yeay2..im 24 =D !!!" ( wow..it sounds very matured and grown up!..). It just, when I look around me, ppl my age, or younger than me, accomplishing this and that, gaining this much and that much every month, I couldn’t help but feel...'lacking’. As there isn’t yet many things, I mean, big things, like BIG. Whatever that is big…in my hand so far.
Thinking about this, it makes me question myself..what have I achieved, being a 24 yr old ? Personal achievements..., I mean. Haven't start working, so no monthly income, still very much depending on parents. Alwys proud of my independence, but suddenly all seems very fake and fruitless. If I die tomorrow, what marks will I leave behind me ..or is my short existence in this world were as near as meaningless..?
Okay..not really a ‘good life-planner’. When sthg happens, then only I’ll pause to think about my own life. Never had a target age, like when to settle down, or when to start getting my own car ( how about ‘learning’ how to drive again rather than planning about buying a car..?), or when to further my studies..? Hmm..not good, naz, not good at all. And no wonder my parents keep getting worried about me, as their daughter is still very much the same like 10 years ago, apart from the increasing age.
Don’t worry,.. ill get married, ok... And I’ll practise my driving, ( and ill pretend tht im not scared..), and i’ll pass my undergraduates, and I’ll be a great human being...insyaAllah. =] ..
I have another 6 yrs to 30. I don’t hope to see it as stagnant as now. Big changes have to happen, big rewards will come. Hmm. Eye for the future.
Act your age. You are 24.
Seriously..sometimes, i feel like im still the teen girl, experiencing new things with no worries in mind. Until reality hit me, that im actually no longer a ‘girl’, but im a woman now. Or when my father would repeat his ‘favourite words’ to his adult-daughter who smtmes act like kids around him “..Heh..dah boleh jadi mak orang dah nih..!”. ( Opsie. Lupa lah ). Or is this a sign and symptom of someone who is ‘awet muda’ ?..hehehheh. ( or a sign of someone who doesn’t want to grow up..? =/ ).
And smtmes, the truth would be presented to me when I attend a friend’s kenduri kahwin. Looking at the pair, hand in hand, glowing with happiness walking towards their new future, it’ll struck me “oh my…i'm 24 !!! ”. And the same realisation dawned on me too, when I am gathering with friends, and then someone said “ ehh, tahu tak *** dah dapat baby..”. ( Huh? Bila pregnant ?). And another one would add “..haa, next month,@@@ akan kahwin plak..” ( ehh..?). And among the gossiping singletons, someone would then ask “..Bila kita punya turn pulak..?” ( erk..?). There’ll be a split second silence, exchanging looks among one another, and another person would chip in cheerfully "... alah..nanti kita kahwinlah..!”.( that’s right! =] ). And the cluttering noise of forks and spoons and gossiping starts again..
Not that im not grateful or proud, being a 24 yrs old woman, "..yeay2..im 24 =D !!!" ( wow..it sounds very matured and grown up!..). It just, when I look around me, ppl my age, or younger than me, accomplishing this and that, gaining this much and that much every month, I couldn’t help but feel...'lacking’. As there isn’t yet many things, I mean, big things, like BIG. Whatever that is big…in my hand so far.
Thinking about this, it makes me question myself..what have I achieved, being a 24 yr old ? Personal achievements..., I mean. Haven't start working, so no monthly income, still very much depending on parents. Alwys proud of my independence, but suddenly all seems very fake and fruitless. If I die tomorrow, what marks will I leave behind me ..or is my short existence in this world were as near as meaningless..?
Okay..not really a ‘good life-planner’. When sthg happens, then only I’ll pause to think about my own life. Never had a target age, like when to settle down, or when to start getting my own car ( how about ‘learning’ how to drive again rather than planning about buying a car..?), or when to further my studies..? Hmm..not good, naz, not good at all. And no wonder my parents keep getting worried about me, as their daughter is still very much the same like 10 years ago, apart from the increasing age.
Don’t worry,.. ill get married, ok... And I’ll practise my driving, ( and ill pretend tht im not scared..), and i’ll pass my undergraduates, and I’ll be a great human being...insyaAllah. =] ..
I have another 6 yrs to 30. I don’t hope to see it as stagnant as now. Big changes have to happen, big rewards will come. Hmm. Eye for the future.
Act your age. You are 24.
25 May 2006
exodontia
My confession here might sound a bit ‘brutal’, but it’s the truth. I like extracting teeth..seriously I do. Of course not manically extracting all teeth in a person’s mouth, it just I realise that I really enjoyed my extraction classes throughout my undergraduates.
Extracting teeth = exodontia. A bit of terminology..ehhe.
I dunno how to describe it. Enjoy the feeling when the teeth came out in one piece, what I mean by this is, not leaving the root halfly fractured in the bone. Don’t start gapping with worriness hearing this, it’s quite a common thing when extracting teeth, esp if the bone is dense that extracting that one tooth is enough to burn all energy stored. I never thought myself that pulling out a tooth is that hard. Because my father used to pull out my primary teeth when i was a kid,( I really hate when he did that..eheh ). He used to say sthg like “,… ayah nak tengok je, goyang setakat mana..” and in a split of second, my tooth which was dangling dangerously due to extreme mobility is in his hand. I would be a little bit angry at first, but he was right, there was no pain, not even blood. Because the tooth was already ‘bergoyang tahap dewa’..ehhe. Oh btw..if the root is fractured, we will not leave it behind, we’ll take it out.
Our doctors used to advise us to always exercise the hand, or else it’ll take us the whole day to extract one tooth. Not all teeth is hard to be pulled out. Commonly, the teeth are already mobile due to gum problems, so it’s not that problematic. Using dental forcep, we twist it a little, rotate, move the teeth back and forth a few times, u heard a slight ‘crack’ indicating that the periodontal ligaments are being teared away, and blood will be gushing out. By that time, u know..the tooth is coming out. Smtmes, I have to paused for a while,’ sbb tangan lenguh’, and then continue twisting the teeth. If it’s the front teeth, where there is only one root, it’s more easier compared to molar teeth which have 2-3 roots .
The expression on the patient’s face tickles me smtmes. Heheh..esp the guys. Some would walk in the clinic, all ‘macho’ looking, and when they see the needle, they would go all white. They would say “ err…tak cucuk boleh ke..saya ‘alergik’lah dgn jarum..”.Ehhe..sorry, but we are taught pain-free dentistry, so..hendak tak hendak kena cucuk jugaklah sikit, ye encik, nanti sakit. And to lessen the anxiety and bring back the blood that were drained from their face, we would talk and try to divert their attention away from the needle. But it’s them, these patients, whom im most thankful to. Their trust in us, their willingness to be our patients ( knowing the fact that this person extracting their teeth is not yet a dentist !) and their indirect way of encouraging us, by nodding reassuringly as we struggle to pull their teeth out.
The first tooth I pulled out, was an upper front tooth, which was already slightly mobile. The patient is a middle-age man, who lifted up my spirit that first day by saying “.. awak ni, kalau bukak klinik swasta..laku nih..”( Ohh..i went beaming like ripe tomato..eheheh. ). And as the tooth came out perfectly, the exhilaration, satisfaction and excitement was so overwhelming . Still can recall the feeling, trembling slightly as I wriggled the tooth out, and holding my breath as the blood starting to ooze out ( it was my first time, luckily the patient did not notice my shaking hands !)..and ‘whoosh’..the tooth out! ..ehhehe. Great feeling.
I have this habit of humming as I twist the tooth, the harder the extraction, the more I hum. Smtmes, I just hum away, with no particular melody or songs in mind, trying to lessen the tense and tiredness. It works, for me…and i think it helps to reduce patient's worries and anxiety. Smtmes, the patient would get too absorbed with my humming, that they would ask later ".. awak nyanyi lagu apa tadi? sy mcm pernah dengar lah..”.'( Pulakk ). As we all know, music is one of the non-pharmacological means to reduce stress and anxiety, that’s why some private clinics have a music background played softly during treatment time.
I also like to ask the patients after pulling their teeth out “ cik, nak tengok gigi?". Some would shake their head vehemently, not even glancing at the bloody teeth. Some would want their teeth back, so we'll clean it and put in gauze for them to bring back. It's the satisfaction, i think..thinking that ive succeeded to remove 'the culprit' that's causing problem and pain to a person.
Iskk.. i really miss my extraction class..=/
Extracting teeth = exodontia. A bit of terminology..ehhe.
I dunno how to describe it. Enjoy the feeling when the teeth came out in one piece, what I mean by this is, not leaving the root halfly fractured in the bone. Don’t start gapping with worriness hearing this, it’s quite a common thing when extracting teeth, esp if the bone is dense that extracting that one tooth is enough to burn all energy stored. I never thought myself that pulling out a tooth is that hard. Because my father used to pull out my primary teeth when i was a kid,( I really hate when he did that..eheh ). He used to say sthg like “,… ayah nak tengok je, goyang setakat mana..” and in a split of second, my tooth which was dangling dangerously due to extreme mobility is in his hand. I would be a little bit angry at first, but he was right, there was no pain, not even blood. Because the tooth was already ‘bergoyang tahap dewa’..ehhe. Oh btw..if the root is fractured, we will not leave it behind, we’ll take it out.
Our doctors used to advise us to always exercise the hand, or else it’ll take us the whole day to extract one tooth. Not all teeth is hard to be pulled out. Commonly, the teeth are already mobile due to gum problems, so it’s not that problematic. Using dental forcep, we twist it a little, rotate, move the teeth back and forth a few times, u heard a slight ‘crack’ indicating that the periodontal ligaments are being teared away, and blood will be gushing out. By that time, u know..the tooth is coming out. Smtmes, I have to paused for a while,’ sbb tangan lenguh’, and then continue twisting the teeth. If it’s the front teeth, where there is only one root, it’s more easier compared to molar teeth which have 2-3 roots .
The expression on the patient’s face tickles me smtmes. Heheh..esp the guys. Some would walk in the clinic, all ‘macho’ looking, and when they see the needle, they would go all white. They would say “ err…tak cucuk boleh ke..saya ‘alergik’lah dgn jarum..”.Ehhe..sorry, but we are taught pain-free dentistry, so..hendak tak hendak kena cucuk jugaklah sikit, ye encik, nanti sakit. And to lessen the anxiety and bring back the blood that were drained from their face, we would talk and try to divert their attention away from the needle. But it’s them, these patients, whom im most thankful to. Their trust in us, their willingness to be our patients ( knowing the fact that this person extracting their teeth is not yet a dentist !) and their indirect way of encouraging us, by nodding reassuringly as we struggle to pull their teeth out.
The first tooth I pulled out, was an upper front tooth, which was already slightly mobile. The patient is a middle-age man, who lifted up my spirit that first day by saying “.. awak ni, kalau bukak klinik swasta..laku nih..”( Ohh..i went beaming like ripe tomato..eheheh. ). And as the tooth came out perfectly, the exhilaration, satisfaction and excitement was so overwhelming . Still can recall the feeling, trembling slightly as I wriggled the tooth out, and holding my breath as the blood starting to ooze out ( it was my first time, luckily the patient did not notice my shaking hands !)..and ‘whoosh’..the tooth out! ..ehhehe. Great feeling.
I have this habit of humming as I twist the tooth, the harder the extraction, the more I hum. Smtmes, I just hum away, with no particular melody or songs in mind, trying to lessen the tense and tiredness. It works, for me…and i think it helps to reduce patient's worries and anxiety. Smtmes, the patient would get too absorbed with my humming, that they would ask later ".. awak nyanyi lagu apa tadi? sy mcm pernah dengar lah..”.'( Pulakk ). As we all know, music is one of the non-pharmacological means to reduce stress and anxiety, that’s why some private clinics have a music background played softly during treatment time.
I also like to ask the patients after pulling their teeth out “ cik, nak tengok gigi?". Some would shake their head vehemently, not even glancing at the bloody teeth. Some would want their teeth back, so we'll clean it and put in gauze for them to bring back. It's the satisfaction, i think..thinking that ive succeeded to remove 'the culprit' that's causing problem and pain to a person.
Iskk.. i really miss my extraction class..=/
23 May 2006
parenting skill
I witnessed an interesting scene the other day, and I think it’s important to share it in here with all of you. For future reference.
I was choosing between Guava juice or Blackcurrant juice in UDaOCean supermarket, taking my time as I scrutinized the nutrition facts, which is more delicious, which is more nutritious ( ..tak delah jauh beza pun, both contains VitC ..! ). And like alwys, I end up not buying any, so much for my healthy eating resolution!...
Then came a family of four, parents and their two kids, a daughter around 6-7 years old and her younger brother who was slumped in the trolley ( btw..i wonder how does it feels to be sitting in the supermarket trolley, among the vegetables, eggs and chicken.. ) Suddenly I heard the daughter kind of ‘merengek’ to her mother, wanting to buy one of the mouthwatering juices. And her mother’s respond stopped me mid-breath, stunned as I don’t believe ill be hearing words like that coming from a mother’s mouth.
“ duduk diam2lah..sepak karang!! ”
From the corner of my eyes, I tried to look at this mother-daughter pair. Ringan mulut nak menyebut “ hai cik kak, kalau mcm tu cara bercakap dgn anak, jgn pulak marah esok kalau anak akak bercakap dgn akak mcm tu”. Tapi tak cakaplah, karang tak pasal2 aku pulak yg kena ‘penyepak’ dia.
But seriously, is that how a mother speaks to her children..? Im sorry if I sound too aghast, but I never hear words like that, or anything near that, coming from my mother’s mouth. Aren’t mothers supposed to colour their children with positive and good things..only the beautiful rainbow colours. I can’t imagine, if this child growing up hearing all sorts of ‘ kata2 kasar’, what kind of person she would grow up to be ? I can’t remember what I was thinking at that moment, more like a mixture of feelings. I pity the child, disbelief with the 'cik kak', and grateful for having 'mama’ as my mother.
Yeah2..i know, Im not yet a mother myself ( insyaAllah, one day..=] ), dont really know, and never experience the troubles and hardship a mother has to face, but that is not a reason or excuse to treat the kids badly. Try putting ourselves in the kid’s shoes..try to recall those unpleasant memories ( if there’s any..) when we were the kid, being treated badly by parents or carers. Dont keep ‘forwarding’ bad things. Put a stop. Make a difference. Sure we can.
Haih..ni yg buat lagi membara2 nak buka tadika nih..,=[
I was choosing between Guava juice or Blackcurrant juice in UDaOCean supermarket, taking my time as I scrutinized the nutrition facts, which is more delicious, which is more nutritious ( ..tak delah jauh beza pun, both contains VitC ..! ). And like alwys, I end up not buying any, so much for my healthy eating resolution!...
Then came a family of four, parents and their two kids, a daughter around 6-7 years old and her younger brother who was slumped in the trolley ( btw..i wonder how does it feels to be sitting in the supermarket trolley, among the vegetables, eggs and chicken.. ) Suddenly I heard the daughter kind of ‘merengek’ to her mother, wanting to buy one of the mouthwatering juices. And her mother’s respond stopped me mid-breath, stunned as I don’t believe ill be hearing words like that coming from a mother’s mouth.
“ duduk diam2lah..sepak karang!! ”
From the corner of my eyes, I tried to look at this mother-daughter pair. Ringan mulut nak menyebut “ hai cik kak, kalau mcm tu cara bercakap dgn anak, jgn pulak marah esok kalau anak akak bercakap dgn akak mcm tu”. Tapi tak cakaplah, karang tak pasal2 aku pulak yg kena ‘penyepak’ dia.
But seriously, is that how a mother speaks to her children..? Im sorry if I sound too aghast, but I never hear words like that, or anything near that, coming from my mother’s mouth. Aren’t mothers supposed to colour their children with positive and good things..only the beautiful rainbow colours. I can’t imagine, if this child growing up hearing all sorts of ‘ kata2 kasar’, what kind of person she would grow up to be ? I can’t remember what I was thinking at that moment, more like a mixture of feelings. I pity the child, disbelief with the 'cik kak', and grateful for having 'mama’ as my mother.
Why can't she answered it nicely..? If she couldn't buy the juice, explain to the daughter properly, without having to raise her voice or use harsh words. That innocent girl is only a child. Dont blame the kids becoming more and more ill-mannered, if that is how they are treated and the kind of example they learn from their parents. Recalling a Malay adage.." seperti ketam mengajar anaknya berjalan lurus". Susahlah nak train anak jalan lurus, kalau maknya jalan mengiring..
So..everyone, parents or parents to be, all future fathers and mothers..please, dont talk to our children with that kind of words. Bear in mind, that their first experience about life, about this world..are gained from their parents. What they witness during their childhood, the life and surrounding they grow up in.., will directly or indirectly mould and create the kind of adult they’ll grow up to be. The first six years are crucial…the period where children’s learning at its peak, like sponge soaking water. Teach them well, guide them and let them learn only the goodness of this world.Yeah2..i know, Im not yet a mother myself ( insyaAllah, one day..=] ), dont really know, and never experience the troubles and hardship a mother has to face, but that is not a reason or excuse to treat the kids badly. Try putting ourselves in the kid’s shoes..try to recall those unpleasant memories ( if there’s any..) when we were the kid, being treated badly by parents or carers. Dont keep ‘forwarding’ bad things. Put a stop. Make a difference. Sure we can.
Haih..ni yg buat lagi membara2 nak buka tadika nih..,=[
20 May 2006
pandangan belakang
Memandang belakang seseorang yg berjalan meninggalkan kita. Semakin menjauh. Semakin mengecil. Semakin hilang. Dan pandangan belakang ini menjadi gambaran terakhir kita tentangnya.
Tak tahu yang mana lebih perit. Menjadi orang yang berjalan pergi, atau menjadi orang yang ditinggalkan. Memandangkan aku berada di pihak yang 'ditinggalkan’, hanya memandang belakang orang yang pergi dan perlahan-lahan merasai kehilangannya. Isk.
Musim perpisahan. Waktu di mana sesuatu yang sebelum ini hanya perkara biasa menjadi sesuatu yang sangat bermakna. Kalau dulu tiada perasaan istimewa, tapi sekarang..rasa sayu dan hiba. Betullah kata orang “Kita hanya akan mengetahui nilai sesuatu itu, bila ia sudah tiada ”. Dan bila sampai saat berpisah, segala yang buruk hilang, yang dikenang hanya yang manis dan indah belaka. Yang terbayang di mata, waktu2 ketawa, masa berkumpul dan bercerita, wajah-wajah ceria yang menemani hari-hari semalam. Segala kisah yang tercipta bagai layar skrin yang diulang tayang. Yang menjadikan berpisah jadi lebih payah.
Hakikat kehidupan. Yang hidup pasti mati. Hari ni berjumpa, satu hari akan berpisah. Seberat mana pun menerima, atau betapa seksanya merasa, percayalah…rasa sedih, teringat2, terkenang2 ni, tidak akan lama. Masa akan mengubat, dan kehadiran orang-orang baru akan mengisi ruang, yang bakal mewarnakan hari2 esok kita. Pun begitu, yang mengganti pastinya tak sama dengan yang pergi. Begitulah dunia ni, manusia akan sentiasa datang dan pergi dalam hidup kita.
Namun, tiada salahnya menghayati waktu2 ‘kelabu perpisahan’ ini, dan mengakui akan perasaan yang tidak gembira melihat lambaian ‘selamat tinggal’ mereka. Bersedihlah, menangislah…tapi, jangan lama.
Terus memandang belakang orang yang melambai pergi, ingin merakam ‘kenangan’ terakhir ini sampai bila-bila.
Haihhh…=/
“Apabila kita melihat dengan hati yang tenang, perpisahan sebenarnya adalah satu perkara yang biasa berlaku di mana-mana..”
Tak tahu yang mana lebih perit. Menjadi orang yang berjalan pergi, atau menjadi orang yang ditinggalkan. Memandangkan aku berada di pihak yang 'ditinggalkan’, hanya memandang belakang orang yang pergi dan perlahan-lahan merasai kehilangannya. Isk.
Musim perpisahan. Waktu di mana sesuatu yang sebelum ini hanya perkara biasa menjadi sesuatu yang sangat bermakna. Kalau dulu tiada perasaan istimewa, tapi sekarang..rasa sayu dan hiba. Betullah kata orang “Kita hanya akan mengetahui nilai sesuatu itu, bila ia sudah tiada ”. Dan bila sampai saat berpisah, segala yang buruk hilang, yang dikenang hanya yang manis dan indah belaka. Yang terbayang di mata, waktu2 ketawa, masa berkumpul dan bercerita, wajah-wajah ceria yang menemani hari-hari semalam. Segala kisah yang tercipta bagai layar skrin yang diulang tayang. Yang menjadikan berpisah jadi lebih payah.
Hakikat kehidupan. Yang hidup pasti mati. Hari ni berjumpa, satu hari akan berpisah. Seberat mana pun menerima, atau betapa seksanya merasa, percayalah…rasa sedih, teringat2, terkenang2 ni, tidak akan lama. Masa akan mengubat, dan kehadiran orang-orang baru akan mengisi ruang, yang bakal mewarnakan hari2 esok kita. Pun begitu, yang mengganti pastinya tak sama dengan yang pergi. Begitulah dunia ni, manusia akan sentiasa datang dan pergi dalam hidup kita.
Namun, tiada salahnya menghayati waktu2 ‘kelabu perpisahan’ ini, dan mengakui akan perasaan yang tidak gembira melihat lambaian ‘selamat tinggal’ mereka. Bersedihlah, menangislah…tapi, jangan lama.
Terus memandang belakang orang yang melambai pergi, ingin merakam ‘kenangan’ terakhir ini sampai bila-bila.
Haihhh…=/
“Apabila kita melihat dengan hati yang tenang, perpisahan sebenarnya adalah satu perkara yang biasa berlaku di mana-mana..”
15 May 2006
old patients
( this was written months ago..)
Today, as I sit waiting for my partner working on her patient’s denture,i chit-chatted with the patient who happens to be an old woman..( pangkat nenek pada aku, melihatkan dia..seriously..teringat kat arwah ‘mok’..). Looking at her from the side as she talked about her children, listening to her criticizing each child of hers as ‘malas belajar’..’tak jadi apa’ etc, I realized one thing..that this old nenek must be very lonely. Lonely enough that she talked to me like water pouring out from burst waterpipe, glad to have someone nodding and smiling to her words and stories.
I used to have an old, Indian patient who would tell me about the troubles in her life. As I work next to her, she would tell it all out, about her son who refuses to give her money, how she has to beg for money from her own children to buy things. How she lack affection and love from the ppl who's supposed to care for her the most. That is very sad. Plus that old Indian lady has got some heart problems too, not to mention her oral condition which is not good. She could go on and on talking about her life, and i would “uhuh..uhuh..” along the way, trying my best to catch her quite incomprehensible Malay language. But having someone who sit next to them and put an emphatic face, maybe that’s all what they need. Some attention.
Old patients alwys make me feel a little bit ‘blue’. Looking at them, so old, so fragile…wonder what they had went through their life. Old patients who would look at me with the look of a parent. They would wait patiently as we work on their dentures, and tried their best to pretend that the dentures are fine ( eventhough we know they’re fighting silently to keep the denture sit still in the mouth..). Old patients, who alwys make my eyes suddenly welled with tears, watching them walking out from clinic. ..
One thing about them, the ‘kata-kata nasihat’. Some are said in a joking way, some are more serious. About life, about ppl. Smtmes, they would lecture us about ‘finding a good husband’..in some cases, they would even tease to make us their ‘cucu menantu’..eheheh. But above all..i enjoyed treating them, the kind, warm..old patients. Their hand as they touch me when they talk ( u know, old ppl, they kind of like to ‘slap’ ur arm playfully ..)..and the encouraging look they gave us that says “ we trust u, u can do it ”. The thing that make me feel “ I wanna treat them the best that i could !”.
There’s a few things I learn as well :
1. Never let our old parents suffer lack of love and attention. No matter who we are or where we will be in the future. We might be living far away from them. It’s not the distance that matters, it’s the thought that counts. Call them often, talk to them..they really miss their children..( oh my god, im crying now…sob.)
2. Smtmes, all we need is a listener. We don’t want advice, we don’t need pep-talk..we just want to be listened.
3. Trust and faith in a person, are maybe the only thing that person needs, as a shove towards success.
4. Loneliness is a terrible thing. Yeah..smtmes, we do wish to be away from the hustle-bustle of life, and seek some place to be alone, that is different. But lonely in the sense that u have no one to talk to, no place to go and seek comfort, no shoulder to cry on..basically that’s what I mean..that’s terrible. Esp to old ppl, who have lost their spouses..( hmm..that must be one of the reason of their loneliness…) and that’s where our role as their children comes in. They have been there for us all our life, maybe then, it’s our turn to be there for them. They probably would say ".. mak okay, tak apa2…” atau “ ayah kuat lagi, takde mslh pun..” but being parents, they would never want to menyusahkan anak2..
4. And this is important I think for us, before it’s our time to be called 'warga emas’. Growing old is mandatory, that’s cycle of life. But let’s grow old gracefully and successfully, meanings that we don’t become a burden to the society, or our own family. Let us be a quality senior citizen, who still have a good life and enjoying each day tht comes. Have a hobby, any hobby. Be it gardening, reading or working on some project like ..buka kelas mengaji Quran ke, tadika ke things like tht..to fill our time. And maybe too we can go visit places around the world. After working hard all ur life..it’s the time to rest and enjoy the fruits of ur hardwork. Go for ur 2nd, 3rd or 4th honeymoon with ur spouse..( err..guys, i mean the one and only wife u ever got married to...ehheh.. ). Just the two of u. Spend time together, remisnicse all the good,old time. And the most important thing of all, it’s the time to be closer to God, in our final steps before we are called back to Him.
...insyaAllah..kalau diberi umur panjang, …
Today, as I sit waiting for my partner working on her patient’s denture,i chit-chatted with the patient who happens to be an old woman..( pangkat nenek pada aku, melihatkan dia..seriously..teringat kat arwah ‘mok’..). Looking at her from the side as she talked about her children, listening to her criticizing each child of hers as ‘malas belajar’..’tak jadi apa’ etc, I realized one thing..that this old nenek must be very lonely. Lonely enough that she talked to me like water pouring out from burst waterpipe, glad to have someone nodding and smiling to her words and stories.
I used to have an old, Indian patient who would tell me about the troubles in her life. As I work next to her, she would tell it all out, about her son who refuses to give her money, how she has to beg for money from her own children to buy things. How she lack affection and love from the ppl who's supposed to care for her the most. That is very sad. Plus that old Indian lady has got some heart problems too, not to mention her oral condition which is not good. She could go on and on talking about her life, and i would “uhuh..uhuh..” along the way, trying my best to catch her quite incomprehensible Malay language. But having someone who sit next to them and put an emphatic face, maybe that’s all what they need. Some attention.
Old patients alwys make me feel a little bit ‘blue’. Looking at them, so old, so fragile…wonder what they had went through their life. Old patients who would look at me with the look of a parent. They would wait patiently as we work on their dentures, and tried their best to pretend that the dentures are fine ( eventhough we know they’re fighting silently to keep the denture sit still in the mouth..). Old patients, who alwys make my eyes suddenly welled with tears, watching them walking out from clinic. ..
One thing about them, the ‘kata-kata nasihat’. Some are said in a joking way, some are more serious. About life, about ppl. Smtmes, they would lecture us about ‘finding a good husband’..in some cases, they would even tease to make us their ‘cucu menantu’..eheheh. But above all..i enjoyed treating them, the kind, warm..old patients. Their hand as they touch me when they talk ( u know, old ppl, they kind of like to ‘slap’ ur arm playfully ..)..and the encouraging look they gave us that says “ we trust u, u can do it ”. The thing that make me feel “ I wanna treat them the best that i could !”.
There’s a few things I learn as well :
1. Never let our old parents suffer lack of love and attention. No matter who we are or where we will be in the future. We might be living far away from them. It’s not the distance that matters, it’s the thought that counts. Call them often, talk to them..they really miss their children..( oh my god, im crying now…sob.)
2. Smtmes, all we need is a listener. We don’t want advice, we don’t need pep-talk..we just want to be listened.
3. Trust and faith in a person, are maybe the only thing that person needs, as a shove towards success.
4. Loneliness is a terrible thing. Yeah..smtmes, we do wish to be away from the hustle-bustle of life, and seek some place to be alone, that is different. But lonely in the sense that u have no one to talk to, no place to go and seek comfort, no shoulder to cry on..basically that’s what I mean..that’s terrible. Esp to old ppl, who have lost their spouses..( hmm..that must be one of the reason of their loneliness…) and that’s where our role as their children comes in. They have been there for us all our life, maybe then, it’s our turn to be there for them. They probably would say ".. mak okay, tak apa2…” atau “ ayah kuat lagi, takde mslh pun..” but being parents, they would never want to menyusahkan anak2..
4. And this is important I think for us, before it’s our time to be called 'warga emas’. Growing old is mandatory, that’s cycle of life. But let’s grow old gracefully and successfully, meanings that we don’t become a burden to the society, or our own family. Let us be a quality senior citizen, who still have a good life and enjoying each day tht comes. Have a hobby, any hobby. Be it gardening, reading or working on some project like ..buka kelas mengaji Quran ke, tadika ke things like tht..to fill our time. And maybe too we can go visit places around the world. After working hard all ur life..it’s the time to rest and enjoy the fruits of ur hardwork. Go for ur 2nd, 3rd or 4th honeymoon with ur spouse..( err..guys, i mean the one and only wife u ever got married to...ehheh.. ). Just the two of u. Spend time together, remisnicse all the good,old time. And the most important thing of all, it’s the time to be closer to God, in our final steps before we are called back to Him.
...insyaAllah..kalau diberi umur panjang, …
12 May 2006
tentang dia
mendongak ke langit
jauh di hati terdetik
mungkinkah di hujung dunia sana
dia sedang memandang ke langit yang sama...?
apabila jiwa bergetar rasa
setiap ruang waktu bergema nama
dalam diam kadang tertanya
tentang aku, terfikirkah dia...
bila melihat rencah seloka dunia
kala terdengar lawak cerita jenaka
segala alkisah ragam manusia
yang berselisih di bahu tertangkap di mata
serentak minda bersuara
"ingin kuceritakan kepadanya.."
kisah silam ku buka
mimpi semalam kurungkai cerita
tentang impian, harapan mendatang
akan kukongsi semua
agar tiada dusta tiada rahsia
menerima segala seadanya
dan kini
bila memandang ke langit merenung bintang
pasti akan terkenang
tentang dia
- 1.00 pagi, 20 april 2006
jauh di hati terdetik
mungkinkah di hujung dunia sana
dia sedang memandang ke langit yang sama...?
apabila jiwa bergetar rasa
setiap ruang waktu bergema nama
dalam diam kadang tertanya
tentang aku, terfikirkah dia...
bila melihat rencah seloka dunia
kala terdengar lawak cerita jenaka
segala alkisah ragam manusia
yang berselisih di bahu tertangkap di mata
serentak minda bersuara
"ingin kuceritakan kepadanya.."
kisah silam ku buka
mimpi semalam kurungkai cerita
tentang impian, harapan mendatang
akan kukongsi semua
agar tiada dusta tiada rahsia
menerima segala seadanya
dan kini
bila memandang ke langit merenung bintang
pasti akan terkenang
tentang dia
- 1.00 pagi, 20 april 2006
11 May 2006
pencetus kebaikan
Aku pernah tulis belum psl ni..? tak ingat…
Aku selalu percaya, antara tanda Tuhan sayang dan mahu kita sentiasa dlm jalan yg baik, Dia utuskan untuk kita ‘pencetus kebaikan’. Pencetus kebaikan….
Pencetus kebaikan ini boleh dtg dlm mcm-macam rupa. Mungkin dlm bentuk manusia di sekeliling kita, tempat kita berada…bende yg kita lihat..macam2, yg mana adanya benda-benda ni, apabila kita terpandang atau bersama dia, mencetuskan kebaikan dlm diri kita. Ini istilah yg aku bagi sendiri..ikutlah nak namakan apa pun, yg penting ‘bende2’ atau orang2 ini mendorong kita untuk buat perkara kebaikan.
Bila aku kenang2kan balik…rasa sgt bersyukur kerana sentiasa dikelilingi ‘pencetus kebaikan’ ini. Dari kecil sampai sekarang. Dari seorg budak nakal, Tuhan hantar aku ke sekolah agama. Dari seorg budak ‘hingusan’ yg tak tahu apa2, Tuhan aturkan pertemuan dgn org2 tertentu yg jadi ‘pemandu’ aku sehingga aku mampu berdiri sendiri. Org2 yg mana aku jadikan contoh, untuk menjadi muslimah yg lebih baik.
Begitu juga sekarang..aku sentiasa dikelilingi bi’ah atau suasana yg memelihara aku, dlm erti kata tidak ‘sesat’ mengharungi usia remaja. Allah kelilingi aku dgn kawan2 yg mana bersama mereka, aku belajar perkara2 baik. Melihat mereka, aku jd insaf, sedar diri bnyk kekurangan dan bersyukur atas apa yg ada pd aku yg Tuhan beri. Perkara-perkara yg datang dan berlaku dlm hidup juga, bila aku fikir2 balik..semuanya adalah ‘pencetus kebaikan’ untuk aku. Kadang-kadang ..bila aku terpandang sesuatu..dan perkara itu mewujudkan satu rasa yg damai dan membuatkan aku ingat pada Tuhan..itu juga adalah ‘pencetus kebaikan’.
Terima kasih Tuhan…, tak pernah sekali pun Engkau abaikan aku, tak pernah lepas aku dr pengawasan dan kasih sayang-MU. Aku shj yg selalu lupa.
" ..i perceived that God was always near, directing my life, creating the circumstances and opportunities to choose, yet always leaving the crucial choices to me. I was awestruck by the realization of the intimacy and love that reveals, not because we deserve it, but because it is always there and all we have to do is turn to Him to receive it. I cannot say with certainty what the meaning of that vision was, but I could not help seeing in it a sign, a favor, and a new chance.."
- Dr Jeffrey Lang, taken from islamonline.net.
Aku selalu percaya, antara tanda Tuhan sayang dan mahu kita sentiasa dlm jalan yg baik, Dia utuskan untuk kita ‘pencetus kebaikan’. Pencetus kebaikan….
Pencetus kebaikan ini boleh dtg dlm mcm-macam rupa. Mungkin dlm bentuk manusia di sekeliling kita, tempat kita berada…bende yg kita lihat..macam2, yg mana adanya benda-benda ni, apabila kita terpandang atau bersama dia, mencetuskan kebaikan dlm diri kita. Ini istilah yg aku bagi sendiri..ikutlah nak namakan apa pun, yg penting ‘bende2’ atau orang2 ini mendorong kita untuk buat perkara kebaikan.
Bila aku kenang2kan balik…rasa sgt bersyukur kerana sentiasa dikelilingi ‘pencetus kebaikan’ ini. Dari kecil sampai sekarang. Dari seorg budak nakal, Tuhan hantar aku ke sekolah agama. Dari seorg budak ‘hingusan’ yg tak tahu apa2, Tuhan aturkan pertemuan dgn org2 tertentu yg jadi ‘pemandu’ aku sehingga aku mampu berdiri sendiri. Org2 yg mana aku jadikan contoh, untuk menjadi muslimah yg lebih baik.
Begitu juga sekarang..aku sentiasa dikelilingi bi’ah atau suasana yg memelihara aku, dlm erti kata tidak ‘sesat’ mengharungi usia remaja. Allah kelilingi aku dgn kawan2 yg mana bersama mereka, aku belajar perkara2 baik. Melihat mereka, aku jd insaf, sedar diri bnyk kekurangan dan bersyukur atas apa yg ada pd aku yg Tuhan beri. Perkara-perkara yg datang dan berlaku dlm hidup juga, bila aku fikir2 balik..semuanya adalah ‘pencetus kebaikan’ untuk aku. Kadang-kadang ..bila aku terpandang sesuatu..dan perkara itu mewujudkan satu rasa yg damai dan membuatkan aku ingat pada Tuhan..itu juga adalah ‘pencetus kebaikan’.
Terima kasih Tuhan…, tak pernah sekali pun Engkau abaikan aku, tak pernah lepas aku dr pengawasan dan kasih sayang-MU. Aku shj yg selalu lupa.
" ..i perceived that God was always near, directing my life, creating the circumstances and opportunities to choose, yet always leaving the crucial choices to me. I was awestruck by the realization of the intimacy and love that reveals, not because we deserve it, but because it is always there and all we have to do is turn to Him to receive it. I cannot say with certainty what the meaning of that vision was, but I could not help seeing in it a sign, a favor, and a new chance.."
- Dr Jeffrey Lang, taken from islamonline.net.
08 May 2006
thinking...
From 'Gubra's movie poster ..
" Why do we hurt the most ppl we love the most ..?"
And my version would be...
" Why do we disappoint the most ppl we want to impress the most..?"
Hmm...
Just some stuffs to fill my mind tonite.
" Why do we hurt the most ppl we love the most ..?"
And my version would be...
" Why do we disappoint the most ppl we want to impress the most..?"
Hmm...
Just some stuffs to fill my mind tonite.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)